[Update 5/12/15: This is one of my most popular posts.]
From How to Make the Narcissist Powerless to Affect Your Life by Melanie Tonia Evans:
Have you been in a situation where you were completely obsessed, terrorised and emotionally crippled with the fear of what the narcissist was going to do next, and then your worst fears came true?
The smear campaign hit with maximum effect, the phone call to your boss discrediting you happened, and the threat the narcissist was holding over you was executed with ruthless intensity.
Have you ever had the experience of releasing the fear of what the narcissist could do to you, and instead focused on aligning with positive beliefs such as: No one has the power to control me or affect my life, and I am the powerful creator of myself and my happiness, and then as a result the narcissist could do nothing, and / or stopped terrorising you?
It seemed that effortlessly no-one believed the narcissist’s slander, the phone call to your boss was dismissed as garbage, and the threat the narcissist proclaimed to do never came to fruition.
Why yes, yes, I have. To all of it. Well, most of it:
1) Yes, I was obsessed, terrorized and emotionally crippled with fear of what the narcs (Richard and Tracy) would do next, and that they would carry out their threats.
2) Yes, they did just what I did not want them to do, forcing their presence on me because I told them to stay away. Yes, they smeared me; first, in 2010 with Tracy’s Facebook post, then in 2012 when they told some friend I don’t know, lies about me. Yes, they spoke to my priest before I had a chance to, saying who knows what. Yes, they did follow through with their threats to show up at my church–but only partially. They said they’d show up all the time, but they did not. They threatened to sue, but did not.
3) I am working on releasing the fear. I found a way to get away from them at last: By keeping up the blog no matter what they think, and then (when they changed Internet providers and I could block them without blocking everyone else with the same dynamic IP address) switching to self-hosted WordPress. It is a much better place, where I could block them at last–and without losing my Google rank or SEO. As a result, the terror campaign of my stalkers has been greatly diminishing, turning into nothing, as the fear clears from my head and I see them defanged.
4) No one but their minion, “Chia,” seems to have believed their slander, that I’m aware of. Rather, I have been believed by many, by the ones whose opinions were most important to me. I have been believed by their ex-friend Todd and by others. I have seen no evidence of my priest judging me adversely after my stalkers spoke to him. They only came to my church a few times, then stopped; their threat against me never happened.
If they even tried to find somebody to take the case, nobody would because their threats were groundless and they have no way to pay for it when they lose.
Also, maybe they discovered that libel suits can take years and thousands of dollars in lawyer fees, that their own lives would be poked and prodded into as well as mine as part of the process of discovery, and that the whole thing would be appetizing to the media because the lawsuit would be on the public record.
And all over a personal blog with no identifying details and no falsehoods, something millions of people use as a diary of their lives?
More from Evans:
If you dwell on, obsess over, have angst, fear, terror, panic or anxiety in regard to the narcissist in your life – over any topic whatsoever – the narcissist receives an energy feed, and powers up to throw back at you exactly the results of your fear and pain.
I cannot tell you how many clients I have worked with, as well as received reports from individuals starting the NARP Program, who initially were stuck in custody, settlement, and No Contact battles, and were so anxious, so consumed with Post and Complicated Traumatic Stress disorder and their inability to think straight and function, that their life was like a continual war-zone.
Their narcissist seemed like an unrelenting terminator, a dog with a bone, doing everything and anything to rip their lives apart.
I too have lived this experience exactly…
Sadly, it is synonymous with the normal narcissistic abuse experience.
But truly, it does not have to be this ‘normal’ way.
Part of my awakening to how to heal narcissistic abuse, was the understanding that the narcissist is a magnified manifestation of our fears.
Therefore if you have the ‘normal’ charges of fear, pain and distress running, the narcissist fuels up and hits you like a freight train.
But what happens, when the fear and pain shifts?
That’s what happens.
Truly…I am not kidding you. I have seen it so many times, there have been too many ‘coincidences,’ too many things fall into place for the person shifting out of fear, and too many narcissists who have fallen over, given up, and failed….
These miracles include every topic imaginable, such as property, children turned against the non-narcissistic parent, smear campaigns, intimidation and any other nasty drama that narcissists do.
Why is it property settlements are locked in battle for three years and then the narcissist signs the agreement one week after the shift happens?
Why is it children who have not spoken to the non-narcissistic parent for 5 years make contact to reconnect out of the blue after the shift occurs?
Why is it people who have been poisoned by the narcissist all of a sudden turn their back on the narcissist and seek allegiance with you when your pain is released on this?
Why is it the stalking, the terror campaigns and threats stop and never recommence after the fear has been transformed and replaced with safe and empowered beliefs?
I have not had a chance to read through this blog post yet, but it promises to be very helpful.
I have noted how setting up my WordPress blog, blocking my narcs from it, and redirecting all my Blogger traffic here, has led, finally, to their presence on my blog ending. They have tried to come here, but could not.
They appear to have stopped obsessing over getting on my blog; I have not seen verified evidence of their attempts, in (I believe) a month! These are people who could not go two weeks without checking my blog!
I have not seen them at church since August. I have not even seen them on the street since January. I am starting to really believe the many empowering statements I have told myself over the years. Life is getting back to normal!
I am free!