Some quotes from Darlene Ouimet’s How Victim Mentality works in Relation to Family Secrets:
Victim mentality taught me to FEAR the consequences of honoring my choice to reveal those secrets. Victim mentality tells me that I am safer to keep the secrets and protect the perpetrator.
Victim mentality taught me to protect the person who covered up for the perpetrator, believing that I am less deserving than the perpetrator, BECAUSE that is what I was taught about myself through the actions of those who were in charge of me.
When I first started this website I would have a fear related adrenalin rush when I clicked the publish button on certain articles especially if they revealed anything about toxic and dysfunctional family relationships. That was my childhood fear of going public with my past.
It was not fear for what others would then know about me but fear of what the consequences would be if I “told” on the abusers and those that didn’t protect me or if I revealed the family secrets.
I didn’t understand that fear based adrenalin rush then as well as I do now. I had to reassure myself that the consequences for talking would not kill me that I was no longer that helpless child anymore. I had to remind myself that hundreds of times.
I no longer care if the truth hurts someone else’s feelings. When I decided to heal and move forward with MY life, I had to stop taking care of other people’s feelings and finally validate MY feelings.
When I finally put my own healing first, I began to see the dysfunction more clearly. I finally saw that I was contributing to the sick dysfunctional cycle by going along with it.
More from my site
- May 21, 2012 This Blog is No Longer Safe. [Update 2/15/14: This was posted May 21, 2012. I only "scrubbed" my blog temporarily; a short time later, I put it all back up again.]
I've scrubbed what I can. This is no longer a safe place to blog about certain bullying experiences. Yes, I have every right to blog about my […]
- April 29, 2014 Was Richard’s betrayal driven by Narcissism–or Stockholm Syndrome?–Tracy’s Reign of Terror: True Story of Narcissism, Bullying, Domestic Violence and Child Abuse, Part 96 Tracy's Reign of Terror: True Story of Narcissism, Bullying, Domestic Violence and Child Abuse
Part 96: Was Richard's betrayal driven by Narcissism--or Stockholm Syndrome?
From Love and Stockholm Syndrome:
Don't feel the victim's behavior is against the family or friends. It may be a […]
- August 17, 2012 Stopping Abuse/ Helping Abused Friend, Family Member, Co-worker, Child I've noticed quite a bit of hits from keywords referring to abuse. This is, unfortunately, a common problem, and people need to find help.
There are also many hits from keywords referring to narcissistic or borderline personality disorders, disorders which often lead to abusive […]
- March 12, 2012 Finding out people you love have a dark side Finding out someone you loved (romantically, or friendship, or family member) is not what you thought they were, brings a unique pain.
First, there were two guys I loved in college. I thought they were wonderful; as it turned out, one (Peter) was apparently pretending to be more […]
- September 20, 2013 Article on how to confront an abuser Disclosure is the act of telling someone about a secret or private information. With survivors of sexual abuse, it may occur immediately after the abuse, or years later.
Sometimes it is a planned or purposeful disclosure. Other times it is forced or accidental, or may come out in a […]