As I watched the last few scenes of tonight’s episode of Breaking Amish (yes, I do watch some lurid reality TV), I got triggered. Jeremiah and his girlfriend Kim stayed with Sabrina for a while; Jeremiah and Sabrina have history from their time on the show; it’s over now; Kim came afterwards; Kim is insanely jealous; Sabrina is naive; Sabrina has a boyfriend; all the former cast members have now gone down to Florida and rented a house together. Jeremiah had told Sabrina that he broke up with Kim. Sabrina did not go to Kim, Kim went to her on tonight’s show, and began railing on her: cussing, accusations, telling her to stay away from Jeremiah, etc. etc. Sabrina kept saying she doesn’t want Jeremiah. Sabrina is a sensitive sort; another cast member, who soon went to stick up for her, noted that Sabrina does not know how to stand up for herself. Sabrina began crying, and Kim called her a baby.
ARGH! I can’t STAND women like this Kim (at least as she’s portrayed on the show)! She’s just like Tracy–I can see it right off. She thinks her opinion is absolutely correct and she has the right to say anything she wants to you and you deserve to hear it, even though Sabrina was gracious enough to let them stay at her house for a while. I can also tell that Jeremiah is a narcissist, based on everything I’ve seen on the show so far, and it’s entirely likely that he manipulated Sabrina into a kind of psychological “spell.”
Like Tracy, Kim is much larger and more intimidating. Like me, Sabrina is much smaller and more of a shrinking violet against such a raging machine. Like me, Sabrina at first tried to calm her down, but finally began striking back verbally.
It was so familiar that I got triggered and the tears returned. It made me want to hug Sabrina and reassure her that she’s not the only one who’s been through this. It made me want to share my own story with her of having a shrew living in one’s own house and making life miserable.
It made me wonder if the triggers will ever stop.
It was a troubling ending to an otherwise good day, which led to troubling dreams. I had spent the day with an old college friend, the one who I told about Richard and Tracy’s abuses of their children, and who begged me to report them to CPS. I updated her on what had happened in the past year since I saw her last. I recall her being a Psych major; she told me Richard sounded like a psychopath, that Richard and Tracy reading my blog all the time is creepy, that she couldn’t figure out why they would want to. I told her about Richard screwing up the forum of a friend of six years, and she said it sounds like he has some issues. Since she’s known me all these years, she said, “You tend to attract these stalker-types.”