Tracy’s irrational jealousy and need to control everyone
Warning: The following summarizes and vents a period of narcissistic abuse and mind control.
Tracy seemed to think that I would react the same way she did in her place. But no, I would act nothing like that:
Jeff has many good female friends whom I barely know; I trust him with them. I don’t need to hover, don’t need to “approve” them, don’t even need to meet them. And if something raises an eyebrow, I’d ask him about it without blaming. He would then reassure me, and that would be that.
If I saw some girl fall asleep on his shoulder in a bardic circle around a campfire at an SCA event, I would just think, Hey, it’s the SCA, and people are friendly here. Or the girl is passed out drunk.
In fact, when we were first going out, he had a friend who I was sure did not like me, even though I tried to befriend her. But I let him go off and talk with her, because it was not up to me to allow or deny him talking with his friends. He just did it, and I said nothing about it, because it was not my place.
I feel that marrying has made no difference in that, either: If she came around again now, I’d have no objections to him talking to her.
And Richard allowed Tracy to behave irrationally, to control him, to treat me in a manner I did not deserve–
rather than stand up to her and say her behavior was wrong and insulted their hostess and benefactress–
the one who had shown her friendship, by being so kind to them both as to let them stay in her house and find jobs in a new state.
Tracy kept trying to tell me I was wrong for wanting to chat with my best friend without her hovering, but I was not.
For one thing, Richard and I were Internet/phone friends for two years already before I even met her, and for two months in person, watching movies and chatting for hours.
To suddenly tell me that I was behaving “inappropriately” by wanting to continue doing this, that “everybody” knows this, was ridiculous, crazy-making behavior. It was changing the rules on me in the middle of the game.
It was making a behavior a “sin” when it never had been a sin, for the purpose of labeling me a sinner. And not because I really was one, but because it pleased her to make me seem like one.
For as long as we knew each other, she kept treating me like I was the problem, but I was not.
When, while they lived with us, she overheard me telling Jeff privately about her icy glare at Richard and all that was going on, and that Tracy was possessive and controlling (her behavior infuriated him), she got furious with me.
She told Richard I was manipulating Jeff. She made Richard think there was something wrong with me for not behaving as she wanted me to. She influenced him to actually accuse me of disrespecting and insulting her even though I did neither.
She began ripping on me to him or her mother on the phone when she knew I would overhear. She began driving a wedge between Richard and me by constantly going on and on and on to him about my horrible lack of character. She began making his life miserable as long as I was in it.
My mother told me that Tracy needed to grow up.
Jeff noted that Richard showed no empathy, no desire to see another side of things. He couldn’t get him to see that Tracy’s treatment of me was insulting.
This lack of empathy has continued for all the time I’ve known Richard in person. I also tried to get him to understand that Tracy was pushing me away and into my shell with her nastiness, that I couldn’t be blamed for that, but he just refused to see it.