Articles from March 2012

Left Behind Review: Remnant, Part 1

Remnant by Tim LaHaye & Jerry Jenkins, Tyndale House Publishers, ISBN 1414334990, available practically anywhere Christian books are sold:

A plot summary is here.

This book picks up the pace, and even gets exciting for a while, as (during the Greece adventures described on Wikipedia) part of the Tribulation Force tries to rescue George Sebastian.  Ming Toy also finds a Boy Toy–er, boyfriend–while trying to get to China.  Steve Plank dies heroically, proclaiming to all that he is a believer, surprising and dismaying his co-workers, before deciding to go to the guillotine. And there are moments of humor between Albie, Mac and Abdullah, who apparently are the comic relief.

If only all the books had been like this, instead of waiting until Book TEN.

But the usual issues still come up quite a bit, such as the unrealistic language. Why would Chloe, herself only in her 20s, use “son” when addressing a man of her own age?  While the author did note the oddness of this, he did not give a reason for it.

On pages 121-124, I find it amazing that Tsion is so afraid of being considered a “wayward” brother, so afraid of giving the wrong message, knowing that it will “jar the sensibilities of many hearers,” that he asks Rayford for advice on whether or not his next planned sermon is correct–because he is going to speak on God’s mercy!

He has no trouble speaking of God’s wrath and judgment, but must ask for counsel and support from his Christian brothers before speaking of God’s mercy?  Or maybe it’s not so amazing, in the Calvinistic world of Left Behind.

On page 155, Mac has just used a 50-caliber rifle to shoot a car outside a cabin being used by GC Peacekeepers, the group which had been holding George.  He hit the gas tank, making it blow up.  This would cover him while he made a break for a hidden Jeep.

But did he have to wish “only that he could have heard what had to be the frightened cries of the young Peacekeepers on the dead run”?  This is not some video game, but people with eternal souls he’s dealing with here.  Having to frighten, shoot or otherwise deal with them should be inspiring sad necessity, not jubilation in their cries.

On page 203, as a Christian refuses to take the mark and begins singing while waiting for the guillotine, a guard tries to jab and stab her with a bayonet to get her to stop, but she keeps going.  Carpathia rages,

Tell the guards to stop making a spectacle of it!  They are playing right into these people’s hands.  Let the crowd see that no matter what they do or say or sing, still their heads belong to us!

Yeah, Judah-ites, remember that all your base are belong to us!

On page 228, Tsion is preaching again, to the believers assembled at Petra (their story is explained in the Wikipedia article).  He says that in John 14, Jesus “makes a promise we can take to the bank of eternity.”  Oh geez, not Evangelical sermon witticisms for hipster preaching.  😛

Then the authors make a little jab at the idea that the Bible has historical and scientific errors, as Tsion says,

From Eden until this present moment, God has given us in the Bible an accurate history of the world, much of it written in advance.  It is the only truly accurate history ever written.

The only?  What a rip on the many historians throughout history who have tried to gather all the facts together!–especially since scientists and historians often find things which, if the Bible is taken strictly literally, don’t match up.

Then he says,

Next comes the worldwide flood.  This flood had a catastrophic effect on the world and still boggles the minds of scientists who find fish bones at altitudes as high as fifteen thousand feet.

The trouble with insisting that everything in the Bible be taken literally–and some churches actually make Creationism a necessary tenet for members to believe–is that your faith could shatter if scientists are able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that evolution happened and the Earth is not so young.  Even the ancient Catholic church does not require a belief in Creationism!

I’m not going to bother going to Creationist or religious sites to back up Tsion’s claims about the fish bones.  I did find an interesting forum thread here.  It’s a debate on whether there’s evidence of extensive flooding at the end of the last Ice Age, while all those glaciers were melting, possibly causing many extinctions.

It’s one theory, though you’ll note that it’s not proven or necessarily accepted, which contradicts the claims of Tsion.

Unless Noah’s Ark is actually found, there is no evidence of the story being literally true, of one big flood covering the earth all at the same time.

But flooding is a common, natural phenomenon which is experienced all over the world, and melting glaciers could certainly cause a lot of it as the worldwide climate warmed.  Just imagine how much spring flooding is caused after a winter of heavy snowfall.

The thread also cites a BBC article about an Indian city that’s 9500 years old!  That’s only 1500 years more recent than the end of the last Ice Age, and the extensive glacial flooding may have extended over 7000 years.

If human civilization is truly far older than the Creationists claim, then racial memories of extensive flooding at the end of the Ice Age could easily have inspired the story of Noah’s Ark (and various other flood stories around the world.)  But a worldwide flood that happened all at once and killed all land-life except for those on one boat, has not been proven.

Flooding typically causes loss of life.  It’s easy for all that flooding–though naturally caused–to be seen by the Ice Age peoples as worldwide and divine retribution.  So there is no need to expect every detail of the biblical account to be completely accurate for it to be True.

Tsion’s cited evidence may indeed exist, but does not prove an all-at-once worldwide flood.  My faith can withstand the lack of evidence of such a flood, so I have no need to try to hammer all sorts of evidence–whether real or discredited–until it fits exactly the literal biblical account, in fear that if the account is not completely accurate, Christianity will be disproven and when I die I’ll go to nothingness.

On page 229, Tsion goes on to say that after Christ returns, stops the Tribulation/Armageddon, and imposes 1000 years of peace on Earth, “the population will grow to greater than the number of all the people who have already lived and died up to now” because of no war.

I suppose that also includes no disease or accidents, though he didn’t mention that.  But then he says “We will have plenty.”  How can that be if the earth is overpopulated?  Is he expecting a constant stream of people going to visit Christ every day and get him to do that loaves and fishes thing over and over again?

On pages 230-233, Tsion attempts to reconcile the wrath of the Tribulation God with a loving God.  But we’re dealing with a Calvinistic version of God which uses punishment to get people to turn to him.  Would you want to love a person who was killing thousands of people and animals and causing all sorts of devastation?

It makes far more sense to look at things in a more Orthodox fashion: Revelations was disputed before it was put into the canon, and is not read during Liturgies. God’s wrath is an anthropomorphic expression, used so people without extensive intellectual understanding of theology could understand.  God is not ruled by human passions.  “Wrath” is the consequences of our sins.  Revelations is what happens when Satan is allowed to rule over the earth for a time.  And the various bowl judgments are metaphorical.

But no, this isn’t how Tsion tries to explain that the vengeful god killing off all these people, is somehow loving.  I say “tries” because it falls short.  There’s more about God’s wrath on page 290, in which an angel says, “God is jealous, and the Lord will have his revenge.  He will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserves his wrath for his enemies.”  But Alexandre Kalomiros writes in “The River of Fire”:

God is good, loving, and kind toward those who disregard, disobey, and ignore Him.  He never returns evil for evil, He never takes vengeance.

His punishments are loving means of correction, as long as anything can be corrected and healed in this life.  They never extend to eternity.

He created everything good.  The wild beasts recognize as their master the Christian who through humility has gained the likeness of God. They draw near to him, not with fear, but with joy, in grateful and loving submission; they wag their heads and lick his hands and serve him with gratitude.

The irrational beasts know that their Master and God is not evil and wicked and vengeful, but rather full of love. (See also St. Isaac of Syria, SWZOMENA ASKHTIKA [Athens, 1871], pp. 95-96.) He protected and saved us when we fell.

The eternally evil has nothing to do with God. It comes rather from the will of His free, logical creatures, and this will He respects.

A fuller explanation of the Calvinistic god of wrath vs. the Orthodox God of love is here.)

On page 277, we read that the believers camping out at Petra, who basically have their own Moses (Chaim) and are being treated like modern versions of the Israelites in the wilderness, are also eating manna.

I don’t know where all this modern-Exodus stuff is coming from, because I sure never heard of it in the End-of-the-World prophecies.

We read that manna doesn’t need to be preserved during the day, but spoils overnight. But the next day, there’s more, “so saving it was considered a lack of faith, and forbidden.”  Forbidden?  Forbidden just because of a lack of faith?  And what is the punishment for anyone who does save it?

On page 290, I can’t help but cringe as angels try to convert a group of Muslims.  This group refused to take the Mark, and they are fervent believers in God, but because their beliefs aren’t the “correct” ones, the angels are trying to convert them so they won’t just automatically go to Hell now that the GC has found them and will be sending them to the guillotines.

One, Christopher, says to the Muslims on page 289, “We come not to discuss religion, but to preach Christ and him crucified, dead, buried, and resurrected after three days, now sitting at the right hand of God the Father.”  Um, that is discussing religion!

On page 294, Christopher says, “Resist the temptation to choose the guillotine without choosing Christ the Messiah.  You will die in vain.”

Some had been converted, but one shouts, “We will die for Allah!” and the others raise “fists of defiance.”

So–Even though they refuse to take the Mark and are doing it for the sake of God, as they have always understood Him, they’ll still be condemned as if they had taken the Mark and allied with Satan?  This makes no sense, and is unjust!

To be continued…..

 

Triggers

I still deal with triggers all the time.  These triggers bring me straight back to the narcissistic rage and tirade of Tracy on 7/1/10.

When I’m learning the Greek phrase for “I don’t understand” on my language learning software, it’s hard to type the words because I begin hearing, “You’re too stupid to understand!”

When someone says “F–k off” to some other person, that’s a trigger to Tracy telling me to f–k off, which I did not deserve.  Which was she herself being a b**ch and not bothering to find out the truth before raging, and not bothering to even try to be diplomatic to the person who had gotten her out of financial and other jams time and time again.

“Oh baloney” because when my husband stuck up for me and said that Richard had kept saying different things all the time and it was very confusing to me, she said, “Oh baloney.”

“So be it” because that was her response to taking a break, followed by “Have a nice life,” rather than, “Oh, what a good idea.”

“99%” because she and Richard both claimed that 99% of people would react even worse than she did, that she was somehow going “easy” on me.

Cthulhu references bring it back because Richard had this online Cthulhu persona for games.

“Harsh words” because Richard minimized Tracy’s foul, outrageous, filthy, abusive words to me as “some harsh words.”

It was horrible, horrible, and such innocuous words and phrases bring it all back again when I’m trying to move past the pain of being ripped to shreds for no reason, with no justification, and of my own best, closest, most trusted friend, stabbing me in the back.

It wasn’t physical violence, but it was psychologically, emotionally and verbally just as violent as any beating.

The gaslighting, control and psychological bullying come back again because of so many triggers.  I don’t know how the heck to disable these triggers.

They also make me very angry because I wouldn’t have these triggers if Tracy had acted like a decent human being instead of an out-of-control witch, if Richard had acted like a true friend instead of a fake, cover-your-own-butt friend.  Yet people don’t understand why it’s so nervewracking to see them show up at church or some other place.

The worst part is knowing they probably think they have the moral high ground.  I certainly sensed it reading Tracy’s messages to me.  It just makes you want to scream at them,

NO!  YOU DO NOT HAVE THE MORAL HIGH GROUND!  ABUSE IS WRONG!  I DID NOT DESERVE ANY OF THIS!  WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME IS WRONG!  HOW YOU TREATED ME IS WRONG!

I mean, how can they have the moral high ground?  Not only did they bully me, but Richard now has a criminal record in this state for abusing one of the kids.

But of course, try to say any of this to an abuser, and you won’t get what you wanted.  Just more abuse, probably.

By the way, you can tell how badly this has affected my psyche by the use of profanity (even blocked out) in these blog posts.  Profanity is so highly uncharacteristic of me that I can only bring myself to post it blocked-out.  But all the crap I’m dealing with is so soul-crushing that euphemisms just don’t cut it.

 

Blogging the Parasite out of my Head: Writing about the abuse

[Update: The full web book is here: The Darkness Engulfs Me: Abuse by Two Narcissists–and Betrayal by a Best Friend and Spiritual Mentor.  A summary is here.]

 

The narcissist blames others for his behaviour, accuses them of provoking him into his temper tantrums and believes firmly that “they” should be punished for their “misbehaviour”.

Apologies – unless accompanied by verbal or other humiliation – are not enough. The fuel of the narcissist’s rage is spent mainly on vitriolic verbal send-offs directed at the (often imaginary) perpetrator of the (oft innocuous) offence.

The narcissist – wittingly or not – utilises people to buttress his self-image and to regulate his sense of self-worth. As long and in as much as they are instrumental in achieving these goals, he holds them in high regard, they are valuable to him. He sees them only through this lens.

This is a result of his inability to love others: he lacks empathy, he thinks utility, and, thus, he reduces others to mere instruments.

If they cease to “function”, if, no matter how inadvertently, they cause him to doubt his illusory, half-baked, self-esteem – they are subjected to a reign of terror.

The narcissist then proceeds to hurt these “insubordinates”. He belittles and humiliates them. He displays aggression and violence in myriad forms.

His behaviour metamorphoses, kaleidoscopically, from over-valuing (idealising) the useful person – to a severe devaluation of same. The narcissist abhors, almost physiologically, people judged by him to be “useless”. —The Soul of a Narcissist by Sam Vaknin

I hope this will be cathartic, get the truth out, so that I can heal from what has emotionally and spiritually traumatized me.  I hope to make it (and my private account) a repository for all the hurt, pain, anger and bitterness, so that I can transfer it out of my heart.

I have dealt with previous abusive situations in this way, putting them into writing and then posting them on the Web, and it has been largely successful in helping me move on past those times.

I feel that if I just make it vanish, hide the story, it will do no more good than it did with my previous abuse stories.

For example, right after college I began writing College Memoirs, which were a combination of good things and life during that time, and the terrible things that happened with guys who used and abused (I hesitate to refer to them as “men”).

I was going to publish them, but feared libel suits, so I began putting the stories into my fiction instead.

But since the demands of fiction are that you don’t put your own life stories into your stories exactly as they occurred, or else your stories will appear pieced together like Frankenstein, I didn’t feel like my stories of abuse were quite dealt with yet.

I also read an article in Writer’s Digest about writing and publishing abuse stories, and the healing it can bring:

Harrison told her editor that she wanted to write a nonfiction book about her relationship with her father. Because the editor had published Harrison’s autobiographical first novel, she asked if she was sure she wanted to do that.

Harrison was sure. In fact, she’d been trying to write about her father in an essay but felt she was trying to do too much in too short a space. Feeling as if she’d betrayed herself and her story by first writing about the affair as fiction, she had a compelling need to set the record straight.

…“One of the solaces that art can offer you is the chance to make something out of what’s hurt you. You can objectify an experience, put it on paper, craft it and shape it. There’s perhaps an illusory control over it. But it is significant.” –Sandra Hurtes, Spilling Secrets

So I posted a public version of my College Memoirs, first in e-mails to friends, then on a Myspace blog, then on my website.

Even though they don’t get many hits, the stories have been read by some, and in the past several years, I feel myself finally moving past these things that happened 15-20 years ago.  They are on the Webpages now and don’t have to be carried around inside me.

I also have a full account of what happened in this new case, but it is so personal and private that I keep it locked away from anyone but myself.  Just as with the College Memoirs, I have a personal and a private version.

My hope is that this blog will have the same effect as those public Memoirs.  It has been said many times that the abused need to get their stories out into the open, not hide them for fear of “airing dirty laundry,” because that just victimizes them further.

I’ve been revising a full account of the abusive situation with Richard and Tracy–book-length–which I wrote before I wrote these smaller summaries and blog posts.  I intend to post a link to it when I’m done, because it’s far too long for a blog post.

[Update 1/22/14: It’s been up since May 2012, and now I’m revising it again, and putting it in small chunks on this blog as well.]

As I work on it, it answers questions that come up.  For example, I was starting to feel like Tracy was right and the disagreements were my fault.  But as I reviewed the details of the time we lived in the same house, I began to remember:

No, what really happened was that I saw her behavior as a mix of jealousy and abuse, of control, and it was part of a full picture of abuse, not just about her objecting to a couple of things I wanted to do.

It was about all the crap I saw her doing to Richard and the kids every day.  It was about a battered man defending his battering.  It was about her smacking his arm and giving him looks so full of anger and threat, that he looked scared.

It was about her overhearing me telling my husband not just about her jealousy, but about her abusive behavior of Richard and the children.

It was about her starting a smear campaign against me, deliberately to drive a wedge between Richard and me.

Because it was never about me being a woman friend of her husband (he has lots of those), but about me recognizing that she is indeed a domestic abuser and violent.

Jealousy was just her red herring, the thing she seized upon so she could make Richard and anybody else think it was all about me behaving “inappropriately.”

Even though the things she objected to were all perfectly harmless, and Richard’s idea to begin with, she twisted them around to make me look bad, because she couldn’t let anybody think that she is abusive, controlling and possessive.

The things I wanted to do were perfectly harmless, and there was nothing wrong with me wanting to do them.  Richard does them, my friends do them, people do these things with their friends.

She actually accused me of disrespecting her by wanting to go out for coffee/ice cream with Richard, but that’s ludicrous BS, as anyone can see.  As long as the wife knows you’re going out for the coffee/ice cream, that’s all you need for it to be perfectly “respectful,” so she knows her husband isn’t sneaking around having an affair.

No, she had to put the spotlight all on me with all her ridiculous “rules” which I couldn’t possibly meet–

–so she could continue doing her bad behaviors in the darkness–

–so that Richard would never break free of her control.

The trouble is, she so successfully convinced Richard of her smears, and so successfully turned things around on me, that on 7/1/10, she still made it all about me, still tried to insist that I was the one in the “wrong”–

–not because I was actually wrong–

–but to take the focus off her and her own abuse and bad behaviors.

The other trouble is that abusers can so worm their way into your head, that even though a part of you screams that you’re not the one in the wrong, you’re not the one behaving badly–another part of you keeps thinking, “What if she’s right?  What if I really am the one behaving badly?”

I’ve been fighting this for years, not since 7/1/10 or the e-mails she sent me 8/1/10, but since January 2008.

It gets imbedded so deeply that it almost seems impossible to get out.  It’s like a parasite.

Blogging is helping me to get it out, finally, because:

  • not only can I write about what happened,
  • but I have all sorts of private writings which I can look back at later and see what I wrote,
  • and I also have this foundation already written, on which I can build with more memories and insights as they come to me.

I thought maybe I shouldn’t blog about this, just keep it under wraps.  But now I see that it must come out, that silence is just what bullies want out of their victims.

And if Richard or Tracy sees it, so be it.  This is what Richard and Tracy are truly like.  I am not lying. 

And I have online court records and newspaper reports to prove that I am telling the truth about them. 

[Update: They found it just two months after I posted this, and both accused me of lying and threatened me, as you can read here.]

I must keep blogging to get the parasite out of my system once and for all, so I can be free at last of Tracy’s influence.

Step 1

Learn more about the dynamics of what happened to you by reading the personal accounts of victims recovering from similar abuse. When you find out that you are not alone and how others are coping with the same type of abuse, it will assist your recovery progress significantly.

With severe abuse, often the abused individual is locked into a fixed and rigid perspective about what has happened to them and what will happen because of the abuse.

From the personal stories of other similar abuse victims in the recovery process, you will begin to unlock your perspective of things and see your abuse from other new and important perspectives.

This simple change of perspective and seeing new perspectives has amazing healing powers.

These personal stories are not professional “How to” recovery manuals. They do what professional abuse recovery manuals simply cannot do, because no matter how expert the professionals are (unless they were also similarly abused), they cannot see the specific abuse experience from the complex inside dynamics as only another abuse victim can.

For example, at FACTNet we suggest that an individual who was sexually abused as a child by a cult that condones the sexual use and abuse of children should read the stories and recovery debriefings of other victims of that cult or similar cults who were sexually abused. Read and heal! –Lawrence Wollersheim, How I healed the psychological injuries from my abuse in a cult

I have all parts of this story now up and running.  Here it is, the whole ugly story, here for various reasons:

  • to defend myself and my innocence
  • to break the silence which abusers want their victims to keep
  • to get Tracy’s parasite out of my head
  • to have peace and remove Tracy’s destructive poison through this surgical removal (ie, writing about it) out of my heart and onto the [digital] page
  • to warn others about how narcissists and other personality disordered persons can work
  • to sympathize with those with NLD, Asperger’s and introversion who are bullied by those who do not understand them
  • to stick up for all abused and bullied people
  • to provide help for those abused people who feel driven to read the abuse stories of others

I recall how hard it was to find stories of people who had been abused by friends or spouses of friends rather than by family, co-workers, classmates or significant others; this adds one more.  I know what it’s like to constantly search the web looking for stories of other people, in various stages of their healing journey, who have been through abuse in some way.

They may rage at their targets in verbally and emotionally abusive ways. Yet they have the gall to blame the target for the abusive language and emotions they are showing. This is known as projection.

It seems they want to distract from their own questionable behaviors, so they will blame somebody else for doing worse. And they love to play victim of imagined hurts and spites from their targets.

Borderlines are often very controlling, frequently while accusing a victim of theirs as being controlling or uncaring.

Using emotional blackmail and threats of false reports to the police or others who might be duped into taking their side are some of the ways they establish and maintain control.

The discussion is primarily about them and their inner emotional turmoil, not so much about the target. They are upset and somebody else has to be blamed for it whether it’s accurate or not.

Imagine living with these kinds of exchanges on daily basis. The frequent unpredictability, jabs, blaming sessions, and insults make you feel insecure and cut down your self-esteem over time. You’re being abused, but are at the same time are being falsely accused of being the abuser.

This is particularly difficult for men to handle as they are socially conditioned to try to take responsibility for fixing problems. Yet BPD is not a problem a significant other can solve. –Rob, Talking with a borderline

My Trip to Oz and Back is much like my own blogs, an account of two years spent by the writer with her girlfriend, which was actually a 50-page letter sent by the author to her ex-girlfriend.

That was in the late 90s, when the author had never heard of borderline personality disorder, so there had been no official diagnosis for her to point to.  But the more she learned about BPD, the more she knew her ex-girlfriend had it, so she posted this letter to help others who are dealing with someone with BPD.

It has been on the Web since 2003, and by November 2006 had received 53,000 hits.  As the author wrote on the main page,

Writing this was cathartic. It doubled as a form of therapy. I actually did send the letter; however, I doubt that it had much effect.  The more I learned about BPD, the more I realized that the likelihood of this person ever really understanding, was probably close to zero….

Why would I want to put such a personal document online?  There are several reasons. First, I wanted to give an accurate portrayal of what it is like to be in a relationship with a person with BPD. There are many books and websites on BPD, but relatively few from a significant other’s point of view.

Second, I am hoping that someone out there might read a bit and identify with it.  When one is in a difficult situation, sometimes just hearing about another person’s similar experience can be affirming–as in, “I’m not the only one.”

Finally, I consider myself a success story–see the final chapter, the epilogue.  My wish is to give hope to others.

Like me, the author changed names and identifying details.  This is to protect the guilty as well as the innocent.  Joyful Alive Woman also wrote about her abusive, narcissist, former female friend.

The contents of the web-book:

1. Introduction

2. We share a house

3. Tracy’s abuse turns on me

4. More details about Tracy’s abuse of her husband and children

5. My frustrations mount

6. Sexual Harassment from some of Richard’s friends

7. Without warning or explanation, tensions build


8. The Incident

9. The fallout; a second chance?

10. Grief

11. Struggle to regain normalcy

12. Musings on how Christians should treat each other

13. Conclusion

13b. Thinking of celebrating the first anniversary

14. Updates on Richard’s Criminal Charges

Sequel to this Story: Fighting the Darkness: Journey from Despair to Healing

 

Finding out people you love have a dark side

Finding out someone you loved (romantically, or friendship, or family member) is not what you thought they were, brings a unique pain.

First, there were two guys I loved in college.  I thought they were wonderful; as it turned out, one (Peter) was apparently pretending to be more religious than he really was, and the other (Phil) was a manipulative, deceitful abuser.  But they were exes, and it’s expected that exes will let you down and leave your life eventually.

But when it’s a friend or family member….

First, in 2007, I found out that my family had been hiding things from me about my father for my entire life.  He had a whole secret habit that I knew nothing about, that I had always been taught was sinful, but everyone but me knew about it.

Then the same day I found out about it, my mom thought he had left her, and considered divorce.  That turned out to be a misunderstanding, but the secret was out, and I had to deal with discovering that my dad was not what I always thought he was.

Then there was my former best friend Richard.  I just got an e-mail today from a forum we used to go on together to defend Orthodoxy.  I couldn’t stand getting these reminders anymore from a forum we haven’t been on for nearly three years, so I went to try to delete my account.  However, there is no way to do that.

It reminded me of how religious and righteous he always seemed to be, and how the truth was that he’s showing traits of narcissism, that he’s a violent man who did an evil, evil deed, nearly killing his 9-year-old daughter by choking her to unconsciousness.

Then there was finding out what my former boss did.  I thought he was a good person, despite his temper, and I liked him.  But no, he’s so violently abusive that he went to jail for 9 months, drove away the wife he loved, and lost custody of all his children.

I’m still mourning for him and for Richard, as if they had died, because the person I thought I knew, is dead–or never existed.

How do you get past finding out that people you love, are not what you thought they were?  That they’ve been deceiving you, or that they’re actually evil?

And how do you stop wishing they would come to you and apologize for what they’ve done, or prove that they’ve changed so you can be friends again?

I suppose there are many people out there who feel the same pain: former mates of narcissists, abused spouses, people who were mentored by priests who turned out to be molesters.

Can you ever get over it?

 

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