This Blog is Shut Down.

I’m being cyberstalked and stalked in real life, and must shut down this blog, at least for now.  My apologies to my readers.  [Posted May 29, 2012.]

[Update 8/24/14:]

This lasted only for a short time, when I realized I must be strong and face my fears by keeping the blog up.  I believe this is what led to my stalkers, Richard and Tracy, finally backing down, and no longer stalking me in real life (though they still check my blog an average of once a week).

But if anyone doubts that I was frightened, I was very frightened.  I shut down this blog and even used an alias when posting on other blogs about abuse.

I unfriended all mutual friends on Facebook because I didn’t know who to trust.  It was a dark time.  I could not sleep; until I had a chance to speak to a police officer and then to my priest, I could barely function.

Todd, another of their victims, was irate with Richard and Tracy.  His fervor frightened me because I feared he would get me into trouble.  But he didn’t, and now he comforts me by being on my side through all of this.

I tried re-starting this blog with new addresses and names.  But they got no traffic, while this one–after being around for three years–had finally begun to receive traffic.

This wasn’t just about abuse, but a place to write about all sorts of things, and I wanted my writing to be read, to have an impact, whatever the subject.  And brand-new blogs don’t get read.

I said, “It’s my blog, and I’ll do what I want!”

I needed to prove to them that they could not intimidate me into silence.

I needed to put the blog up because, so many times throughout my life, people had abused or harassed me without me sticking up for myself.

Abusers like a quiet victim.  I needed to stop letting people victimize me.

So I put it back up.  It felt like jumping a car which is frozen and won’t start.  But the hits came back.  And kept growing and growing.

I also freely wrote on Facebook the truth about what they were doing.  I began naming names.

(My Facebook wall is set to private.  I do not name names on the Internet, not just about this but about other personal things.  But my friends and family have every right to know who it is, especially if they could potentially encounter these people.)

And I was terrified.  It did frighten me for some time to see them on my blog all the time.  Especially since they obviously enjoyed frightening me, being sociopaths.

(I am almost certain that this incident was done on purpose and meant to scare me.)

But instead of giving in to the fear and intimidation, I shouted to the rooftops about everything they did and continued to do.

Now I see other people reading my posts, sharing my posts, liking my posts, subscribing.

And the fear of Richard and Tracy is gone.

One of the purposes of writing this blog has been to document my recovery, and to recognise the ups and the downs.

I’ve tried my hardest to write honestly and openly, and while this has been made more difficult by the knowledge that he reads my blog, I have tried to put that fact out of my mind and move forward on my own terms.

I’d be lying if I said it had no impact- who really wants to share their struggles and vulnerabilities with their abuser?

But regardless, I have made up my mind to continue to do what I set out to do. –Brighter Than Before, Hope, and Where I’m At

I have the right to write what I wish online, without fear of being harmed for it.

If I want to write my memoirs, or write about my abuse experiences and the process of recovery, millions of people can potentially be helped by what I write.  Why should I keep it under lock and key for fear of my abusers?

 

Further abused by my abusers when I stuck up for myself

The post here includes an e-mail Richard and Tracy sent me in May 2012, which proves my belief that they are sociopaths.  In it you will see every sociopathic trait–including empty threats and false accusations–and maybe recognize e-mails you have received from your own sociopath.  You will see how they began their stalking campaign. 

This post was originally posted in May 2012.  I wrote it while a baby blogger, and added to it over a period of months, so it badly needed editing.  However, I struggled for a long time to look through this blog post again because of the presence of that e-mail and its tendency to trigger all sorts of emotional reactions: fear, pain, hurt, anguish, rage, etc.

But now I am finally able to do some proper editing, and re-post it.  I want to sticky it so new readers can see it, as I have been doing for months with my old posts. 

It is, however, extremely long, which would take me all night to edit and an hour for you to read, so I will re-post it in chunks.  I have divided the original post into several sections, which I will follow in the re-post.  If you want to see the entire original post, click here.  Now for Part 3.

Part 1

Part 2

Warning: The following contains venting of anger, to get it out of my heart and onto the page, to make the story authentic, and to show other victims of abuse that I feel your rage.

We put ourselves out trying to help these people over the years.  I listened to all the horrible things Richard told me were happening.  I was there for him through everything.

We gave them food, baby items, money, gifts, rides, babysitting, various other things they needed.  We put ourselves out in a way which is normally done only for family.  We took them in, showed them help and love.

And…THIS is our reward.  Not kindness, not understanding, not a willingness to work with us.  No, just scorn, ridicule, verbal abuse, years of Tracy’s bullying, and now stalking me and threatening me for speaking up about what they’ve done.

We feel used, manipulated, lied to.  We feel like these people are con artists.  Take care who you meet on the Internet, and who you let into your life.

If these people do try to sue me for telling the truth, then I will counter-sue them for stalking/harassment and for defaming me with these false accusations that I’m lying.

I have documents to prove my claims, and a character witness, Todd–and “defamation” does not apply to telling about a court case/conviction which is both true and published to the public, or to telling the truth that someone has abused you.

Trying to threaten and intimidate me into silence is precisely how bullies and abusers operate: They are violating my rights to tell my story of abuse.  If you take away the right to speak up about bullying and abuse, then you take away the right of victims to break free and turn the tables on their abusers.

As if it weren’t bad enough that they spiritually and emotionally traumatized me through this whole experience, as if it weren’t bad enough that they bullied me and then Tracy verbally abused me, now they’re trying to silence me from telling the truth, trying to threaten and intimidate me for speaking out.  Their narcissism is confirmed.

As posted on Exposing Online Predators and Cyberpaths:

TRUTH is a 100% defense to defamation, slander or libel.  Accusing someone of defamation, slander or libel when they are telling the truth or giving an OPINION, however, CAN BE actionable. 

This post from the Whispers of God blog goes into the issue of how to tell when someone is falsely accused of abuse.  In her context, she’s talking about child abuse/molestation.

But I can imagine this applies to those accused of bullying as well, such as the psychological and verbal abuse I was put through by Richard and Tracy.

Richard would be the one who claimed to love me like a sister, that I was “very dear” to him, but I have accused him of being a party to the bullying, of even threatening Jeff in June/July 2010, of manipulating and using me in 2007 and then betraying me in 2010, letting Tracy believe I was guilty when he knew I was innocent.

Also, Tracy claimed to Jeff on 7/1/10 that they “valued” our friendship.  As WOG says, if someone you loved accused you of abusing her, and you knew you were innocent, you would be desperate to talk to her and sort things out, would be visibly shaken.

Yet I have received absolutely no such communication from Richard, only an e-mail from him and/or Tracy accusing me of defamation, ridiculing my pain, expressing no remorse whatsoever, and even showing no remorse over Richard’s criminal conviction.

WOG, too, is being threatened with a libel suit for speaking out about how she’s been abused, and you can read about this in her various posts.

For Richard and Tracy to just supposedly “forget” about these events and expect me to, for them to just go on and do absolutely nothing to try to repair our friendship, for them to act like their own actions were somehow perfectly fine and okay–shows the true nature of their black souls, and the true nature and worth of their friendship.

And it is worthless.  No true friends would treat you the way Richard and Tracy have both treated me.  Beware such false friends.

To be continued.

 

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