I’m being cyberstalked and stalked in real life, and must shut down this blog, at least for now. My apologies to my readers. [Posted May 29, 2012.]
This lasted only for a short time, when I realized I must be strong and face my fears by keeping the blog up. I believe this is what led to my stalkers, Richard and Tracy, finally backing down, and no longer stalking me in real life (though they still check my blog an average of once a week).
But if anyone doubts that I was frightened, I was very frightened. I shut down this blog and even used an alias when posting on other blogs about abuse.
I unfriended all mutual friends on Facebook because I didn’t know who to trust. It was a dark time. I could not sleep; until I had a chance to speak to a police officer and then to my priest, I could barely function.
Todd, another of their victims, was irate with Richard and Tracy. His fervor frightened me because I feared he would get me into trouble. But he didn’t, and now he comforts me by being on my side through all of this.
I tried re-starting this blog with new addresses and names. But they got no traffic, while this one–after being around for three years–had finally begun to receive traffic.
This wasn’t just about abuse, but a place to write about all sorts of things, and I wanted my writing to be read, to have an impact, whatever the subject. And brand-new blogs don’t get read.
I said, “It’s my blog, and I’ll do what I want!”
I needed to prove to them that they could not intimidate me into silence.
I needed to put the blog up because, so many times throughout my life, people had abused or harassed me without me sticking up for myself.
Abusers like a quiet victim. I needed to stop letting people victimize me.
So I put it back up. It felt like jumping a car which is frozen and won’t start. But the hits came back. And kept growing and growing.
I also freely wrote on Facebook the truth about what they were doing. I began naming names.
(My Facebook wall is set to private. I do not name names on the Internet, not just about this but about other personal things. But my friends and family have every right to know who it is, especially if they could potentially encounter these people.)
And I was terrified. It did frighten me for some time to see them on my blog all the time. Especially since they obviously enjoyed frightening me, being sociopaths.
(I am almost certain that this incident was done on purpose and meant to scare me.)
But instead of giving in to the fear and intimidation, I shouted to the rooftops about everything they did and continued to do.
Now I see other people reading my posts, sharing my posts, liking my posts, subscribing.
And the fear of Richard and Tracy is gone.
One of the purposes of writing this blog has been to document my recovery, and to recognise the ups and the downs.
I’ve tried my hardest to write honestly and openly, and while this has been made more difficult by the knowledge that he reads my blog, I have tried to put that fact out of my mind and move forward on my own terms.
I’d be lying if I said it had no impact- who really wants to share their struggles and vulnerabilities with their abuser?
But regardless, I have made up my mind to continue to do what I set out to do. –Brighter Than Before, Hope, and Where I’m At
I have the right to write what I wish online, without fear of being harmed for it.
If I want to write my memoirs, or write about my abuse experiences and the process of recovery, millions of people can potentially be helped by what I write. Why should I keep it under lock and key for fear of my abusers?