You Don’t Have to Dance for Them: The Beauty of Blogging

Upsi, who runs a blog about her experiences with her narcissistic family, ended up much in the same boat as I am when her family found her blog.  I find comfort in reading about this, as she tried to go no contact but her family kept trying to argue with her over how they were portrayed.

From You Don’t Have to Dance for Them: The Beauty of Blogging:

When I started this blog, I was a girl with a story.  I wanted to tell it for people who might be interested.  I wanted to be anonymous, to protect the “real lives” of all involved.

When NM found the blog, it changed.  It had to, because of the nature of the story.  She FOUND it…..

 

You Don’t Have to Dance for Them: Wrong Tree

Upsi, who runs a blog about her experiences with her narcissistic family, ended up much in the same boat as I am, when her family found her blog.  I find comfort in reading about this, as she tried to go no contact but her family kept trying to argue with her over how they were portrayed.

[Update 8/24/14: Upsi’s blog no longer exists.]

From Upsi’s blog You Don’t Have to Dance for Them, the post “Wrong Tree“:

Sent today, after hearing back from FF on my first response: Dear Family Friend, I find it presumptuous that you hold yourself out as …

You think I’m a dupe?  That I’m living in a victim role and should have moved on by now?  Is it time for me to shut up on my own blog and put on a happy face?

You’ve got all the answers, huh?  I’m the problem, I’ve got to change, everybody else is just fine and dandy?

Telling the truth does not mean that I am seeking revenge, and discovering myself is no more an intentional humiliation of my mother than needing distance from her is abandoning my family.

Did you two have a heated chat on Sunday and you just had to reach out to me to parrot her perspective?  My mother can stop reading my blog any day.  That’s her choice.

I am leaving her alone, it is she who won’t leave me alone.  It is she who wants me to change, wants me to accept her bad behavior.

 

You Don’t Have to Dance for Them: Lucky

Upsi, who runs a blog about her experiences with her narcissistic family, ended up much in the same boat as I am when her family found her blog.  I find comfort in reading about this, as she tried to go no contact but her family kept trying to argue with her over how they were portrayed.

From “You Don’t Have to Dance for Them: Lucky”:

Narcs drive many people underground – afraid to have any kind of online presence for fear of how the Ns in their lives will use it against them.

Everyday, another great blog shuts down, disappears, closes up shop.  There are many reasons for this, one of which may be acceptance and moving on, but my gut tells me it’s mostly fear….

I feel strong and truthful to keep blogging, keep telling it how I see it, keep breaking silences inside myself one by one, even knowing that my FOO can read anytime.  I will not dance for them….

The shock of knowing everything I wrote here was read by my family took a while to register….

I’ve grown comfortable with it. In the end, I am who I am, this blog is my place to talk and think out loud and be myself. Take it or leave it. Read it or dismiss it. Respect it or call it fiction –that’s not why I’m here. Everyone has a right to their opinion.

One commenter wrote that she “had a brief scare” when she thought her brother found her blog, but she decided to be like Upsi and say, “Screw you!” and not give up her confidence and true self.

Same here….When my narcs first found my blog, at first I hoped they would finally understand me and stop blaming me for the end of the friendship with them.

Then as silence reigned, but they kept checking (3-4 times a day), I began to fear.  Then they turned menacing, actually threatened to sue, thwarted all my attempts to block them, began reading it constantly.

I was scared for a while–but now I’ve thrown open the blockers and let them back in.  I know they’re still checking, and may try to use my words against me, yet I blog anyway.

It’s a chance to finally have my own voice, to say what I want to say, to them and about them.  If they don’t like it, then tough.  They can’t sue me over this!  There are no real names and there are no lies/deliberate falsehoods.

As another commenter put it in Upsi’s post “Proof“:

It’s amazing how your mom’s friend and her daughter continue to gloss over the fact that it was your mom who went out of her way to go online and find your blog – your own online diary.

She read your DIARY – your private thoughts and feelings–and then shared them with anyone and everyone! They keep accusing you of somehow ‘torturing’ your mom and yet if she wasn’t so intrusive, she wouldn’t even know your words were out there!

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