Why are we the ones that hide the truth?–on blogging about abuse
Silence is the victim’s biggest enemy.
There are countless other such accounts on the web by survivors of abuse, including My Trip to Oz and Back and Real Women’s Stories of Abuse, Survival and Jealousy.
The Boston Globe article A world of misery left by bullying references Alan Eisenberg, who began blogging his abuse stories anonymously to deal with the pain, then finally let the world know who he really was.
Just Google “True abuse stories” to find many. Some do it just to vent, some do it to help others who are going through similar things, to let them know they’re not worthless or stupid, that they don’t deserve abuse, that they’re not alone, and that there is a way out.
Sometimes it takes such a story to realize that you are being abused, that words can be abusive, not just fists.
In any case, rather than being accused of airing dirty laundry or “being a victim,” these people are being called courageous.
Writers and songwriters, especially in alternative and metal, also write about abuse experiences quite a bit. From the above linked website Real Women’s Stories:
Concerning the member’s own personal stories of abuse, survival, and jealousy: For most of these women, just telling their personal story of abuse and/or survival to another trusted person is VERY hard.
Here, they have went a major step past that. They have written their stories for you to read and learn from and to build women’s self-esteem. Some of these women are still enduring the abuse and are looking for a way out.
All of these women should be applauded for their strength and courage to tell their true abuse and survival stories and to help others.
For most of these women, this has made them re-live a past that they would much rather forget, a past full of hurt, fear, anguish, resentment, abuse and real pain. They have written their stories for you and for themselves, in hope.
From The Importance of Sharing Abuse Stories by Rainbow Gryphon:
When we’re dealing with painful experiences, whether past crime or mental illness or abuse, it can feel sometimes like we have an obsession with reading about other people’s experiences.
We go to support groups where we can hear the story of others. We read memoirs about their experiences. We read blogs and lurk on forums.
Society urges us to move past our experiences and not dwell on them like this. If we’re honest with ourselves, though, I don’t think we ever completely lose the need to hear about others who’ve gone through the same experiences.
…With the explosion of the Internet, we now have access to the stories of people in every type of abusive situation, and I personally believe that this is a boon to abuse survivors.
We need to share our stories somewhere, whether it’s a blog, a blog comment, a forum post, or a social network, because it actually helps all of us move out of a state of victimization by reassuring us that our suffering is real because it’s being shared by millions of other abuse survivors.
From Top 10 Reasons to Expose Your [Abusive] Ex:
Tell your mother, father, and friends everything! This actually saved the life of Marcia Ridgeway, the Green River Killer’s 2nd wife.
He had tried to choke her from behind once. She told everyone, including her father who talked to Gary about it.
Years later, after his arrest, he told police that he had wanted to kill Marcia, his wife, but was afraid he would get caught because she told everyone that he attempted it once.
Remember that the next you think you are “protecting” your mate or marriage by not telling the abuse you suffer.
….Keep a detailed diary. This will help remind you when you forget how bad it is and can help you see your patterns. You can also later use it when you want to write a book or if you need evidence in court.
Dated journals are court admissible. (My journal was a god send. When Bob tried to “forget” what he had done, tell me he didn’t say such and such –I would have the date and time that he did!– My journal kept me from believing his words “you’re crazy, it never happened, you blow it out of proportion,” and other crazy-making ways he tried to turn it around on me.)
Write a book and publish it. Do your own web site with your story and pictures. Post all pictures that relate–things he tore up, the car he crashed, all his toys and you have none–whatever pertains and illustrates your life together.
From Top Ten Reasons Why Men Should Expose Abuse by a Woman [link no longer works]:
Exposing your abuser is a liberating experience. Abusers use every physical and emotional tactic to isolate, intimidate and terrify you into keeping your mouth shut–it’s about power and control. When you expose your abuse by a woman it’s an empowering experience….
Exposing your abuser empowers others to do the same. Most criminologists and sociologists feel that domestic violence against men may be one of the most underreported and under prosecuted crimes in the United States.
Police ignore the problem, DA’s often refuse to prosecute the crime, then judges throw-out the charges. If a woman ever is found guilty her sentence is minimal if she receives one at all.
The more information that is out there on these women, the more difficult it is for the justice system to ignore the problem….
It helps other abused men know that they are not alone. When this writer watched the YouTube videos on a Marriage in Plano it caused physical illness.
At the same time, however, it was important to know that other women operate off the same identical script. For the first time, this blogger knew that another man shared a similar experience. There is comfort in knowing you are not alone. [Since this link no longer works, try this one instead, about documenting abuse.]
From Exposing a Narcissist, Dealing with Blowback, and Guilt by Joyful Alive Woman:
For many women, especially victims of Narcissism, exposing their abuser is a very difficult issue. This extends all the way to pressing charges in the instance of an actual crime taking place.
We’re taught to be forgiving, keep our mouth shut, endure our burden. We are literally taught to be martyrs because “that is what good people/good women do.”
This applies to people who aren’t religious as well as those who are. It’s part of our cultural norm and identity….
Unfortunately, a frequent result of exposing and being doubted is that we become even more outraged than before, because people don’t believe us and/or they judge us for talking about it.
This blog post deals with the question of, should we share our abuse stories or is it being drama queeny?
The first commenter apparently thinks it’s being drama queeny. But the response to that commenter is that no, it’s up to the abuse victim/survivor to share the story, please do so, and by keeping it quiet we allow violence to continue–that calling it attention or pity seeking to share it, carries on the abuse.
Another commenter echoes my own feelings: That it’s liberating to talk about these experiences, and she does so because she wants to share her feelings and her life.
The Importance of Sharing Abuse Stories by Laws.com
Blogging About Abuse: What You Should Know
The Importance of Telling Your Sexual Abuse Story
Also go to category on exposing narcissists for all my posts on this subject, showing what exposing the narcissists has done for me, at least.