Articles from April 2013

And Today Was a Good Day….

Holy Week has begun.  Every day has at least one service, sometimes two, until Easter finally arrives on Sunday, May 5.  Yes, it’s quite late this year.

Today was Palm Sunday, and we had a fish luncheon after church.  Lots of people were there; sometimes it’s better attended than even the midnight Easter service.

Then we had another service a few hours later, the Nymphios service, though few people came for that.  It’s a beautiful day after a long wait for spring weather to begin; I rode my bike to/from the Nymphios service.

I have been developing the church’s new website; it, provided for us free from the archdiocese and with a professional-looking template, is both gorgeous and awesome.  I make sure it’s full of the information I kept longing for in our old website, which has been defunct for a while.

And it’s already getting positive remarks from parishioners who have seen it, and from people from other places who have found it and commented to the church about it.

I loaded it up on my cell phone at church; one of our especially pious ladies (from the Old Country) saw the icon of Christ on the screen, and kissed it.  “Mom!” said her daughter.  LOL

My stalkers appear to have lost interest since I began redirecting traffic to my new blog, and finally blocking them at the server level.  They also haven’t been to my church since last August.  The church website has given me purpose and intellectual stimulation.  The clouds seem to be clearing from my head along with the cold of the winter.

By the way: I recommend the plugin Search and Replace if you have to change your Wordpress server.  I just switched from my previous, free server to a paid server, because the free server was giving me far too many headaches, with constant downtimes where I couldn’t get into my blog, others couldn’t see my blog, etc.

(Update 10/25/17: You can also use Better Search Replace.  I use a combination of both, depending on my needs at the time.  Though I see that Search and Replace has not been updated for a while, while Better Search Replace has.)

I just want to set up my Blogger redirect to the new blog and forget about it, not keep checking to see if my new blog is up, and then turning off the redirect on the old blog while the new blog is down.

I feared this would mean hours/days of fixing all the internal links in my posts, because that’s how long it took when I switched from Blogger to Wordpress.

To clarify, I often link from one post to another; when I changed servers yesterday, all those links, in more than 400 posts, had to be found and redone to read “” instead of “”

But then I heard about the Wordpress Search and Replace plugin.  This obviously won’t work if you’re moving from Blogger to Wordpress.  But if you’re just migrating your Wordpress blog from one server to another, and keeping your permalinks in the same structure, with this plugin, updating all those permalinks takes two seconds!

Yet again, today was a good day….

Reblog: “How I Fell for a Narcissist”

From Tina Swithin’s How I Fell for a Narcissist:

 Part of healing involves research on this personality disorder. I reached out to Dr. Craig Malkin, clinical psychologist and instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School, for his opinion on how a person could potentially fall for a narcissist. According to Dr. Malkin, narcissists are experts at “impression management.”

Part of what makes narcissists so seductive, especially at the start of a relationship, is that they’re experts at impression management.

According to research, for example, they’re no more physically attractive than the average guy or gal — maybe a 5 or 6 — but they’ve perfected the art of looking like (and acting) like a 10. They can be charming, alluring, and even sensitive (up to a point).

Add to all this the fact that, when we’re in love with someone, the judgment centers of the brain become eerily quiet, and it’s easy to see why narcissists can slip by, red flags and all, and cozy up to us for a good long while.

Narcissists who run hot and cold are especially difficult to leave. The ups and downs put you on what psychologists call a variable-ratio reinforcement schedule — the same pattern of occasional reward that keeps gamblers racing back to the slot machines.

One key to spotting a narcissist is to bring your judgment centers back online. Pay attention to feedback from friends, for instance. They’re more apt to see — and remember — important red flags that you miss, precisely because they’re not under the narcissist’s spell (I call this ‘borrowed judgment’).

Keep a journal of painful moments, and ask yourself, is your partner working with you to understand and prevent them? Learn, and watch out for, some of the hallmarks of narcissism:

Is every mistake he makes, for example, someone else fault (‘externalizing’)? Does she routinely devalue and belittle other people in her stories? If so, it’s only a matter of time before the disdain or indifference comes your way.

Read more at How I Fell for a Narcissist by Tina Swithin.  Also see her blog One Mom’s Battle.

Tracy Fortune wrote in the comments, “Victims exhibit PTSD after interactions with an NPD- it’s THAT bad.”

My own story of narcissistic abuse is here.  (There is another one here, the story of Phil.)

Having written down this story as soon as possible after it happened, has helped a great deal: Whenever I start to weaken, and remember only the good things, thinking the bad things must be my imagination–I read parts of my story again.  I see and remember that everything I wrote is exactly what happened, not my imagination, but truth–and that reminds me that my memory is not my imagination, either, but the truth.

That keeps me from running back to my narcs and making myself into their victim all over again, degrading myself by taking responsibility for their abuses.

It also keeps me strong in my resolve to keep them blocked from my blog, which they monitored for some ten months before I found out how to set up a self-hosted Wordpress blog, keep my Blogger traffic, and finally, effectively block them.

The story is especially helpful because Richard did to me what Tina’s ex-husband did to her: He made himself so charming, played so well on my loneliness, naivete and desire for that Best, Closest Platonic Friend Like Sam/Frodo Who Would Be There Forever, that I overlooked the red flags.

And the red flags were there.  But because he love-bombed me so effectively that I thought our friendship was real, enduring and God-ordained, I ignored the red flags.  And he did run hot and cold, as in the quote above, making me addicted to the rewards.

After dealing with Phil, my narcissistic ex, I relied more on the judgment of friends to help me find a good husband.  But with Richard, I had been isolated so long because of life circumstances–including a small child, shyness, church changes and my husband having a falling-out with a friend–that I had no close friends nearby to watch and make observations about my platonic friendships.

My husband was also under the spell, had also been charmed to some degree, thought that Richard was a good guy–until my husband experienced the “WTF moment” himself on 7/1/10.  (That’s when Richard blew up at him and became a raging, intimidating machine, not the gentle friend he had been to us.)

Articles such as the above help us figure out how we fell prey to narcissists, and how to avoid falling prey again.  Because why would we want to be prey to narcissists again and again?