…..There is nothing to fear.

After scaling back my blockers so they are still blocked from my blog but I can see their attempts to come in, I see they have also scaled back their attempts.

They’re not using at all the IPs which have been blocked since I came here to Wordpress around March 16; I see they’ve given that up.

Instead, they use free wi-fis and possibly a friend’s wi-fi, apparently avoiding using the same one twice, knowing I’ll block it.

And since they can’t use their home (and maybe work?) Internet, they don’t come on anywhere near as often.  They used to check at least once a week; after I switched to Wordpress and they were blocked, there was no verified sign of them over here for more than 3 months!

They checked a couple more times in the following week, but then they went two weeks without checking (which they did yesterday at 4:16pm using their LG-P870 Android).

Not only am I slowly but surely breaking my addiction to Richard and to this drama (a common problem for victims of narcissists and abusers), but I have forced them to start breaking theirs as well.

Their timing was annoying, of course: Yesterday was the funeral of a beloved member of our church, and the day I heard my grandma fell hard and broke her pelvis.  Not a good day to see the stalkers as well.

But the more time passes, the more they become just a few pieces of information a computer screen; the more fangless they become.

Coming here to Wordpress was the best thing I could’ve done.  I now have control, can block them whenever I like, and severely limit their visits.

If they do find a way past a block, I can simply use a different one, because there are so many plugins, security plugins, and especially powerful server-side options to block unwanted visitors from Wordpress.org blogs.

I did not lose Google rankings as I feared, because I found an awesome redirect plugin.  Now nearly all my hits come direct from search engines instead of through Blogger, after just a few months.  So if you’re thinking of switching from Blogger, do it!  🙂

I’m not sure what they’re still looking for.  This can’t possibly be healthy for them to keep checking here, unless Richard is doing some kind of penance…..

But I can stick out my tongue at them and go phbbbbbt every time I see them here.

And feel myself ripping out the part of me which was addicted to him, and screaming at it that this person was a fake, not who I thought he was at all, that my husband could see a long time ago that he was a fake and a user.  And that part is finally starting to believe it and let him go.

Because anyone who would beat a small child mercilessly, say he’s changed, and then choke the same child when she’s nine, is truly evil, and was pulling the wool over my eyes.

I thought I had found a religious and spiritual mentor in my search for the True Church, and a best friend here in my own town instead of far away, one who would always be there for me throughout life.  But I believe this is what really happened:

I fell prey to a con man who eventually decided my husband and I were of no further use to him and his wife.  He used to be a Mafia thug, and was easily provoked to violence.  He hypnotized me without my knowledge.

They wanted to get political connections, but we were too “liberal” and not politically driven; he kept getting money and stuff from us, but the economy tanked and we had money trouble; I was his confidante of his wife’s abuses of him and the children, so she, who has a family history of personality disorders, smeared me to him to drive a wedge between us; and I spoke up against the way they both had been treating their kids.

So instead of addressing the real issues, they made me a scapegoat, made up offenses and kept me always jumping over hoops.  Then because we no longer had much money to give them, I started doubting Richard’s wild stories, and I had let them know they abused their kids, they started treating my husband and I both very badly.

They found an imaginary complaint to skewer me over, so we would break off the friendship in disgust, but they would still be able to claim that it was my fault and not theirs.

Richard threatened my husband with physical violence and intimidated him.  Then in 2010, I was proven correct about the abuse, when Richard choked his oldest daughter until she passed out.  He plea bargained and served a year of probation.

[Update 7/23/13:] I am occasionally tormented by dreams; I just had another one, probably because of seeing them here again after three months of peace.

Probably also because a couple of friends keep asking me if Richard and Tracy’s church still exists, since one is an inquirer into Orthodoxy and another in the process of conversion, but they live closer to Richard and Tracy’s church.

One of those friends just told me he went there on Sunday, but it wasn’t there; it was torn down.  The other friend recently told me they had sold that building and were now meeting in a mausoleum chapel.

One recent Sunday during coffee hour, I sat next to our archon (liaison from our church to the archdiocese), who said Richard and Tracy’s church is closing.  All I know is the website has not been updated for a year.

So the risk of being forced to deal with Richard and Tracy in person every Sunday, still looms.

If such a thing happens, I would be forced to find a mediator because there’s no other way to stay in the same church in peace.

I have too many friendships and obligations to just leave my church, and the nearest Orthodox church is an hour away.  I am so connected to my church now that I have been sad for days at the death last week of one of our members.

There would be no other way: Stalkers and abusers have no business carrying out their intimidation campaigns at church as well.  I have all the proof I need to show a mediator how serious this is, that I’m not making it up.

Then maybe he could get Richard and Tracy to back off from me, make peace with me, do penance, something.  Because you just can’t have crap like this happening in a church; the workings of the Evil One need to be rooted out.

They could, of course, make third party involvement unnecessary by an abject apology for all the crap they’ve pulled on me for the past five and a half years, and a promise to stop the intimidation campaign.

But that would mean thinking of somebody other than themselves, relying on something far more effective than violence and rage to solve their problems.

The examples of Tina Swithin and Julie Anne Smith show that occasionally, the victims of abusers/narcissists do actually win.

Anyway, in the dream I was staying in a building much like one of the fairground buildings, and had some sort of weird dream-style job there.  My stalkers were living there, too, with a couple of jobs (R. was a tour guide for Orthodoxy or some such dreamlike weirdness).

So I saw them around a lot.  Yet they were actually being nice and pleasant to me.  Tracy would rib me, but it would be a friendly ribbing, not the usual snarky, nasty ribbing she used to do.

So at the end of the dream, I planned to go up to Richard, who was at a desk doing a job, and talk to him, try to make peace with him.

Then I woke up and had to remember that the dream version of these people is nothing like the real-life one.  The real-life version, claimed to “value” our friendship but made no attempts to make peace, rather tried to dominate and skewer us, tried to force their will on us in a psychological rape.

Sure we heard through a third party that they missed playing D&D with my husband, but never anything real, never an apology, just psychological manipulation which continues to this day.

If Richard truly blamed himself for everything, then he needs to show it’s not just words, stop this stalking and take responsibility for what he’s done.