Warning: Not for children. Though teenage girls should see it.
My heart weeps at the thought that many young girls are now being put through what I was 20 years ago by my ex-husband Phil:
Pornography has changed the landscape of adolescence beyond all recognition by Allison Pearson
A GP, let’s call her Sue, said: “I’m afraid things are much worse than people suspect.”
In recent years, Sue had treated growing numbers of teenage girls with internal injuries caused by frequent anal sex; not, as Sue found out, because she wanted to, or because she enjoyed it – on the contrary – but because a boy expected her to.
“I’ll spare you the gruesome details,” said Sue, “but these girls are very young and slight and their bodies are simply not designed for that.”
Her patients were deeply ashamed at presenting with such injuries. They had lied to their mums about it and felt they couldn’t confide in anyone else, which only added to their distress.
When Sue questioned them further, they said they were humiliated by the experience, but they had simply not felt they could say no. Anal sex was standard among teenagers now, even though the girls knew that it hurt.
….[M]ore than four in 10 girls between the ages of 13 and 17 in England say they have been coerced into sex acts, according to one of the largest European polls on teenage sexual experience.
Recent research by the Universities of Bristol and Central Lancashire found that a fifth of girls had suffered violence or intimidation from their teenage boyfriends, a high proportion of whom regularly viewed pornography, with one in five boys harbouring “extremely negative attitudes towards women”.
Mature women can generally make up their own minds about what they are and aren’t prepared to do in bed. That is a private matter among consenting adults, although I don’t know a single woman who thinks that a man insisting on anal sex is anything other than a depersonalising act of aggression.
For inexperienced teenage girls it’s a different matter. Their whole sexting culture sends them one crude, insidious message: buggers must be choosers.
I went through this with Phil, only unlike these girls, I refused to let him do this, knowing that I did not have to.
In response, Phil accused me of always needing to have my own way. He tried punishing me through no sex at all for refusing anal. He even tried an elaborate hoax to try to influence me into doing what he wanted.
Phil sometimes forcefully tried to turn me over. Once in the middle of things, he pulled out and tried to get in the other way. It didn’t work well from the top, but his attempt still qualifies as “rape” according to modern legal definitions in Indiana, where this happened.
He said maybe in other countries, THIS is considered the “natural” way. He pointed to sex scenes in Clan of the Cave Bear, but didn’t seem to understand that the Neanderthals in that book were NOT having anal sex.
He told me one of his ex-girlfriends claimed it was the most pleasurable kind of sex for a woman.
And no, he never heard of lube. The pain was excruciating the one time I grudgingly allowed it, and the pain keeps on giving: Bowel movements are absolutely horrid afterwards.
Yet somehow, I was the “bad” one because I wasn’t properly submissive to my husband, who expected obedience.
He even told his best friend how badly I treated him; the friend then turned around and scolded me.
And yes, Phil was into porn, particularly Hustler.
This was 20 years ago. So this is not a new problem, but according to the above article, today’s Internet porn makes the problem far more prevalent–with girls who feel they HAVE to do these things.
A while back, I read a whole bunch of comments on some article online that claimed that lots of women love this kind of sex, and basically made detractors sound like prudes.
I’ve also read that the modern trend to be “clean-shaven” in unnatural places comes from the prevalence of porn. I was once sexually harassed on the Internet by a guy who said he likes his women clean-shaven. I never told him whether I was or wasn’t; he just attacked without provocation.
Yet my best friend Richard–friends with this guy–accused me of being “ridiculous” because, a year later, I still did not want to hear this guy’s name, and because “the Internet isn’t real [harassment].”
I’m teaching my son to NOT treat girls like this. I tell him Girls are People, NOT TOOLS for guys’ pleasure.
My stories are hardly isolated. So I keep them here on the Net to help other girls realize they don’t have to put up with this crap: