Articles from May 2016

My Site is Having Hiccups.

Availability will be sporadic until I sort out what to do with it.  For the past three days, I have struggled with a sudden and unexplained crash.  Hopefully I can keep my site here in its customary spot.  I’m also contemplating going back to Blogger or a .com WordPress, where the techs can make sure everything stays put.  But if so, I plan to at least keep my domain name.

Update 6/1/16: However, while I can use Statcounter on, the information is very limited.  I don’t know if I can live without my full stats.  😛  I shall see how this thing works now that the server tech support helped out a bit and some of the plugins have been disabled.  I did some tweaking in my security plugin, which I think is causing the problem; let’s see if that helps.  There are many things I like about, but I’d have to give up a fully functioning Statcounter, Google Analytics, and some other features I’m used to.  We shall see….



Weighing in on the Sister Wives Scandal

I’ve written here before about Sister Wives, so I suppose I might as well again, now that a little corner of reality-TV-fandom has exploded with the story of one of the Sister Wives, Meri, being catfished by a woman who pretended to be a man.  She says that a woman called JO pretended online to be a man named S, and that she had an emotional affair with him.

Well, originally she said that.  Now she says she was coerced into leaving loving messages for him.  Um….

Well, S says he’s not J at all, but a man named S, and runs a blog meant to prove that Meri is lying about him.

It’s not like this is some huge earth-shattering crisis, but if Meri is indeed lying about him, then she’s set herself up for a lawsuit, and the show Sister Wives could soon go off the air.  Fans don’t like being lied to.

I’ve kept an open mind about this, because I don’t want to be fooled by Sister Wives or by someone on the Net.  But S’s evidence keeps getting more and more convincing.

Meanwhile, there is a whole group of trolls who, from what I understand, not only have been harassing S and J, but have also been harassing the Sister Wives family on social media.

A while back, I swore off the official Facebook fan page for this and My Five Wives, because a bunch of people kept posting horrible comments about the family members, even the kids, and ripping into anyone who disagreed.  Now, from what I understand, these trolls have turned on S, and anyone who thinks he might be real.  They have posted websites about him and J as well.  I came across them a couple of times, and they looked like your typical hate site, not credible at all.

And now I’m told that even Meri is hanging out with the same trolls who diss her family.

Yet if you try to google this case, you get nothing from a credible news source.  All you get are hate sites and gossip sites.

I have been reading S’s website for a while, to find out who’s telling the truth.  Occasionally I comment, nothing mean or nasty.  I just don’t post things that get me banned, and prefer to be nice and kind to everyone.  So it shocked me when, in a really weird twist, S’s friend L, who has been helping him with his website, mistook me for some woman who had been causing trouble, and banned me after I submitted a comment.

(Those who accuse S of being JO, say that L is also JO.  But they write much differently, and then this happened, making me pretty sure S and L are two different people.)

S unbanned me when he discovered the mistake, but the comment is now lost to the ether.

However, I really wanted the trolls to see my comment, darn it.  😛  Maybe they’ll see it if I try to reconstruct it almost 24 hours later here on my own blog, so here goes.  I’ll also add some other things I want to say but didn’t think of at the time:

I subscribe to blog posts whenever I comment on them.  On one of S’s posts, somebody wrote about all these personal things he should make available for the public, to verify his identity.  I don’t want to go into the whole thing, which was quite long, but she, along with others in past comments, chided S for not providing various personal details on the Internet.

So I wrote that most private, non-celebrity people probably don’t want all that stuff easily found through Google.  S’s only claim to “celebrity” is having had an affair of some kind (he says physical, she says emotional) with a reality TV star.

As for S’s half-picture, which many say is not his actual image, I don’t use my real name or picture on the Net, either.  They’re on Facebook, but only to be found by people who already know my real name.  Instead, I use a Net handle and a drawing I myself made years ago of a literary character, so at least I own the copyright.  😉  I have also seen an abuse blogger (Prozacblogger) use a half-image of his face to keep his abusive father from recognizing him.

The behavior of the trolls, and learning about a woman named C–who has (allegedly!) been stalking him and (allegedly!) spreading catfish stories about S for five years, then told the tabloids that he catfished Meri, despite him (allegedly!) not knowing C at all–these things convinced me.

Oh, yes, and the fact that Twitter is suspending the accounts of the trolls.  I have checked a few, and yes, they are suspended.  How could he get them to suspend the accounts without a police report?  He says he has one on C, and that they’re working with him because of that.

For more information, see here, here and here.  Don’t miss the comments, which go into more detail about what we readers have found when looking through the troll tweets–thousands of them, one said.

I hope the trolls will discover that their character has spoken volumes against their credibility.  When you behave like a troll–

harassing people,

harassing anyone who speaks to those people,

spreading lies about them (a post about K trying to pull in celebrities when all she did was ask Rosie O’Donnell if her staff contacted her, because a troll called K claiming to be from Rosie),

making sexual comments about their spouses (this happened with Sister Wife Robyn’s friend K, who has also been harassed by the trolls),

constantly making new Twitter accounts so you can keep harassing even after your accounts are suspended or blocked–

you are the one who looks like an ass, NOT the person you targeted.

We readers, along with S, are amazed and appalled at the mass volumes of harassing tweets, and the numbers of accounts set up by this small group of trolls.  And that when you look at their Twitter profiles, they are grown women with children!

They don’t behave like true victims.  They act like teen boys trolling the Net for lulz, or mean girls targeting some poor unfortunate.  This speaks volumes to me after studying narcissism, bullying and abuse.

One of the trolls calls herself “J” (and is NOT JO, the one accused of catfishing), has a profile pic of a catfish, and has a punctuation-challenged blurb of “Im a stinky catfish.”  She tweeted that S lies on his hit counter.  She says he has 5 readers, not thousands.  Well, I’m a real reader, and I don’t know how you can fake those hit counters.  🙂

That’s another thing: I googled a little and found in the comment section of some gossip site that the trolls were creeped out by S’s ban message.  They were creeped out by him “tracking” them, and having a ban message which gave their IP address.

Um, that’s called stat tracking, and nearly EVERY web/blog/forum owner does some form of it.  I track my stats with several different trackers, each of which gives different information.  I know IP addresses, cities, even computer information.

And you can be sure that pretty much everyplace you go on the web, the owner of the website knows these things.  It does not tell the owner your name or physical address, unless you give that information voluntarily through making a profile or posting a comment.

This is how forum owners are able to ban trolls, spammers and other troublemakers.  This is how website owners can block hackers who try to make their websites into part of a botnet or install viruses.

This is how website owners figure out which pages are most popular, who’s real and not a bot, where visitors come from, percentage of visitors who are leaving without buying anything, etc.  It also tells website owners how many people are viewing their sites using cellphones or tablets instead of PCs, so they can adapt the website to be more user-friendly.

S’s ban message is automatically generated by a WordPress plugin called WP-Ban, which I also have on my blog.  The generic ban message includes your IP address.  There is nothing “creepy” about this; it’s just the way the plugin works.

So no, S’s not being a creepy catfisher by tracking his stats or banning your IP address.  He’s just being a typical website owner.

S warned his readers not to speak to him on Twitter because the trolls come after anyone who does.  But I don’t have a Twitter, and comments here on my blog are turned off, so “nyah” to the trolls!  😀

I also feel sorry for S, dragged into all of this, harassed by trolls, forced to prove his own existence, while TV shows–both Sister Wives and a catfishing special also aired this week by the channel TLC–keep saying he’s not real.

This is the kind of crap that cyberbullies can pull off.  This is why we need to fight back against it, before somebody else gets accused of not even being real.  😛

PS: I have my proof that S is real, not a catfish.  So the trolls can blow it out their ears.

UPDATE 2020: I have proof that Sam is who he says he is, so the trolls can pound rocks.  He’s opened up more online publicly and to me.  I will NOT post private proofs here because it’s his business only to post these things and I will not violate his trust.  But publicly he now has a podcast with his girlfriend (who I’ve verified is a real person–and that she has visited him).


Can I Opt-Out of Wisconsin’s Lawsuit Against Obama?

I just read in the paper today that Wisconsin is one of a number of states suing Obama for doing his job and enforcing the laws against discrimination.

Can I opt out of this?  This is ridiculous. I want nothing to do with these lawsuits against Obama.  The Attorney General does NOT speak for me.

These attempts to force the government to let states violate the law by discriminating against people–

It’s absolutely disgusting.

Things just keep getting worse and worse, with people digging in their heels and refusing to let even an inch of their minds open up and see what it’s like for other people who are not like them.

Jesus taught us to do good to others, treat them as we would want to be treated.  He did NOT say to harass and bully them and force them to be like us. He did NOT say to make their lives hell.

This behavior is NOT Christian.  More than a century ago, many Christians thought it was good and right to own slaves, while many others said it was wrong and that we needed to free them.  100 years later, you had the same division over civil rights for blacks.  This is exactly like what we’re going through now, and one day, the people digging in their heels will be recognized for bigotry.  This is NOT Christianity.  The people digging in their heels are NOT fighting for God or fighting religious prejudice.  They are the ones blinded by their own prejudice.

On the Katrina Kennedy-Flores Video

Yes, screaming IS abuse.

It’s not the cuss words themselves that make it abuse–especially for a toddler who probably doesn’t know the difference between a cuss word and a “regular” word–but the anger behind it.  The kid recognizes the anger.  And yes, physical abuse followed, but the screaming alone was verbal and emotional abuse.  You can hear the terror in that poor kid’s voice.  He’s just a baby!

A few links with good information on this case:
Child abuse video posted on Facebook: Katrina Kennedy-Flores arrested, child in protective custody
Mother arrested for child abuse; bystander cited for recording, not intervening
Mother, 27, arrested after sickening video of her punching and threatening to KILL her two-year-old son for losing her phone charger was posted online
The links also discuss the bystander who filmed the abuse, Sue.  People are saying nasty things about her and making death threats, but the story is that she can barely walk or move, and made the video to prove her allegations.  That she had spoken to the mother before, and was frustrated at no results from CPS in the past.  She said she and her son, also in the video, were frightened for their own lives.

I also got the impression, while watching, that they were trying to find the charger to try to pacify the mother and stop the tirade.  I’m not quite sure what someone who can barely move is supposed to do.  As for her son, I see comments that he’s mentally disabled; I don’t know what that means in his case.

She has been charged for not intervening, so she’ll get her day in court to have a jury decide if she was able to intervene or not.  Let them do it, not Facebook lynch mobs.  I know for myself how you can be terrified by a wild woman, and afraid to do anything but watch in disbelief and horror as she smacks a kid around.

In any case, she says herself that she didn’t do enough.  But she made the video to get evidence so something would finally be done about the abuse.  And something has finally been done.  Let’s not make it even harder for people to get the courage to report abuse.  It’s already scary enough; I was terrified when I reported Tracy.

I detest the Youtube etc. comments on Sue’s weight, even saying her weight is probably her disability.  Excuse me, but do you know anything at all about her medical history?  Maybe her weight came from her disability, not the other way around.  Maybe she has a tumor or glandular problem.  Maybe her legs are paralyzed or arthritic.  You don’t know, so don’t presume to know, and don’t fat-shame her over it.

I’ve seen comments on this video–as you typically do every time one of these videos comes out–that screaming is not abuse.  But I was glad to see responses that yes, it is, screaming is very harmful to a young child, and people should learn about child development before making statements like that.

I’ve written about the abuses I witnessed from Tracy here; this not only traumatized me, but drove me to post here and on Facebook so adamantly against child abuse.  It’s my way to work out the trauma.

I’ve heard her scream at her children in decibels like in the video.  And yes, I was frightened of her, too.  The abusive episodes didn’t last long enough for me to do anything about it, probably tempered because of my presence.  But her husband told me about more intense episodes, especially when she lived with her parents and away from his influence.

I reported Tracy for it, but I have no idea if Social Services did anything about it, or just dropped the ball as often happens in these cases–including the Kennedy-Flores case before this video was made.

Keep in mind cell phones didn’t have videotaping abilities back then, so I couldn’t have made a record; I can only hope Tracy’s children had the courage to speak up and substantiate what I reported.  But children can often be too terrified to do so.

This is what made me want nothing to do with Tracy.  And while sometimes her husband would tell me she was abusive toward their children, sometimes he defended her and even said screaming is not abuse.

So it encourages me greatly to see people step up and say, No, this IS abuse, and it causes serious harm to children even without bruises or broken bones.  It gives me hope that one day, child abuse of all kinds will diminish.

It also encourages me greatly to see that something was done in this case, and the mother is up on charges.

Though many appear to share my frustration that other crimes often seem to get tougher charges and sentences than ones for child abuse, such as Tracy’s husband–also an abuser–only getting probation for choking his kid.

This is another reason why I post about these things: because the system so badly failed in prosecuting Tracy’s husband, giving him a misdemeanor and probation, when he originally was charged with felonies and should’ve gotten prison time.

So obviously, while our country has made many good changes, it still has a long way to go to stamp out child abuse.  The laws need more teeth–and not for people who simply let their kids walk to the park alone, but for people who emotionally, verbally and physically abuse their kids.

Hopefully Kennedy-Flores won’t simply walk with a plea deal for probation as well.

Update 5/21/16: From this page:

The home owner claims she uploaded the video to the internet because police were not acting fast enough to take the child away after her son allegedly handed the footage into police.

Sue’s sister said she and her family are receiving death threats from Flores-Kennedy.

Sue has been charged for not intervening but claims she couldn’t because she is disabled and was scared for her teenage son’s welfare who was in the house at the time, ABC 7 News reports.

Women like this child’s mother frighten not just small children, but adults as well.  Keep that in mind, and how scared the child was just by screams, before she even touched him.  The above link also includes a video of an interview with Sue.

Woman Who Called Police


According to the study, researchers analyzed 75 studies that involve more than 160,000 children in a span of 50 years.

They found spanking a child leads to bad behaviors, not better manners.

Researchers said spanked kids are more likely to be aggressive and antisocial. They said their findings are incredibly consistent, and show no correlation between spanking and positive outcomes.

“Our analysis focuses on what most Americans would recognize as spanking and not on potentially abusive behaviors,” said Elizabeth Gershoff, an associate professor of human development and family sciences at The University of Texas at Austin. “We found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents’ intended outcomes when they discipline their children.”

Spanking and physical abuse results had the same detrimental child outcomes in the same direction and nearly the same strength.

“We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors,” Gershoff said. “Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree.” —Study: Spanking leads to bad behaviors, not better manners

Twitter Campaign on Emotional Abuse

A friend shared this on Facebook on Thursday:

These 17 Tweets will completely change how you think about emotional abuse

A few of the Tweets sounded familiar:

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he won’t let you go home or see your friends very often or at all.

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but instead he isolates you and destroys all of you platonic relationships so he’s all you have

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou, but he tells you what friends you’re “allowed” to have.

Also this one from #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou Highlights the Reality of Emotional Abuse:

#maybehedoesnthityou but he tries to control who you talk to, where you go, what friends you can have, and acts like it’s out of love.

And from Women Are Using A Powerful Hashtag To Talk About Emotional Domestic Abuse:

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he’d convince you to hate your parents & friends and to push them away completely because they didn’t like him.

(There are lots more tweets on this theme.  Every page I read on this, people tweet about the emotional abuser telling you whom you’re allowed to be friends with, when you can see them, making you ask permission before seeing opposite-sex friends, etc.)

The above tweets remind me of two people:

First, Tracy, wife of Richard, who had strict rules on who could be his friends and what he could do with them (other than the obvious of don’t cheat).  She had to meet them, had to be their friend too, had to approve them.  Until you got her approval, you had to jump through her hoops, which were constantly changing and which you never knew existed half the time.

It’s so good to see other people confirming what I already knew, but which Richard and Tracy tried to convince me was wrong: that controlling your spouse’s friendships is abuse.  This helps heal my mind, which is still recovering from all their gaslighting.  I want to make a note every time I see something confirming that I was correct, because it helps break down the gaslighting.

Second, Phil, my ex, who tried to separate me from my friends in various ways: He shamed me for not sticking up for him for supposed slights, slights which never even happened.  He told me they hated him, and got upset with me if I wanted to spend some time with them after dinner in the cafeteria.  (He and I spent lots of time together, so that wasn’t the reason.)  Then after the breakup, he even convinced his best friend that my friends were terrible to him.  The friend then came to me and lectured me on how “badly” I treated Phil and that I should distance myself from these horrible friends.

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he compares you to other women, criticizes your body and constantly tells you, you aren’t doing enough for him.

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he screams at you even if you did nothing wrong.

#maybehedoesnthityou but he criticised you everyday, he compared you to “better” women & told you you will never be/look good enough.

Yep, that was Phil, too.

Another webpage on this campaign: Daily Share: #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou Highlights the Pain of Emotional Abuse