Response to a story of sexual trauma found online

(These are excerpts from a post I wrote in April.)

I came across the following post through a WordPress plugin which brings up supposedly similar blog posts to link to in your own posts:

Now We Are Free by Lauren Shifflett

She writes of her sexual abuse and harassment by a youth leader in her church, but prefaces this with how she was bullied as a kid.  I saw similarities with my own experiences, but her comments are turned off (probably because people get mean), so I’m writing this blog response instead.

She, like me, was rejected as a girlfriend, but was a target of sexual harassment by her male peers.  This put all sorts of negative opinions of herself into her head.  She

couldn’t understand why ninety percent of boys found me repulsive and the remaining ten percent felt this strange need to expose themselves to me in some sexual way.

Same thing with me.  My first memory of sexual harassment was from Kindergarten.  I loved to wear dresses.  Every day I wore a dress, preferred them to pants.  Then one day on the way home from school, a couple of boys, smaller than I was, cornered me and kept lifting up my skirt and laughing.

My mother never understood why, all of a sudden, I insisted on wearing pants instead of dresses, because I never told her.

All first semester he’d been harassing me for being a Christian and having conservative values, even though I don’t recall saying a whole lot about them in class or much of anything, really, unless spoken to.

Other kids in Photography class joined in on the religious harassment, including a witch who told me her coven killed my cat (all I said was he went missing on Halloween and never came back), and one day started yelling at me that maybe God is the liar and the Devil is telling the truth–until a Jewish girl told her to quit it and leave me alone.

The one who used me, ripped me apart constantly, then criticized me for being too “negative” and reserved.  How could I feel more confident and open when he kept essentially telling me I was unloveable?

And yes, you internalize this.  I felt much as Lauren did.  I didn’t have a boyfriend at 15 like she did, so there was no sexual activity back then, but I do know how this makes you feel like you’re just a weirdo who no one will actually love, and ugly.  My mom got upset with me for not thinking I was pretty, but how could I think so when this is how I got treated?  I felt ugly…..

Read more here.

 

Is that long-feared war with Russia on the horizon?

I grew up in the days when the Soviet Union and America still had nukes pointed at each other, when Russkies were the bad guys in all the action and James Bond movies.  We weren’t as freaked out as in the 50s/60s, but it was still part of our consciousness.  I wonder if Millennials have the same underlying dread as the older generations, since the USSR has been defunct about as long as they’ve been alive, and Russia was–for some time–our friend.  Until Putin came into power, anyway.

But now this:

White House announces retaliation against Russia: Sanctions, ejecting diplomats

–and, for more information:

Obama Announces Sanctions Against Russia In Response To Cyberattacks

I got the impression from these articles that even the diplomats were spying on us.  Wordfence also recently posted that the Russians were behind a botnet, though they were accused of politicizing the issue on flimsy evidence.

The thing is, Trump is acting like our intelligence is also giving flimsy evidence–and, with cracks about “moving on,” sounds like an abuser who tells you, “Why don’t you just move on?”

This is the guy who will be–excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth–taking over the reins in a few weeks, and he doesn’t even take seriously all the evidence of Russian espionage on us?

I mean, come on, Congress–and that’s both Republicans and Democrats actually agreeing on something for once–is furious with Russia and supports the sanctions.  Paul Ryan even says that Obama has not done enough.  Yet Trump’s and Russian tweets sound much alike lately.  (For an example, see the Russian Embassy UK’s duck tweet in the CNN article.  It looks like something Trump would tweet.)

I don’t know if Trump is really that stupid, or if he’s in on it.

People say we’ve been in WWIII ever since 9/11.  Yeah, but much of it has either been centered in Iraq or Afghanistan, or been carried out by authorities rooting out terrorists.  Now we’ve got a whole Middle East in turmoil, with ISIS and Syria; Russia spying on and cyberhacking other countries, Russia interfering with our elections and invading other countries, the recent assassination of the Russian ambassador; Europe experiencing terror attacks; Samantha Powers calling out Russia for helping with the civilian bloodbath in Aleppo; ISIS telling “lone wolves” to carry out more attacks all over the world–

 

“Finding out people you love have a dark side”: My post from March 2012

Finding out someone you loved (romantically, or friendship, or family member) is not what you thought they were, brings a unique pain…..

Then there was my former best friend Richard.  I just got an e-mail today from a forum we used to go on together to defend Orthodoxy.  I couldn’t stand getting these reminders anymore from a forum we haven’t been on for nearly three years, so I went to try to delete my account.  However, there is no way to do that.

It reminded me of how religious and righteous he always seemed to be, and how the truth was that he’s showing traits of narcissism, that he’s a violent man who did an evil, evil deed, nearly killing his 9-year-old daughter by choking her to unconsciousness.

Then there was finding out what my former boss did.  I thought he was a good person, despite his temper, and I liked him.  But no, he’s so violently abusive that he went to jail for 9 months, drove away the wife he loved, and lost custody of all his children….

I’m still mourning for him and for Richard, as if they had died, because the person I thought I knew, is dead–or never existed….

This is a repost of one of my old posts.  Read more of it here.

 

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