July 1, 2010 is the day we felt forced to end the friendship with our narcissistic abusers, Richard and Tracy. It was a trying day, when I was blasted with abuse by Tracy as she crowed about it on Facebook, while Richard betrayed me by never telling anyone the truth, instead deflecting all blame onto me. Meanwhile, Tracy felt convinced she was right, when she was all wrong.
It felt like the end of the world. I couldn’t stop crying or my mind going over and over it. I felt like I wanted to die.
I struggled going to church, which only reminded me of Richard. I struggled with sleep. I struggled with getting up and going about my day. I longed for my betrayer to apologize. I longed for Tracy to finally recognize she was wrong and admit how she’d abused me.
The ten-year anniversary has passed. On the one hand, wow has time flown by. In many ways, 10 years ago feels like yesterday. But on the other hand, that feels like a totally different world, like it was so long ago.
So long ago, in fact, that when the anniversary finally came, I forgot about it, and it passed.
But I still want to celebrate 10 years since we finally kicked Tracy to the curb. She was the worst person I’ve ever known, and I’ve known some abusive a**holes. She was racist, ableist, abusive, controlling, foul-mouthed, vicious. She was no Christian, though she pretended to be one. The entire time I knew her in person (and not just on the Internet), I struggled because I didn’t want to be around a bully like her, but felt forced into friendship with her whether I liked it or not. Seriously, forcing somebody to be friends with you does nothing but create resentment.
And the fact that I did finally gather up the strength to cut her off, has given me more confidence in myself. It has proven to me that I can trust my own instincts, even when other people tell me I’m being ridiculous. This experience also taught me about narcissism and other Cluster B disorders, something I knew nothing about, before. Without that knowledge, would I have recognized Trump for the monster he is, or tried to tell myself (like so many others–especially the news media–have done the past few years) that he isn’t really so bad as he appears?
This experience taught me that even the person I consider my best friend can be a narcissist, the telltale signs of it. My subsequent friendships have been healthier, as I stay away from problem people and enforce boundaries.
I am much happier now, ten years later.