Another Blogger Who Refused to Back Down From Abusers’ Threats
Some years ago, Pump up the Volume inspired me to keep writing my truth. This may have been back in the early 2000s, or it may have been in the mid-2000s, I don’t remember now. Maybe even both. As the reclusive main character said at the end,
I’m calling for every kid to seize the air. Steal it, it belongs to you. Speak out, they can’t stop you. Find your voice and use it. Keep this going. Pick a name, go on air. It’s your life, take charge of it.
Do it, try it, try anything. Spill your guts out and say s*** and f*** a million times if you want to, but you decide. Fill the air, steal it. Keep the air alive. TALK HARD!!!!
I’m discovering many other people with blogs much like mine, who have been threatened with lawsuits or have been stalked, but have overcome this.
The blogs are diverse: victims of narcissistic family members, sexual abuse victims, people who went through divorce, people who were married to/living with abusers/the personality disordered. They give their stories, then the abusers find their stories and begin to stalk them online. Or even threaten them with lawsuits.
There’s Mikalee Byerman (was sued over her blog), Malignant Love (being stalked in real life by her ex), and Christina Enevoldsen (threatened with lawsuit by her parents for speaking out about sexual abuse).
Because they were telling the truth and they knew it, they kept going, kept telling their stories, kept speaking out.
Byerman’s blog is still up.
Here is Christina’s story of how she dealt with her parents’ threats:
http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2012/07/08/truth-about-my-abusers-threats/
One quote:
My mom did everything she could to appear as powerful as possible. That’s as much as she had and it was nothing. She meant to intimidate me into silence as though I was still that little girl that she could manipulate and control. She did her worst but she can’t shut me up.
Comment #9 is an addendum to this story. Basically, her mother sent her a letter accusing her of lying about her father’s sexual abuse, calling it a “fantasy,” and threatening to sue her if she wrote a book about it.
The second comment to her blog, by Darlene Ouimet, who runs the popular blog “Emerging From Broken” (see comment #35), describes her own dealings with her mother, who threatened to sue her, as well.
Comment #5, by PS, also tells a similar story of her abusive family finding her website and threatening to sue.
Comments #6 by Stanley, #8 by Kylie, #23 by Cynthia, #24 by Getting There, #28 by Andrea, and #37 by g, show that more and more people are finding the courage to tell their stories (such as through blogs and books) because of those who have already told.
In #11, Caden says to “take our power back.”
In #12, Netty says, “I find it so interesting that often the abuser threatens legal action for slander to try and keep the victims quiet.”
The Net–and a change in attitudes toward people who speak out–is giving a voice to so many of us who were silent before. More and more of us–abused, bullied, and/or targeted by narcissists–are speaking out and telling our stories and validating each other. It’s a revolution that cannot be stopped.
For my own situation, I have gone into detail in I Will NOT Be Silent and Now I’m Being Stalked.
I also have my husband as a witness, various chat logs and e-mails, and Todd as proof that it’s not just me.
These narcissists continue to spy on my blog, have been doing so at least once a week, and I have the logs. They will most likely read this post as well.
The courage of these other bloggers to keep on telling their stories, exercising their right to free speech, and not backing down to the threats of the abusers–not allowing the abusers to bully and intimidate them into silence again–is inspiring.
We must keep on telling what’s happened to us. It is the truth, and telling the truth “sets us free” by taking us from victimhood to being survivors. The more of us have the courage to stand up to our bullies/abusers and tell what they’ve done, the more the victims begin to “win” and the abusers finally become the “losers.”
I have not allowed my bullies to threaten and intimidate me into silence, have not allowed them to gaslight me into doubting my own senses and thinking that lie was truth and truth was lie, have not allowed them to twist my words into saying what they never did say and make me into the bully; don’t you do it, either.
We must stand up for ourselves and stop the cycle of abuse. TALK HARD!
This isn’t a blogger, but a Tweeter who insisted on her right to tell the truth about what happened to her: Savannah Dietrich, 17-Year-Old Sexual Assault Victim, Faces Charge for Naming Attackers
My Trip to Oz and Back is much like my own blogs, an account of two years spent by the writer with her girlfriend, which was actually a 50-page letter sent by the author to her ex-girlfriend.
That was in the late 90s, when the author had never heard of borderline personality disorder, so there had been no official diagnosis for her to point to. But the more she learned about BPD, the more she knew her ex-girlfriend had it, so she posted this letter to help others who are dealing with someone with BPD.
It has been on the Web since 2003, and by November 2006 had received 53,000 hits. As the author wrote on the main page,
Writing this was cathartic. It doubled as a form of therapy. I actually did send the letter; however, I doubt that it had much effect. The more I learned about BPD, the more I realized that the likelihood of this person ever really understanding, was probably close to zero….
Why would I want to put such a personal document online? There are several reasons. First, I wanted to give an accurate portrayal of what it is like to be in a relationship with a person with BPD. There are many books and websites on BPD, but relatively few from a significant other’s point of view.
Second, I am hoping that someone out there might read a bit and identify with it. When one is in a difficult situation, sometimes just hearing about another person’s similar experience can be affirming–as in, “I’m not the only one.”
Finally, I consider myself a success story–see the final chapter, the epilogue. My wish is to give hope to others.
Like me, the author changed names and identifying details. This is to protect the guilty as well as the innocent.
It’s the most baffling part of Richard and Tracy threatening a lawsuit, because I never used and never intend to use their real names in these blogs–and anything I would tell my priest about this, would be the truth, and not in any way actionable.
Joyful Alive Woman also wrote about her abusive, narcissist, former female friend.
There is also The Angry Daughter. This one is full of sustained rage and makes even my own angriest posts look like Care Bear Land. But from what I read there, the author and her mother–both of whom use real names in their competing blogs–have been trading threats of lawsuits for defamation. Yet TAD’s blog is still up after 6 years.
[Update 6/9/14:] Now Christina Enevoldsen’s parents have made good on their lawsuit against her. But as PS writes in comment #3,
An attorney I talked to years ago when my birth family threatened to sue me said most of these cases get thrown out.
Judges feel it’s “he said, she said” and unless someone’s lost a job, suffered serious financial problems, been denied housing, etc., based on what’s been said about them, then there’s nothing to really compensate – and that’s even if the complainant declares emotional distress.
I get the feeling whatever lawyers they talked to probably told them the same thing because they never pursued it.
I’m hoping and praying that will be the case here with you. You have the right to speak your truth.
That she’s trying to use legal means to silence you does NOT alter the truth, it only reflects her desire to suppress it and it only reflects what a vindictive woman she is.
Even if she wins the suit and you have to close this site, it still will NOT change the truth.
The result: Christina won.