As for my blog stalkers, Richard and Tracy–Fine, let them go ahead and look. Let them come to my church and GreekFest. I no longer care. My fear of them is gone. Their power over me is gone.
The blockers weren’t working anyway on their cell phone, but I see every page they read, using my four stat counter trackers. Maybe they’ll learn something.
They want me to fear them; they want to silence me; as long as they do that, they still have power over me. I’ve lived in fear of them far long enough. ENOUGH!
Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great… Damn. I can never remember that line…..You have no power over me. —Sarah, Labyrinth
But they must leave me alone, not speak a word to me except in repentance for the many hurtful things they’ve both done to me, which they’re already well aware of, since they read everything (or at least glanced over it).
If they don’t speak to me, especially in anger, if they refrain from nastiness if I’m serving coffee hour, if they stay away from me and don’t cause trouble for me, then going to my priest requesting a contract to protect the bullying victim–
(as I mentioned in “Mutual Friends,” which they seemed so enraged about and called a “threat,” but would be my right and duty to ask for, to protect myself as a bullying victim)–
would be unnecessary. That is, after all, the entirety of what I would ask for in such a contract.
From what I could gather from context, this is the “threat” they referred to in “Now I’m Being Stalked,” of my going to “members of the church.”
Considering it was not addressed to them but was a musing over how I would have to deal with it if our churches merged, and was my right as a victim–
If they take it as a “threat” then it must have scared them to think I would do this and show the priest proof of Richard’s conviction (to establish my credibility and show I had reason to be scared).
But showing a criminal record is not in any way “defamation,” but truth, and it is not “defamation” for a victim to request help from her priest because she has been bullied or abused in some way.
This threat to sue me is merely an empty, groundless, baseless threat made by bullies to keep their victim under their thumbs.
Interesting how they felt they could say all sorts of terrible things to me and treat me like crap, but if I turn around and call them on their BS, tell them they’re abusers and need to knock it off, they act like I’ve committed a horrible crime.
Things could have ended so very differently, and I would never have felt driven to release the hurt and pain and frustration through writing, if not for their hard hearts.
If I never cared about Richard, if there weren’t some part of me which still cared even after all this crap and the choking incident, I would’ve been able to walk away from this whole thing, put it into a work of fiction perhaps (as I did with the sociopath who caused our shire trouble back in ’99, and with the “Avenger” back in college), and that would be that.
The depths of my pain and trouble getting past it, are testimony to just how much it mattered to me, how much I cared about my so-called best friend and the kind of person I thought he was. I’ve tried to stomp on that piece of my heart that still cares about Richard, shoot it, rip it to pieces, hammer it, stab it, and yet that little piece of caring still remains.
And there was a time when I cared about Tracy, too, and craved her good opinion as well, wanted her to become a friend I could watch TV with and such. But forgiveness is still there for the taking, if they only would ask.
But I don’t expect they ever will, because narcissists care as much and are just as sorry for the destruction they leave behind them, as a homeowner is when killing off the ants who’ve invaded his bedroom.
[Update 6/11/14: Up till I posted this, they had fallen down on their threat to stalk me at church all summer long. They showed up a couple of times, showed up at GreekFest, then stopped. Then I posted this, they read it in the wee hours of the following morning, and they showed up again on August 19.
They were remarkably well-behaved–just as I laid out in this post as a requirement for the “contract” I would want, if they began going to my church full-time.
But that’s the last time I ever saw them at church or at GreekFest.]