My Holy Friday Tweets–depression under COVID-19:

My tweets on Holy Friday, April 18:

It’s Holy Friday. I have 3 hours of services today in contemplation of the crucifixion. I just came here to retweet some stuff. The trend column looks scary. Can I skip it today? *sigh*

One of my BFFs from college just posted that she could DIE if people don’t follow stay-at-home orders. One reason why I find the trend column so scary today.  [It was full of bizarre things that suggested backlash in states with stay-at-home orders, along with Trump egging them on and inciting violent revolution.]

Gah, Evers is keeping our numbers down and some idiots want to recall him and protest.

I swear, it feels like some people on Facebook just want to argue with every frickin’ thing I post. I don’t do that to *them.* [The worst part is they seem to be listening to Fox News, so they’re not arguing rationally or with knowledge.]

I’m supposed to be doing the finances but I’ve put it off for hours to go through social media…. Could say it’s laziness, but I think there’s another reason: missing people!

I see I’m not the only one getting crazies on my Facebook posts. Which reminds me I made the right decision unfriending one couple a few years ago….I made a post today and didn’t realize I was stepping into it. One person tried to argue with me, but other people argued back.

Disturbed to see how, even in the middle of a pandemic with people’s relatives & friends dying, still so many people think it’s overblown. One called CDC “propaganda.” His wife made bizarre comment about being forced to take vaccine. Sounds like Richard during the swine flu.

This couple’s arguments on other friends’ posts confirm my impression that they are just as bad as Richard and Tracy politically. Sad, though, because I thought they were decent people in college, especially him. Another person who keeps arguing with me–I thought she was a Dem!

Meanwhile, I hear about cases surging in counties where exes live…and keep wondering if they’re okay…Even though they mentally abused me, I still care.

Have slipped into a deep funk last couple of days. Still sleep/eat/etc., but unhappy. Social media usually should help, but not today because everybody else is in funk. Nobody’s okay.

Watching Holy Week services in my church. Homey–but also depressing because the church is empty except for people doing the services. Made me homesick. My BFFs are there watching but not next to me.

This kind of reminds me of 2010 after we broke off friendship with Richard/Tracy, how lonely I was. I struggled making friends in this town–which is a common problem–so I had nobody for a while. Kept trying but struggling. Now I have friends, clubs–and can’t go there.

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Richard/Tracy, have you stopped the abuse?

Two articles headlined the newspaper this morning:

“Nothing seems to have changed”: Thousands of Wisconsin children abused, neglected despite all efforts to stop it

Domestic violence is Fond du Lac’s leading crime, police chief says

And the first thing that came to mind when I saw them was,

Have you stopped abusing your kids, Richard and Tracy?  I doubt it, but then, with DSS on your case after Richard choked Tracy’s girl, maybe they finally forced you to change your ways.

That girl must be about 19 now; I wonder what she’ll do now, where she’ll go, if she’ll still keep in contact with the one who almost killed her a decade ago and beat the crap out of her when she was little, or with the mother who screamed like a demon at her and called her stupid.

You tried to blame it on me when I avoided you, Tracy, tried to make all our problems my fault.  But no, it was all on your head: I wanted nothing to do with an abuser and a bully, someone who included me in her list of abuse victims.

And Richard, you tried to force me to be friends with such a person, even when I saw her abuse you and the kids.  I knew you had issues, but I thought you were trying to do better, until I learned what you did to your child.  I knew Tracy abused you, even hit you, but I didn’t know at first that you also abused her.  I also didn’t realize yet how you manipulated and abused me, too.

I don’t know why you guys still read here (happy 8th stalking anniversary in two months, BTW), because that won’t change.  I will never say I deserved any of it, or that you were innocent of child abuse.  I will never say you didn’t abuse each other.  I will never say you were kind to me.  I will never stop blaming you for everything that happened.  I will never want anything to do with you unless you repent.  And you couldn’t silence me: My friends and family know what happened and have seen your mug shot.

Meanwhile, I feel the same frustration as the professionals who try to stop abuse but don’t see results.  I post here, I share articles on Facebook etc., yet keep seeing the same old comments everywhere: “My parents hit me and I turned out okay!”  Um…no, not if you’re hitting and screaming at little kids.

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Fallout from my Troll post=I keep fighting

The trolls, of course, got upset with my exposing their tweets to the world the other night, as was expected.  I discovered a new (to me) troll account in my notifications the next day, with a whole bunch of scolding tweets.  Instead of reading them, I blocked her (which made them all vanish) and reported her.

Just trying to choose five tweets while reporting her to Twitter Support was nerve-wracking.  These people are monsters.  If she thinks I’ll read all her book-long tweets to/about me, she’s deluded.

While glancing over and choosing the five tweets, I noted that these (and other) trolls complain about their “targets” asking for help reporting them.  They remind me of Trump and his cries of “presidential harassment.”

Victims of Twitter bullying often find that Twitter Support is no help, so they need to ask their friends in an attempt to get Twitter to pay more attention.  This is our survival mechanism–so of course the bullies try to turn it around on us, gaslight us, and project their own harassment onto us, for using the best means we have to get online justice.

Oh yeah, and then there’s the concern trolling I saw in those tweets.  “She blocks us for telling her the truth!”  No, I block you for being a bunch of bullies and a$$holes who can’t accept that other people can come to different conclusions than the ones you want them to…

And I block you for being creepy.  Like, seriously creepy.  Frickin’ stalkers who go digging for info on complete strangers.

One said to me yesterday, “We know everything about you,” and used my first name for her Twitter handle.  These trolls have done this to me before–specifically “Darcy,” three years ago.  It only confirms that they found my Facebook back then and were the ones sending me at least some of the weird friend requests coming in back during that time.

And yet–I never gave them my real name.  I never connect it to my online handle.  I don’t know how they got it.

Why bring these things to light? Why bring their wrath on my head every time I expose them for what they are?  Because these trolls have hurt a LOT of people over the past five years; a few of the people hurt are my friends.

People who do their best to track you down and learn “everything about you” when you refuse to give them that information, are stalkers, and no one to give any sort of credibility to.

That’s the kind of people these trolls are: bullies, stalkers, bunny boilers, psychopaths, abusers.  They’ve hurt countless people over the past 5 years with their harassment campaigns and refusal to allow people to come to their own conclusions.

This is what narcissists do to keep their victims under control.  By refusing to play along, we thwart them and their schemes over their victims.  By refusing to play along with the trolls, I become a threat to the triangulation campaign they have been running for years.  And by keeping my own mind, I’ve watched their claims fall to pieces–same as with everyone else who’s tried to control me in the past.

These trolls keep trying to bring me down because I’m a threat to them.  By standing up to them, I take their power away.  And that makes them angry, so they have to find ways to make me feel frightened or small.

You know what?   So what.  The more abusers try to shut me up, the louder I say it.  I proved this to Richard and Tracy eight years ago.  The more these trolls try to scare and ridicule me, the more I speak out.

Lots of people have deleted tweets and closed accounts to get these trolls off their backs.  I just keep blogging and tweeting.  (From my grandpa’s eulogy, it runs in the family. I also have Scottish ancestry: They’re fighters.)  Same thing on Facebook: Most comments are supportive, but I get laughs and snarks as well on my political posts. But that just makes me post more because our democracy is at stake and I’m trying to wake people up to it.

 

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