When I broke my political silence on Facebook

Last week, I entered bizarro world for a time.  It started shortly after I posted on Facebook about the concentration camps on the border.

For several years now, I’ve been quiet about politics on Facebook.  I used to be more active, sharing everything, stirring the pot a bit to get conversations going.  I got even more active after we kicked Richard and Tracy out of our lives, because Richard had actually argued with me over posting things he didn’t like.  For a long time, it felt like I could say anything I wanted without worrying about him harassing me over it.

But then others of my FB friends started to act like him.  The political situation got worse and worse in the state because of Walker’s crazy totalitarian actions, then in the country as black people began to speak out more on what they go through every day, and white people got offended.  My husband was one of those, and I didn’t want to see him yelling at people or posting something offensive.  He used to be more moderate, but he started listening more to the right-wing.  I had to stop watching the Daily Show with him because he kept yelling at the screen when they said something he didn’t like–but which I agreed with, making it feel like he was criticizing me, too.

Also, more friends and family started friending me, and many were Republican.  My brother-in-law also has a tendency to unfriend his own family when they say things too “liberal” for his taste (he’s a proud Dittohead).

And then members of my church started joining my Facebook, lots and lots of them.  I don’t know how they all feel about politics etc., but I know at least some of them are very conservative about things like LGBT.

So I stopped talking politics on FB.  Or anything controversial.  So I didn’t say much at all on FB, really.  But my blog was safer, so I spoke out over there.  Then got my Twitter account.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, I felt like I had to post some things that could stir up trouble.  One, on June 15, was a video of that black family in Phoenix who got abused by cops.  Normally I was too scared even to mention such things, but I felt this, finally, would prove to white nay-sayers that prejudice is real.  Also, on June 14 I posted the Esquire article explaining that the border camps are actually concentration camps.

I thought I might get some pushback on the Esquire article, because people kept denying that migrants are being mistreated, but surprisingly didn’t.  Then on the 17th, I posted a tweet thread by Elizabeth C. McLaughlin and a couple of articles to back up what the thread claimed, one about the dog pounds and one about the freezers.  I posted these because McLaughlin’s thread said “Don’t look away” and “Fascism is here,” and described the conditions in the camps, as well as rumors that

ICE facilities with beds and food are EMPTY, because the Trump administration is moving refugees into military-run concentration camps where they can do ANYTHING THEY CHOOSE without oversight, media scrutiny or advocate access….Unlike ICE facilities, which allow site inspectors inside, there will be no inspection of military-run camps. The military will be able to deny access to anyone it chooses. No media. No oversight.  Lawyers will not be allowed in. Human rights monitors will not be allowed in. The camps will also be protected airspace, meaning that no drones can fly over them to take pictures of what’s going on inside.

I hadn’t found proof of the last one yet, but had already heard about (and written my Congresspeople about) migrant children being moved to Fort Sill, which already got people worried that Fort Sill would become a concentration camp again.  (It held Japanese-Americans in WWII.)  Then I found this article from CBS, which confirmed the lack of oversight in military-run camps:

The Fort Sill site will be the second location out of more than 160 shelters nationwide to be located on federal land, and as a result it will not be subject to state child welfare inspections. The only other site not overseen by state authorities is the nation’s largest such facility, in Homestead, Florida.

McLaughlin kept repeating, “Please share.  Lives are in the balance.”  On June 20, she added,

A lot of folks on this thread have doubted the existence of my “friend.” Please meet my friend — a lawyer, a warrior and a heroine, and who is finally able to be public about the horrors of what she has seen inside US concentration camps.

This was also shortly after reading about a detention center where migrants were standing on toilets just to be able to breathe in the overcrowding.  Then I read a tweet thread describing a Rolling Stone article on guards using racial slurs against migrants, including the Nazi term “subhuman.”

On the 17th, I trolled Trump (who said ICE was about to remove millions of illegal aliens) with the comment,

Removed? To go where, exactly? Concentration camps? Are the death camps next???

McLaughlin’s thread was also the reason why, in the wee hours of June 18, I posted on my blog, Call it what it is: concentration camps.  We are turning into Nazi Germany.

Then on the afternoon of June 18, I read Jonathan Katz’s Call immigration detention centers what they really are: concentration camps.  I had found it on Twitter that day.  So I shared it on Facebook.

I think I vaguely noticed on June 18 that Senator Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) had just said or tweeted something about this.  But you’ll note that I and others were sending up the alarm bells before then, urgently spreading the word that these are concentration camps, to get people to realize the fascist path we’re heading down, and rise up against the camps to get them shut down.

So I was shocked–especially after little but “likes” on my posts all weekend–when the mother of a longtime friend attacked me.  Not just disagreed with–downright attacked me.  First she told me to educate myself on what the Nazis did.

Wait–What?  World War II enthusiast here.  I’ve read Anne Frank twice; seen all sorts of WWII movies, especially ones about POW camps or concentration camps; even watched films made of the Nazi camps in German class.  My German teacher was Polish, lived through the Occupation, and made sure we knew about WWII.  I was obsessed with WWII in high school, and wrote a story about it.  I saw Schindler’s List in the theater, and then again later.  And for the past four years, I’ve been doing in-depth research on WWII for a novel, including books, Google and videos.

I frickin’ know all about the Nazi concentration camps, dang it.

I had just read the articles explaining concentration camps and their history.  I got upset with her attacking me and making me sound ignorant when I was anything but–especially when experts on concentration camps and the Holocaust–and George Takei–were also saying that these are indeed concentration camps.  It was insulting.

AOC is already the subject of a disgusting smear campaign by the GOP, but I didn’t know about the furor over her comments on this until my friend’s mom said, “Oh, so you’ve been listening to AOC, I see!”  Then she dismissed everything I said because AOC had also said it.  I told her this was a logical fallacy, and that I only just heard that AOC said anything at all about it, but she still didn’t listen.

Her insults and dismissals continued.  She said things like, “Have you been there?  I’d like to see pictures if you have.”  I said I hadn’t been there (I didn’t even know where “there” was or have the means to do that), but pics are all over the Net.  She said AOC hasn’t been there either, so she doesn’t actually know what’s there.  So she refused to believe the accounts of people who HAVE been there, or THEIR pictures, just because I hadn’t been there and neither had AOC???!!!

I was about ready to scream.  I decided to stop responding lest I say something that would make my friend, her daughter, angry.  But she kept coming at me.

One friend said that she’s a horrible person so he’s going to block her without even knowing her.

Another friend asked her if SHE had been to the camps.

An old high school classmate posted that he didn’t agree they were bad, that most of the migrants were glad to be there because conditions were much better than where they’d been.  Well, your agreement or disagreement does not affect the facts or the truth.

This infuriated me so much, that the truth would be dismissed just because some right-winger and/or Trump told her not to trust the “fake news,” while kids are suffering and dying–that I started posting more links.

Lots and lots of links, pulling up my sources from the past few days, proving that this is not some fever dream of AOC’s.

They were not posted on her wall, but on my own, for all my friends and family to see, because this is important and they all need to know so they can act.  I also deleted all the responses she and others had made on my share of the Katz article.

But the friend’s mom refused to listen to facts.  She didn’t notice that I had disengaged with her, refusing to respond to anything she wrote.  She’d post ignorant cartoon memes about Nazi camps on my timeline as “proof” that it’s wrong to call them concentration camps.  She’d make snarky comments on my posts.

I shared an Amnesty International article describing horrid treatment some migrants had received, which also laid out the facts of the border situation, immigration laws, and international laws on how refugees and asylum seekers must be treated.  It also described a heartbreaking story of a woman told she had no rights here or to stay with her son.  But my friend’s mom shared it on her wall with the note that no, she has no rights here, and should go back where she came from.

She kept making comments to me.  She’d say I should learn Spanish and tell them not to come here.  She’d say they were committing a crime by coming here (which is false).  I read as much as I could, educating myself on the situation, only to have her dismiss it all and try to shame and harass me into agreeing with her.

Meanwhile, the night of the 18th, I was so upset at what she said that–despite going to bed very late–I could not get to sleep.  I believe I only got a few hours of sleep total.  I was in mental and emotional turmoil.  John Pavlovitz tweeted something about this on the 19th, your anguish and PTSD as you learn the true colors of your Republican friends/family.

Now, several things had been going on when this all happened.  First, for years, people have assumed I feel a certain way about issues, because I avoid politics on Facebook and in person.  I put a gay character in my book; a fellow Writer’s Club member was surprised, because she had made assumptions about me.  Another member posted stuff about abortion on my wall, assuming I’d agree with him, which I did not.  Somebody who barely knew me was shocked that I listen to Rammstein.

Then some blogger called my friend Giacomo Sanfilippo, who writes Orthodoxy in Dialogue, and other like-minded bloggers “wolves in sheep’s clothing” for countering church leaders on such issues as gay rights.  Since I’ve been blogging about this even longer, I was a bit miffed at not being mentioned, but this blogger basically included me in his sweep of liberal-minded people in Orthodoxy.

I’d also been seeing so much right-wing crap on my Facebook wall, overhearing it when visiting family, and burning up inside at things my husband would say about politics, while I tried desperately to avoid engaging.  Just a few days before, I went to my husband’s wall for a photo, and found some disturbing and misleading meme about AOC.

Somebody telling me that the concentration camps are not concentration camps, and that there are no human rights violations there, and that if there are they are deserved because they are criminals who should not be here, was the catalyst.

I was sick of being quiet about how I really feel.  So I finally blew up all over Facebook, basically by sharing links about everything from the concentration camps, to LGBT rights, to Black Lives Matter.

I shared lots of articles from Orthodoxy in Dialogue, the most controversial ones, about abortion and LGBT rights and Nazis in the church.

I wrote, “Please support.  The struggle is real” on my share of BLM.  The friend’s mom wrote, “All lives matter!”  So I deleted that racist dismissal.

I deleted all her snarks, all her comments, all her cartoon memes.

Funny thing–She was the only one making them.

Then she stopped.  I thought she had finally realized my shares were the truth, not make-believe, and was processing it, getting past the cognitive dissonance.

Then a day or two later, she came back.  Started posting snark on my posts again.  I shared a petition about human rights violations in Gitmo; she came back with, “Are you sharing research for a book?”  WTF does that even MEAN?

Hubby tells me that yeah, she’s an extremist, that he sees it on his wall.

I finally unfriended her.  And Facebook is quiet again.  Even though I keep posting how I REALLY feel about everything, even Trump and the Wisconsin GOP.  Still waiting for somebody to complain to my priest, but nothing yet.  Nobody said anything at church, except to ask who was giving me trouble, since I’d deleted all this person’s posts.

Toby Gialluca tweeted on the 24th,

Everyone asks how I cope with the human suffering and abuse I witnessed at the CBP facilities. I struggle to find the words to convey what I have seen. It was a defining event in my life. There was my life before, and my life now. I will never be the same.

But I guess it’s all fake news, right?  They can leave any time they want, right?  It’s great there, right?

WRONG.

 

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Call it what it is: concentration camps. We are turning into Nazi Germany.

Despite having many friends these days, finding kindred spirits all over the place, and being far removed from the loneliness that made me feel dependent on ex-friend Richard’s friendship…there are times when I wish I could talk to him.  This is one of those times.

The news coming from the border keeps getting worse all the time.  One of Trump’s latest tweets (which I trolled) claimed that ICE will begin removing illegal aliens.  I saw this immediately after reading accounts that immigrants will soon be moved into military camps which can be blocked from media/Congress oversight.  And right after reading that some border guards have been using slurs for immigrants and calling them “subhuman” (you know, the meaning of Untermensch).  And soon after reading that the camps now being used can legitimately be called concentration camps.

As I tweeted to Trump,

Removed? To go where, exactly? Concentration camps? Are the death camps next???

The reason I’d want to pick Richard’s brain on this is that he himself was a border guard down there back in the 90s, and he–saw things, did things….This left him a shell of a man, along with at least one of his colleagues.  In the comments under Trump’s tweet, MAGAts are praising Trump and cheering what he’s doing–while I keep reading about the abuses and squalor these people are being subjected to.

It makes the blood run cold.

These are not criminals (they’re asylum seekers).  And even if they were, it’s still inhumane.

These are men, women and children.

But Richard–despite his other questionable stances that made my husband and me wonder if he had a heart (like saying “oh well” to the suffering his political ideas would bring on poor people)–was very much against abuse of immigrants.  He felt guilty for things he did as a border guard.

People these days casually say “shoot ’em!”–but this was the policy for a while, 20 years ago.  To tell border guards they can shoot women with children on sight, or to have citizens cheer on the idea–It’s disgusting.

I hope that Richard has not changed his mind about that.

 

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Thoughts on the Mueller Report and Amash

Yes, I’ve read the Mueller Report.  I just finished it a few days ago, and now I’m reading some underlying documents published in the Washington Post’s e-book of the report.  It’s quite clear that Trump has committed offenses worthy of impeachment.

This is not the Bible or the Constitution, subject to interpretation based on your conservative or liberal leanings.  This is written literally, with legal analysis.  Mueller clearly lays out a number of incidents and whether or not they are obstruction (usually “yes”).

Also, he makes clear that he found no proof that the Trump campaign actively participated in the Russian hacking and influencing of the election–something which, also, the Mueller Report proves happened.  HOWEVER, some members of the campaign (Trump is up for question as well) tried to benefit from that.  They and the Russians were indeed in contact–and one Trump person even passed over polling data to the Russians.  Usually their efforts failed because of ineptitude etc.

Just as Trump’s attempts to obstruct also failed because people refused to follow his orders.  But you know, under the law, *attempting* to commit a crime and failing is still a crime.

The Trump Tower meeting was a setup by the Russians.  They lured in the Trump campaign with promises of dirt on Hillary, but they really wanted to talk about the Magnitsky Act, which upset Russia and led to their ban on Americans adopting Russian children.  (That’s where that “we just talked about adoption” thing came from.)

Mueller also made clear that his lack of indictment of a sitting President is only because the DOJ has this as a policy.  He also responded to one of the president’s lawyers, who argued that investigating a president is unconstitutional because it affects his ability to govern.  In a long and detailed explanation, Mueller argued that it is indeed constitutional to investigate a president.

Mueller also gave potential motives for Trump to try to obstruct the investigation, especially since he didn’t seem to actually be involved in colluding with the Russians.  Basically, that Trump fears what ELSE will come out, crimes committed by him and his family.

But don’t take my word for it–Read the report for yourself and see.

Trump has been behaving more and more like a guilty man all the time.  The more he fights to keep his finances and other activities under wraps, the more his actions scream that he has something to hide.

Do you really doubt this?  Trump has been a known shyster for DECADES.  This isn’t some figure of sterling character–This is Donald frickin’ Trump.  His malignant narcissism is no surprise.

He’s always been an icon of greed and self-worship.  None of his actions can be presumed to be for anybody’s interest but his own.  None of his promises to his supporters can be trusted.  It’s all for show, to bind them to him.  He weaves a spell over people just like narcissists do, then when their lackeys wake up to the truth and act against his interest, he turns on them like a wolf.

None of this is a surprise to those of us who have studied narcissism for years, so every time the press has acted surprised at his actions, I’ve thought, “You’re kidding, right?”

I’m also curious what Howard Stern, longtime friend of Trump’s, has to say about him now, after kind of defending him in the beginning.  He just came out with a new book, and says,

“Now here he is sitting in the Oval Office and flying around on Air Force One,” Stern writes in the introduction. “Two years into his first term, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around it. I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality…[B]elieve me, I’m as shocked as you are.” –Quoted in Daily Beast

He told Trump he couldn’t endorse him as President, and hasn’t heard from him since.  In a New York Times interview, he says Trump probably didn’t actually want or intend to be president–that it was probably a publicity stunt.  As most of us have already figured out, Stern traces Trump’s narcissism to his overbearing father.

And in the middle of all this, I discover a TEA Partier who I can actually like and respect, even if I wildly disagree with his policies: Justin Amash.  Here’s a man willing to stand up to everyone in his own party and be condemned by them, so he can tell the truth: that Trump has done actions worthy of impeachment.

Other Republicans and TEA Partiers–even Lindsey Graham, who used to be more of a truth-teller–have been closing ranks and showing no signs of actually reading the Report.  Or if they have, of trying to downplay it and pretend that it says what it doesn’t actually say.

McConnell is obstructing justice by refusing to give even bipartisan bills a hearing, while Graham uses a common tactic of narcissists and abusers: shouting down the whistleblowers.  The closer the Democrats get to the truth and justice, whether about this or Kavanaugh, the louder Graham shouts and screams and berates.

Which makes us wonder if the Russians have something on Graham, too.  McConnell’s home state, Kentucky, is getting a new factory from Oleg Deripaska, one of the oligarchs named in the Mueller Report.

History will not be kind to the Republican Party of our era.

That is, assuming the fascists don’t take over and make the history books say “all praise the GOP.”

But the GOP has been doing a lot to stir anger lately.  They seem to have forgotten that a large part of the country does not agree with them, that angry citizens turn into active voters.

This could tip either way: People keep expecting a “Reichstag Fire,” or fake crisis that Trump/the GOP use to fool the populace so they allow Trump to take ultimate power.  That’s what the Nazis did.  (Something like that also happened with the Patriot Act years ago, though that crisis was real.)

Or the side that sees through the GOP gaslighting and refuses to be fooled, could rise up.  We see signs of that as well, in the justice system, the voting booth, and House Democrats–though some feel they’ve been dragging their feet.

 

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Froggie Loves Kitty

Late last summer, a gray tree frog fell in love with our cat Creamsicle.  She’s a beautiful cat, but I never thought she’d inspire cross-species desire:

Froggie Loves Kitty 1

The frog looks and sounds like this:

 

Here are the Facebook posts I made about this last year:

Aug 28, 2018: Last night, a tiny gray frog (tree frog?) hung around on the [living room picture window] windowsill for hours. Kitty went nuts. Once, the froggie even leaned against the window [his “hand” up against the window, very casual-like] and stared at the kitty. Another time, when we were ignoring it, it made some loud chirps. I guess kitty made a “friend” (though she’d try to eat it if not for the window in between).

Sept 4: Froggie’s back, staring into the window at the cat.

Sept 5, after midnight: Froggie chirped at us again, his little throat bubbling up, so I could confirm: This is a gray tree frog.

Sept 5, afternoon: Looks like Tree Froggie left a big present on our windowsill last night. 💩

Sept 6: We found Froggie hanging on the screen last night by the usual window. Kitty went crazy, batting at the window until he hopped onto the sill. (The window was closed.) The noise he made the other day while looking at the cat–that’s a tree frog mating call. I may start calling him Kermit for his inter-species crush.

This is actually unrelated, but another cute sight from Sept 6: Saw a fox on the trail today, playing in the sun, rolling around in the dirt, lying in the sun. But he saw me and off he went.

[Which reminds me of what the local newspaper posted on Facebook recently:]

Sept 8: We haven’t seen Froggie for a couple of nights. The kitty keeps looking, too. The mowers came through Thursday, so I really hope they didn’t get him.

Sept 12: We haven’t *seen* Froggie for a while, but we keep hearing that chirp nearby.

Sept 15: Froggie’s back, and oh, is Kitty excited.

Then fall/winter came and Froggie went away, hopefully just to hibernate.

But now I keep hearing a familiar sound around the house….Could it be Froggie?

 

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Don’t treat introverts like this

For a moment, I wonder if any other cultures in the world expect so much openness toward complete strangers.  It feels unnatural.  A person can’t be best buds with everybody they meet.  You have to be around them longer than a few minutes before you can open up.  You don’t really know what kind of person they are, or if you have anything in common.

While you’ve decided in ten minutes that I’m generally morose and must be taught to open up and be the life of the party, or that I’m the one making the hubby reserved–Well, you know nothing about me at all.  You sure don’t know the hubby, either.  He acts his own way, and I have nothing to do with it.  If I’m not bubbling over in laughter ten minutes after meeting you, it’s because nobody has said anything that funny, NOT because I have no sense of humor.  I’m also very shy.  It’s a natural trait, one I was born with, and one that can’t be eradicated or changed.

It gets particularly annoying to have people you’ve just met try to force you into laughter, or “jokingly” insult you, when your entire life, people have abused and otherwise mistreated you for being quiet, shy and introverted.

When people would corner you and scold you for not being “more lively.”

When guys would scold you for not being more playful/extroverted, and refuse to date you because you’re shy and/or introverted.

When an ex called you a “party pooper” as one reason why you’re a horrible person so he’s not coming back to you, even though you had always been playful and witty with him.  An ex who, by the way, turned out to be an abusive narcissist who can’t settle down with one job or one woman.  And you wonder if it’s because some creeps did nothing to make you feel comfortable at a party, and then talked about you behind your back, and the guy you liked turned it into yet another reason to scold you for acting “wrong.”

When people comment so often on your quietness in social gatherings that you started spending less and less time in social gatherings over the years.  That you have written thousands of words on the subject and posted them online.  So you have long since stopped the polite smiling and laughing you once did when people commented on you not talking.

When a couple abused and manipulated you because of your naturally quiet and introverted ways, so you had to break up with them, then spend years trying to undo the abuse and gaslighting they did on your head–while they stalked you online.

Then you go to a party and people bully you for being quiet and not bubbling over with laughter with people you just met who haven’t said anything particularly funny yet.  And get all amazed when you do laugh at something that actually is funny, as if you never do it.  When the truth is you laugh often and easily.  It’s just not funny for people to make personal remarks and try to force you into laughter when you don’t feel like it.

It’s just the way we are.  And no, we can’t change it.  We don’t particularly want to, either.  Because this is our natural state.

And no, it isn’t funny.  It’s not a joke.  We won’t have a good time.  In fact, you’ve just turned an enjoyable party into a horrible ordeal.

We aren’t sitting here waiting for somebody to tell us we have to smile or laugh or jump around or talk, and then we will just magically start doing it.  IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.  We’re not trick ponies.

Seriously, crap like this makes an introvert turn into a hermit even if she/he wasn’t one before.  We may be polite to you to avoid a scene, but we will quietly seethe.

It’s obnoxious and rude to treat us this way.

F*CKING STOP IT.

 

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Abusive Ex: Blame it on him, not mental illness

I previously wrote about this here, here, here and here.  New information has come to light to explain a few mysteries.  I intend to put the contents of this post at the end of the “Epilogue” chapter in my college memoirs.

If you’ve read the previous posts, you can skip the next few paragraphs.

In summary:

My abusive ex Phil–who manipulated, controlled, emotionally and sexually abused, and sexually assaulted me back in college–has mental illness.

I was his first wife, not legally but spiritually; this only lasted for several months, until he tired of me, having blamed me for his behaviors.  Because it was not legal, he had no trouble breaking it off and then moving on to someone else immediately.  (We’re talking maybe a week later.)

Then his next, legal marriage, only lasted for about ten years, ending 12 years ago.  In all those years since, he has not remarried–but was about to in July of 2018.  In those years since, we also became somewhat friendly again, with apologies exchanged, and communication via social media.  So I learned about his new fiancée through his Facebook.

But the following August, she revealed that Phil is severely mentally ill.  She said he has Bipolar II, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and other disorders which she did not name.

Her description of him as “wouldn’t hurt a fly,” and her friends’ descriptions of him as this wonderful human being, threw me for a loop because of how he treated me.  But she was beginning to see that “other Phil” that I had known–and said the illnesses were to blame.

They broke up; she said it was a combination of her not wanting to be treated the way the “other Phil” treated her, and him wanting to deal with his mental illnesses on his own.  She said he was on suicide watch.  She was supposed to be there as his friend, but then he “ghosted” her and she felt hurt.

New information:

Well, now she has revealed something else.  I’m not sure when she found out about it (November?), but recently she began posting memes about narcissism, liars, and the kind of man who has a string of “soulmates” who they wooed in the same ways with the same words–then tossed aside when they got bored.

(Some time ago, she re-posted a Facebook post he made about her: He listed all the things he loved about her.  The wording was the same as a list he made of all the things he loved about me.)

As she put it, he “checked out” months before August 2018, with “promiscuity” that put her “health at risk.”

So he cheated on her.  (I wonder if he still believes birth control is evil?)  Even this one, could not tame his inner beast.  Even this one, he tired of and threw away.  If she could not, then no one could.  She no longer speaks of his mental illnesses being to blame for his bad behavior.

And I can’t say I’m overly surprised: This same guy told me he wouldn’t be able to control himself over the summer if I went back home without him, which is one reason why I wanted him to stay with me at my parents’ house.  This guy would praise the physical attributes of every girl he saw out of the house, and every woman he saw on TV inside the house, and say he wanted to take them into the back of his van–then call me possessive or jealous for being upset.  This guy would tell me he wanted a harem, and which girls he wanted in it (including his brother’s fiancée), and then call me jealous.  But when I found myself falling for a nice guy in my friend-group, Phil became enraged with jealousy and then tried to force me into confessing my little crush to the guy.

If even Doris was not enough for him, then nobody can be.  If even she no longer excuses his behavior because of mental illness, then I have no reason to.  Earlier I wondered if a person with Bipolar and FAS can be excused for abusing and otherwise mistreating another, because that “isn’t really him.”  But it was really him.  It’s not just an illness, but Phil’s character.  Phil is a narcissist and to blame for what he did to me.

It also says that I am not to blame.  I still get little “time bombs” going off in my head when I hear or read something that reminds me of Phil saying I did something bad.  I start thinking, Was I really the one in the wrong?  But this tells me there’s no way I could have brought better treatment on myself from him.  Now there is somebody else, without my input, coming to the conclusion that he is a narcissist.  He hurt somebody else even while she still thought he was wonderful.

 

 

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