…to Richard and Tracy! Sorry, I forgot to mention it a week ago (May 12), so this is belated.
My tweets on Holy Friday, April 18:
It’s Holy Friday. I have 3 hours of services today in contemplation of the crucifixion. I just came here to retweet some stuff. The trend column looks scary. Can I skip it today? *sigh*
One of my BFFs from college just posted that she could DIE if people don’t follow stay-at-home orders. One reason why I find the trend column so scary today. [It was full of bizarre things that suggested backlash in states with stay-at-home orders, along with Trump egging them on and inciting violent revolution.]
Gah, Evers is keeping our numbers down and some idiots want to recall him and protest.
I swear, it feels like some people on Facebook just want to argue with every frickin’ thing I post. I don’t do that to *them.* [The worst part is they seem to be listening to Fox News, so they’re not arguing rationally or with knowledge.]
I’m supposed to be doing the finances but I’ve put it off for hours to go through social media…. Could say it’s laziness, but I think there’s another reason: missing people!
I see I’m not the only one getting crazies on my Facebook posts. Which reminds me I made the right decision unfriending one couple a few years ago….I made a post today and didn’t realize I was stepping into it. One person tried to argue with me, but other people argued back.
Disturbed to see how, even in the middle of a pandemic with people’s relatives & friends dying, still so many people think it’s overblown. One called CDC “propaganda.” His wife made bizarre comment about being forced to take vaccine. Sounds like Richard during the swine flu.
This couple’s arguments on other friends’ posts confirm my impression that they are just as bad as Richard and Tracy politically. Sad, though, because I thought they were decent people in college, especially him. Another person who keeps arguing with me–I thought she was a Dem!
Meanwhile, I hear about cases surging in counties where exes live…and keep wondering if they’re okay…Even though they mentally abused me, I still care.
Have slipped into a deep funk last couple of days. Still sleep/eat/etc., but unhappy. Social media usually should help, but not today because everybody else is in funk. Nobody’s okay.
Watching Holy Week services in my church. Homey–but also depressing because the church is empty except for people doing the services. Made me homesick. My BFFs are there watching but not next to me.
This kind of reminds me of 2010 after we broke off friendship with Richard/Tracy, how lonely I was. I struggled making friends in this town–which is a common problem–so I had nobody for a while. Kept trying but struggling. Now I have friends, clubs–and can’t go there.
Two articles headlined the newspaper this morning:
And the first thing that came to mind when I saw them was,
Have you stopped abusing your kids, Richard and Tracy? I doubt it, but then, with DSS on your case after Richard choked Tracy’s girl, maybe they finally forced you to change your ways.
That girl must be about 19 now; I wonder what she’ll do now, where she’ll go, if she’ll still keep in contact with the one who almost killed her a decade ago and beat the crap out of her when she was little, or with the mother who screamed like a demon at her and called her stupid.
You tried to blame it on me when I avoided you, Tracy, tried to make all our problems my fault. But no, it was all on your head: I wanted nothing to do with an abuser and a bully, someone who included me in her list of abuse victims.
And Richard, you tried to force me to be friends with such a person, even when I saw her abuse you and the kids. I knew you had issues, but I thought you were trying to do better, until I learned what you did to your child. I knew Tracy abused you, even hit you, but I didn’t know at first that you also abused her. I also didn’t realize yet how you manipulated and abused me, too.
I don’t know why you guys still read here (happy 8th stalking anniversary in two months, BTW), because that won’t change. I will never say I deserved any of it, or that you were innocent of child abuse. I will never say you didn’t abuse each other. I will never say you were kind to me. I will never stop blaming you for everything that happened. I will never want anything to do with you unless you repent. And you couldn’t silence me: My friends and family know what happened and have seen your mug shot.
Meanwhile, I feel the same frustration as the professionals who try to stop abuse but don’t see results. I post here, I share articles on Facebook etc., yet keep seeing the same old comments everywhere: “My parents hit me and I turned out okay!” Um…no, not if you’re hitting and screaming at little kids.
Cover art by Kimberly Steele.
Tojet is a fairy tale for adults. A mysterious girl named Tojet appears in a convent-run school one day. Two teachers, Sister Elizabeth and oddly-named Merkit Terjit, take her under their care.
But is she a lost, imaginative orphan or a time traveler with fairy powers? How does she know who Merkit is and how he was named?
Tragedy drives her away, but she returns as a young, beautiful woman, far more mature than she should be. She shows Merkit a world of obsession and dark fairies.
He can’t help falling in love with her, but what about the monastic vows he’s about to take? Can he fight the temptations that surround him?
[Longer, alternate summary, from old website:]
Written by Nyssa (penname Nerissa McCanmore), this novel is a combination of the fantasy, time travel, and Celtic genres. It combines the author’s imagination and European fairy lore to create the world of fairies in the novel. This is not a child’s fairy tale.
A nine-year-old girl appears at a convent-run school in the 1990s, saying her name is Tojet and she, a Celt, was born on a fairy mound in England in 566.
Merkit, a lay teacher, takes her into his home when asked to do so by Sister Elizabeth, a good friend of his.
Tojet says that the fairies of the mound have always favored her. They gave her the ability to transcend time, chose Merkit as her husband (knowing, unbeknownst to Tojet, that his wife would soon die), and named him so Tojet would recognize him.
Tojet now gives Merkit what she calls dream visions: interactive and sometimes dangerous dreams of her world of good and evil fairies, mixed with sixth-century Anglo-Saxon life. The longest dream vision takes him underneath the surface of the Atlantic Ocean, where he encounters mermaids, mermen, and undines.
When Merkit’s wife dies in a car accident, Tojet feels guilty because, for a moment, she wished his wife would leave. She disappears, taking all her belongings with her.
After two and a half years, Tojet returns–aged by nine years, mostly spent in other centuries. Now beautiful, brilliant, and well-educated, she wants to claim Merkit as her husband.
However, he has entered a monastery, and does not wish to leave it. Tojet does not give up on Merkit, and resumes showing him dream visions.
Without meaning to, she also leads him into dangerous experiences with fairies–and into temptation. Two prominent figures in the dream visions and real life are the fairy queen and the goblin king, who are their ambivalent allies.
Read Preview here: TojetPreview
—So far, this book has been given the highest rating by four readers. Also see professional reviews here and here. [Update: Last link was to Wayback Machine, but doesn’t work anymore for some reason.] Excerpts:
Ms. McCanmore does an amazing job of bringing fantasy and reality together. Tojet grabs you and brings you happily into her world. I found myself waiting on the edge of my chair for a new story to emerge. The story is wonderful and the characters of Merkit and Tojet are endearing; I also found Sister Elizabeth to be an inspiring character.– Fallen Angel Reviews
TOJET is a fantasy inspired inspirational story brought to life by author Nerissa McCanmore. . . . TOJET is a story that mixes many elements which on the surface would seem mutually exclusive. Strict Christian faith from both Tojet and Merkit and faerie opulence. Faith in one’s God and devotion to Him, or secular love. Is it a sin to lust after Tojet after devoting his life to the church, or would God want him to love this woman? Are the faeries pushing him to love Tojet or God or is it his own free will? . . . Interesting and unusual, TOJET is a good book if you are looking for something different.– Romance Readers Connection
Since whenever I revise the book, my reviews go away, I put them here for you:
A Modern Fairy Tale for the Modern Reader [6 stars] 19 Feb 2005 (updated 19 Feb 2005) by Thom Strizek:
A modern fairy tale, Tojet really brings the realm of fantasy to life. Nerissa McCanmore really knows how to paint a picture. Here’s a quick synopsis:
A little nine-year-old girl named Tojet appears at a Catholic school, where an orphan named Merkit Terjit teaches fourth grade with Sister Elizabeth. Tojet is an imaginative little orphan herself that talks of living with fairies, traveling through time and about how she and Merkit are betrothed.
A few months later, tragedy happens, and Tojet disappears for three years, only to reappear as a beautiful eighteen-year-old maiden to a very bereaved Merkit, who has decided to become a monk, and is about to end his time as a novice and take his first vows to actually become a monk. Now, he must choose either Tojet or the monastic vows he is about to take.
Throughout the book, Tojet takes Merkit on dream-visions (a power taught to her by pixies) where he experiences a world that most of us only dream about: fairy hills, exotic creatures, and European life in the 6th century. He experiences feelings and desires that we can only imagine; lusts that we can barely comprehend. He is abducted by a mermaid, entranced by a fairy queen and is disgusted by goblins. When she returns to him as a maiden, hoping he will accept her as a bride, her dream-visions become more sexually explicit.
McCanmore deserves props for her attention to detail; not only her definitive descriptions of dress and surroundings, but also to historical detail, citing the evolution of language and time measurement.
Throughout the book, I felt as though I was being pulled into one of Tojet’s dream visions. Every time I opened it, I felt as though I was instantly transported to another realm, and when I was forced to close it, the current scene I was in lingered in my mind, making me feel almost as though in limbo between her world and the real world.
The only part about this book that isn’t in every way perfect is the end. I felt as though almost robbed of the climax by too much happening within the last couple pages. That aside, Tojet is a wonderful piece of work; a perfect introduction of an author into the fantasy genre. I give it a big 3 thumbs up. fairies and pixies and all things fantastic . . .
[6 stars] 17 Feb 2005 (updated 17 Feb 2005) by aurorawolf Beautiful writing! Scenes such as this one stirred up my old childhood fantasies and made me smile: “The fairy child flew up to his shoulder and kissed his ear. “You’re friendly,” she said. “We like you.’ Merkit tumbled down to the floor and sat there, laughing. He had wet pixies in his hair, a fairy on his shoulder, fairies in his sink, and a Celtic medallion in his hand. What more did a person truly need?” (This is one fairy tale worth reading!)
Where did this story come from?
Tojet was based on a dream I had in 1996. The dream itself was caused by a story in Science Fiction and Fantasy magazine, in which Alice Liddell (of Alice in Wonderland) was a child vampire trying to tempt Lewis Carroll. My dream took on a life of its own after I wrote it down and began plotting out a story.
Tojet is a fairy love story; The Lighthouse is a Gothic story collection. To learn more, click on the above pictures.
What I’m Working on Now:
Typing An Unwilling Time-Traveler, a novella I wrote in high school, onto my main website, revived my old passion for that story. Ever since October 2015, I have been working on a full revision. The original was about a teenage girl abducted to Nazi Germany by a time-traveler; the new version has become far more complex. Now woven in are various themes such as narcissism, authoritarian religion, and falling for a Svengali figure. You can read about my revisions in my writing blog.