I’ve noticed quite a bit of hits from keywords referring to abuse. This is, unfortunately, a common problem, and people need to find help.
There are also many hits from keywords referring to narcissistic or borderline personality disorders, disorders which often lead to abusive behaviors.
So I will make a series of posts from my webpage on abuse, which gathers together links I have found most helpful. I have them arranged by category.
The first part is on the general topic of abuse. The last section of the webpage, my own personal abuse stories, has already been posted here.
Bullying is abuse. I find this video to be very true, especially since I see people like this all the time in gaming forums and chat rooms, normally pimply teenagers in their parents’ basements making fun of people: Are You a Bully or a Victim?
My favorite quote from this video: “Every single bully on the planet is a jackass. Period. End of story.”
(By the way, cyber sexual harassment is also bullying. It is “real.” And, once again, the harassers are jackasses. You don’t have to put up with that, and don’t let anybody tell you to just “get over it”–especially a guy. Your feelings are real.)
Of course, abuse doesn’t just happen among spouses or families. It can also happen among friends. The “mean girls” don’t always grow up and out of it; women are often cruel to each other:
The Boston Globe article A world of misery left by bullying references Alan Eisenberg, who began blogging his abuse stories anonymously to deal with the pain, then finally let the world know who he really was. Rather than being called a victim whining about his problems, he appears to be getting applauded for his courage.
They Believe What?–The NonVerbal Cues Argument: Here, Eisenberg questions the argument that kids get picked on because they miss nonverbal cues. While this may have some truth to it–I come across this all the time when researching NVLD–Eisenberg makes a very important observation: This does NOT excuse the bullying:
While there may be truth to the study, to say that the victim has brought on the bullying by their inability to read non-verbal cues is equal in my eyes in saying a woman who is raped should have been able to predict this based on the way they behaved with the rapist.
In this blog post on Phoebe Prince, Eisenberg notes that even after her death, kids were still posting nasty comments on the memorial page. It’s disturbing how people can taunt and hurt and feel no remorse.
Of course, bullies will say you deserve it. You don’t ever deserve it.
On December 2010 I read an article about a girl who beat up another girl, kicked her in the head, caused a concussion and bleeding on the brain, and then bragged on her Facebook page that the victim had it coming:
12/4/10 – A Waupun woman, who allegedly bragged about beating up a 17-year-old girl on her Facebook account, was charged this week in Fond du Lac County. 18-year-old Angela R. Miller made her initial appearance on a felony count of substantial battery and disorderly conduct.
According to the criminal complaint, police were called to a gas station in Waupun on Thanksgiving after two females were seen fighting.
A witness says as the victim was walking out of the gas station Miller allegedly grabbed the girl, punched her in the face numerous times before pushing her to ground where she began kicking her.
The complaint says Miller then drove off with a friend and sent a text message to the 17-year-old that said, “I didn’t even do the damage I could of.”
She also later posted on her Facebook account that the girl “had it coming”.
The complaint states that Miller was apparently upset with the girl for a relationship she was having with Millers ex-boyfriend.
As a result of the fight, the 17-year-old girl suffered a concussion and some bleeding on the brain, along with a fractured jaw. Miller is due in court again later this month. —http://wxroradio.blogspot.com/2010/12/top-stories-november-4th.html
Despicable. She’s been sentenced, though it’s a slap on the wrist.
It’s highly unlikely that you can make a bully understand that the way he or she treats you is abusive.
These people won’t take ownership for their bad behaviors. They always have a justification and rationalization. It’s your fault. You “made” them treat you badly.
In order for the emotionally abusive person to see their behavior for what it is, they have to be able to tolerate cognitive dissonance. –Shrink4Men, Things you need to know about emotional abuse and bullies