A little bit about Internet Safety and checking your abuser’s blog

Over the years of reading blogs by and about survivors of narcissistic abuse, I’ve come across the concept of checking up on your abuser even after you’ve broken off contact with them.  This seems to be a natural human tendency: checking their blog, website, Facebook timeline, Twitter.  Of course, the common advice is not to do this because you need to cut yourself off, go through the withdrawal process, then move on and heal.

But I have another reason to put forth: Maybe with Facebook or Twitter they won’t know, since those platforms (from what I can tell) don’t allow you to collect stats from your visitors.  But many blogging and website formats do allow it in some form.  Even Wordpress.com allows you to install a Statcounter–You get limited information, but enough.  Blogger blogs allow both a full Statcounter and Google Analytics.  Especially if you have those two stat collectors working together, if you have a stalker after you–such as your abuser or narcisssistic family or sociopathic ex–you can track that person’s activities on your blog for years.

This is helpful for a blogging abuse/rape/other trauma victim.  But don’t forget:

It works both ways.

One of my stalkers has recently revealed to me where she works now.  It’s not through direct contact, but by checking my blog from work.  She has also been checking my church’s website from there, even though she hadn’t looked at it for some time.

(And yes, this makes me wonder a bit, the day after nearly getting into an accident on my bike.  I was riding with traffic, on the right, following all the laws, when somebody turned right in front of me.  My son said this person looked at me before they turned!  A few months ago, the same color vehicle started backing up into me right in the middle of the road.  I don’t want to live in fear or paranoia, but it’s enough to make a person wonder if somebody’s gunning for you.)

I had no idea where she was working.  Last I knew, the newspaper said she’d graduated college, but that was a few years ago.  I never would’ve thought of this place.  I wasn’t looking.  I avoid Googling her as if it were going to burn me.  But here was the information, given to me on a silver platter, unasked-for.

So keep that in mind when dealing with your narc ex-whatever.  Maybe they already know where you live, but you’ve changed jobs.  Or maybe you’ve moved.  Keep in mind that stats do NOT reveal home addresses without a subpoena, but work IPs reveal employer information because it’s a public place of business.

Now, I’m not some crazy stalker out to track down and harm my abusers.  But information like this in the wrong hands–I began to think I should post a public service message for my readers:

Don’t check the website/blog of your abuser/rapist/stalker/narc family/troll/etc.  Don’t think they won’t know.  Don’t give away where you are.  Just let them go.  Cold turkey!  I know at first it can be tough, but over time, it becomes easy.

 

 

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The weird world of online psychopathy

I think I am now starting to get back to a feeling of normalcy after a rather disturbing incident a couple of hours ago.

Some people apparently take reality shows way too seriously.

I’m not sure I want to describe the whole wretched incident.  I’ll just say:

There is an alleged case of catfishing involving a popular reality show.  Not only that, but there is also a whole mob of people who harass not only the alleged catfish, but anyone who thinks the alleged catfish is who he says he is.

Now I don’t know if he is who he says he is.  Reality TV is notorious for deceiving the public, but he also lacked a few key pieces of evidence.  All I wanted was to know the truth.  I do the same thing with my other favorite reality show.  (No, I don’t watch many of them, or much of anything.)  I check some websites, maybe ask some questions, then get back to other things.  When the show’s on, I’m interested; when the season ends, I lose interest.

However, a while back, a person connected to the alleged “catfish” bizarrely mistook me for some other person.  I am not that person, do not behave like that person, do not know that person, and set them straight.  I *thought* this had been cleared up months ago.  Yet all of a sudden, tonight they accused me again of being that other person.

The mob of harassing trolls then latched onto me and started checking me out.  I could see them in my stats, and got a couple of comments from them as well.  One was incredibly snarky.  I deleted the snark, blocked the person, and wondered why someone would say such a thing to a complete stranger they know nothing about.

The thing is, the troll mob is at least as disturbing as any alleged “catfish.”  They act obsessed, harassing not just the alleged “catfish” but anyone who’s just a bit nice to the “catfish” on Twitter.  And this has been going on for many months.

Is the “catfish” really a “catfish,” or is it an innocent person whose name has been dragged through the mud for ratings?  I haven’t a frickin’ clue, and I don’t need the trolls telling me what to think.  They have shot all their credibility to heck, not just with their harassment but with various hate sites they’ve posted around the Net.  I’ve seen both hate sites and legitimate abuse sites, and believe me, you can tell the difference right away.

If the “catfish” is indeed a “catfish,” then he/she would obviously be suffering from some kind of mental disorder to continue to insist that he/she is real.  But that would make absolutely no difference regarding the troll mob.

Whether the “catfish” is severely disturbed, or is an innocent person, the existence of this troll mob is still bizarre, its members act obsessive, and they are guilty of harassment.  There is no reason for these people–who appear to be mothers–to carry on like they do.  I’ve seen just a fraction of their tweets to various people, and they’re full of name-calling, ridicule, disgusting sexual comments, false accusations.  And when their accounts are shut down or blocked, they make new ones.

This has gone on for MONTHS.

And I wonder, don’t any of these people have lives?  Why are they so obsessed with a reality show?  Did they never learn that such behavior is wrong?  How would they react if one of their kids got treated this way at school?  Why don’t they spend all that time on something more productive–family, politics, charity, creativity, etc., etc.?  There’s a lot going on in the world that deserves their attention instead.

In any case, I was so angry at being accused yet again by the “catfish”‘s friend of being some other person, when I’m just an innocent viewer of the show examining the evidence I’ve been provided with, that I swore off the whole show.

There’s a darkness emanating from this whole thing.

Forget watching the show and wondering if it’s all lies.  Forget trying to sort out who’s telling the truth.  This is too much frickin’ drama and life is too short.  But I wonder how long it’ll take to shake off the trolls before I can feel safe checking my messages/stats again.

There is just so much psychopathy on the Net that it is insane!  I’ve been going online since it was a modem connected to the phone line and 300 baud was state-of-the-art, yet I’ve never seen it this bad.

And because of this crap, I’ve just lost several hours, full of angst, and also missed that a dear friend just turned his Facebook back on.  Ugh!

Comments are turned off in case the trolls come back here.

 

 

 

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Improving….

Ever since I blocked the Unnamed Blogger (UB) last night, I’ve been getting steadily better.  I still suffer from physical effects of last week’s anxiety, but I can concentrate better on other things now.  I could swear this past week has been a blur; it feels like Tuesday was yesterday.  It’s been a blur of fear and anxiety.

As I told my husband, it feels just like when my narc abusers found my blog and threatened me, all over again.  The constant fear and dread of what will happen next, every move you make being watched.  But since I blocked UB, UB has made no attempt to come back in through other means.  So far.

Just knowing someone else can affect me like this, tells me UB is definitely a narcissist, turned into one by all that hatred of narcissists.  Yet another reason not to let hate of the narc consume you.

I hope that will be the end of it now.  I have so much on my plate: my dad’s health declining, house repairs, a cat who probably has cancer but we can’t afford the CAT scan to be sure ($1000!), church fundraiser, primary election, plus all the registration etc. for a child going back to school soon.

I don’t have time or space in my head for a new stalker.

It actually makes me feel a weird sort of fondness for my own pet stalkers, since at least they turned into just a little buzzing in the background.  They’ve been well-behaved for years now.  😉

 

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