What a sucky week….bad news

Along with being traumatized and now stalked by another blogger who, out of the blue, chose me as this blogger’s latest target, I just got some bad news about my dad.

Along with my cat dying of cancer but not sick enough to put her down, so it drags on.

And having to make repairs to the house without knowing where the money will come from.

And now I get bad news about my dad.


Coming face to face with my dad’s cancer

At the moment, the prognosis is not good: one or two years.  No change, good or bad, in the last scan.

Because we are two states away and have to go through heavy traffic and tolls in between, along with paying for a hotel room, it has become much harder to make the trip than it used to be.  So the last time we saw my family was two years ago.  Back then, there was no known cancer.  My dad has changed significantly in that time, his vigor gone, his body wasting.  He still has hair, at least.

My mom is tired.  My brother who lives with them, was always a pesky bully, but Mom says he’s mellowed quite a bit because of dad’s illness.  He even stuck around to socialize with us instead of vanishing into his upper suite.

It is difficult to hear them speak of funeral plans and realize that I could see my dad in one in a short time.

I recently dreamed that I was at college still, and he came to visit for a father-and-daughter day.

Over the weekend, hubby, son and I drove through the streets of my hometown, and I showed my son the sights: the big buildings downtown, the artwork and East Race of the river outside the Century Center, the sidewalk where I believe I got lost at age 2, my childhood church and the stained glass window-wall.  Only the red-brick road by the church, with its familiar hum, has been paved over long since.

And I remembered my youthful dad taking me to church sometimes when it was just the two of us, all sorts of memories of the old days.  Youthful meaning, the same age I am now.  He and Mom were the same ages at my birth, as my husband and I were at our son’s.

Then last night, my MP3 player, hooked up to the car stereo, played this song about losing a loved one:

And while this strain takes hold, I see my stalkers return to my site and then check out the church website on Christmas Eve.  (I run it, and saw their IP visit both my and the church’s sites.  No one at my church knows about my personal website.)  I wonder if they’re planning to annoy me again or, by some slight chance, make peace.

If you have any mercy at all, my stalkers, make peace or leave me in peace.  This is difficult enough.


Our kitty has cancer :(

We just found out our beloved, sweet kitty Merry has cancer, and it’s spreading.  🙁

Before the test results came back, she appeared to be doing better after surgery, and they thought she did not have cancer.  We hoped she could come home Friday or Saturday, and I was looking forward to seeing her again.

But now it doesn’t sound good at all.  She would have two miserable months to live.  On Saturday we say good-bye to her.  Sad day here.  🙁


Update 6/1/14: We said good-bye to her Saturday morning at the vet’s.  She was so happy to see us.  She purred and meowed at us.  She and my son have been BFFs since they were both kittens.  She was 11 years old, a senior citizen but not yet “old.”

It broke my heart to walk away from her, knowing we would never see her again.

But if we didn’t put her to sleep, she would have two months left to live–tops–and spend them in misery.  There was no other humane choice.

I miss her so much.

Pip n Merry

(She’s the gray one on the right.)


Cribbage, Richard’s ongoing legacy, and long live the Forum

We just got back from a cribbage tournament run by one of our friends here in town.  Fun, fun, even though I don’t know how to play, and just spectate.  But it’s social interaction, gets me out of the house.  Because yes, even introverts need to do that, though not as often as for extroverts.  😉

The trouble is, Hubby keeps fearing that our friend is a narcissist, and believes he sees the same patterns as with Richard and me, only now Hubby is the target.  But I knew this guy years ago, before we reconnected through Facebook several years ago; I don’t think he’s a narc.  I think that Hubby is just nervous of it all happening again.

But it shows how abusive friendships can scar you.  Even though Hubby wasn’t the target of the abuse, he still is jumpy, fearing that it’s happening all over again with somebody new.

Meanwhile, I keep looking for signs that it is NOT like that at all, because this is one of the people I opened up to about the Richard/Tracy drama, giving him their names, and I want to be able to trust this is a good, kind person.

I want to relax and enjoy the friendship, not keep this wall around myself that I built up back when everything blew up in July 2010.

Another bit of news: In my Richard/Tracy saga, you will find occasional references to the online “Forum” where we met, run by Todd.

This is not the real name of the forum, of course.  This forum has somehow been connected to some of the most significant events of this past decade for me:

I met Richard and Tracy there, I met Todd there, I posted my religious questions there, Richard led me to Orthodoxy, Richard moved his family to my town, then Tracy abused me and Richard betrayed me, leading to a spiritual emptiness and depression.

So yeah, that’s some big stuff there–and it all goes back to the Forum, because that’s where I met Richard.

Anyway, the Forum has been up since 2002, has gone through several incarnations (one of which Richard screwed up as vengeance to Todd), and yet it’s still around.

There aren’t that many people left there, but we’re this core group that just doesn’t want to let go of each other or the Forum.  Todd was going to shut it down, but discovered that it means too much to us, so it’s staying up.

Awwwwww, how sweet….


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