Orthodoxy

So I went back to my church

In my last post, I spoke of issues with my church turning fundie, and fearing I had to leave it.  Some people may think, Well this is what Orthodoxy is–Didn’t you know this when you converted?  Especially nowadays, various bloggers and celebrity priests and Youtube influencers have gotten people thinking that Orthodoxy means right-wing views on both politics and religion.  David Bentley Hart has joked that American Orthodoxy is now “a wing of the Southern Baptists with incense.”

But no, actually, it’s a small-town Midwestern Greek church, mostly cradle, where the people have more modern practices, women have fought for more equality and leadership in the church, and–unlike what I hear about the big-city ethnic churches–actually welcome in newcomers.  You don’t have to be Greek; you don’t have to wear a headscarf; you don’t have to obey your husband; women can read and chant and sometimes even help the priest during services.  You don’t have to follow all the fasting rules; organs are fine and pews are welcome; birth control is okay.  Some people are Republican, even Trumpers; some are Democrats.  Some have more traditional views of–well, everything; some are more progressive.  I came here not for strict old-fashioned practices and patriarchal society, but for mystical spiritualism that says God is love and NOT wrath.  This is why I, deconstructing from Evangelicalism and leaning liberal, was able to come into an Orthodox church and stay there for about 16 years.  Any convertitis I felt back in 2006, under the influence of people I met online, was quickly tempered by assimilating into what some would dismiss as an “ecumenist” or “modernist” church.

The trouble came when more traditionalist and Republican views seemed to start coming in and taking over.  A nearby right-wing monastery under Elder Ephraim has been gaining influence when I never heard much about it before.  The new priest began channeling Tucker Carlson–even said the local nuns were “praying for Kyle Rittenhouse.”  He’d say in one breath that our church is not racist or against people who are LGBTQ, then in the next say God didn’t make anyone trans and complain about CRT.  Pull your kids out of the public school because they’re influencing the kids into being trans, he said.  This government is evil, he said.  I began to fear that I couldn’t be an ally for racial and queer justice and stay here.

This is why I left right before Christmas.  Well, physically left.  I didn’t officially leave because I don’t make decisions lightly.  I have to research and ponder first.  I’ve left churches before, but never did I have so much at stake.  I’ve put 16 years into this church–studying the doctrines and why they do things, learning to talk to saints and use icons, learning how to fold palm crosses, decorating, reading Epistles and a good chunk of the Holy Week readings every year, Greek Fest, running the website.  They’re family: parental figures, grandmotherly figures, siblings, now a new generation coming in and converting and possibly becoming like one’s children.  I have a BFF and occasionally the Greeks will flirt with you.  Especially for a transplant from another state, finding chosen family is a big deal.

Christmas came; instead of church, I was home nursing a dying bird.  (RIP Spice.  🙁  )  I stayed away for nearly four months.  I kept dreaming about people from church.  I researched–the results of which are in the last post–and checked out local liberal churches online.  (The local ONA UCC church has an AWESOME preacher.)  But for the past month, I realized I’d have to make a decision whether to come back for Holy Week.

My stomach twisted; I didn’t know what to do.  I was told the priest had stopped talking politics.  I didn’t want to give up icons or my patron saint (Gregory of Nyssa, the universalist).  People like our progressive archbishop and David Bentley Hart and Archbishop Lazar Puhalo are Orthodox.  I missed people and felt very lonely.  Holy Week came and I decided to do the fast.  We didn’t have the usual number of services; I missed Wednesday and Thursday, feeling headachey and reluctant.  I missed the Friday afternoon one.  But I finally went to the Friday evening one.

I got a warm welcome.  People missed me.  I got hugs.  The priest smiled and said something like, “Hey stranger, where have you been?”  The people I missed the most were the happiest to see me.  One of them, the president, basically filled in my stewardship card for me and before I knew it, my membership was renewed another year (I’d been holding off on it).  “I see what you did there,” I thought with an inward chuckle.  Then at the Paschal service, my BFF–who told me he’d be working the whole week–showed up at some point.  I didn’t know it till I was walking downstairs after services and he hit me on the back.  lol  We connect on social media all the time, but he lives in another town and works a lot, so I hadn’t seen him in MONTHS.

I still have the same issues with the church.  But I decided to give it another chance.  I seem to go through periods of doubt every five years; just as in the past, the people kept me from leaving.  Maybe I can have some influence, too.  We’ll see how things go.

Universalism, Fundamentalism, and I think I took a wrong turn

Buckle in; this is a long one.  So I just finished reading (finally) David Bentley Hart’s treatise on universalism, That All Shall be Saved: Heaven, Hell, and Universal Salvation.  I avoided it for a time because of a disappointing review by my good friend Giacomo (here).

But it lays plain the very thoughts I’ve had about Hell for many years, starting with a story of an autistic child traumatized by the realization of what Hell means.  I was that child myself, 40 years ago, and the trauma never left, leading to a spiritual OCD or scrupulosity of the type often experienced by those of us raised in fundamentalist religious groups.  Not only did I fear that one unrepented slipup before death could lead to eternal Hell, but I constantly inwardly groaned for and prayed for the souls of both the dead and the living, afraid that most of them were in Hell, including all Catholics born before Luther came along (because they–I was taught–went to Hell because nobody knew to say the Sinner’s Prayer).

I inwardly groaned constantly in prayer for the souls of the 3000 killed on 9-11, especially when the pastor in our EFCA church said most of them went to Hell.  One day on the way out the door to work, I thought of a hypothetical Muslim woman living her life in, say, Saudi Arabia just as I would do, piously following her faith, doing housework and taking care of kids and dealing with husband and the like, then going to Hell because she wasn’t a Christian.  None of it seemed fair, yet my religion told me my doubts were heretical.

I looked at the Separation of the Sheep from the Goats again, and none of it said people who weren’t Christians went to Hell.  It was all about behavior: who cared about their fellow humans, and who didn’t.  I even wrote this down.  Yet I felt like a heretic.  Several years later, it was a relief to find that Orthodox thinking was the same as mine.

When I turned away from Evangelicalism entirely and into the Presbyterian Church (USA), I thought I was done.  This was a moderate church, so as I said, I could go back and forth from conservative to liberal and back again and stay in the same church.  I was interested in their views on abortion and gay rights, which seemed refreshingly moderate.  Then I read in the denominational magazine that there are universalists in the church and this is okay, so I started seeking them out.

I learned about five patriarchates in the Early Church and universalism being the accepted view, and looked for historical backing for this claim.  I asked my new Orthodox friend Richard (the Narcissist) what Orthodoxy says about this, and it seemed to back this up.  Treatises such as the River of Fire and St. Gregory of Nyssa’s On the Soul and Resurrection made my heart erupt with joy and stop doubting or despairing over the existence of God (at least temporarily).

At first I looked at Orthodox beliefs and despaired that I couldn’t join that church because of its regressive views on homosexuality, women, and abortion.  But I kept researching Orthodoxy and couldn’t resist the siren call of the theology, the artwork, the incense, the supposed ancient Christianity (as opposed to endless variations of Scholasticism, Reformation, Wesleyism, Pietism, Calvinism, etc. etc.).  Now we had the Energies of God, Tartarus and Hades and Gehenna instead of Hell, no Total Depravity, no Wrath of God, no Penal Substitution…. It was like a dream.

Incidentally, as I work on this, the song Wings of a Butterfly by HIM has come up in my Master Playlist, which is my media playlist of all my records and tapes and CDs, digitized and combined with all my MP3s.  That song came out while I was researching these things, and I played it over and over again late at night while the household slept and I surfed the Web for information on Orthodox theology.  It reminded me of this search and of Richard, who I was also talking to about Orthodoxy.

St. Gregory of Nyssa became my patron saint.  I got the name “Nyssa” in my Internet handle from Doctor Who, but discovered St. Gregory’s name in an encyclopedia one day in my teens, which surprised me.  I didn’t know Nyssa was a real name, rather than one made up for the show.  It used to be “Nyssa of Traken,” later dropping “of Traken” because some BBS bullies turned it into NOT, but picking up “the Hobbit” in 2001 because MSN Messenger said there were too many Nyssas.  It was only later that I knew anything at all about St. Gregory of Nyssa.  After I learned he was a universalist, I also learned he was a kindred spirit, so I took him as my patron saint in 2009.  Now I learn that DB Hart is enamored with St. Gregory as well, and I think, “Another kindred spirit!”

For many years, I was satisfied in Orthodoxy.  The doctrine was perfect; my church was ecumenical and allowed for different opinions on politics and religious practices; there were no headscarves or Harry Potter hatred; women wore pants and sometimes even tennis shoes in church; women did the readings and had a lot of power in the church; nobody talked about Toll Houses or Father Seraphim Rose; wives held jobs and used birth control; it wasn’t at all fundie.  To this day I have no idea how the priest in those days voted.  His daughter was definitely a liberal.  The Net-o-doxy I found on Internet forums was just a strange strain of fundamentalist fervor that had nothing to do with real-life Orthodoxy.  Richard told me not to let the Net-o-dox keep me away from Orthodoxy.

At first I still followed the idea I’d been raised with, that the Church and the Bible define what is correct; I was moving in a liberal direction regarding all sorts of things, but some quotes from the Fathers convinced me that original Orthodoxy condemned abortion, homosexual behavior, etc., so I had to go with that.  The Net-o-dox also got me thinking for a time that the Right way of doing things was for a parent to stay at home with the children rather than using Day Care.  My liberal drift was temporarily halted.

I’m not exactly sure why I veered back on track again.  Something hit me one day and made me think I was spending too much time on the Orthodox forums and needed to get back onto the Goth forums I’d been neglecting.  Shortly after this, the spell was broken, my mind cleared, I started looking more at science instead of religion for science facts, remembered that women should do whatever is best for their family, started watching the Daily Show and Colbert, and wondered what had come over me.  But I stayed on the Orthodox path, joining officially in 2009–completely coincidentally on the feast day of St. Gregory of Nyssa.

Now I fear that I may have made a wrong turn somewhere.  For one thing, I never have reconciled myself to the church’s insistence on full burial instead of cremation.  It seems a waste of money and usable land to me.  But I had other things to think about.  In the past decade, I was distracted by things like recovering from the narcissistic abuse and spell put over me by Richard and his wife, then the fear and loathing brought on by a narcissistic sociopath named Trump becoming president.  2020 came and COVID brought out the worst in people, severing relationships and showing us just how sick this country is now.  Fascists and their guns are threatening the peace of everyone, shooting up shopping malls and schools, threatening officials, rumbling about Civil War.  There was no time to pay attention to what was going on in the Greek Orthodox Church of America.  I had no idea until it hit my own church.

Our Archbishop said we could use separate spoons for the Eucharist when the churches opened up, but all of our Metropolitans refused.  So I refused to go to church until I got my vaccine.  So we were to follow all these rules of social distancing and masking, yet share a spoon with a couple dozen other people?  We might as well sit next to each other and breathe on each other!  Believing the Eucharist protects you from disease has proven to be magical thinking and false; not only did I find anecdotal evidence of disease spreading that way, but there were news reports of COVID spreading through Serbian Orthodox funerals.  I write about this here.  But finally, just in time for Eastern Palm Sunday 2021, I had my J&J shot and the antibodies had time to propagate.  I came and I shared the Eucharist for the first time since February 2020, when we celebrated the retirement of our last priest.

Then after church, as I waited by the door for my husband to pick me up, a new person I didn’t know started yelling and screaming and pointing her finger at the parish president and some other new person I didn’t know.  I’d seen her online, so she’d been masking up for a while, but for some reason she chose this day to yell about it.  She said that in Greece they call them “clown masks” and that the nuns at the local monastery were trying to get rid of the Metropolitan for requiring them.  Another person I knew rolled his eyes; the other new person said to the president, “She’s right.”  I was tense and upset and wondered what the frick was going on in my church.

In the time since, I’ve discovered things changed a lot in the COVID year.  New priest, new people, new influx of tales about what the nuns in that monastery say about this or that.  Visits to the monastery.  Politics and culture wars in the sermons.

Going through old posts on my blog, I’m reminded that I’ve doubted my conversion in the past, but chosen to stay put.  These posts are here and here; they go into detail I don’t have time or space to put in this post.  They’re from 2013 and 2018–so, basically, every 5 years is a crisis of faith over one thing or another, and something makes me stay put.

But my liberal beliefs are staying put as well.  I’ve put 20 or 30 years of thought, observation, and research into them.  Up until now, I was able to keep going to my church despite them.  But what happened in the COVID year to change everything?  How did we go from priests who don’t tell you how to vote or think, to a priest who tells you the right thinking about everything from what school to put your kids in to what party to vote for?  How did we get a priest who says the government is evil?  Sure I’d hear things like this in the church basement from parishioners or the archon.  Sure the last priest occasionally complained about culture wars.  But I could roll my eyes and ignore it, keep going on, remember that we have Democrats in the church.  What changed?

I’ve been doing research, posts on Reddit, Google searches, whatever I can find.  And this sums it all up:

The Greek church in America has been infected by a network of spiritually abusive, fundamentalist, and financially/ethically questionable monasteries planted by the late Elder Ephraim.  While I enjoyed the peace of my own ecumenical church, Ephraimite teachings have been spreading throughout America, especially in my own Metropolis.  Many people–fervent believers, active in their churches, NOT Easter-Christmas Christians–have left the church over this.  A decade ago, a Monastery Review Committee was even put together to investigate these monasteries and make recommendations–only to have their report put on a shelf six years ago to never see the light of day.

My research has revealed that I, with my liberal ideas and horror at Ephraimite teachings, have a LOT of company in the Greek church.  Many people just like me have hoped the archdiocese will become more open and inclusive to both women in clerical roles and LGBTQ+.  But of the many issues causing parishes to leak members, this spread of Ephraimite ideas is one of the major reasons devoted members of the Orthodox church are leaving it for good.  There have been reports of people going into the monasteries and being spiritually abused; one person, Scott Nevins, even committed suicide on the steps of the Arizona monastery.  I never heard about any of this until now, even though it all happened in the past decade.  And our local monastery, part of the Ephraimite network, keeps popping up in reports I find.

Ephraimite ideas include the Aerial Toll House heresy, encouraging married couples to live as brother and sister, fundamentalist practices for women, us vs. them, following the Elder and not ecumenical priests, they’re “spiritual” and ecumenists are not.

Some of the Ephraimite ideas remind me of things Richard told me back in the long-ago times: his complaints that my church was too ecumenical, too Western.

I fear that Richard’s influence, and a spell woven over me by love-bombing Orthodox forums, may have led me in the wrong direction.  Don’t listen to the Netodox, they said.  Don’t listen to the fundamentalist sites; they’re not truly Orthodox, they said.  Now there’s been a fundamentalist backlash all across this nation, and it’s infecting politics, culture, Catholicism, Orthodoxy, Evangelicalism, everything.  We have conmen such as Jay Dyer, the Monomakhos site, Josiah Trenham, and others, telling us falsehoods about religion and politics, and saying this is Orthodoxy.  The woman-hating incels and MRAs are telling us to reject feminism and be manly bodybuilders if we want to be Orthodox.  I never used to hear about this local monastery at church, but now I keep hearing in sermons and in the basement what the nuns think about politics, COVID, burial practices, religion….. Now we’re doing annual trips there.

One sermon praised Kyle Rittenhouse and said the nuns were praying for him.  Another denied racism exists in the church.  Another said that teachers are making our kids trans, so we have to pull them out of public schools, and we have an evil government, and oh by the way, don’t be afraid to discipline your kids.  (“Discipline” in what way, exactly?)  God doesn’t make people trans, that sermon said, so teach your boys to be men and your girls to be women.  Then after the sermon, a parishioner went up to the priest and said, “I blame the parents.”

That was three months ago.  I haven’t been back since.  That was my What The F*ck moment, though really it was the culmination of a series of WTF moments.  But I haven’t officially left because my mind is still reeling, my heart is still sunk, I found a potential new spiritual home, but just jumping out of my church home of 16 years is frightening and dismaying.  I fear letting people down.  But I look around–Reddit, Facebook, Twitter–and find many other Orthodox believers who have either left the church or are seriously considering it over these same things.

Here are my best sources of information on the Ephraimite monasteries, including a blog post written by one of the members of that Monastery Review Committee:

What is an Ephraimite?

Go Truth Reform

Who Lost Chicago? by Bill George Stotis of the MRC

Religious Pluralism, Fundamentalism and Contested Identities in North American Orthodox Religious Life: The Case of the Greek Orthodox Church in North America by Professor Frances Kostarelos

Video of the above presentation

News Report by NBC affiliate in Arizona on spiritual abuse in Ephraimite monastery there, parts one and two

But what I really wanted all along was to be a Universalist!  I didn’t want to escape the spiritual abuse of fundamentalist/Evangelical churches, only to enter another spiritually abusive church!  I didn’t want to escape the lie that Christian=Republican, only to find it again in a new church!  I feel bait and switched.  I thought these things were not present in Greek Orthodoxy in America.

Update 4/9/23: More research is turning up another side to GOARCH, Greeks who say that the Ephraimite influence is being dealt with (though my own eyes and Bill Stotis say otherwise), and a huge backlash against our Archbishop Elpidophoros, because the fundies of other jurisdictions say he’s bringing “woke” ideas into the Church.  Online and in PEW survey reports I find plenty of Greeks who want to see a more progressive church.  I read the interview with Elp. here and find many reasons to hope.  Some people online think he’s meant to be the next Ecumenical Patriarch.  Meanwhile, our Metropolitan is trying to get the churches to be more inclusive of women/girls.  Is it possible–Is there still reason to stay where I am?  Do people spread rumors about Elp. and our Metropolitan because they’re upset about these things, and not because they’re true?  Should I stay and work for change instead of switching to a liberal church with theology derived from the Reformation and bland services?  Do I really have to leave Orthodoxy when people like David Bentley Hart and Archbishop Puhalo are still in it?  I’ll have to see what happens–Will the fundies drum out Elp. and people like me?  Or will we be able to work for change at last?

GOARCH archbishop called “woke” while OCA bans individual thought

So two things are going on at once in two different Orthodox jurisdictions in the USA:

First, our GOARCH archbishop is taking fire for daring to baptize the baby of a gay couple.  I am greatly encouraged by signs like these, from him and our local Metropolitan Nathaniel, of an opening of the church to more inclusive ideas.  For example, the Metropolitan told my church at his last visit that we should have altar girls.  Now I don’t think the Archbishop is necessarily advocating for gay marriage, but at the very least he doesn’t seem to feel that the gender/marital arrangement of a baby’s parents should affect whether the baby can be baptized.

Adapt or die–As more and more young people see the vast difference between the regressive ideas of conservative churches and what’s going on with their own friends and science/medicine, we’ll see the steady decline of all but the oldest and most extreme members of such congregations in the future.  I’m pretty sure that most churches don’t preach that the sun revolves around the Earth anymore, and even the Catholic church apparently abandoned the “Evolution is Evilution” mindset years ago.

But of course, we can’t possibly introduce any sort of love or change into our churches, because they’re full of Pharisees (see the essay I wrote on this nearly 20 years ago).  Already Archbishop Elpidophoros is getting pushback, with all sorts of angry blogs and objections from the Greek Church and a Greek Metropolitan (hey, we’re American now, not Greek!).

I strongly suspect that if Jesus were to physically come back and walk among our churches, there would be a lot of yelling going on, right before they took out an AR-15 to execute him for blasphemy for saying that we should ditch the guns and accept people on the queer spectrum and call them whatever they want.

But on the other hand, the OCA has just made a statement that basically bans everyone–even laypeople opining on their own websites–from deviating from the official church position that the queer spectrum is full of deviance and perversion.  Anyone who violates this is subject to excommunication now.  So you have to ignore your own eyes, your own knowledge, your own conscience, and CONFORM to Groupthink lest you be tossed into outer darkness.

Giacomo Sanfilippo of Orthodoxy in Dialogue is being persecuted for defending LGBTQ+

My friend Giacomo runs the site Orthodoxy in Dialogue, which has quickly become the standard bearer for LGBTQ+ people gaining acceptance in the Orthodox Church.  And this has made him a target for a fundamentalist contingent which has a lot in common with MAGAs, many modern white Evangelical/Fundamentalist churches, and a certain anti-Francis segment of the Catholic Church.

We have learned a lot about gender variations over the past 2000 years, things which people just didn’t know back when the Bible was written, just as with human reproduction (people used to think there were little men in sperm) and astronomy.  If the Church truly is not against science, then it has to admit when it’s pushing views that are hopelessly antiquated.  But some people are against any kind of change even when it’s desperately needed.

Many of us want people to be allowed to marry whoever they want and stay in full communion.  This isn’t about allowing licentiousness or promiscuity or pedophilia in the church–homophobic tropes where people just assume if you’re gay, you must be in favor of these things as well.  Society in general has been moving toward acceptance, but some just want to drag us backwards again.

For several years, Giacomo Sanfilippo has been subject to various attacks for trying to change hearts in the Orthodox churches so they can be safe spaces for believers who are LGBTQ+.  He’s been slandered, libeled, sued for defamation, and now he’s been doxxed on Twitter. They’re trying to get him in trouble with his bishop.  It’s being done by a group of people who claim to be “Christian” and call him and his allies “wolves.”

But I’ve seen a sample of their behavior online, and–to paraphrase John Fugelsang–I’ve seen atheists who are better Christians than these people.  They have no idea what Christianity is.  They’re the pack of wolves.  They harass, troll, abuse, and give Christ a black eye with everything they do.  They need to get off the frickin’ Twitter, sit down with the Red Letters of Christ, and come to repentance for the hate that fills their hearts, because right now it’s Satan they’re serving, not God.

So The Ancient Way Forum has been taken over by racists?

I used to be a daily visitor to The Ancient Way forum, 15 years ago.  It’s where I learned about Orthodoxy and finally decided to join the Church.  I was Nyssa the Hobbit there, too.

Wow. I’m so glad I left TAW years ago.

Wow. Looks like the racists have taken over and won’t let anybody support BLM or call out racism in the church: christianforums.com/threads/the-ca

Just, wow.

And the racists over there–I RECOGNIZE THEM.  I REMEMBER THEM.  So no, it hasn’t “changed.”  I guess they just didn’t show their true racist a**hole colors back then.

The thread has been locked, and I don’t know how much attention this post will get over there, but I just wanted to call it out: TAW is NOT SAFE.  It’s not the haven I once saw it as, so many years ago.  I’m also looking over some other threads that have posted lately, and it’s a frickin’ cesspool of hate and regression.  It makes me sick reading what’s there nowadays.  And they apparently don’t allow anyone to come in and disagree with them.  It inspired me to post this on Facebook:

If you listen to or read Rush Limbaugh/Hannity/Ben Shapiro/Breitbart/OANN/etc., unfriend me now.
If you follow Mens Rights Activists, incels, or red pillers, unfriend me now.
If you think it’s justified for cops to shoot unarmed people just because they “didn’t obey” some command or other, unfriend me now. Slave masters used to use the same reasoning.
If you can watch videos like that of Philando Castile and still say racism had nothing to do with that cop gunning him down, unfriend me now.
If you think the alt-right isn’t so bad, unfriend me now.
If you like to say “radical Left,” unfriend me now.
If you think it’s racist to call out people for being racist, unfriend me now.
If you think BLM is racist or Marxist, unfriend me now.
If you think Confederate flags are fine, unfriend me now.
If you think it’s great to dance on the grave of RBG, unfriend me now.
If you think women need to submit, or that Kamala Harris’ debate performance was “unbecoming,” unfriend me now.
If you think Trump is the Second Coming, unfriend me now.
If you think it’s fine to put refugees and migrants in concentration camps, and to do whatever it takes to keep them out of our country, unfriend me now.
If you refuse to listen to why women are scared about losing their rights, unfriend me now.
If you beat children, unfriend me now.
If you refuse to see why many people are scared they’re about to lose their health coverage, unfriend me now.
Seriously, anybody who holds “values” like the above, is incompatible with mine. I want nothing to do with people like that. I’m reading through an “Orthodox” forum with “Christians” saying some things like that, and it’s making me sick to my stomach. These are not “Christian.” These are not “moral.” These are not “values.” They are immoral and the spirit of antichrist.

[Note: I didn’t see all of this on TAW just now, though I probably would if I looked long enough.]

Update 10/15/20: I just posted this on Facebook:

So tired of being told that Christians can’t possibly be Democrats/Biden supporters/BLM supporters/etc. So tired of people saying this on social media, on Orthodox forums. So tired of people being upset when they find out a Christian celebrity is against Trump, an LGBTQ supporter, a Democrat, etc. So tired of people tying Christianity to the GOP as if there were anything Christian about it.

 

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