Poem: Killing the pain of loving a narcissist–Repost from 2013

I originally posted this here in 2013: https://nyssashobbithole.com/main/poem-killing-the-pain-of-loving-a-narcissist/

Update 10/3/14: This poem got praise at the second or third Writer’s Club meeting I attended, in the summer of 2013.  One comment: “That’s what it’s like.”  More than one person in that meeting had experienced narcissists.  It also got praise when I posted it on Facebook.  🙂

The unicorn is a metaphor for the love I once felt for my friend Richard.  It symbolizes what we all feel when we care about a narcissist in some way, when we try to conquer our feelings with the reality of the situation, but struggle because we still remember the “honeymoon period.”

Killing the pain of loving a narcissist

I must stab the beautiful unicorn which I adored
Must carve, must saw, must impale
Cut out the heart

And why?
Because it’s not a unicorn at all
This marble coat of white,
This burnished horn of bronze,
The deep brown eyes with their hypnotic, innocent gaze–
It’s all unseelie fairy glamour

Inside is a black-hearted ghoul
One false move and it will drag you into the water
It will pull you under

The waves over your head
And you stare up at them
As your life drains down to the bottom of the sea
And the sun shines on the top of the water
And you wonder what just happened

 

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“The violent intimidate the gentle”: I found this poem on “my” narcissists

Every week, I back up my files onto an external drive called a My Book.  I just finished backing up my word processor files.  While scrolling through them, I found a forgotten little file which I last modified on September 27, 2010.  I opened it up to find out what it was.

It was just written to vent privately about this, and most of it is just a rant I want to keep private.  But I also found this poem I want to share, because for a first draft of a rant-poem, it was better than I expected.  I suppose fellow abuse/narcissist victims can find something in it for themselves.  Also, it demonstrates the fear I was in during that time period, and the intense feeling of betrayal:

the violent intimidate the gentle
my idol has feet of clay
the hitting could turn on us
your threats have turned us away
betrayal by one who was dearly loved
you know what really happened
my gosh what is she doing to the children
if we report it we will be beaten
where is the love?
where is the Christian charity?
where is the fight against evil passions?
why must I take all the blame?
where is the friendship that was lost?
it’s all been blown away
you hurt the ones you love
and the ones you hate
and they need to grow up and take it

 

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