# of IP addresses currently in the block bin: 39 (more coming all the time)
My little corner of the Internet
# of IP addresses currently in the block bin: 39 (more coming all the time)
I hope to only need it temporarily: Most of the time, there is no need to block proxies. But my trolls have started using them to get around my blocks.
Great, I just picked up at least 20 new stalkers! 😀
This is why I keep my identity locked up on the Net: because of crazy people like these trolls seem to be. Even my domain name is locked up tight, so nobody can search out the owner on WHOIS.
This is also one reason why I stuck with self-hosted after almost going to WordPress.com: I have a whole bunch of tricks to round up these stalkers and kick them out. And yeah, they’re still trying to get in.
I’ve been revising old posts and putting them on my front page for a time, so more people can see them–and so I can take care of formatting issues in an orderly manner. This website has nearly 1000 posts and pages. 😮
While revising this one to sticky-post last night, I found a note:
[Update 10/22/14: About six months ago, at least one of my stalkers began using a new device and connection. I thought it was a new fan, until they gave themselves away, probably Richard. He seemed particularly interested in this post for some reason.]
As I revised the post and thought about that weeks-long obsessive stalking campaign a year ago, I began adding the following as an update–which seems like it should also be a new post as well, about how to deal with blog stalking sociopaths:
Since the time described in this post, when I moved to WordPress.org and could now block them effectively, Richard and Tracy switched Internet Service Providers and began stalking my blog with different IPs.
(For people who don’t know what that is, IPs are your computer’s “address.” Some are temporary, some are fixed. They are easily obtained by many website hit trackers, and can also be blocked when you have access to your website’s root files.)
They occasionally use somebody else’s IP, whether belonging to a business wi-fi or to a friend. Once, the IP belonged to a hotel. They hook up their smartphone(s) to an Internet connection, or use their wireless plan.
But their usual IP has been the same since September 2013, so I could block them at any time: I just choose not to. Well, except now and then, when I want to mess with them.
Nowadays, instead of bothering me, I find their antics on my blog highly amusing. Such as in the above note from October 2014, describing when they came on from an unexpected place in April 2014, began obsessively and hilariously stalking my blog and probably raised its Google ranking, and then sent a little “guess who” in my blog stats.
They knew I would catch their little message. When I called out these obsessive little buggers, they made a PDF copy of that post. This stalking campaign went on for hours a day for weeks, making me wonder where they found the time.
They searched my blog for posts on stalking, for hours at a time. I even took their search terms and made new post categories out of them. 🙂 (You can see a few of them at the bottom of this post.)
I describe this all here. And in that post, I also wrote,
Ah, Richard or Tracy, I will block and unblock you at will, because it’s fun.
But don’t think I fear you anymore.
On the contrary, this is highly entertaining. Bring it on.
That particular stalking campaign stopped abruptly after they read that. I guess they wanted me to be scared by it, not amused. LOL
These antics also make me almost certain that they deliberately drove by me a second time back in January 2013 because they wanted to spook me. (I know they know it was me, because I heard their little girl call my name when she first saw me.) Because if they can do this, they can do that. It fits their modus operandi.
These antics prove that they’re sociopaths beyond any lingering doubt. “Normal” people don’t behave like that: They’d either try to make things right or go away eventually, not carry out a campaign of intimidation and obsessive blog-checking. “Normal” people have better ways to spend their time than trying to terrorize people.
(Well, okay, Richie on The Slap did that to Hector. But he’s a teenager who mistakenly thought Hector raped his BFF, and it only went on for a short time, leading to Richie’s repentance. Oh, yeah, and he’s also a fictional character. 😉 He’s not a real-life 42-year-old with a family, who claims to be a Christian.)
This really is a terrible example to set for one’s children.
I’ve also encountered other sociopaths before them. One, the webmaster of a group we belonged to, e-mailbombed and carried out a smear campaign against my husband for daring to say, “Hey, you need to make some changes to the website.”
And no, neither of these sociopaths ever admitted to wrongdoing, as they terrorized others. I don’t know what ever happened to the Avenger, but the old webmaster eventually ended up in jail at least two or three times–and on the sex offender registry.
These antics prove Richard and Tracy are sociopaths, and they do this because I’m one of several people who have seen through their masks and know what they really are. I’ve seen before how Tracy can go after perceived enemies, how ruthless she is, even as the target protests his or her innocence–especially if the target tries to tell.
But they’re amusing sociopaths at least. If you can laugh at sociopaths, their power over you is gone.
Statcounter constantly reveals interest in various sections of my “Now I’m Being Stalked” series from 2012.
Then in 2014, I re-visited the e-mail with Running my abusers’ e-mail through the narc decoder.
The latest numbers, gathered about a month ago, showed that this series had received 528 views.
And these posts are being read. “Running” has received 33 hits just in the last month. The various parts of “Stalked” have received 43 total in the last month.
Recently, Part 2 and “Running” have been getting more attention. Someone in Canada has read “Running” 13 times over the past few days. And now Part 2 has been pinned:
Gratitude Girl has pinned my post, just before 6am this morning her time, onto the Psych/Narcissism/Sociopathy/Abuse/Codependency board on Pinterest. (She also pinned Breaking the Power of Narcissists.)
She runs the board; it has 407 followers. Here’s hoping this pin helps the post go viral, just as a post to a Facebook group last spring made this post go viral: Wasted Years Mourning a Narcissist: Reclaiming Our Lost Selves and Thriving
[Update 4/4/15: And now somebody read “Stalked” (whole page) and “Running,” and subscribed to my blog. 🙂 )
My blog just contains diary posts, not the “expert” advice of life coaches or psychiatrists. These detail my struggles and the lessons I learn from them.
Yet so many people are connecting with various posts, whether on narcissism or abuse, that I continually see yet another Facebook share in Statcounter, or a reblog.
It felt so risky to post on these subjects–especially when my two recent abusers discovered them and began stalking me for it. It felt risky to continue posting even as they watched my blog every week–sometimes more often–to intimidate me into silence.
I didn’t know if they were laughing, if they were looking for a reason to sue, or what they wanted.
It was risky, intimidating, frightening, foolhardy.
But I did it anyway, to prove to myself that I wasn’t just some weak-willed, easily-dominated target of bullies.
And over time, my blog has grown. My site currently averages 148 views a day and is maybe two months away from 100,000 views. Others have found comfort and lessons in my posts. Comments are often turned off, but I see it in repeat visitors, likes, printing my posts, subscriptions, and online shares.
It is particularly comforting to see this in the past week, right after I revised the formatting for the “Stalked” posts and sticky-posted a few of them on my front page for a bit. Part 2 includes the sociopathic e-mail.
It is comforting to see others read Part 2 or “Running,” because they, too, see this e-mail for themselves. They then read my response, and find something of value in it for their own struggles with abusers. I see people click on the link that prints the post.
Just as it was comforting to share that e-mail with the members of the Forum, and know they understand and believe me. And now, in the past month, new members of the Forum have gone through the 3-year-old threads, read the e-mail and empathized with me, then asked me if things were resolved, and if Richard was properly punished, because child abuse is disgusting.
Just writing these blog posts, and including the sociopathic e-mail from my abusers, was emotionally taxing, because the e-mail meant to rip me apart.
It made me practically catatonic when it first came in. I was appalled and devastated to discover just how evil both Richard and Tracy truly are, to send such an e-mail and to even plan to stalk me at church! To call themselves Christians, and then behave in such a manner–!!!!
The e-mail is so horrid (and proves me correct even while objecting to making Tracy out to be a “horrible person”) that I could not even open the original “Stalked” post again for two years.
The same as other e-mails sent by Tracy back in July and August 2010, which I kept as evidence, but have not even peeked at in five years.
Tracy’s style of writing would be familiar to many of you: the kind that tears you apart and makes you afraid to even open an e-mail from your abuser.
(Obviously, Tracy does not feel this way when reading my blog, since she reads here so often.)
When I read Oscar Wilde’s account of Bosie’s telegrams and letters in De Profundis, I realized that Bosie and his father were male Tracys.
Bosie and his father both had a raging dysfunction which Wilde said ran in the family, so it must have been some sort of Cluster B personality disorder.
From what I know of Tracy, abuse, narcissism, borderline personality disorder, and Bosie’s family, writing such horrid letters appears to be a common trait among abusers.
There is absolutely no concern for nor respect for the recipient, but rather a desire to make him or her feel smaller than a dust mite, to make her feel like the slime on the wall of a sewer pipe.
And it makes no difference whether the recipient did anything to deserve this: No, all that matters to the abuser is that the abuser THINKS he did. Wilde would get such letters and telegrams from Bosie without rhyme nor reason to it.
So it was emotionally risky to open those posts again in order to revise them. But I did it anyway.
It is wonderful and healing to see that my pain in doing this, is helping others to heal.
It was worthwhile not only to share those blog posts and the e-mail, but to keep them up. Sometimes it takes a while, but others find them and use them to glean their own lessons. They find validation for their own struggles. They find a way to no longer care when their own abusers send them e-mails like mine sent me.
Then, sometimes, they share with others.
It’s all part of raising awareness and helping to heal abuse victims.
[Update 4/5/15:] Also, the more I see people subscribing to my blog and connecting with the posts that skewer my abusers’ sociopathic e-mail to me, the less and less power that sociopathic e-mail retains over me. I realize that my abusers have not been back at my church for two and a half years.
I realize that I feel mostly content these days, because I’m busy at church and Writer’s Club, and people in both places call me Friend. This helps remove any residual emotional attachment to Richard.
My abusers do not have the ability to sue, no legal leg to stand on, so their e-mail had only an emotional power to hurt me. Once I remove the emotional power, all their power to hurt me is gone.