Domestic Abuse (anyone who lives together or is in a romantic relationship, including roommates or family members)

I’ve noticed quite a bit of hits from keywords referring to abuse.  This is, unfortunately, a common problem, and people need to find help.

There are also many hits from keywords referring to narcissistic or borderline personality disorders, disorders which often lead to abusive behaviors.

So I will make a series of posts from my webpage on abuse, which gathers together links I have found most helpful.  I have them arranged by category. 

The first part is on the general topic of abuse.  The last section of the webpage, my own personal abuse stories, has already been posted here.

From my page Abuse in all its forms: My Thoughts, Quotes and Links to help:

Domestic Abuse (anyone who lives together or is in a romantic relationship, including roommates or family members)

Types of abuse (including spiritual); cycle of violence; signs; links for help; links for men, gay couples, immigrant women, and teens

While this website is specifically targeted to gay men, it is very detailed, and useful for straight couples as well.

Heart 2 Heart: Support Network and Self-Help Data Base for Abused Women

Under most state laws, domestic violence is defined as any physical abuse, or threat of abuse, between intimately involved partners, roommates, or family members.

In some states, the legal wording extends to include anyone with whom you have had a child, whether or not they live with you or EVER lived with you.

Domestic violence can (and often DOES) happen outside the home – what makes it “domestic violence” is the relationship between the parties, regardless of WHERE the violence occurs.

Domestic violence is often thought about as being inflicted from a husband to a wife, but it can also include violence from a teenager to a parent, from a wife to her husband, between siblings and other family members, between your ex and your current love interest (you are the uniting factor in the middle), and between partners in gay/lesbian couples, even if not living together.

Law enforcement and the courts use domestic violence as an umbrella term for a wide variety of combinations of other crimes. Most domestic violence charges include at least one “person to person” crime, such as assault (threatening to harm someone either by word or action) or battery (ANY level of unwanted touching) .

There does NOT have to be injury for a domestic violence charge – even pushing or grabbing is enough! If there IS any level of injury, the battery can be charged at a higher level. —What IS Domestic Violence?

Dear Abby’s warning signs of an abuser

No Place for Abuse: Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence  (Catherine Kroeger)

Women, abuse, and the Bible: how Scripture can be used to hurt or to heal  (Catherine Kroeger)

Dr. Phil: Episode “Abusive Love”

Deal Breakers

I hate his hot temper

Abusive Relationships

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A Training Manual for the Greek Orthodox Community

Signs of an Abusive Man

Hidden Hurt: Domestic Abuse Information

Succinct and helpful 3-part article on abuse

The Controlling Partner–Warning Signs of Verbal and Physical Abuse

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

Cycle of Violence

Characteristics of a Controlling Personality

Warning Signs That You’re Dating a Loser

Profile of an abuser: an insecure control freak (12/22/09)

Self-diagnosing abusers (12/23/09 live chat)

My Trip To Oz And Back: A True “Retrospective” Story Of My Relationship With A Person With BPD

Women as Verbal Abusers

Signs to look for in an abusive personality

Safety Planning–Extensive Guide

How to clear your browser

Domestic Violence Handbook

Three common problems in marriage and how to deal with them

How to Know if You Are an Abusive Spouse

Presto, Change-o, DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender

Are You Being Abused?

How to Recognize Someone who is Abusive

video on abuse and jealousy by an abuser to one’s spouse, family

Website for people with autism or Asperger’s; about being targeted for domestic abuse because of their special issues

Abusive Love

Do not let victims assume the blame, and do not make excuses for the abuser’s behavior such as stress, unemployment, alcoholism, etc. There is no excuse for abuse. —Eastside Domestic Violence Program/ Religion and Domestic Violence

Women erroneously think that a dangerous man is only a violent man. While the violent man is indeed one of the categories of dangerous men, there are seven others that are often overlooked.

These omitted categories are exactly how women get into dangerous relationships. These lapses in information leave women without the knowledge to respond to the face of dangerousness when he is in their life.

Since much of the information about “what” makes a man dangerous has not been taught to women, they do not recognize and respond to dangerousness. –Sandra L. Brown, M.A., How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

How to Spot a Dangerous Man (describes the various kinds of dangerous men alluded to in the above article)

The abusers blame the victim for causing the abuse. For example, the abuser would say to the victim, ‘If you cleaned up more, I wouldn’t call you names.’  —Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Neither the man, nor (still less) the woman, possesses absolute power over the other partner in the marriage. Coercion exercised over the will of another–even in the name of love–kills love itself. And so the question arises: must one submit to coercion if it threatens that which is most precious?

A countless number of unhappy marriages result from precisely this–that each partner considers him or herself as the owner of the loved one. This is the cause of nearly all the difficulties of married life. The highest wisdom in marriage is shown by giving full freedom to the person you love:

for our human marriage is the counterpart of the marriage in heaven between Christ and the Church, where there is absolute freedom.  —“Domestic Violence at Home: Cursory Observations” (how submission is misunderstood and abused) by Kyriaki Karidoyanes Fitzgerald


The Topic of Abuse (General)

Abuse Specifically Against Husbands/Boyfriends 

Borderline Personality Disorder 


Child Abuse

Domestic Abuse (anyone who lives together or is in a romantic relationship, including roommates or family members)

Emotional Abuse


Getting into the Psyche of the Abuser

If You’ve Been Reported to CPS 


Personal Stories

Physical Abuse


Stopping Abuse/ Helping Abused Friend, Family Member, Co-worker, Child 

Toxic Friendships/Relationships

Understanding the Abused

Verbal Abuse