I’ve noticed quite a bit of hits from keywords referring to abuse. This is, unfortunately, a common problem, and people need to find help.
There are also many hits from keywords referring to narcissistic or borderline personality disorders, disorders which often lead to abusive behaviors.
So I will make a series of posts from my webpage on abuse, which gathers together links I have found most helpful. I have them arranged by category.
The first part is on the general topic of abuse. The last section of the webpage, my own personal abuse stories, has already been posted here.
Domestic Abuse (anyone who lives together or is in a romantic relationship, including roommates or family members)
While this website is specifically targeted to gay men, it is very detailed, and useful for straight couples as well.
Under most state laws, domestic violence is defined as any physical abuse, or threat of abuse, between intimately involved partners, roommates, or family members.
In some states, the legal wording extends to include anyone with whom you have had a child, whether or not they live with you or EVER lived with you.
Domestic violence can (and often DOES) happen outside the home – what makes it “domestic violence” is the relationship between the parties, regardless of WHERE the violence occurs.
Domestic violence is often thought about as being inflicted from a husband to a wife, but it can also include violence from a teenager to a parent, from a wife to her husband, between siblings and other family members, between your ex and your current love interest (you are the uniting factor in the middle), and between partners in gay/lesbian couples, even if not living together.
Law enforcement and the courts use domestic violence as an umbrella term for a wide variety of combinations of other crimes. Most domestic violence charges include at least one “person to person” crime, such as assault (threatening to harm someone either by word or action) or battery (ANY level of unwanted touching) .
There does NOT have to be injury for a domestic violence charge – even pushing or grabbing is enough! If there IS any level of injury, the battery can be charged at a higher level. —What IS Domestic Violence?
Self-diagnosing abusers (12/23/09 live chat)
Safety Planning–Extensive Guide
video on abuse and jealousy by an abuser to one’s spouse, family
Do not let victims assume the blame, and do not make excuses for the abuser’s behavior such as stress, unemployment, alcoholism, etc. There is no excuse for abuse. —Eastside Domestic Violence Program/ Religion and Domestic Violence
Women erroneously think that a dangerous man is only a violent man. While the violent man is indeed one of the categories of dangerous men, there are seven others that are often overlooked.
These omitted categories are exactly how women get into dangerous relationships. These lapses in information leave women without the knowledge to respond to the face of dangerousness when he is in their life.
Since much of the information about “what” makes a man dangerous has not been taught to women, they do not recognize and respond to dangerousness. –Sandra L. Brown, M.A., How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved
How to Spot a Dangerous Man (describes the various kinds of dangerous men alluded to in the above article)
The abusers blame the victim for causing the abuse. For example, the abuser would say to the victim, ‘If you cleaned up more, I wouldn’t call you names.’ —Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Neither the man, nor (still less) the woman, possesses absolute power over the other partner in the marriage. Coercion exercised over the will of another–even in the name of love–kills love itself. And so the question arises: must one submit to coercion if it threatens that which is most precious?
A countless number of unhappy marriages result from precisely this–that each partner considers him or herself as the owner of the loved one. This is the cause of nearly all the difficulties of married life. The highest wisdom in marriage is shown by giving full freedom to the person you love:
for our human marriage is the counterpart of the marriage in heaven between Christ and the Church, where there is absolute freedom. —“Domestic Violence at Home: Cursory Observations” (how submission is misunderstood and abused) by Kyriaki Karidoyanes Fitzgerald