Sharon, Pearl and I soon discovered a bullying and smear campaign being carried out on TCB, led by “Lima” against his ex-girlfriend Pamela.
Lima’s usual greeting in Teleconference was “hello” written backwards, or “olleh,” the mirror-image effect Rachel was so fond of. So I always greeted him with, “hello lima bean–olleh amil neab” or “hello olleh lima amil bean neab.” But this was before I knew about the bullying.
Now, whenever I went online, I found Lima (a tallish, dark-haired guy of about twenty who worked instead of going to college) and his friends ripping on Pamela.
One day, Pamela came online and he complained about seeing her. I asked why; he whispered to me (that means, he sent a private message to me) that Pamela was his ex-girlfriend, that she cheated on him and was just awful to him.
After this, Sharon went online one day and found Pamela. Pamela, a pretty girl with dark hair who was about our age, took her into chat.
She said that Lima and his friends were lying about her, that she never did those things they accused her of. She said he’d already dated and dumped another girl since her, so Avenger, his new girlfriend (who was only sixteen), was afraid he’d do the same thing to her.
(Actually, a few years later, he married her. I have no idea if they’re still together, because–even though I can search divorce and criminal records easily in Wisconsin–I never knew their full names.)
Avenger posted sexual innuendos in her profile, which disturbed me because Lima was twenty and she sixteen: Sixteen-year-olds are jailbait in Wisconsin. In fact, if the police discover that two minor teenagers of the exact same age have slept together, both get charged with sexual assault! It’s nuts, I know.
“Pigpen” and “Cankersore” were friends of Avenger and Lima. They were teen-age girls: Pigpen was pretty and slim, and recently broke Stimpy’s heart in a nasty way; Cankersore was plump. I met them at Gypsy’s party.
Sharon and I witnessed the horrible things Lima, Avenger, Pigpen and Cankersore, probably Nobody, and probably some of Lima’s male friends did whenever Pamela was online. They waged out-and-out war with her.
She didn’t like being online at the same time as they were, especially in Teleconference, where they’d rip and rip and rip on her with no mercy.
They posted nasty things about her in the forums. No matter who else was in tele (Teleconference), this group posted everything publicly. If they whispered anything to her, I don’t know. This cyber-abuse, cyber-bullying, upset Pamela a lot.
Sometime during this period, I met Avenger online for the first time: I went into tele, finding Ish Kabibble, and Avenger in private chat with a boy who wasn’t Lima.
She came back into the main Teleconference channel and the boy left. Ish said words like, “I see you brushing yourself off, there, Avenger. You’d better be careful not to let Lima know you were alone with another boy.”
I made some joke in this vein which I can’t remember now, just some harmless throwaway comment to make her laugh. Everyone else laughed. But she turned on me and wrote, “Listen, NEW USER, you’d better be careful.” I had no clue why she’d say that to me, especially when she wasn’t mad at Ish for teasing her. It was bizarre.
I believe she left tele soon after, so I discussed it with Ish, wondering what the heck had just happened. He didn’t know what set her off, either.
When Avenger logged off a few minutes later, she sent a message to me that said, “Avenger is hugging you!” I paged her with, “So you’ve forgiven me now? 🙂 ”
She didn’t respond because she was already offline. I didn’t know at the time that this was her logoff message, sent to the entire board, that she wasn’t hugging me personally.
(By the way, I soon began to type “.wave all” before I logged off each time, which sent a message to everyone online saying, “Nyssa Of Traken is waving to you.” That was my good-bye wave.)
After I discovered my mistake, and that Avenger had not “forgiven” me at all, I dreaded her appearance online, and avoided her. I grunted “Avenger” with a frown whenever she came online.
I checked her registry. It said she was sixteen, which I knew to be a volatile age, so I said to myself, “That explains it.” Well, sort of, since I wasn’t like that at sixteen.
It wasn’t just her age, but her personality. Of course, I didn’t know that yet. She was rude and mean to me ever since she first met me, even though I was always nice to people online.
Her attitude problem didn’t go away with age, as I discovered a year or two later, and then around 2006 or 2007 when she found this memoir on my website. She still refused to admit that she was mean and nasty to everyone, still saw herself as some kind of champion.
At 16, she seemed to hate anyone over 20. She seemed to think people that “old” hated teenagers. She turned on them with the slightest provocation–even with no provocation–and twisted anything they said into a slam on teenagers.
She and her cronies ridiculed older users in the forums. If anyone tried to defend them, she ridiculed them, too.
She was immature, but insisted she was mature (which Cugan later told me was a sure sign of her immaturity). She was bad-tempered, arrogant and cocky.
I never did anything to her–except disagree with her–yet she hated me. One of the other users told me there were few girls on the BBS, so many of them hated competition. (What’s with this “competition,” anyway?) However, that didn’t excuse how nasty some of these girls got.
After all, Avenger wasn’t just rude to other girls, but to men, too. Speaker was one favorite target. So were Krafter, Stimpy and their male friends. Once, an older guy wrote to her in the forums, “I don’t understand you at all.”
Nowadays, I believe that Avenger is a sociopath. She could also have other Cluster B personality disorders, considering how easily she took offense, a sure sign of borderline or histrionic disorders. I soon discovered the full extent of Avenger’s abusive personality, so much so that you could call her the teenage version of Tracy, another personality-disordered bully whom I met later on in life.
But this was not the end. More on this batsh**-crazy sociopathic female is in the March chapter. There, her drama-queen antics reached a fever pitch as she tried to mob-cyber-bully me off the board with a massive smear campaign.
That’s what she and Lima did to Pamela, who eventually stopped going on the BBS entirely, yet another nice person intimidated off while the nasty ones took over. That’s what she tried to do to another girl, Amethyst? a year later–except Amethyst just laughed at her.
Table of Contents
December 1991: Ride the Greyhound
January 1992: Dealing with a Breakup with Probable NVLD
March 1992: Shawn: Just Friends or Dating?
April 1992: Pledging, Prayer Group–and Peter’s Smear Campaign
October 1992–Shawn’s Exasperating Ambivalence:
Summer 1993: Music, Storm and Prophetic Dreams
- Classmate a stand-in for “Rudy”; Jigging at College Dance
- Library Tales
- Happiness Returns
- Living with Friends in Krueger
- Funny Library Stories
- Shawn Calls
- Psycho Roommates and Bug Wars
- Return of Rick
- Adjusting to New Dorm
- Spitball-Throwing Teacher
- Rat-Obsessed Teacher and Doctor Zhivago
- A Teacher Dated a Student; InterVarsity Fun
- Charlie Peacock Concert
- Random Stories
- Letter to Shawn
- Erotic Vampire Dream (Inspiration for Alexander Boa)
- I Ask Out James
- Peter Calls!
- The Fateful First Meeting of Phil
- The Birth of Dolphin Philosophy
- Our Group of Friends Splits Apart
- Spring Classes
- Big Red Flag: Phil’s Dysfunctional Family Life
- The Drunken Stork (Phil’s Controlling Nature Manifests)
- Idealizing Phase and Early Sign of Control
- Phil Tries to Control my Friendships, Unfair Accusations from his Dad and Brother
- Phil Gaslights Me with Fake Dreams, Ridicule and Psychological Abuse
- Another Pre-Engagement
June 1994–Bits of Abuse Here and There:
- The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell
- Phil rapes me anally
- Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want–even proper hygiene
- Phil’s cruel hoax on me: his “subconscious” coming out to be with me
- Phil’s “subconscious” explains why he’s coming out to talk to me
- The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky
- How Phil’s behavior fit the signs of abuse
- Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games
- Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers
- Pearl reveals that Phil is costing me social invitations
- Hints that Phil is checking out of the marriage
September 1994–Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel:
- Phil picks fights and avoids responsibilities to make me feel like a shrew
- My husband Phil, Dave and Pearl call me a party pooper for getting a Grade II concussion
- I’m ecstatic to be back with my friends (the ones Phil hates); I meet Charles
- Phil vanishes without a word of why
- Phil wants a divorce
- My friends tells me that Phil is controlling and possessive
- My first Pentecostal church service: They speak in tongues
- Phil refuses to accept responsibility for the divorce
- Phil cuts off contact
- Attack of Phil’s Flying Monkey and Sycophant: Dirk
- Phil the narcissist admits to manipulating people and using them as pawns in his game with me
- Phil comes crawling back to me–and we put our marriage on paper
- Phil demands my complete submission and forces me into oral sex–and my will is broken, for fear he’ll divorce me again
- Phil walks away from me again–because I dare to have my own mind, opinions and needs–and because he’s a sociopath
- Fierce anger against Phil and PTSD from the abuse
- My friends tell me Phil is psychotic
- “Soul Ties”
- I return Phil’s things and he skewers me; consolation from friends
- My letter to Phil
- Phil shows my letter to his friends; I’m triggered by reminder of forced oral sex
- I start dating Charles
- Friends tell me Phil is controlling
- I feel stalked by Phil
- Poem about being stalked by Phil
- Fury at Phil stalking me and rubbing my face in his new relationship
- A Date with the Vampire
- Celtic Class: Knotwork, Tin Whistles, SCA–and Drinking from a Skull
- The Teddy-O Incident; Birth of These Memoirs
- We Hook Up to the Internet–and Shawn Fixates on My Sex Life
- New Guy Begging at My Feet
- Life on TCB
- Meeting Cugan (Hubby)
- Learning my ex Peter was a love-fraud; New Men
- Before Tracy, There Was the Avenger (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 1)
- Torn between three men as Catherine pushes me toward Cugan
- The Love Rectangle
- Torn between FIVE men! Me?
- Persephone’s Own Outrageous Stories of Phil’s Abuse
- College-style living
- Online Shenanigans
- Phil Finds TCB; Meeting a Hit Man
- Gypsy’s Party: Healed friendship with Peter
- The Avenger Starts a Flame War (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2)
- Meeting the elusive Speaker
- First Date with Future Hubby Cugan
- On Breaking Up with Kindness
- Loony Roommies and Flying Gargoyles
- The Goddess of Pleasure and Salt
- A Conversation with Oscar Wilde
- My First SCA Event
- Cugan: a vast improvement over Phil
- Easter with Cugan’s family and SCA
- Cugan breaks up with me
- After breakup: Phil’s return and trolls
- Cugan comes back
- SCA hippies; college senioritis: anxiety!
- Or should I move back in with my parents?
- Peace with Phil
- Defending my Thesis; Graduating with Honors
- Graduation: Trapped at school
- Epilogue and Apology from Phil