Sharon and I got into Absolutely Fabulous. She said British shows were funnier than American shows because they just had the humor, and didn’t try to make a point or have a moral or deal with social issues.
Sometime during this period, Krafter and Stimpy came over to the apartment to watch my copy of the Doctor Who episode “Snakedance,” which included Nyssa. Krafter explained to Stimpy that Nyssa was the hottest of the female assistants, and I said, “Yep.”
Stimpy looked at me and wondered why I, a female, said that about another female, and I said, “I’m just supporting what he said, because I’m [nicknamed] Nyssa.” Of course I’d want to support my online-handle-namesake.
While I still wondered which one I wanted, Krafter or Stimpy, I talked with Stimpy online and he said Krafter was a Buddhist. He was joking, but I didn’t know that at the time.
I feared to find out what religion either of them had, in case it was not Christian. I didn’t want to have to give up on both of them, or find out that Sharon and I were going after the wrong guys.
Sharon eventually decided to see Krafter even though he wasn’t a Christian: He was searching, and interested in Christianity, even though he was still undecided about it.
I decided not to deal with the religious issue with Stimpy, not if we weren’t having a serious relationship.
I may have already decided along with Pearl that dating a non-Christian was okay, but getting serious with one wasn’t, because when you’re dating someone it may never get serious, but a serious relationship could lead to love and/or marriage.
Why set yourself up for pain by being serious with someone you’re going to have to break up with anyway? Christians are forbidden from marrying non-Christians. (Some do anyway, but I have no idea how they’re able to, unless they can get dispensations or they’re in congregations with looser restrictions.)
This is one reason why being in a “Christian” school with few Christian men to choose from, was so discouraging–and one reason why I had so few dates/boyfriends from high school through college.
Once I learned about the restriction midway through high school, I had to stop liking guys who weren’t Christians, which cut my potential “dating pool” way back, because most of the guys I knew were agnostic, atheist or some other religion.
And if the Christian guys I knew, did not want to date me, I had nobody left.
Now Sharon and I found ourselves in a strange and amusing situation: a love rectangle. You usually hear about love triangles; well, this time, four people were involved.
It seemed we both kept liking the same guy at the same time–sometimes Krafter, sometimes Stimpy. I thought Krafter was cute, but Sharon thought Stimpy was cute. She didn’t think Krafter was cute, though I thought Stimpy was cute. Yet as Stimpy later confessed to me, he and Krafter each ended up with the girl he wanted.
Once or twice, Sharon talked to Stimpy online, and he seemed to be coming on to her. I didn’t know what to think about that, because I had the impression he liked me best. We weren’t sure either of them had a preference.
One day, I sent Krafter, Stimpy and probably Speaker cybercards for Valentine’s Day. There were three kinds of Valentine’s Day cards on TCB.
There were also other cards for birthdays (a big cake with candles) or other things, and you could even send someone a cyber flower or pizza. (The pizza card spelled it “pizzia,” which became a sort of in-joke for me.)
When choosing a cybercard to send each guy, I didn’t go for the card with a big, beating heart that read, “I love you.” I chose cards that a friend or flirt would send another friend. When Sharon found out about this, however, she said,
“You should send Stimpy the ‘I love you’ card.”
Silly me, I thought she was serious, and prepared the card. Then I chickened out and sent a different one. She then confessed she wanted me to sabotage my chances with Stimpy by scaring him off. It was hilarious.
Krafter and Stimpy both began to act like they wanted me. Then Sharon finally said to me on Valentine’s Day, “You can have them both! If they both want you, then I don’t want either one of them.”
That afternoon or early evening, I went online and found Krafter. He asked if I wanted to be his Valentine. (Maybe I was just the first girl to go online.)
I wrote, “But what about Stimpy?” I now wanted Stimpy most, and didn’t want to disappoint him if he wanted me to be his Valentine.
Krafter finally sighed and wrote, “I’ll try for Sharon, then.”
I wrote I didn’t know about that, that she didn’t seem to want to date either of them. But Krafter began singing her praises. He said, “She’s got looks, brains, what more could a man want?”
As soon as possible, I ran to tell Sharon what Krafter said about her. She went online that day or the next, and they went into chat mode. The end result was, they decided to try dating, and see how it worked out. Though Sharon still was not attracted to him, they had many things in common, such as philosophical ideas and books.
Krafter jokingly claimed to have baby llamas on a farm. He talked about them in tele. Sharon became the llama Mommy, and joked about them as well.
In those days, Farwest Trivia hadn’t yet stolen all the interest in teleconference. Ever after, we remembered those days when tele was party central, sometimes with as many as sixteen people in it at once.
Sharon changed her online summary to, “I’ll twist your mind till you scream.”
Eventually Sharon fell for Krafter, and I said, referring to her and the fun times we were all having online, “And to think, you can thank my dad’s modem for it all!”
Back to Valentine’s Day. I heard nothing from Stimpy about being his Valentine.
Sharon began gloating a little about getting Krafter, saying I couldn’t have him now. I clammed up and eventually walked out of the room, went into the study, and closed the door.
Sharon came in and asked if I was mad. I was, a little. A part of me still wanted Krafter. I tried not to be mad, and took the opportunity to move in on Stimpy.
In the last few minutes before midnight, I found Speaker online. I probably cried out in a squeak, as I usually did, “Speaker!” Speaker asked me to be his Valentine for the last few minutes of Valentine’s Day, and I said okay. So even though I had no husband, fiancée or boyfriend, at least I had a Valentine on Valentine’s Day.
Table of Contents
December 1991: Ride the Greyhound
January 1992: Dealing with a Breakup with Probable NVLD
March 1992: Shawn: Just Friends or Dating?
April 1992: Pledging, Prayer Group–and Peter’s Smear Campaign
October 1992–Shawn’s Exasperating Ambivalence:
Summer 1993: Music, Storm and Prophetic Dreams
- Classmate a stand-in for “Rudy”; Jigging at College Dance
- Library Tales
- Happiness Returns
- Living with Friends in Krueger
- Funny Library Stories
- Shawn Calls
- Psycho Roommates and Bug Wars
- Return of Rick
- Adjusting to New Dorm
- Spitball-Throwing Teacher
- Rat-Obsessed Teacher and Doctor Zhivago
- A Teacher Dated a Student; InterVarsity Fun
- Charlie Peacock Concert
- Random Stories
- Letter to Shawn
- Erotic Vampire Dream (Inspiration for Alexander Boa)
- I Ask Out James
- Peter Calls!
- The Fateful First Meeting of Phil
- The Birth of Dolphin Philosophy
- Our Group of Friends Splits Apart
- Spring Classes
- Big Red Flag: Phil’s Dysfunctional Family Life
- The Drunken Stork (Phil’s Controlling Nature Manifests)
- Idealizing Phase and Early Sign of Control
- Phil Tries to Control my Friendships, Unfair Accusations from his Dad and Brother
- Phil Gaslights Me with Fake Dreams, Ridicule and Psychological Abuse
- Another Pre-Engagement
June 1994–Bits of Abuse Here and There:
- The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell
- Phil rapes me anally
- Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want–even proper hygiene
- Phil’s cruel hoax on me: his “subconscious” coming out to be with me
- Phil’s “subconscious” explains why he’s coming out to talk to me
- The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky
- How Phil’s behavior fit the signs of abuse
- Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games
- Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers
- Pearl reveals that Phil is costing me social invitations
- Hints that Phil is checking out of the marriage
September 1994–Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel:
- Phil picks fights and avoids responsibilities to make me feel like a shrew
- My husband Phil, Dave and Pearl call me a party pooper for getting a Grade II concussion
- I’m ecstatic to be back with my friends (the ones Phil hates); I meet Charles
- Phil vanishes without a word of why
- Phil wants a divorce
- My friends tells me that Phil is controlling and possessive
- My first Pentecostal church service: They speak in tongues
- Phil refuses to accept responsibility for the divorce
- Phil cuts off contact
- Attack of Phil’s Flying Monkey and Sycophant: Dirk
- Phil the narcissist admits to manipulating people and using them as pawns in his game with me
- Phil comes crawling back to me–and we put our marriage on paper
- Phil demands my complete submission and forces me into oral sex–and my will is broken, for fear he’ll divorce me again
- Phil walks away from me again–because I dare to have my own mind, opinions and needs–and because he’s a sociopath
- Fierce anger against Phil and PTSD from the abuse
- My friends tell me Phil is psychotic
- “Soul Ties”
- I return Phil’s things and he skewers me; consolation from friends
- My letter to Phil
- Phil shows my letter to his friends; I’m triggered by reminder of forced oral sex
- I start dating Charles
- Friends tell me Phil is controlling
- I feel stalked by Phil
- Poem about being stalked by Phil
- Fury at Phil stalking me and rubbing my face in his new relationship
- A Date with the Vampire
- Celtic Class: Knotwork, Tin Whistles, SCA–and Drinking from a Skull
- The Teddy-O Incident; Birth of These Memoirs
- We Hook Up to the Internet–and Shawn Fixates on My Sex Life
- New Guy Begging at My Feet
- Life on TCB
- Meeting Cugan (Hubby)
- Learning my ex Peter was a love-fraud; New Men
- Before Tracy, There Was the Avenger (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 1)
- Torn between three men as Catherine pushes me toward Cugan
- The Love Rectangle
- Torn between FIVE men! Me?
- Persephone’s Own Outrageous Stories of Phil’s Abuse
- College-style living
- Online Shenanigans
- Phil Finds TCB; Meeting a Hit Man
- Gypsy’s Party: Healed friendship with Peter
- The Avenger Starts a Flame War (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2)
- Meeting the elusive Speaker
- First Date with Future Hubby Cugan
- On Breaking Up with Kindness
- Loony Roommies and Flying Gargoyles
- The Goddess of Pleasure and Salt
- A Conversation with Oscar Wilde
- My First SCA Event
- Cugan: a vast improvement over Phil
- Easter with Cugan’s family and SCA
- Cugan breaks up with me
- After breakup: Phil’s return and trolls
- Cugan comes back
- SCA hippies; college senioritis: anxiety!
- Or should I move back in with my parents?
- Peace with Phil
- Defending my Thesis; Graduating with Honors
- Graduation: Trapped at school
- Epilogue and Apology from Phil