Sharon and I plotted to go to The Brady Movie, which had just come out in theaters, with Krafter and Stimpy on a double date. But before we could say anything about it, Stimpy told me (totally oblivious) that he just saw it with his good friend Misty, a thirtyish gay man.
Misty was a sweet guy, and also flamboyantly gay, at least online. I loved playing with him in tele. Fortunately, he and Stimpy were just friends. But dang it, now our scheme was ruined.
On Saturday, February 18, Krafter drove Sharon and me in his minivan to his house. (Stimpy didn’t have a car.) We watched MST:3K there, sitting on the pillow-filled, white couch in the immaculate living room, watching a big-screen TV.
I sat close to Stimpy on the couch and kept inching closer. I forget what else I did, but it was obvious to Sharon what I was doing.
I couldn’t believe how quickly I got a reply from Cugan: within a few days of sending my letter. I showed his letter to Catherine, who read more into it than I did.
She thought the line, “If you cannot find someone [to drive you to the next SCA meeting], let me know, and I’d be happy to help,” and his phone number, to be signs of interest. I hoped so, but didn’t want to read in things that might not be there.
We were both impressed to find that the universe actually favored me: Cugan was a conservative Christian, a Lutheran (Missouri Synod). I asked Catherine if that was compatible with Nazarenes, because I’d had quite enough of religious friction. She, a member of ELCA, said Lutherans are probably the most compatible denomination.
I planned another letter, hoping to start a correspondence that may lead to more than friendship.
On the night of Monday, February 20, I went online and found Stimpy. Somehow, the conversation turned to dating. I don’t remember if he noticed me coming on to him on Saturday, but he might have. I asked if he wanted to be considered my man, and he said okay. I wrote,
“I just got out of a bad relationship only a few months ago, so I don’t want a serious relationship yet: I’m scared of it.”
This is one reason why I pursued several guys at once: If the heart is so divided, the rejection of one will not hurt, and none will be able to wound it with mistreatment.
It gave me the chance to find out what each guy was really like, to find a compatible one, and to weed out deceptive ones like Peter and abusive ones like Phil. I even flirted with Stubby, though he had an online girlfriend.
Stimpy wrote, “I’m not going to push you, and it’ll be nothing you don’t want.”
We agreed that we could see other people.
That same night, Catherine called and asked, “Do you want me to call up Cugan and get some information out of him? I’ll say I’m doing a poll on who’s married and single in the shire.”
I didn’t know it for quite some time, but she was actually direct, asking him what he thought of me.
Soon after I logged off TCB that night, the phone rang again.
Catherine said, “I just talked to Cugan. You know what? He thinks you’re cute.”
Of course, here I was in Heaven because Cugan thought I was cute, but also ambivalent because I’d just asked Stimpy to date me.
I knew it was okay to date them both if they both wanted me. I’d never played the field before, despite wanting to with Peter at times, so it intrigued me.
After I told Speaker of my agreement with Stimpy, I still called myself “your Nyssie,” but Speaker wrote, “No, you’re not my Nyssie. You’re Stimpy’s Nyssie now.” I tried to tell him it wasn’t exclusive.
And I also wrote to Brad from the Superbowl Party. I never had three guys interested in me all at once before.
If I got serious with any of them, I’d have to give up the other two–and give that one a chance to turn abusive. Brad was more a pen friend than a boyfriend, though: We were writing to see if we wanted it to go farther or not.
On the night of either Friday the 24th or Saturday the 25th, Krafter hosted a “Python-a-thon.” He invited those whom he considered to be the nice and cool users of TCB. So Avenger and Lima were not there, of course.
Sharon and I were invited. An engineering student named Franz was there; either I or someone else called him Znarf. He was one of Avenger’s favorite targets.
I believe Stubby was there, too. A few others were also there, mostly guys. Krafter showed Monty Python movies: The Holy Grail, The Meaning of Life, and Life of Brian. I’d never seen The Meaning of Life before, and it was quite a treat.
At some point that night, when everyone else had gone home and left Sharon and me with Krafter and Stimpy, somebody mentioned the SCA. Krafter said he thought about joining a local group, but then he met a member who didn’t believe in bathing or modern dentistry. (I later found out who he meant.) He didn’t want to join anymore.
Sharon and I stayed over until the next morning. No, there were no orgies or improprieties. 🙂 I cuddled up with Stimpy on the couch, and eventually fell asleep.
Sharon, Krafter and probably Stimpy watched late movies they found on TV, such as the re-make of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum. I was asleep when they turned it on, and since I couldn’t stand to ever see that movie again, I tried to go back to sleep. (I had to see it in my Sci-Fi Winterim class freshman year; it was gross. 😛 )
After that, whenever I saw Stimpy online, I usually typed “cuddle stimpy,” and he typed “cuddle nys.” This called up the actions, “Nyssa is cuddling with Stimpy” and “Stimpy is cuddling with Nyssa.”
Table of Contents
December 1991: Ride the Greyhound
January 1992: Dealing with a Breakup with Probable NVLD
March 1992: Shawn: Just Friends or Dating?
April 1992: Pledging, Prayer Group–and Peter’s Smear Campaign
October 1992–Shawn’s Exasperating Ambivalence:
Summer 1993: Music, Storm and Prophetic Dreams
- Classmate a stand-in for “Rudy”; Jigging at College Dance
- Library Tales
- Happiness Returns
- Living with Friends in Krueger
- Funny Library Stories
- Shawn Calls
- Psycho Roommates and Bug Wars
- Return of Rick
- Adjusting to New Dorm
- Spitball-Throwing Teacher
- Rat-Obsessed Teacher and Doctor Zhivago
- A Teacher Dated a Student; InterVarsity Fun
- Charlie Peacock Concert
- Random Stories
- Letter to Shawn
- Erotic Vampire Dream (Inspiration for Alexander Boa)
- I Ask Out James
- Peter Calls!
- The Fateful First Meeting of Phil
- The Birth of Dolphin Philosophy
- Our Group of Friends Splits Apart
- Spring Classes
- Big Red Flag: Phil’s Dysfunctional Family Life
- The Drunken Stork (Phil’s Controlling Nature Manifests)
- Idealizing Phase and Early Sign of Control
- Phil Tries to Control my Friendships, Unfair Accusations from his Dad and Brother
- Phil Gaslights Me with Fake Dreams, Ridicule and Psychological Abuse
- Another Pre-Engagement
June 1994–Bits of Abuse Here and There:
- The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell
- Phil rapes me anally
- Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want–even proper hygiene
- Phil’s cruel hoax on me: his “subconscious” coming out to be with me
- Phil’s “subconscious” explains why he’s coming out to talk to me
- The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky
- How Phil’s behavior fit the signs of abuse
- Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games
- Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers
- Pearl reveals that Phil is costing me social invitations
- Hints that Phil is checking out of the marriage
September 1994–Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel:
- Phil picks fights and avoids responsibilities to make me feel like a shrew
- My husband Phil, Dave and Pearl call me a party pooper for getting a Grade II concussion
- I’m ecstatic to be back with my friends (the ones Phil hates); I meet Charles
- Phil vanishes without a word of why
- Phil wants a divorce
- My friends tells me that Phil is controlling and possessive
- My first Pentecostal church service: They speak in tongues
- Phil refuses to accept responsibility for the divorce
- Phil cuts off contact
- Attack of Phil’s Flying Monkey and Sycophant: Dirk
- Phil the narcissist admits to manipulating people and using them as pawns in his game with me
- Phil comes crawling back to me–and we put our marriage on paper
- Phil demands my complete submission and forces me into oral sex–and my will is broken, for fear he’ll divorce me again
- Phil walks away from me again–because I dare to have my own mind, opinions and needs–and because he’s a sociopath
- Fierce anger against Phil and PTSD from the abuse
- My friends tell me Phil is psychotic
- “Soul Ties”
- I return Phil’s things and he skewers me; consolation from friends
- My letter to Phil
- Phil shows my letter to his friends; I’m triggered by reminder of forced oral sex
- I start dating Charles
- Friends tell me Phil is controlling
- I feel stalked by Phil
- Poem about being stalked by Phil
- Fury at Phil stalking me and rubbing my face in his new relationship
- A Date with the Vampire
- Celtic Class: Knotwork, Tin Whistles, SCA–and Drinking from a Skull
- The Teddy-O Incident; Birth of These Memoirs
- We Hook Up to the Internet–and Shawn Fixates on My Sex Life
- New Guy Begging at My Feet
- Life on TCB
- Meeting Cugan (Hubby)
- Learning my ex Peter was a love-fraud; New Men
- Before Tracy, There Was the Avenger (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 1)
- Torn between three men as Catherine pushes me toward Cugan
- The Love Rectangle
- Torn between FIVE men! Me?
- Persephone’s Own Outrageous Stories of Phil’s Abuse
- College-style living
- Online Shenanigans
- Phil Finds TCB; Meeting a Hit Man
- Gypsy’s Party: Healed friendship with Peter
- The Avenger Starts a Flame War (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2)
- Meeting the elusive Speaker
- First Date with Future Hubby Cugan
- On Breaking Up with Kindness
- Loony Roommies and Flying Gargoyles
- The Goddess of Pleasure and Salt
- A Conversation with Oscar Wilde
- My First SCA Event
- Cugan: a vast improvement over Phil
- Easter with Cugan’s family and SCA
- Cugan breaks up with me
- After breakup: Phil’s return and trolls
- Cugan comes back
- SCA hippies; college senioritis: anxiety!
- Or should I move back in with my parents?
- Peace with Phil
- Defending my Thesis; Graduating with Honors
- Graduation: Trapped at school
- Epilogue and Apology from Phil