Fighting the Darkness: Breaking the Power of Narcissists

[This is one of my most popular posts.]

I Spy With My Little Eye…A Blog Stalker?

The trouble with dealing with narcissists is that they can still manipulate you as long as you are still emotionally connected to them.  It is necessary to break free of that power they have over you, so they can no longer touch you, no matter what they do.  My purpose now is to break that power.

Tracy and, possibly, Richard, who seems to have been recruited to this as well (along with one friend who was also recruited but is blocked from my Facebook now), have been playing games with my head for the past several weeks, but in such a subtle way as to make me look like the crazy one.

First, after reading all my blogs in (from what they said to me) narcissistic glee, they sent me a nasty e-mail that twisted the truth, denied their abuses and bullying, tried to turn everything around on me, and laughed at me for being upset about the things they did; they threatened to sue me if I went to my priest for help.

They know I don’t want them on this blog anymore since their purpose is malicious, so they found a way around my blocks and have been checking it constantly.  They know I don’t want to see them, so they’ve been putting themselves right where I can see them.

The purpose is to screw with my mind and take me down.  If everyone thinks I’m crazy, then I’m the one discredited, and they get away with what they did.  It is one massive mind screw.

So I have two choices: give in to the mind screw and let them take me down, or fight back by removing the power from them to do this.

Tracy has always been very competitive, playing her games–whether Risk, or online games, or the game she’s playing in your head–to win.  It’s not about you at all.  She has identified and is exploiting my vulnerabilities, which is what you do in war.

She obviously sees me as a threat, or else why would she do all this?  If you really think I’m so “not all there,” then just laugh and ignore my lunatic ravings.

My priest has told me not to check my blog stats for a while, even though it does serve a legitimate purpose of seeing if anyone (besides various bots, which are peskily numerous) is actually reading what I post, and even though bloggers typically want to know who’s reading.  But the purpose of fasting from the stats is to make Richard and Tracy vanish.

The narcissist central focus is control. The narcissist is interested in controlling emotions and fostering a sense of attachment to his victims even when he is no longer physically a part of their lives.

Mind games are essentially utilized to torture the victim and to take over the mental processes of the victim. This negation of thoughts and cogitation is fostered by keeping the victim attached to the narcissistic ex partner through inferences, drafting and keeping the victim connected to the situation that she desperately needs to overcome….

Do not allow the narcissist to exploit you and play games with your mind.  Do not permit someone to have dominion over your thoughts and your private moments.

They are yours; seize them now before it is too late. Get your control back but before you lose not just only a love interest but your sanity, pride and maybe your life. –Crystal Evans, Why the Narcissist Loves Mind Games

You have the option of knowing what he is up to and therefore not allowing yourself to be taken in by his games. The narcissist will prey on you only as long as you let him. —Tigress Luv, Narcissistic Mind Games

I know that, in my own experience, getting in touch with my feelings was the turning point. I started to explore my feelings, asking myself just exactly how this stuff was making me feel. I mean that I dug deep until I could put my finger on exactly HOW a thing made me feel.

Did it make me feel violated in some way? Did it make me feel like two cents waiting for change? And so on.

And then I zeroed in on why what the narc did made me feel that way.  Guess what? I discovered that all my feelings were perfectly natural and that I was just being normal and human for feeling that way.

I also saw that the narcissist was deliberately working to make me feel that way.  Needless to say, that changed everything. I was no longer easy prey. –Kathy Krajco, Examples of Narcissistic Behavior

Cyberbullying Research Summary: Emotional and Psychological Consequences


  1. kathy

    I have been tied to a narcissistic man who is at the high end of his game for almost 30 years. Separated of course, but we have several kids together.

    Everything You read about he does relentlessly. Mind games, shaming me, turning my support against me, friends, family. He’s so good at it! I found myself always in a position of defending myself to everyone around me, I’m not crazy, really I’m not, it’s him don’t you see? Giving him chances and chances and always having to prove my loyalty and commitment to him when he was none of that to me.

    I moves across the country with the kids to get away from him even got a restraining order . I have had several of these. He moved within 4 miles of me . He says because he wants to be by his kids to be a good father. It is so he can be near to torture us.

    The worst part is how he brainwashed the kids, even the ones in their twenties. Well he has been doing this for two decades. Mom can’t be trusted , mom is a liar, mom is a bad parent, mom is psychotic, mom can’t manage our money , mom can’t do anything right , it’s mom’s fault, everything.

    Well anyway, here I am, since he moved here, it’s gotten even worse, he has managed to take yet another support system and turn them against me. He actually asked a friend of mine who was a strong supporter for me, and in the ministry , to meet with them for “counselinģ” , and of course this friend couldn’t deny the man a chance to meet and “counsel”.

    He used the time to defend himself against everything I have ever told my friend about this man . He made me look like a mental patient and him the is understood nice guy who has to deal patiently with his crazy wife. And they believed him.

    I could go on….he uses our older daughter .gas lighting . To bring me down in ways he can’t because of the R.O. like getting her to turn me in to social services for a messy house or saying I ha be been drinking neither are true of course he was trying to reverse the custody order so he launch he’d on a campaign to discredit me. He even managed to get me kicked out of my apartment àcqdemy d then had our daughter turn me in again when I was living in a hotel with the kids . It never ends.

    I feel sorry for my daughter not angry, she cries for her mom (she is 23) and I talk to her, then she goes back to helping him. He has her under his spell. His involvement with her has even cost her her engagement with the man that truly loved her. Her dad cant have her leaving him, to get married. But he will discard her when he’s done using her . His own daughter.

    There’s enough horror stories to write pages and pages here . Right now my situation is that one of our kids is 21 and severely autistic. I can’t leave the home to work because I care for my son. Their dad has a good job and I get garnished child support including this son.

    He violates the R.O. and I could turn him in but he would lose his job and I cannot provide financially on my own for the minors plus the son with autism. I want to turn him in, I want to move again to get away from him.

    The agreement says I have custody but he has lots of visitation. I am allowed to live where I want legally. But just like in the past, when he senses I am trying to get away, he starts manipulating the kids to not want to go with me. More horror stories about this issue from the past I won’t go into.

    Also, we are legally seperated, not divorced. He does to want me to get a divorcd, it’s a sign of rejection to him. And I am his property , regardless if we do not live together or like each other. He doesn’t want me to ever be with another man, the idea is unacceptable to him.

    I am stuck. If I divorce him anyway, he will make us pay. By us, I mean even the older kids away at college. He helps pay their tuition and has told me he would stop if I reject him in this way.

    Also, I didn’t mention, all of the older kids are really messed up and really struggling to be normal young adults , and struggling with anxiety, depression add, and just getting jobs and basically struggling with just functioning. So they are all dependant. 8 kids. Some minors, some not.

    So the loss of dad’s job, and pulling of his support in this go like insurance, turning off cell phones, kicking a couple older ones out of his house, which would be probably best for them because he is pretty evil, but they are real,you dependant and unable to care for themselves. He also threatens to quit his job if I cross the line and reject him.

    This means not divorcing, not trying to find someone else because that would make him look like a failure, and telling him there is a Chance we might have sex after all.

    There seems to be no way to bring justice to this man or get away in peace, without hurting the kids in the process. But I also see that this dilemma many years ago should have been to cut ties as much as possible and take whatever penalty that resulted in. But didn’t I try to do that, he just turned into a stalker.

    • Nyssa McCanmore

      I am sorry for how this man has and continues to torment you. It certainly sounds like sociopathy, using the same old tactics that are common to abusers. I hope you can find a way to get away from him.

      I suggest checking out by Tina Swithin. Her blog focuses on divorcing a narcissist, and various aspects of dealing with one through the courts. She has been through this herself, and come out victorious. Hopefully she can help you get through this as well. 🙂

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