My stalkers have been blocked from my blog since late March, when I moved it to self-hosted WordPress. I could see them going to the old blog often, until my plugins were fixed so that all visitors are redirected here–where my stalkers’ IPs are blocked.
I’ve seen no sign of them here, or trying to come here, for weeks, so I hoped they were going to stop trying to bug me. I haven’t seen them at my church since August, or on the street since January.
I have been coming down off the constant feeling of threat and trauma, beginning to relax, beginning to get over what I’m quite certain was a form of PTSD.
They know how I feel about the things they did. They know I know about Richard’s child abuse conviction, and that I have documentation proving my claims of their abuses of me, the children and Todd, as well as documentation proving they’ve been stalking me online for months even though I’ve posted for them to stop.
They know I consider them hypocrites and fakes. They know I’m not going to back down and beg for their forgiveness for them treating me like crap. They know the priest knows all about our situation, their threats, their abuses, and that they were stalking and frightening me, because I went to him for help.
They know I consider them both narcissists, and do not want them anywhere near me. They know I will call the police again if they contact me again.
So I began to hope they’d never show up at my church again. Especially after a post I wrote to Richard which said he can end this war by apologizing and having a chat with us on Forgiveness Sunday, which offered him forgiveness, said that it was about resolving our differences in a biblical manner so that I could take the Eucharist with him–
–but said if he was just going to keep defending what he did and what was done to me, then walk away because we have nothing to say to each other.
He never responded, so I hoped to never see him again.
As the webmaster for my church’s new website, I can see the traffic coming in there as well. Today, I saw a very familiar IP address on the church’s website–looking at the service schedule. I see they have another cellphone (an iPhone). (You’d be amazed at what Google Analytics and Statcounter pick up.)
My husband wondered, a couple of months ago, if blocking them from my blog would lead to them showing up at my church again, to annoy me that way. You’ll note they don’t try to apologize and make peace; they don’t leave me alone when I tell them to (which is why I had to block them); they only try to intimidate and annoy.
Why would they even want to visit my church? If they can afford two fancy, expensive smartphones, which my engineer husband can’t even afford, then they must have found well-paying jobs which make gas prices no longer a concern.
So why come to a church they never even liked, which is too “ecumenical” for them, too “Greek,” and had the gall to tell them there’s a kid’s play area in the basement?
(They hated my church so much that they started going all the way to the next county for church instead! They couldn’t afford the gas then, either, but they kept going there and did not come to my church at all, even though we were friends then.)
If it’s to annoy me–then why on earth is that so important to them, especially a year after their threats? Just leave me alone already!
They know very well that they are not allowed to contact me, or I will charge them with harassment. It will be very interesting to see if they plan to make some kind of trouble at church.
I can’t just stop going, especially with my responsibilities there and my son going to Sunday School, but as they say, Forewarned is Forearmed. The key is to ignore, ignore, ignore. I hope that blocking them from this blog, and ignoring them at church, will lead to them getting bored and going away.
I read recently that when you start to heal, the narcs come back for another round. I wish I could remember where that was; I think it was on one of many narc abuse survivor blogs…..
My ex-husband has been on a public relations campaign at church since I left him.
Leaving him after almost 30 years of marriage was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and when I go to church, I see him being Mr. Wonderful, and at first he was so pitiful that people were angry at me.
Amazing because I am the one who was more involved, I’m the one they really know. But they are believing him.
I don’t want to change churches because I grew up in this denomination and it suits me, and because my kids go to this church, and because I have been the more involved at our church all these years.
To him, everything is a game that he must win…and I must lose. Much of the time it looks like that is happening. He’s good at this. (Joy)
You could leave the church and then return later, when he is gone. Just don’t let anyone know of your plan. And you could just stay and hold your ground. After all, why should he dictate this area of your life as well as so much of the rest? But the fight is hard and draining. You have to be healthy to get through it. (Blog Author)
I finally went to the head pastor who was supportive and “got it” I think almost immediately. Once the Elders were informed, they also got it. I have finally received care and validation, and my husband has been repeatedly asked to leave. He refuses, blames me, says he has done nothing to repent of, lies about me and has continued to come.
It has been so very hard to continue, but I was the one that was involved in the church body life, not him. You’re right Joy, it’s all about winning with a N personality. My husband must “win” and drive me out and take away this support.
My journey has been mind-boggling. God’s tender, merciful Love is the only thing that has kept me alive. I am so broken; our children are broken. Hope is so hard to sustain, and yet I know He is able to restore.
Evil and cruelty are always a hard storm to weather, but mental manipulation is beyond the pale. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. (Rita Cizek)
There is no excuse for excusing an abuser. Abusers do NOT belong in church. Abusers need to be exposed, and the abused need to be healed. (Penny)
–Comments from The Christian Narcissist by Grace for My Heart, someone who “gets it”!
[Update 10/29/14: To my surprise, despite their checking out my church’s service schedule, the narcs never showed up at my church after all. Since their own church has been closed for at least a year now, they must have found somewhere else to go–if anywhere.]