I’m not the only blogger who’s been “found” by the abuser

In the blogosphere, writing about your experiences with abuse, narcissism, borderline personality disorder, bullying and the like, is common:

My Trip to Oz and Back has been up for nearly 10 years, one woman’s story of her experiences with her girlfriend, whom she now believes to have borderline personality disorder.

Joyful Alive Woman also wrote about her abusive, narcissist, former female friend.

Single Dad Laughing and Alan Eisenberg blog their bullying stories under their real names.

Patricia Singleton uses her real name to blog about her abuse experiences.

There are also many who write anonymously.  The anonymous author of Narcissists Suck wrote all sorts of things about her sister and her sister’s e-mails, and claimed to check her stats all the time to see if her sister had found it–but the blog is still up in all its glory.

The Prozac Blogger is afraid of his father finding the blog and “wiping the floor” with him in court.  [Update 5/29/14: Prozac Blogger has long since healed, and removed his blog.]

One Angry Daughter had to deal with the fallout when her family found her blog, but her blog is still up.  [Update 5/29/14: Not anymore.  I believe she stuck it on Amazon a while back so you could pay to read it, but now it’s not there, either.] 

The popular Psycho Ex-Wife blog got shut down, even though it was anonymous, when the ex-wife found it and complained to the judge; the authors of the site are trying to get it back up again.

These blogs are a kind of Internet-wide group therapy session, and the blogs are helping all sorts of people realize their sanity and learn how to deal with the abusers/narcissists/BPDs/bullies in their own lives.

Shutting them down would only help the bullies and abusers, and victimize the abused all over again.  Let’s support keeping these blogs on the Net!

From “Psycho Ex-Wife”:

We are asking for help in this defense because it is an issue that faces any parent that is divorced.

Imagine a judge telling you that you cannot talk about your children on “any public media” – which would include things like Facebook updates, Twitter, or your personal blog – or you will lose custody.  Imagine the far-reaching consequences for bloggers everywhere if orders such as this one are left unchallenged?

There goes your online support group.  There goes your Facebook and Twitter updates.  Your website, personal OR commercial – ordered gone under threat of incarceration and having your beloved children removed from your custody.

This order flies in the face of our civil rights, and your civil rights, too! Imagine trying to protect your children from abuse and a judge telling you that you must hide the abuse and protect the abuser by not allowing you to talk about the abuse in public, we can’t let this stand.

Another reason to keep up such blogs is the understanding it provides for people who struggle with residual effects of abuse or bullying, but everyone keeps telling them, “Let it go, move on.”  As Patricia Singleton puts it so eloquently:

I have discovered that those people who tell me to “Let it go now. Move on.” are usually one of two types. They either have never experienced what I have and therefore know nothing about the process that it takes to heal. Or, they have their own abuse issues that they want to stay in denial of.

If you see me going through my issues and haven’t dealt with your own, then my struggle threatens your denial. That is why you tell me to let it go and to move on so that you don’t have to become aware of your own unresolved issues.

I feel sad for those who are still in denial of their own issues. I have little sympathy for those who don’t know what they are talking about because they have never experienced what I have.

If you haven’t been there, you have no idea of what it takes to live my life and to struggle to get better. Don’t tell me to get over it.

If you have been where I am and were able to let go of your issues by healing them, then tell me how you did it. Share your experiences and what worked. Don’t share your denial of your issues. I don’t need that.

I did that, on my own, years ago and I know that denial just helps you continue to live in the pain. Denial heals nothing. When you are in denial, you aren’t happy. You aren’t free. The only way to freedom is through the pain, not around it.

…Some of you choose to share your own experiences, as I do, by blogging about them online. Others choose to write in private journals. Some of you still continue in the silence because you haven’t found your voice yet.

It is for other incest and childhood abuse survivors that I write of my experiences. Any time that someone survives abuse in any form and can write about that journey, that is inspirational.

It isn’t light, funny inspiration. It is sad, thoughtful, sometimes tearful. It is always heartfelt. Sometimes it comes from a deep well of hurt.

It is always healing to be able to bring these thoughts and feelings to the surface and share them with others. It can be educational to share with others who have never experienced abuse in their own lives. Without awareness, you can stop nothing.

I want to read the stories of people who are still “in the trenches” of working through their pain, not a step-by-step guide that tells you to just “stop thinking about it” or any of the other trite sayings which people give you.  And I write my “in-the-trenches” stories for others who are also in my place.

Mulderfan commented on a post,

FYI, a THERAPIST suggested I “piss and moan” on a blog as a way to rid myself of my demons. Its actually been a great way for me to meet other “volunteers” who, unlike you, validate my experiences.

As One Angry Daughter wrote in “Bear With Me”,

 In case you haven’t already heard the exciting news, my FOO [Family of Origin] has discovered my blog. I really don’t care if they are reading or not.

What I do have a problem with is NM [narcissistic mother] leaving comments spreading FOG [fear, obligation, guilt]. Out of the 300 + comments I have gotten on this blog, her comment was easy to spot. The comment has been deleted.

She has yelled over me and put me in my “place” my whole life. Well, she doesn’t get a voice here.

I have been able to block them from accessing (A how-to guide is in the works). I know eventually they might find a way around it (as I type, they are continuing to try to reload my page, click on various links to this page, and view cached versions of this site — I’m sure they think they are very clever.).

I kinda feel like a kid whose mother just read her diary… but I am not ashamed. These pages are my point of view, my honest account, my journey. The only reason I blog anonymously is to protect their identity, not mine.

So FOO – if you have sneaked your way back in and want to read, fine by me. Be warned, you may not like everything I have to say. If it bothers you, by all means, do not come back again. Please keep your opinion to yourself. I will find you and I will block you again.

 

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