4. THEY’RE TWO-FACED.
Narcissists have two faces — their real face and their stage face. And neither is anything like the other. Which one you see will depend on how long you’ve known them.
Narcissists can be very charming and know how to gain favor. Anyone who doesn’t know a narcissist well will tell you the narcissist is one of the greatest people they’ve ever met! They believe this is one of the most intelligent, kindest, most interesting, funny, agreeable, most attractive, talented or accomplished people ever. They may wish they themselves had it so “together” or were so popular.
However, anyone who knows that same narcissist better (family members, longtime coworkers, etc) will tell you the narcissist is one of the most horribly frustrating and toxic people they know, and the mere mention of their name makes them feel uneasy, angry, frustrated or otherwise unhappy.
Being the only one who is experiencing a narcissist’s real face, while all other family members or coworkers can still only see the narcissist’s stage face is a very lonely, painful and frustrating place to be.
Thankfully, the number of people who can see through the facade tends to increase with time.
5. THEY’RE VINDICTIVE.
If you dare to question a narcissist or request things like healthy boundaries and honesty, you’re going to become public enemy number one. The “Mr. or Ms. Wonderful” mask immediately comes off, and there is no level they will not stoop to in order to “punish” you.
The narcissist has a seemingly inexhaustible obsession for making people who cross them “pay”. Once they set their sights on you, you’re a permanent enemy, and their seething spite will feel as intense years down the road as it did when it first began.
The length of time they can keep up the full intensity of their hatred for you and their campaign to exact revenge is absolutely dumbfounding to non-narcissistic people.
7. THEY SMEAR PEOPLE WHO OPPOSE THEM.
Narcissists are allergic to healthy boundaries and fairness. If you question the insensitive things they do or put any limits whatsoever on their bad behavior, you will be targeted for social, professional, or personal obliteration.
Whatever narcissists perceive to be your psychological or situational “weak spots” will be their prime targets.
For instance, if the narcissist knows that your greatest fear is social ridicule, that will be the main focus of the smear campaign.
Narcissists know that the more effectively they can pinpoint your insecurities or flaws, the more successful they will be in eroding your confidence and your influence.
And if they manage to do that, they stand a good chance of getting back the power they planned to do whatever they pleased with before you “got in their way”.
See the other points at the above link, at Light’s House, “Things Narcissists Do.”
Update 9/7/17: Light’s House has been off the web for some time, but I found a link to an e-book by the same author, so I updated my links to that.