Progress Report on Inching Along with Healing Over Cluster B Abuse
I spent Sunday with an old college friend, the one whom I told about Richard and Tracy‘s abuses of their children, and who begged me to report them to CPS.
I updated her on what had happened in the past year since I saw her last. I recall her being a Psych major; she told me Richard sounded like a psychopath, that Richard and Tracy reading my blog all the time is creepy, that she couldn’t figure out why they would want to.
I told her about Richard screwing up the forum of a friend of six years, and she said it sounds like he has some issues. Since she’s known me all these years, she said, “You tend to attract these stalker-types.”
Todd put out a call on his forum the other day to go back to an old browser-based game (Cyber Nations), where you run your own nation, and to start an alliance based on the forum.
I hesitated because Richard and Tracy used to spend a lot of time on that game, until it went down for a while, and for all I know, could still be there.
But I would be with Todd and the rest of the forum, who have supported and believed me during this time. I don’t know if Richard, Tracy, or the Creep who sexually harassed me, are still there.
But Todd tells me I can avoid game drama simply by avoiding the game forums. For me it would be a chance to do three things:
- Though I hadn’t played this game before, I have played another one like it with Richard. This would help me put new memories into this genre of online games, ones that don’t involve Richard.
- Fight my fear of Richard and Tracy by not letting the dread of their possible presence keep me from things I want to do.
- Support Todd’s wish to play a game with the forum.
Also, today I tackled a piece of equipment at the gym which scares me. When I last tried it last summer, it turned out to be far too heavy for my abilities at the time. It looks scary, and the thought of trying it again has been daunting. But today, I tried it again. Now I’m finally strong enough to do it!
Not only do I want to reverse the trend of weight gain as I age, a trend which continued despite my walking/exercise biking since 1996–but I want to feel strong enough to hold my own if Tracy ever comes after me.
(Or Richard, since I know he’s crazy enough to do it, after he came close to assaulting/possibly killing the woman who evicted him. Even Todd called him unstable.)
One reason for my fear of Tracy since I met her physically in 2007, is her huge size, towering over and far heavier than petite me. When she gets angry, it’s even worse, as her size combines with her abusiveness.
But if I keep getting stronger by lifting weights, and improving endurance through cardio, I should eventually feel strong enough to defend myself if needs be.
The physical confidence could also extend into emotional confidence to fight off Tracy and Richard’s psychological mind-games and ability to cause emotional trauma.
As the Fonz once said on Happy Days, you can win a fight without throwing a punch if people believe you are a force to be reckoned with. (Not an exact quote; I don’t feel like chasing it down.)