[This was posted May 25, 2012. The blog was only “scrubbed” for a very short time, then it all went back up again.]
I blocked their IP so they couldn’t keep coming here, which they’ve been doing 3 or 4 times a day, all week long, just looking but not saying a word, and really starting to creep me out.
But I’m still keeping the place scrubbed for the time being. In the mean time, enjoy my other tales of my experiences: NVLD and My College Memoirs: Life at Roanoke: Or, how NVLD affected my life.
It’s the typical abusive e-mail: blame the victim, try to make the victim seem like the crazy one, threats, deny, minimize, justify, isolate the victim from support, etc. etc.
They turned things around to make me sound like the bully, just like she verbally abused me on 7/1/10 and then claimed to be the “victim.”
And they’re laughing at my pain.
Yet I have online court records, the things I witnessed, the things they themselves told me, chat logs, e-mails, to prove that I’m not lying. As for speculation–It’s easy to tell what parts are speculation. They are gaslighting me again, trying to make me think I haven’t seen what I’ve seen, or know what I know.
And I think they have a much broader idea of the range of this blog than it actually has: It’s just a small-time blog with small numbers, which is not advertised in the wall of my Facebook account, and appears to have had no pageviews at all from the one mutual friend since long before any of the abuse story blog posts went up.
Very few people have actually read any of it, and apparently not anyone Richard or Tracy know; there is absolutely no record in Google Analytics or in the Blogger tracker of any of their friends having read it since any of this was posted.
Most of the blog posts in question had no more than maybe 15-30 hits, if even that, before they started clicking on them. But I’ve taken everything down anyway. [Update 2/16/14: This was only temporary. I put everything back up shortly thereafter.]
And I spoke to the police about the e-mail they sent me, put it on file that I received this, and what happened.
Why did they even come here, spying on the means I used, the means I have always used, a very effective means, to get various abuse and bullying experiences out of my system? The College Memoirs posts finally got those experiences out of my system; this one was finally going out as well, when Richard and Tracy decided to poop all over it.
They actually had the nerve to accuse me of “threatening” them because I told them if they bullied me again, I would tell again. Oh, gee, the victim isn’t supposed to speak up about bullying? Yeah, I get it.
And they got after me for telling them to stay away from me, from my church, said that they would now start coming all the time because of that. So I don’t get to set boundaries, tell the bully to leave me alone? Yeah, I get it.
This e-mail only proves my point yet again. If they were normal people who actually cared about others, they wouldn’t have sent this e-mail. They wouldn’t sit there and say they did nothing wrong.
They would say they were sorry. They would realize that they overreacted, were too hard on me. Heck, things never would’ve gotten like this in the first place, because on the first day or two after such a blowup, they would’ve calmed down and apologized for getting nasty.
But their response proves that they are indeed narcissists and bullies, who care only about their own selves, not anybody else or the consequences of their rages. Even though their actions caused me severe psychological and spiritual trauma and damage, they still insist they will not apologize because they “did nothing wrong.”
They’re just like “The Avenger,” who found the page of my College Memoirs about her, and even though some years had passed, still said, “You have an interesting perspective on what happened.” No apologies, nothing. Just ridicule.
And as I wrote on the first page of my website account, if they just look and laugh and make no apologies, then that’s childish and proves that they have no business coming back in our lives.
I had hoped that Richard was reading my blog posts and realizing just how badly he had treated me, that he was wrong, and was going to beg our forgiveness.
But sadly, no. I was severely deceived by his character. His true character is now glaring me in the face. And it is an ugly one.
I am DONE grieving for him, because his friendship was all a facade. True friends don’t treat you this way. They were just using us.
I wish so much that I had never heard of this person. That I had never invited him to live here. I was so, so very wrong to do this. I repent of it sorely.
Take my story as a precaution that you must be extremely careful how you meet any Internet friends in real life. Do not let them move in with you right away. Do not assume that their Internet persona is their real one.
Now I fear for my safety if I go to my own church, wonder if I will even be able to continue there, or will be chased out of it, because Richard and Tracy are threatening to show up at my church all the time now just to spite me, just out of hate!
And they are trying to bully me into silence yet again, just as they did when they told me, “Don’t go crying to Jeff, because we don’t need the headache.” It makes me wish I had held onto the e-mails they sent me two years ago, because I could use them for evidence for the police and the priest. [I still have some of them.]
Update 6/24/16: For what I REALLY said, see these links, which prove I NEVER threatened them (except to say I’d go to the police if they threatened me):
It’s been a struggle just keeping in the same denomination as they are, especially when they have demonstrated that they will still come to my church on occasion–meaning I can never consider them to be completely out of my life unless they relocate.
I came close to giving up on church because it reminded me too much of Richard, but I had too much strength in my beliefs to throw them away.
I sometimes feel that the only way I can truly go on in Orthodoxy is if they either apologize for their crimes, or leave me alone to disconnect the Orthodox Church from Richard.
Also a now-deleted section of one of my pages, which said,
I am no longer afraid of either you or Tracy, because the charges against you mean you are walking on very thin ice with the authorities, and you know it. If either of you even so much as leaves an angry message on my answering machine, I will report you immediately.
[Update 2/16/14:] This is related to the post Now I’m Being Stalked. I will NOT sticky-post “Stalked,” because that would mean going into it again and re-reading the threatening, DARVO e-mail sent by Tracy. This would still be bad for my emotional health; I went no-contact with these people for a reason, because Tracy has a “gift” to sear people with her words. So if you want to read it, go to the above link.
And especially see this, which is relevant to this e-mail I received–and to e-mails just like it which are sent to victims of abuse and narcissists, all over the world, all the time: One Mom’s Battle posts on the Narc Decoder, Reclaiming Your Power with the Narc Decoder
Another narc decoder post is here.