Taking Back My Power At Last

I just read this:

CHANGE your perspective: Yes, he gets away with much because he has no conscience and he’s a very sick person, and he’s going to do what he’s going to do, but I have a LIFE I WANT TO LIVE NOW AND I AM IN CHARGE OF WHAT I CAN BE IN CHARGE OF: And THAT is your perspective.

How much of how he affects you now is that you allow him too? He recreates the bond over and over by doing something slimy and sneaky, triangulating others in your life, including the children. What perspective can you take on that means he has less power and that you have MORE, no matter what slimy, sneaky thing HE is doing?

Trying to fight with, convince, share, tell, order, complain, whine, REACT to a psychopath, means he still has the power. Every grievance that you share with him, even in anger, gives him power, TELLS him, LITERALLY what to keep doing that bothers you, and therefore he does it, subsequently triggering you, keeping you a victim and never moving forward with your life. —To Get “Unstuck”

I wanted the freedom to tell the world everything that was going on, whether Richard/Tracy watched or not, as a big F**K YOU to them (I WILL continue exposing their deeds like this, no matter how they threaten me, because their real names/identifiers are not used and I speak the truth) and a help for anyone in a similar situation.

I had also hoped that sharing my heart on my blog would demonstrate to Richard just what he had done, reach him, show him that he needed to get things right with me or he would never be right with God….

But his lack of response, while continuing to read, has only confirmed my suspicions that he is a narcissist, possibly even a sociopath (he does have a history of violence and illegal activity).

My hope continued–until I posted that I wanted to be left alone for Lent, wanted to move on by no longer seeing him in my stats, and blocked him.

(I couldn’t block him before, as much as I tried for months, because Toolator (Blogger blocker) was not upgrading accounts to allow blocking dynamic (changing) IPs (your computer’s address).  Other blockers I tried, did not work.  But now, he’d switched to a static (unchanging) IP, so I tried Toolator again.)

Then, once he got around the block and saw my posts about blocking him, not only did he find ways to get around the block (going all over town using various wi-fis for the same cell phone and, apparently, figuring out how to defeat the blockers), but he began checking my blog constantly.

He and she, since Tracy checked my blog from her college campus once, so I’m quite certain they’re in on this together, are both narcs/sociopaths deliberately trying to keep me “stuck.”  Last year they ridiculed me for being angry at what they did to me, but they’re obviously trying to keep me in that dark place.

This fits the above description of how a narc will find out what bugs you from your complaints, then keep doing it–on purpose to keep you “stuck,” to keep you his victim, to keep you from moving on with your life.

Moving my blog to WordPress.org (especially with a redirect plug-in to transfer my traffic), then using far more effective blockers to keep them out, was the best thing I could have done.  I have blocked several of the IPs I found him using, including dynamic ones; even if he does find another internet source to hook into, his home network and a few other sources are blocked, so he can’t just come here any time he likes.

Now I’m taking my power back at last.  I see him still checking every day or two, but he’s stuck at the old blog, unable to come to the new one.

I’m beginning to feel free.  I’m beginning to move on.  I’m beginning to heal.

His character is so glaringly clear to me now, that I KNOW he was just using me from the beginning, that he lied to me about himself, reflected my own self back to me making me think he was very different, possibly even lied about his faith.

I mean, come on, these “Orthodox Christians” are not even respecting Lent, and never made an attempt, after we broke things off with them, to sort things out with us, to apologize for their own part in things, to do anything that was not selfish and self-centered!  They took, took and took again from us, but did not give back.