I want to change the focus of my posts….
It’s one thing to work out your trauma by blogging. But I want to start focusing on other things now; I’m getting bored with having to rehash my Richard/Tracy friendship abuse story even in reblogs of other people’s posts.
I have gotten much better since I started writing about this, and am beginning to move past the trauma at last.
I may keep posting about other websites on narcissism, or other abuse blogs, which I like and look helpful for my readers. And I intend to continue posting the story of Phil, who abused me in college.
But like many other abuse bloggers who have worked out their issues, I don’t want to think about these particular narcissists ALL THE TIME, just to keep getting hits.
Basically, I want to keep helping others affected by abuse, but back off on continuing to use this blog for therapy for the ways Richard/Tracy abused me.
(They do keep watching this blog constantly, but to be honest, I no longer care. I could block them with one click of the mouse.)
But I want others to continue benefiting from what I have already written about Richard/Tracy, without it getting buried under my new posts. I believe that my old therapy posts have value for people who are in the midst of their own abuse trauma.
So I intend to keep sticky-posting various old therapy posts on the Richard/Tracy story, while moving in different directions in my new posts, unless something new happens.
Also, I intend to make the long version of my story (The Darkness Engulfs Me) into a series of much-smaller posts, since it is quite large; this does not require me to write anything new on the subject.
Even my old therapy posts, as angry as I may have been when I wrote them, have value. Anyone in the midst of recovery knows how the rage fills you; my posts can help validate other abuse victims, and free them to allow themselves to feel angry.
A fellow Writer’s Club member noted that a poem she wrote expressed the grief of a friend; this friend appreciated that her own feelings were put to words, so you can help another person through your own writing.
I have also seen comments on abuse blogs, from people who say they can’t or don’t want to write about their experiences, but the blogs put into words their own feelings.
So even when it’s someone else’s words, or someone else’s story, a reader’s own feelings can be validated and expressed just by reading it.
It’s the same as when I hear a song on the radio that expresses my own emotions, even though I am not the writer or the singer.
[Update 8/16/15: As I read today in The Prodigal by Beverly Lewis, it also helps to hear someone else went through your pain, but can smile again.]
All last year, I searched for blogs like mine, to validate myself and see that I’m not alone, see that it’s not weird or crazy to blog like this; there are probably thousands of blogs just like this one.
So I want my own to still be available for others who search the Net for such blogs, especially on friendship abuse. There are friendship-abuse/narc blogs, but not nearly as many as for family narcs and ex-spouse narcs.
My posts can also help if a reader finds mistakes I made, and sees how to avoid them.
In fact, seeing that you can make mistakes, but still not deserve abuse of any kind, is extremely helpful for any abuse victim. You hear so much from your abuser that you “deserved” it that you start to believe it, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
But what if you have done something wrong, do you deserve it then? But we ALL do things wrong, so do we all deserve abuse? NO! Let my mistakes teach you that as well.