I keep finding blogs about abuse and narcissism on the Net, people’s personal experiences. Some are about narcissistic families of origin, some are about divorcing a narcissistic ex, some are about domestic violence, child abuse, abuse from a friend….
And the inevitable comments: “Why put this on the Net instead of in a personal journal?” Or complaints that it’s “dirty laundry” being aired on the Net.
Of course, there’s a huge difference between typical arguments with others, which do not make good blog material, and actual abuse, bullying and molestation. If you argue with a family member over who gets to host Thanksgiving, that’s not abuse, and not of lasting interest.
I don’t post about such things as, arguments with my husband, teenage arguments I had with my parents (except to say how I’ve since learned from it), disputes with the in-laws, getting dissed by a receptionist, etc. These things are common to everyone and have very little public interest.
I really don’t want to read a blog about how some wench at work ripped on your outfit and you snarked back at her. But actual abuse situations, psychological manipulation, narcissism, bullying, and the resulting traumas, should be considered valid subjects for blogs.
There are reasons to blog about this publicly. There are various ways you can vent, after all. But one is to put your experience where others can easily find it, be validated by it, and learn more than they ever could from a clinical manual.
Sure you can publish it in a book, as many people do, but then you have to go through a publisher, editing, marketing, then your book doing poorly and no longer getting published. You also get accused of selling your grief for money. At least with a blog, all these things do not happen, and anyone can read your blog for free. It’s authentic.
Another is the most important: For millennia, abuse victims have been forced to keep quiet. Don’t air dirty laundry, they’re told. It’s “vengeance” and “gossip,” they’re told. Outsiders are told to mind their own business.
Some have been able to tell what happened, but many more try and fail, and get punished by the abuser–or even by society. Many will tell, but the statute of limitations has expired, or the abuser will have a good lawyer, or the principal doesn’t believe you, or the church places your molester in a different parish, or the abuser refuses to apologize and make things right, or whatever.
But now, the Internet has given abuse and bullying victims a unique and effective means to get out our message. We don’t have to hold our silence anymore. Don’t squelch us from speaking out about what’s happened to us.
And maybe, just maybe, the more of us speak out, the more abusers will realize they can’t keep us quiet, and abuse will begin to cease in our society.
Here is a blog post and comment thread addressing the question of abuse blogs: should we blog about it, should we show all our emotions, etc. etc. At least a couple of comments show that whatever we write, whatever emotions we show, are all part of the process of dealing with abuse situations, and should not be censored.