{"id":4797,"date":"2006-08-14T01:34:33","date_gmt":"2006-08-14T06:34:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=161"},"modified":"2026-03-18T03:52:57","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T08:52:57","slug":"september-1992","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/","title":{"rendered":"September 1992"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an1\">My Friends<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an2\">Food Service and Classes<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an3\">Frustrating German Teacher<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an4\">Roommate and Campus Stories; Shawn Screws With My Head<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an5\">More Friend Stories; Friendship with Peter?<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\"><strong><a name=\"an1\"><\/a>My Friends<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I may have first heard Q101 (alternative, Chicago) on the way back to school. \u00a0I do know it was sometime sophomore year, either then or during Thanksgiving Break. \u00a0I began to like alternative even more than I liked the dance music on B96. \u00a0Eventually, I discovered that Q101 came in at my house when the TV antenna was hooked up to the stereo in the living room.<\/p>\n<p>When my parents and I first got to Roanoke, probably on the 5th, we thought there would be many people there. \u00a0When we&#8217;d arrived on move-in day the year before, we&#8217;d gotten the impression that the other people in the suite had been there for a day or two at least, maybe even a week, and that this was standard procedure for sophomores and upperclassmen and football players.<\/p>\n<p>We received no notice saying that we couldn&#8217;t move in before move-in day, and really, Saturday was far more convenient than making my parents spend Labor Day moving me in and going all the way back home for work the next day. \u00a0(The drive was about 5 hours each way.) \u00a0Classes started on Wednesday. \u00a0So we loaded up the new Plymouth Grand Am and moved in on Saturday, thinking everything would be fine.<\/p>\n<p>When we got there, no one was waiting for us, and the suite was empty, all the doors open. \u00a0We went in, but of course I couldn&#8217;t stay there without a key. \u00a0So I went down to the Campus Center to find someone to give me a key; I found MemAdmin. \u00a0She cried out in a tone that sounded like an adult scolding a child, &#8220;What are you doing here so early?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I had no clue why she would say such a thing. \u00a0She wasn&#8217;t happy about it, but gave me a key. \u00a0I believe she said the doors were open because the cleaning crew was cleaning. \u00a0I went back to my parents and told them what had happened, and they were just as mystified as I was at why she&#8217;d say what she did.<\/p>\n<p>We moved my stuff in, but there was no food service right away, so my parents (who were staying in S&#8211; overnight anyway) came and got me for meals. \u00a0On Sunday the 6th, as I was dreading a long day of having no one to talk to except my parents, we were passing the Campus Center, either on foot or in the car. \u00a0I looked up and saw, parked in its usual spot outside Bossard, Pearl&#8217;s scooter. \u00a0&#8220;Pearl&#8217;s here!&#8221; I cried. \u00a0At least one of my friends was already there!<\/p>\n<p>She was back early to lead a freshman orientation group. \u00a0One of the guys in it was named Derf, like the guy in the Disney TV-movie <a href=\"https:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0099526\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Exile<\/a> from 1990, a favorite movie of mine. \u00a0We all thought that was a funny name.<\/p>\n<p>I thought I was going to be all alone, but no, the day was full of socializing and friends: Pearl, Sharon, Rachel, Sarah, a couple of others. \u00a0Most, if not all of them were RA&#8217;s or Freshman Orientation group leaders.<\/p>\n<p>I forget what day Shawn came back. \u00a0But when he did, he sat at a meal with the Group and me. \u00a0I jokingly complained to him that despite all the letters I&#8217;d written him, &#8220;You didn&#8217;t write me any letters. \u00a0You didn&#8217;t even send me a birthday card!&#8221; \u00a0Tara groaned, stood up, and said to Shawn, &#8220;That even hurts <i>me<\/i>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Shawn also ripped on my letters&#8211;probably for being long&#8211;and Catherine defended me. \u00a0As she had told me in a letter, she loved my letters. \u00a0They told so much about me, she said, and were more interesting than some others she got that summer.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Soon after I moved in, somebody told me my new roommate had decided last-minute not to live in that suite. \u00a0I don&#8217;t know why. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t know her, so it couldn&#8217;t have been anything personal. \u00a0So I didn&#8217;t have a roommate. \u00a0I never did meet her.<\/p>\n<p>Tracy [NOT <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/life\/page-3\/tracys-reign-of-terror\/\">that other Tracy<\/a>] was the only other sophomore in the suites. \u00a0She was there because she, like me, had signed up to a suite (probably a language one) before they pulled the language suites (lack of interest) and said only upperclassmen could live in the suites.<\/p>\n<p>Since the school&#8217;s policy change caused us an inconvenience, we were allowed to stay, though we might have to change rooms or suites. \u00a0I was moved from the old German suite to an honors suite on the opposite end of the building, which I was able to live in because of my grades.<\/p>\n<p>My suitemates&#8211;the ones I remember&#8211;were Nicky, Georgina and Mary; for a short time, Maggie, who had the room next to mine; and, eventually, Elizabeth. \u00a0Georgina and Mary were roommates, and Elizabeth lived with Nicky when she moved into our suite. \u00a0Maggie moved out because she was very unhappy on campus and wanted to live at home.<\/p>\n<p>Mary got engaged to her boyfriend, so she told us&#8211;though she never told her sorority sisters. \u00a0I don&#8217;t know what happened there. \u00a0Georgina used to date Jennifer&#8217;s brother. \u00a0He broke up with her, but she could not let go for quite some time. \u00a0Unlike Peter, he was nice to his ex, allowing her to talk to him and ask him to do things&#8211;and she did that a lot. \u00a0This really got on Mary&#8217;s nerves.<\/p>\n<p>Candice once told me that if she and her boyfriend broke up, she&#8217;d probably take it worse than I did. \u00a0Well, they did break up over the summer, and she was right: She ended up in the hospital!<\/p>\n<p>On one of these first days back, I was in the Campus Center, lower level, probably checking mail, and glimpsed a new video on MTV on the lounge TV. \u00a0Something about this video caught my eye, so I sat down to watch it. \u00a0It was &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=MS91knuzoOA\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Jeremy<\/a>&#8221; by some new band called Pearl Jam&#8211;and it just blew me away. \u00a0The quality of the production, the interest, the art, the song itself&#8211;all were excellent.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;ve never seen it, it&#8217;s a collection of images depicting a young boy, Jeremy, living out his tortured life with parents who don&#8217;t care and classmates who tease him. \u00a0In one scene, he kneels in front of a big picture of a wolf with its mouth open.<\/p>\n<p>At the end, he goes into his classroom late and shirtless, tosses an apple to the teacher, pulls a gun to his own head and squeezes his eyes shut&#8211;then you see his classmates frozen in time, Jeremy&#8217;s blood splattered all over them as they sit in shock and horror. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t know it then, but it was based on a real occurrence, I believe in Indiana.<\/p>\n<p>From what I could understand of the lyrics, and without the shooting, he was me. \u00a0(I hadn&#8217;t yet caught the parts where he would act like a jerk). \u00a0The music seemed to express the despair and torment of a child who&#8217;s being teased by everyone else.\u00a0 &#8220;Jeremy spoke in class today&#8221; was the most eloquent line, since it didn&#8217;t just refer to him opening up his mouth and answering a question.<\/p>\n<p>Also, the lead singer, Eddie Vedder, looked like a wild man with his long, straggly hair and big eyes.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>On one of those first evenings back, I went to visit Shawn in his room. \u00a0It was a tiny, single room, because he couldn&#8217;t stand his jerky roommate the year before. \u00a0It was almost a closet, maybe half the size of a double room, which in the Grossheusch dorm was already barely enough for two people. \u00a0He had one bed, a small, green easy\/rocking chair, and a little space for his desk and closets&#8211;and that was it.<\/p>\n<p>There were closets and drawers all around and even above his bed. \u00a0A green Inverness coat hung from one of the knobs of a closet near the window, which filled the wall opposite the door. \u00a0I wished he&#8217;d wear it more often: I love Inverness coats. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember if anyone lived in the rooms near him. \u00a0Above his bed was his stereo or jam box, which usually blasted Christian music (rock, pop, maybe rap).<\/p>\n<p>I was in a playful mood. \u00a0As we talked, he began going on and on about something, and I chuckled and said, &#8220;You&#8217;re so analytical!&#8221; \u00a0I believe I also called him paranoid. \u00a0He handed me my letters, saying that when I spoke in one letter about Laura Ingalls Wilder&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/West_from_Home\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">West From Home<\/a>, it sounded like I wanted all my letters for posterity. \u00a0Starting December 30, I spent several days copying out as much of them as I wanted to keep, then gave them back to him.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>My room was much like the room I had freshman year, except the windows faced the Wehr Center, parking lot and football field, and the door was on the wall adjacent to the window. \u00a0My bed was under the window because it was next to the wall heater. \u00a0At one point we had to have the heater fixed, but it kept the room nice and warm for much of the winter.<\/p>\n<p>The phone was on a dresser. \u00a0At first it was a box-shaped phone, the standard, but then it stopped working right, so we got some newfangled thing which just had the receiver and no box. \u00a0You&#8217;d put it down on the desk to hang it up, since it had this little hook-thing that would be pushed in.<\/p>\n<p>I would often skip putting it on the desk to hang it up, and just hit the hook. \u00a0I loved this modern convenience. \u00a0The cord was also really long, so I could talk on the phone while sitting on my bed.<\/p>\n<p>Maggie&#8217;s room would eventually be made into a guest room, holding the old furniture (including a big, comfy, but ratty old couch) when the new furniture was put into the lounge. \u00a0I was surprised to find the lounge didn&#8217;t have a TV. \u00a0I thought all the suite lounges had TVs. \u00a0After all, the one in the German suite did not belong to any of us in the suite, but to the college.<\/p>\n<p>Somebody made a paper sign which read, &#8220;Suite Sweet Suite&#8221; rather than &#8220;Home Sweet Home.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The Main Suite Lounge was now turned into Day Care, and the old Day Care suite was turned into either a living suite or the Beta suite. \u00a0It was disappointing to lose the Main Suite Lounge.<\/p>\n<p>I always knew when there was a party or something else big going on in the Zeta or Beta suite, since I could see and hear it through the lounge windows. \u00a0I could even tell when the Zetas or Betas turned on loud music. \u00a0At least they played good stuff. \u00a0That&#8217;s how I first heard &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JB_fNVOPzyM\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Would<\/a>&#8221; by Alice in Chains and &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=_UlhLd76IzQ\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Percolator<\/a>&#8221; by Cajmere.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Apparently, the summer was the last gasp of my feelings for Peter. \u00a0I thought I only liked Shawn as a friend, and only wanted Peter. \u00a0But I wrote in my diary on December 20,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>This crush [on Shawn] has been going on long enough, and I don&#8217;t think just because it&#8217;s been fed. \u00a0It wasn&#8217;t fed during the summer; I just kept falling deeper into love with Peter.<\/p>\n<p>I thought&#8211;remember this?&#8211;that I only thought of Shawn as a friend at summer&#8217;s end. \u00a0I badly wanted Peter to reform and return to me.<\/p>\n<p>But, as soon as I got back to school, I didn&#8217;t want [my supposed &#8220;word of knowledge&#8221;] to come true, at least not very much, and Pearl called me &#8220;obsessed&#8221; with Shawn.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I still had feelings for Peter, which I can see showing up in my diary from time to time, especially on the anniversary of our first date.<\/p>\n<p>But a lot of the time I wrote about praying for him to reform, and asking friends to pray for him, because I saw him turning into a reprobate&#8211;and for conservative Christians, someone turning away from Christianity, into what we consider sin, means their soul is at risk of eternal damnation. \u00a0He was on my list of intercessions for my nightly prayers.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>I hadn&#8217;t seen the new movie <i>Wayne&#8217;s World<\/i> and had never seen the Wayne&#8217;s World sketches on <i>Saturday Night Live<\/i>, but I knew many of the one-liners from my friends, who now incorporated them into daily speech. \u00a0There were little catch phrases such as &#8220;Ex-squeeze me?&#8221;; &#8220;Ree! \u00a0Ree! \u00a0Ree!&#8221; while making stabbing motions; &#8220;We&#8217;re not worthy!&#8221;; and &#8220;If you spew, spew in here&#8221; (said while holding up a glass cup).<\/p>\n<p>We loved the references to &#8220;Mill-i-wau-kay,&#8221; and I loved the references to Chicago, such as the Empire carpet jingle, which I knew from watching Chicago stations for years. \u00a0I don&#8217;t think we actually used Wayne and Garth&#8217;s &#8220;Schwing!&#8221; \u00a0After all, none of us were guys.<\/p>\n<p>As for <i>Saturday Night Live<\/i> catchphrases, we sometimes used a falsetto &#8220;Ne-ver mind&#8221; and &#8220;I&#8217;m verklempt&#8221;. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t use &#8220;verklempt&#8221; since I didn&#8217;t know what it meant and didn&#8217;t watch <i>SNL<\/i>. \u00a0Pearl used &#8220;O-tay&#8221; (from Eddie Murphy&#8217;s Buckwheat). \u00a0I believe she once embarrassed herself by using it with a much older adult during a serious conversation. \u00a0Tara&#8217;s favorite was, &#8220;You putchyer weeed in there!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>One thing my friends loved to say to each other after lunch was, &#8220;Let&#8217;s check mail&#8211;I want mail&#8211;I want a male!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Somebody would lose her train of thought and say, &#8220;What did I want to say?&#8221; \u00a0Then somebody else&#8211;usually Rachel or Sharon&#8211;would pipe up with, &#8220;I know! \u00a0I know!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>One of the many running jokes we had that year was the &#8220;Standing O.&#8221; \u00a0Instead of standing up and applauding as a standing ovation, we would stand and put our arms in a circle: a standing O!<\/p>\n<p>Other catchphrases: &#8220;That&#8217;s not <i>very<\/i> fun&#8221; and &#8220;This is my friend\/This is <i>not<\/i> my friend (used about things and situations as well as people). \u00a0I don&#8217;t know where they came from. \u00a0Rachel liked to say &#8220;Oh&#8230;my&#8230;G-d,&#8221; like the woman in the beginning of the song &#8220;Baby Got Back&#8221; by Sir Mix-a-lot.<\/p>\n<p>One catchphrase came from Rachel talking about her uncle and others and repeatedly saying, &#8220;He&#8217;s dead now.&#8221; \u00a0The &#8220;he&#8221; would be drawled. \u00a0Another one was &#8220;Spew! \u00a0Spew! \u00a0Spew!&#8221; \u00a0We said this whenever somebody took a drink just as another person said or did something funny. \u00a0The drink-spewing was meant to come out of the nose.<\/p>\n<p>Another catchphrase originated in Rachel&#8217;s summer job. \u00a0She worked in a cheese factory, and one of the products was cheese and rice. \u00a0Whenever someone used Jesus Christ&#8217;s name in vain, somebody else would say, &#8220;Excuse me? \u00a0Cheese and rice?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Another one (Rachel&#8217;s) was, &#8220;Excuse me, yer <i>what<\/i> hurts?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Sarah, Tara and Carol loved to use the words &#8220;sexy,&#8221; &#8220;voluptuous&#8221; and &#8220;oscillating.&#8221; \u00a0I&#8217;m not sure what the deal was with &#8220;oscillating,&#8221; but the first two were used for anything that was good&#8211;even for plans that sounded like fun: &#8220;That sounds sexy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Catherine&#8217;s manner of speaking&#8211;things she said, her flirts, the way she talked about guys, the very sound and lilt of her voice&#8211;sounded (to me) just like Meryn Cadell in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VHQFDf96yrw\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">The Sweater<\/a>, a song from the summer of 1992.<\/p>\n<p>In the evening, I would go in the side door of Krueger, the women&#8217;s dorm. \u00a0In those days, it was always kept unlocked until probably Quiet Hours. \u00a0I&#8217;d get pop and snacks from the vending machines, or go visit my friends. \u00a0Pearl and Cindy, Rachel, and others lived on the first floor.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>All during our talks the previous year, Shawn would mention his ex-girlfriend; he broke up with her because they were going to college and separating, and she had trouble opening up and talking to him, so they just made out. \u00a0But he was still hung up on her.<\/p>\n<p>He told her they could call each other after their first year of college, and if they wanted to get back together, they could. \u00a0But she found a new guy, whom she could talk to&#8211;and was engaged to him. \u00a0Shawn didn&#8217;t think the guy was good enough for her.<\/p>\n<p>Shawn called her over the summer and left messages, but she never returned his calls. \u00a0I felt bad for him. \u00a0(Still, if she&#8217;s gone then there&#8217;s more of a chance for me, right? \u00a0I must&#8217;ve thought that at some point.)<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>On Tuesday the 8th, I went out for pizza with Darryl, Steve, two guys named Ned and Marc, and maybe somebody else. \u00a0I had been hanging out with Darryl and Steve, who explained to me the background of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0094535\/?ref_=nv_sr_1\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><i>Red Dwarf<\/i><\/a>, which I had been watching on PBS over the summer. \u00a0(My brother also got the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodreads.com\/book\/show\/349090.Red_Dwarf\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">book version<\/a> later on, which I read.)<\/p>\n<p>Ned got Darryl into a political conversation in the car. \u00a0Ned was surprised I wanted to vote for Bush. \u00a0He said, &#8220;Is it because you don&#8217;t want to vote for Clinton?&#8221; \u00a0There really was no good candidate in this race, which would keep happening for the next few elections. \u00a0I only voted for Bush because, in those days, I thought Pat Robertson was God&#8217;s prophet&#8211;and he said Bush would win.<\/p>\n<p>Ned is the same guy I saw when I visited Roanoke for a SEED day back in the spring of 1991, who flirted with me and impressed me with his sky blue eyes.<\/p>\n<p>But by this point, he was no longer one of my crushes, just one of the guys I sort of knew; I don&#8217;t believe I ever thought of him again the way I did in the spring of 1991, not once I got to know him better. \u00a0He was very cute, but not my &#8220;type.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Catherine had just started dating Ned. \u00a0I don&#8217;t think they dated during the summer, because she didn&#8217;t live in S&#8211; and had written to me about a couple of sailors she dated. \u00a0He said she wasn&#8217;t really what he was looking for, but he wasn&#8217;t sure what he was looking for.<\/p>\n<p>I thought about telling Catherine what Ned had said, but wasn&#8217;t sure. \u00a0I may have thought they weren&#8217;t serious anyway, since they only just started dating. \u00a0I don&#8217;t know why I didn&#8217;t warn her, but I was soon to wish I did.<\/p>\n<p>At the first dance of the year, on Saturday, I saw Catherine and Ned meet in the Campus Center lounge; Catherine wanted him to hurry up and go upstairs to the dance with her.<\/p>\n<p>I thought her remarks were completely appropriate for people who were dating, but he treated her like a possessive nag telling him what to do, and said, &#8220;We&#8217;re not engaged.&#8221; \u00a0She soon went up to the dance without him.<\/p>\n<p>A few minutes later, a lovely, voluptuous freshman named Melissa (Catherine was also lovely and voluptuous, by the way), who also happened to have been a schoolmate of Shawn&#8217;s, came in the lounge.<\/p>\n<p>Ned, in his black trench coat, hurried over, crashed down onto the floor on his knees and knelt beside her, and began to talk with her. \u00a0At the dance, he danced with Melissa and totally ignored Catherine, who stood by the drinks table.<\/p>\n<p>I then saw Catherine in the bathroom, looking upset but not crying. \u00a0She didn&#8217;t say much. \u00a0A short time later, I asked where she was, and was told she left. \u00a0I saw Peter slow-dancing with some girl, so I didn&#8217;t much care to stay, either.<\/p>\n<p>I soon left and saw Catherine far ahead of me, walking back to Krueger, her head down. \u00a0But I wasn&#8217;t able to catch up with her or find her in Krueger and talk to her, so I don&#8217;t know where she went after that. \u00a0I may have tried calling her, but didn&#8217;t know her number and had to go back to my room first for a directory. \u00a0But by then, no one answered her phone.<\/p>\n<p>Ned and Melissa were a couple for most of the year. \u00a0Sometime in early spring, Melissa broke up with him, and he was, as Pearl said, &#8220;still hung up on her.&#8221; \u00a0Catherine said much later that it seemed that every ex-girlfriend he had, hated him. \u00a0Many years later, he even told Catherine he shouldn&#8217;t have broken up with her.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>People didn&#8217;t jump enough at the school dances. \u00a0All they seemed to do was sway back and forth and shuffle their feet a bit. \u00a0Black dances, which sometimes involved people lining up and doing a sort of follow-the-leader, were more interesting than these (which were predominantly made up of white people). \u00a0I moved my feet more than the other white people, as Peter taught me. \u00a0Somebody told me that House of Pain recorded &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=XhzpxjuwZy0\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Jump<\/a>&#8221; to get people to jump.<\/p>\n<p>One day, an improv group came to RC and did a performance in Bossard during lunch. \u00a0If you&#8217;ve ever seen the British or American versions of the show <i>Whose Line is it Anyway<\/i>, you&#8217;ll understand what this improv troupe did.<\/p>\n<p>Basically, none of the comedy was scripted: They made it all up from moment to moment. \u00a0They tried to act out situations and play games given to them by the moderator, who tried to give them situations and games that were as funny as possible. \u00a0They were given points which didn&#8217;t make a difference.<\/p>\n<p>And if things ever got too raunchy, such as a sexual reference, the moderator would hit a buzzer, ending the player&#8217;s turn. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember the jokes except for &#8220;Bananaman.&#8221; \u00a0One of the guys ended up with a banana and started going on about &#8220;Bananaman.&#8221; \u00a0He got buzzed for sexual content. \u00a0For the rest of the year, you could hear jokes about Bananaman.<\/p>\n<h2><b><a name=\"an2\"><\/a><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">Food Service and Classes<\/span><\/b><\/h2>\n<p>Food Service was an icky job, but at first I didn&#8217;t mind cleaning people&#8217;s trays and sending them down the line to the dishwashers. \u00a0The kitchen and dishwashing areas were called &#8220;in the back.&#8221; \u00a0There was this big, long, silvery thing with rollers on it which was shaped like a U, and you slid the trays along it to your coworkers.<\/p>\n<p>When people put their trays in the window, I tossed the trash in a big trash can with a red, plastic lid on the top with a hole in it for the trash, then tossed the silverware in a pan of water and sorted it by type into round containers.<\/p>\n<p>The containers were in a stand that held them upright. \u00a0I sent down the tray, and the others stacked the dishes and trays in big trays which kept them separated from each other, then pushed them into a big washing machine.<\/p>\n<p>When the dishes were clean, they came out the other side, which was parallel to and behind the side I worked on.\u00a0 We let them dry and cool off, and then put them away. \u00a0If the dishes weren&#8217;t properly cleaned, they got sent back through the dishwasher&#8211;yet I still had to check my silverware and dishes for cleanliness at meals.<\/p>\n<p>Before a shift, we ate, punched in, and hung up key card necklaces on pegs outside the dishwashing area. \u00a0We wore plastic aprons and white, rubber gloves, then tossed them into the trash at the end of our shifts. \u00a0The white powder inside the gloves weakened my fingernails. \u00a0The Back had a weird, food-like smell which clung to our clothes.<\/p>\n<p>Nancy, our supervisor, was a sweet person, though she could get stern if she needed to. Arthur, our boss and a real chef, often rollerbladed around campus. \u00a0Rollerblades were new back then.<\/p>\n<p>On Thursday nights, when I worked late, I often had to help take out the trash. \u00a0We went into a service elevator with doors that were pulled shut with a rope. \u00a0It took us downstairs and opened to the dumpsters.<\/p>\n<p>This job introduced me to the Grease Bucket, which got dumped out by the trash. \u00a0It was disgusting, all yellowish and smelly. \u00a0It explained why I sometimes had stomach problems from the food, and had to blot the food with a napkin (just like my dad would do) until my stomach recovered.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Part of the Campus Center got converted into a pub, which was supposed to be a combination bar, grill, pool hall, and meeting place. \u00a0Dances were often held there, even though it was too small for that.<\/p>\n<p>The voting for the new pub&#8217;s name was on the 14th and 15th of September. \u00a0One name suggested was Study, so you could tell your parents &#8220;I&#8217;m going to Study&#8221; without lying. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Unfortunately, the name for the new pub was voted to be The Pub. \u00a0We laughed because lack of creativity won.<\/p>\n<p>That was the golden year of ice cream. \u00a0We had it all the time, and in various flavors: the new chocolate chip cookie dough, Elephant Tracks, even peanut butter chocolate, which was delicious but rare.<\/p>\n<p>I now knew where the ice cream freezer was, and would go there when I had my early dinner. \u00a0I had my pick of full bins, so my preferred choices would not be empty or ice cream soup before I could get to them.<\/p>\n<p>The fries were always good, but Muskie fries were even better, and wonderfully salty. \u00a0You could eat either kind without ketchup.<\/p>\n<p>These hamburgers had real meat in them, not vile soy, and weren&#8217;t served on bread but on buns, contrary to high school and junior high burgers. \u00a0I even learned to love the cheeseburgers. \u00a0Wisconsin has this way of making even cheese-haters start to like some kinds of cheese.<\/p>\n<p>My first night in Food Service, since Nancy had told me to come in after dinner, I stayed after the first shifters left and the football players (mostly black) came in, and until maybe 6:30. \u00a0There were a lot of flirts in there at that time. \u00a0One of them asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said no.<\/p>\n<p>He said in disbelief, &#8220;You don&#8217;t have a boyfriend?! \u00a0What kind of music do you like?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nearly anything,&#8221; I said.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;So if you put on a slow song, she&#8217;ll dance with you,&#8221; he said to the others.<\/p>\n<p>There was another black guy with a shaven head who liked to flirt with me. \u00a0He often worked the lunch shift with me during spring semester.<\/p>\n<p>I loved the attention, which made me feel beautiful. \u00a0I had never really had much of that sort of attention in my life, and Shawn kept making out with me but insisting we were just friends, so I could certainly use it.<\/p>\n<p>I got a roommate later in the month; she also worked Food Service, and for a time we worked together.<\/p>\n<p>Remember James? \u00a0Now for more details. \u00a0He had very German features and a long nose (I have a fetish for long-bridged noses).<\/p>\n<p>I sometimes spotted him working after my late shift on Thursday. \u00a0His job was sweeping. \u00a0He always seemed to look at me whenever I was nearby.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;d walk around putting dishes away while glancing at him, and noticed him glancing at me as well. \u00a0I looked at his time card one day to learn his name.<\/p>\n<p>I would pass him on the way to or from Food Service, and we would glance at each other. \u00a0I never quite got up the courage to say hi, I guess. \u00a0Oh well, he never said it, either.<\/p>\n<p>The two good things about Food Service were higher paychecks and Muskie Inn coupons.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Carl and Dirk were freshman roommates who worked in Food Service on a different shift. \u00a0Nancy pointed at them once and told me that one had a crush on me.<\/p>\n<p>I thought she meant Carl&#8211;whom I preferred&#8211;but she meant Dirk.<\/p>\n<p>Dirk was just as much a know-it-all as Shawn, able to talk you into believing anything, and I eventually considered him obnoxious. \u00a0He wasn&#8217;t even cute. \u00a0So it&#8217;s just as well that Nancy said,<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I told him you were shy, but he didn&#8217;t like that.&#8221; \u00a0Yeah, well, who needs you?<\/p>\n<p>I sat with Carl and Dirk a few times at meals. \u00a0Once, Dirk said,<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Half the guys here are probably in love with you.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I think he was trying to inspire me not to be so shy, as if it would somehow make a difference on someone who was born that way. \u00a0I don&#8217;t know if guys were really saying this about me or if it was just Dirk&#8217;s theory. \u00a0If it were true, I wish that one of the guys would have acted on it.<\/p>\n<p>Nancy told me once that Dirk would try to tell the football players how to do their jobs. \u00a0Now these guys had been in there far longer than freshman Dirk had, yet they seemed to take his commandeering with amused, patient faces. \u00a0But Nancy expected that any day now they would grab him and put him through the washer along with the dishes.<\/p>\n<p>The freshmen in my shift kept complaining about Freshman Studies. \u00a0They said it had nothing to do with their major, so they shouldn&#8217;t have to take it. \u00a0I thought a liberal arts education meant a little of everything, not just what applied to your major. \u00a0It&#8217;s for expanding your mind, not just teaching you how to make money.<\/p>\n<p>One of my first days back, while I was still feeling self-assured and happy, I had to face Roanoke reality again: Peter was back at school.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>In a cold room in the basement of Old Main, my Fiction Writing class met with Terry on Tuesdays and Thursdays. \u00a0My final grade was a satisfying A-, just what a writer could wish for. \u00a0I wondered why Terry loved Flannery O&#8217;Connor so much, since she seemed to write such dark stuff.<\/p>\n<p>We moved the desks so they were in a circle, making us much more comfortable talking to each other and reading our work. \u00a0We kept writing-journals.<\/p>\n<p>One of the students also knew Peter. \u00a0She read one of her assignments in class, said it was about someone she knew&#8211;and she confirmed to me that it was Peter.<\/p>\n<p>Her assignment was about a guy who takes dream trips while he sleeps, trips into the past where he studies with a ninja master.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe she talked about him traveling in time to other places; I don&#8217;t quite remember what she read, just that I knew about these dream trips as well.<\/p>\n<p>One assignment was to write an argument between two people. \u00a0I based mine on stories I dreamed up in junior high, about Shyeskol, a Martian with a high-pitched voice, and Brian, the Earthling she loved&#8211;but he thought she was weird.<\/p>\n<p>I used much of the Martian culture I had already developed over the years. \u00a0The class seemed to love it, and Terry especially loved my simple, beautiful-sounding alien names.<\/p>\n<p>We soon had to sit down and write for an hour, just to see what we came up with. \u00a0I sat down at the computer at home for much longer than an hour, and came up with &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/brian-and-shyeskol-an-earthling-and-martian-love-story\/\">Brian and Shyeskol<\/a>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>It was 25 pages, double-spaced. \u00a0Terry brought it to my suite to return it to me after he graded it. \u00a0He stood outside the door with an umbrella, and said, &#8220;This took me soooooo long to read, but I really enjoyed it.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I first wrote my now-published story &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/author\/index\/the-lighthouse\/\">Bedlam Castle<\/a>&#8221; over the summer. \u00a0I had dreamed parts of it, only the characters were the cast of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Are_You_Being_Served%3F\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><i>Are You Being Served?<\/i><\/a> and Colin&#8217;s part was played by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.aveleyman.com\/ActorCredit.aspx?ActorID=1453\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Spooner<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know why it was Spooner: I never had a crush on him or anything. \u00a0But that&#8217;s why Colin ended up average-looking.<\/p>\n<p>I threw in ghosts to explain things that only made sense in a dream, such as clothes changing color. \u00a0I typed the story with the name &#8220;Bedlam&#8221; in maybe a day or two. \u00a0Now, in Fiction, I needed to submit stories to be workshopped, so this became one of them.<\/p>\n<p>While home for Thanksgiving Break, I typed a revision into my parents&#8217; computer. \u00a0It was about 20 pages, double-spaced, and I believe I had to print up 20 copies for everybody in the class.<\/p>\n<p>That took forever, and then I had to separate the pages and remove the edges. \u00a0(It was a dot matrix printer with continuous feed.)<\/p>\n<p>I submitted it to the class, and people joked that it was so long it kept them up half the night. \u00a0But they loved the story, and had all sorts of praises.<\/p>\n<p>Rachel loved the humor. \u00a0One person, a man who was probably in his thirties or forties, loved that the focus and culmination was a kiss and not sex, unlike so many other stories and movies these days.<\/p>\n<p>I took the copies back, along with the comments people had scribbled in the margins, and revised the story in my word processor. \u00a0It became much stronger. \u00a0I also changed the title to &#8220;Bedlam Castle&#8221; to address a concern that &#8220;Bedlam&#8221; didn&#8217;t fit.<\/p>\n<p>I worked as quickly as possible, but revising and then printing the story took far longer than I expected. \u00a0I had to get it ready for finals, which were shortly after Thanksgiving Break, but I also had other classes.<\/p>\n<p>The night before the final day of class, I stayed up until 5am revising it. \u00a0Then on the day of the final, which was to be held in Terry&#8217;s house on Prof Row, I was still working on it! \u00a0The 1991 Brother word processor printed dreadfully slow, and ink cartridges lasted for maybe 20 pages.<\/p>\n<p>The time for the final arrived, and I was still printing out the revised copy for the teacher. \u00a0I ran out of ink at least once. \u00a0The final was just the class sitting in the teacher&#8217;s house and chatting, but we were supposed to turn in our revised stories as well, so this could not wait.<\/p>\n<p>I didn&#8217;t get done printing it until 3:00, an hour after the final started, and everyone was waiting for me before they could start. \u00a0One of my classmates called and said, &#8220;Where <i>are<\/i> you?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m printing out &#8216;Bedlam,'&#8221; I said.<\/p>\n<p>She and the whole class laughed.<\/p>\n<p>When I finally got to the final and gave the story to Terry, I could sit down and enjoy the rest of the afternoon.<\/p>\n<p>Terry had been a lead singer for a punk rock band in his youth, circa 1980, and played us a record made by his band. \u00a0I still remember the chorus to one song: &#8220;I want to kill for kicks!&#8221; \u00a0His punk persona was different from the Terry we knew, a soft-spoken, even-tempered man.<\/p>\n<p>My friends giggled at the way he would talk slowly in class and that he was actually using a textbook this year. \u00a0But I liked him, and really missed him the next year when he moved and someone else took his place.<\/p>\n<p>One day freshman year, Pearl had been sick and didn&#8217;t go to class. \u00a0He came all the way to her room to find out how she was. \u00a0Ever after that, people joked that he was her &#8220;man.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Music History and Appreciation met in ugly room 14 of Old Main. \u00a0This room was painted in a 70s red-orange that looked good on the outside walls of the building, but not on the inside.<\/p>\n<p>We listened to tapes of samples of the various types of music which appeared in each period of history. \u00a0We discovered that music notation wasn&#8217;t established until sometime in the Middle Ages, so it&#8217;s difficult to pinpoint just what songs sounded like before then. \u00a0Love songs were as prevalent then as now. \u00a0I learned to love plainchant and Baroque.<\/p>\n<p>We read about Hildegard of Bingen and the music she wrote. \u00a0We learned a few other things about culture as they related to music, and that one woman intellectual in the eighteenth century wrote under a male penname so she&#8217;d be taken seriously.<\/p>\n<p>She was one of those philosopher-types, such as Voltaire, which were around in those days. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember what her penname was.<\/p>\n<p>We learned that modern-day S&#8211; and other Wisconsin towns of similar or larger size were like the big and small towns and cities of the nineteenth century, with &#8220;its symphony association, organized by merchants, bankers, government officials, lawyers, and other members of the middle class&#8221; (page 243, <i>Listen<\/i>, by Joseph Kerman).<\/p>\n<p>We learned that Franz Liszt was like a modern rock star: His concerts drew crowds, women wanted to tear his clothes off, he broke piano strings as he played (much like modern rock stars sometimes smash guitars), and he had a &#8220;flamboyant&#8221; lifestyle and affairs with noblewomen.<\/p>\n<p>In the class with me were Tara, Pearl and Shawn. \u00a0I loved having them all in there with me, seeing them three out of the five weekday mornings and then being able to discuss the class with them.<\/p>\n<p>Pearl and I loved hearing Chopin&#8217;s Etude in C Minor, Op. 10, No. 12, because David Meece had written a song, &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=cDUMcEeNUr4\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">This Time<\/a>,&#8221; with this song incorporated into it. \u00a0It&#8217;s also used in an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Nf18oaTXT1M\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">episode<\/a> of Abbot and Costello&#8217;s comedy show, &#8220;The Music Lovers.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>On Wednesday and Friday mornings, my Sophomore Honors class met with Bill. \u00a0I read all the books, except for one. \u00a0Some I liked more than others; I loved <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/book-reviews\/incidents-life-slave-girl\/\">Incidents in the Life of a Former Slave Girl<\/a>, the diaries of women pioneers, and <i>The Crucible<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p>I thought <i>Sand County Almanac<\/i> by Aldo Leopold was terribly boring. \u00a0It&#8217;s funny to occasionally find praises of it in newspapers and books. \u00a0I thought Gretel Ehrlich was obsessed with sex, since she saw phallic symbols everywhere in the Wyoming landscape.<\/p>\n<p>By the way, the teacher in &#8220;Bedlam Castle&#8221; was written with Bill in mind. \u00a0Somebody in Fiction even noticed that he was like Bill. \u00a0Since the teacher didn&#8217;t show up much in the story and did nothing awful, I don&#8217;t think I should worry about libel suits.<\/p>\n<p>Once, probably around October 16, Bill brought in two black students. \u00a0They spoke to us about the black experience, since nobody in the class was black.<\/p>\n<p>They said that oftentimes a young black man would go to a white girlfriend and ask her for money all the time, knowing full well that he couldn&#8217;t do this with a black girlfriend because she would think he was nuts.<\/p>\n<p>From what they said, black women sounded far more confident than many white women, and I envied that.<\/p>\n<p>I also mentioned that I saw <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Boyz_n_the_Hood\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><i>Boyz n the Hood<\/i><\/a> in the Muskie, and sat there with tears in my eyes, blown away by what I had seen. \u00a0I had no clue that such things happened in this country. \u00a0Our guests nodded and smiled, confirming that yes, this movie was showing things the way they really were.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Humanities class would meet with my <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1992-shawn-just-friends-dating\/\">freshman year German teacher, Ruth<\/a>. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t get along with her, but I loved reading the textbook, especially the part about Egypt. \u00a0I seem to recall getting an A.<\/p>\n<p>I was especially entranced by the sad story of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/H%C3%A9lo%C3%AFse\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Ab\u00e9lard and H\u00e9lo\u00efse<\/a>. \u00a0I wished the book had gone into more detail on it, or even reprinted some of their famed <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sacred-texts.com\/chr\/aah\/index.htm\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">letters<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I mentioned the story to Pearl, and that I had been told H\u00e9lo\u00efse was twelve. \u00a0Pearl said she&#8217;d been told she was sixteen. \u00a0In 1999, I heard she was seventeen. \u00a0So how old was she, anyway?<\/p>\n<p>I read Dante&#8217;s <i>Divine Comedy<\/i> over Thanksgiving Break, and loved it, though I really hoped that Hell wasn&#8217;t nearly that bad! \u00a0According to the Orthodox, this view is just his invention.<\/p>\n<h2><strong><a name=\"an3\"><\/a><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">Frustrating German Teacher<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>As late as September 1, my schedule of the semester&#8217;s classes was fixed except for German Composition and Conversation, with Ruth, which was still marked &#8220;TBA,&#8221; or &#8220;To Be Announced.&#8221;\u00a0 The room and teacher were decided, but not the hour.<\/p>\n<p>As I did with every single other class I had during my college career which was marked TBA (and there were at least two or three others: German, probably Frontiers of Space, World Lit, possibly Expos), I waited for the Registrar&#8217;s office to send me a new form or a notice giving the time, place, and teacher for the class.<\/p>\n<p>This was just normal procedure for classes which weren&#8217;t Independent Study, and Comp\/Con was not Independent Study. \u00a0You were expected to wait for a confirmation of the time or room, rather than calling and annoying people about it.<\/p>\n<p>I certainly hadn&#8217;t been told to do this any differently, and it had worked just fine in the past, as it would in the future as well.<\/p>\n<p>It was probably just before Friday the 11th, when classes had been in session for a couple days and I still hadn&#8217;t heard anything about the class, when I saw one of my German classmates in my suite. \u00a0She was friends with some of my suitemates. \u00a0I asked her if she had heard anything yet about our class, because I hadn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n<p>She said that she and the others had contacted Ruth about it and had started meeting or were about to. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember if she gave me a time. \u00a0It&#8217;s just possible that she did and that it conflicted with something else I did and that I had to talk to Ruth about that, because I see in my day planner that I still planned to talk to her about it on the 11th.<\/p>\n<p>So on the 11th I went to find Ruth and talk to her about the class time. \u00a0I certainly didn&#8217;t at all expect the reception I got. \u00a0I know she also talked to me on the 21st, so I may be confusing some of the things she said now with what she said then, but I do believe she chewed me out for not calling her before about the TBA like all the others did.<\/p>\n<p>I thought this was totally unfair of her, because how the heck was I to know to do this, when with all my other TBA classes, I was just supposed to wait for an announcement? \u00a0Only Independent Study classes required contacting the teacher about it.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever she said to me on this particular occasion, it upset me enough that I dropped the class and switched to Music History and Appreciation. \u00a0Pearl, Tara and Shawn were all in the class, so I believe I was happier in there than I would have been in Comp.<\/p>\n<p>I have never regretted switching classes, though I have regretted how my love of German was soured by this teacher.<\/p>\n<p>She seemed to like all three of the other students in German freshman year better than she did me.<\/p>\n<p>I was a good student, already knowing many of the things taught first semester, and I loved German.\u00a0 But I didn&#8217;t talk any less or any more in that class than I did in German class in high school, and I did have a life outside of German class.<\/p>\n<p>I did well in the class, as I did in my other classes, and in my old German class I had been one of the best students and felt that the teachers really liked me.<\/p>\n<p>But it seemed there was <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1992-shawn-just-friends-dating\/\">no pleasing this one unless you were extremely outgoing<\/a>. \u00a0We can&#8217;t all be like that, nor do we all want to be.<\/p>\n<p>On the 21st, probably in the morning, Ruth had me come see her. \u00a0I was doing well in Humanities class, I thought, which by now was the only class I had her for, and which should have been the only one she would concern herself with.<\/p>\n<p>I didn&#8217;t know what she wanted to talk to me about, but I surely didn&#8217;t expect it to be the whole German thing again.<\/p>\n<p>She sat there and chewed me out for several minutes, saying I wasn&#8217;t assertive enough, referring back to the TBA thing<\/p>\n<p>(which didn&#8217;t have anything to do with how assertive I was but with my tendency to want to follow normal procedure&#8211;which is generally considered a GOOD trait),<\/p>\n<p>my not going to her office with the high school student more than once to converse in German<\/p>\n<p>(I considered it boring; this had nothing whatsoever to do with assertiveness).<\/p>\n<p>She also said she didn&#8217;t think I had the knowledge or assertiveness or whatever to go to Germany junior year, as I had been hoping to do. \u00a0(It was the reason I chose Roanoke, the chance to go to Germany.)<\/p>\n<p>Yet I was a good student! \u00a0I knew what German she had taught me!<\/p>\n<p>I wasn&#8217;t a German major but had been considering a German minor; this only required six courses of German, and I didn&#8217;t have to take Comp for it.\u00a0 It wasn&#8217;t even a prerequisite for other classes, so I could skip it altogether and it wouldn&#8217;t make any difference.<\/p>\n<p>I only needed four other courses, one of which I could take spring semester. \u00a0By the time I took a semester in Germany, I could easily have had two more courses in German, probably from the literature and culture courses.<\/p>\n<p>Since the course book says nothing about what year you have to be, I may even have done it senior year and had yet another course under my belt. \u00a0So what did it matter how much knowledge I had of German at the beginning of my sophomore year?<\/p>\n<p>After all, you take a class because you don&#8217;t know what it teaches, not because you do, and by the time you get done with it, you do know what it teaches.<\/p>\n<p>Her reasons for me not being able to go to Germany in a year or two were unfair and irrelevant. \u00a0She was biased against me long before it would have been time for me to show I knew German well enough to study in Germany.<\/p>\n<p>I guess she <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1992-shawn-just-friends-dating\/\">just didn&#8217;t like shy people who were not go-getters<\/a>. \u00a0She loved another girl in the class who was in all sorts of things, outgoing and ambitious, majoring probably in Business or Marketing.<\/p>\n<p>(I was a writer from an easygoing middle-class family. \u00a0Many of my relatives were farmers, and my brothers ended up in the working class. \u00a0My big ambition was to write well enough to be published.)<\/p>\n<p>I remembered her getting snippy at least once when I asked why pronunciation for a word (German or French) differed from what I&#8217;d previously been taught.<\/p>\n<p>I remembered her getting mad at me for choosing not to do an <i>optional<\/i> activity because I didn&#8217;t want to.<\/p>\n<p>And her harassment over my being introverted was insufferable.<\/p>\n<p>So I decided I could not keep taking German with this woman, and wished I didn&#8217;t have to take Humanities with her as well. \u00a0At least I got an A.<\/p>\n<p>I began pondering whether or not to pursue the German minor anymore. \u00a0It was undeclared, and Ruth would be my teacher if I did pursue it.<\/p>\n<p>My ideas of becoming a translator apparently had faded. \u00a0She had destroyed my desire to continue my study in German.<\/p>\n<p>Now all I wanted to pursue was my Writing major, which was soon to be declared.<\/p>\n<p>Since she and Heidi were both German Swiss, I began to wonder if there was something about the Swiss that made it hard for them to get along with people like me,<\/p>\n<p>if maybe they favored go-getters and had no patience whatsoever for the quiet, retiring sort of person, who has every bit as much right to exist as a go-getter does.<\/p>\n<p>Yet I had a Swiss pen pal, and we seemed to get along all right. \u00a0But Heidi did say that a popular Swiss joke was, they&#8217;re a neutral country because they like to fight too much.<\/p>\n<p>I took no more German classes after this.<\/p>\n<p>I get the feeling, looking at my old response papers (written after attending lectures or performances), that she graded them unfairly.<\/p>\n<p>Like for example, I wrote a favorable review of &#8220;Les Jongleurs&#8221;; the performers dressed in medieval garb and played medieval songs in the Bradley Building. \u00a0I wrote how boring it was that the guys all dressed in modern suits, when I would have liked to see them dressed in medieval clothes, like the girls were.<\/p>\n<p>Ruth wrote on my paper that I should have taken issue not with that, but with the dresses the girls wore: She said they were in poor taste and not at all period! \u00a0Maybe that was HER opinion, but I thought this was supposed to be MY opinion!<\/p>\n<p>Looking over my other response papers, it seems that nothing I ever wrote pleased Ruth. \u00a0She kept docking me for not saying this or that or saying too much of this and not that. \u00a0Maybe I just never thought of those things, or had those reactions, or maybe I really did think the lecturer made excellent points.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not real sure why she didn&#8217;t like me: After all, it seemed like most of my teachers did. \u00a0I wasn&#8217;t trying to be obnoxious or a bad student; I was just me.<\/p>\n<p>She <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1992-shawn-just-friends-dating\/\">took issue with things I had done all my life and had never ever heard of anybody having a problem with<\/a>. \u00a0I was totally shocked to learn that anyone would.<\/p>\n<p>Her criticism got personal.\u00a0 It wasn&#8217;t for many years that I learned that the traits she complained about, are perfectly normal <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/nonverbal-learning-disorder-nld-nvld\/\">NVLD<\/a> and introverted traits.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s too bad that Roanoke&#8217;s usual German teacher was gone at the school&#8217;s Japanese satellite school during my years at Roanoke.\u00a0 HE was well-liked, and a native German.\u00a0 Maybe I would have received my German minor and become a translator for banks.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>As for television, that time period had some awesome shows&#8211;quirky, creative&#8211;which didn&#8217;t last more than one season, but also one that did, <i>Picket Fences<\/i>. \u00a0There were <i>Covington Cross<\/i>, <i>Key West<\/i>, <i>Class of &#8217;96<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p>There were other shows about college that came out at that time, yet <i>Class of &#8217;96<\/i> was the closest one to actual college life.<\/p>\n<p>Oddly enough, though, <i>Seventeen<\/i> slammed it as being unrealistic, and it didn&#8217;t get renewed. \u00a0For my school, it was very realistic. \u00a0I think one of the things they complained about was the smaller class sizes and no TAs, but my school had smaller class sizes and no TAs.<\/p>\n<p>They showed dorm life&#8211;guys playing their stereos too loud while one character needs to study&#8211;and the freshmen coming for orientation with their parents, unloading their cars, moving in, having no clue what was going on or what they were supposed to be doing. \u00a0It wasn&#8217;t all about sex like the summer&#8217;s <i>Freshman Dorm<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>This show, and the lack of realistic college shows, inspired me to write about college, the way it really was. \u00a0The idea for these memoirs was born.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><b><a name=\"an4\"><\/a><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">Roommate and Campus Stories; Shawn Screws with my Head<\/span><\/b><\/h2>\n<p>On the 11th, I sat at lunch with Julie and a couple of others. \u00a0Julie mentioned some mean jerk, and said while putting her head almost on my shoulder, &#8220;You learn to find the nice people and stick with them&#8211;hint, hint.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>When Shawn came in, came over and greeted her, then left, Julie said, &#8220;I had two happy days of not seeing him yet.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I laughed and said, &#8220;There seem to be two kinds of people here: those who like him, and those who don&#8217;t.&#8221; \u00a0She laughed.<\/p>\n<p>After we checked our mail, I said, &#8220;I&#8217;ll go upstairs and see if Shawn&#8217;s still there.&#8221; \u00a0She smiled and said &#8220;yeah&#8221; in just such a way that I wondered what she meant.<\/p>\n<p>On the 14th, I wrote,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Pearl, Sharon and Tara all know about Shawn. \u00a0Not the one thing, the big secret, but that I like him. \u00a0They all knew last year, too.<\/p>\n<p>Which kind of surprises me, considering how weird things were then. \u00a0Sharon says she doesn&#8217;t remember how she heard it, just that it was word-of-mouth, even though I reminded her of the time I told her I&#8230;might want to date him.<\/p>\n<p>Tara had no clue until Pearl told her, even though Sharon had thought it would just confirm what Tara probably already thought anyway. \u00a0I&#8217;m surprised it was so widespread as that&#8230;.The way he looks at me, I wonder if his feelings have changed since last year.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Character sketches I wrote on the 15th:<\/p>\n<p><em>Catherine:<\/em> Most likely to make suggestive remarks. \u00a0Likes classic rock and flirting&#8230;.Over the summer, we discovered how similar our minds work.<\/p>\n<p><em>Me:<\/em> Mischievous. \u00a0Talk is clean, but every once in a while I make a remark (as a joke) that shocks people. \u00a0For example, a suggestion to Pearl that Darryl come over and warm her up (by hugging her, of course)&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>Favorite show: Doctor Who, of course! \u00a0The label of &#8220;smart&#8221; has followed me everywhere throughout life, as has &#8220;weird&#8221; (sometimes, probably complimentary). \u00a0Likes techno dance a lot, and other musical interests vary according to mood. \u00a0Hates polka, country, jazz and southern gospel&#8230;Writing major who likes to make up own worlds.<\/p>\n<p>Likes&#8211;no, loves&#8211;British humor, therefore gets along great with Darryl and Ned. \u00a0Imitates middle-class Brit accents. \u00a0Hates flies. \u00a0[The room was full of flies.]<\/p>\n<p><em>Darryl:<\/em> Whom you could call a mature class clown. \u00a0Very tall&#8211;easy to identify. \u00a0Likes Doctor Who and British humor. \u00a0Imitates Brit accents, such as Cockney. \u00a0People like me love to hang around people like him.<\/p>\n<p>Likes to make salt shakers act like Daleks. \u00a0Likes Pink Floyd and Queen. \u00a0Was co-editor for the school newspaper last year. \u00a0Not surprisingly, has joined with Ned to form a comedy team, Virtual Reality (Monty Python and original sketches).<\/p>\n<p><em>Ned:<\/em> Huge flirt. \u00a0Also tall, but probably not as tall as Darryl. \u00a0In Feb &#8217;91, I saw him when I came up for Seed Day, and what struck me most were his looks&#8211;blond, blue eyes&#8211;and clownish behavior. \u00a0Also likes to imitate lower-class Brit accents, but some actual Brits mistook him for someone from Wales!<\/p>\n<p><em>Pearl:<\/em> First thought of her as a Care Bear. \u00a0That&#8217;s a compliment, of course. \u00a0The person people confide in. \u00a0She&#8217;s also very popular, with so many people dropping by that it irritates her poor roommate. \u00a0Likes Christian music and CCM Magazine.<\/p>\n<p><em>Shawn:<\/em> Freshman year, he was the one most likely to annoy. \u00a0Seems to be trying to control that this year, possibly on advice from someone. \u00a0So analytical, it makes you laugh. \u00a0Nice, good-hearted.<\/p>\n<p>Likes Christian music and CCM. \u00a0Knows of TV programs that I also watch, and even some Chicago stations I watch when I&#8217;m at home. \u00a0His accent is more &#8220;normal,&#8221; due to his hometown being so close to Illinois.<\/p>\n<p>Seems to want to have different opinions on things that shouldn&#8217;t be controversial. \u00a0Viewpoint is very conservative, and more like mine.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Catherine told me that Marc, a Zeta, had some influence on Peter, so I asked Marc to help me get my remaining stuff back from Peter. \u00a0I gave him a list of the things. \u00a0There was a problem with one thing, a downloaded game. \u00a0He thought he gave me a copy, and deleted his, but I didn&#8217;t know this yet.<\/p>\n<p>On the 16th, the day before the anniversary of my first date with Peter, I went to check my mail after work, looking for a missing time card, when Julie found me. \u00a0She brought me to the Pub, and had me sit next to Marc. \u00a0The Pub was the new remodel of the Campus Center game room, opening that night.<\/p>\n<p>I talked with Marc about the problem. \u00a0He said I could talk to Peter when he came in the Pub from the Zeta suite at 8:30pm, but I wondered how was I supposed to do that? \u00a0I said I hoped he would be civil to me this time.<\/p>\n<p>Peter came along and sat next to Marc. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t realize Marc was talking to him about the problem until Marc gave me a message from Peter. \u00a0He acted as a mediator for a few minutes, until Peter got frustrated, got up, and came over to talk to me himself.<\/p>\n<p>I was surprised, and a little anxious: how would he speak? \u00a0I was also glad to be wearing my hair all cute and on the side, in a style Shawn got me doing.<\/p>\n<p>Peter began with a smile and a &#8220;hi,&#8221; then proceeded with some explanations about where my stuff was. \u00a0He was so nice to me, smiling and polite!<\/p>\n<p>I felt so much more at ease then, like I didn&#8217;t have to put on an act in front of him anymore, pretending that he didn&#8217;t faze me. \u00a0I wondered if he&#8217;d even be willing to consider coming to church again, though I didn&#8217;t say anything about it. \u00a0(I was most concerned about his spiritual well-being.)<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Ever since we got back to school, Shawn and I had been hanging out and acting like friends, just friends. \u00a0But on the night of Friday the 18th, he came over to my room.<\/p>\n<p>Because of my quick dropping of a German class and adding Music History and Appreciation, I had no book yet. \u00a0Maybe the textbooks had run out in the Campus Shoppe, since I hadn&#8217;t bought one yet, and Shawn had lent me his.<\/p>\n<p>I read as much as I could by Friday night. \u00a0He tried to come over the night before to pick up his book, but I had to work late and he had too much homework.<\/p>\n<p>On Friday night, I figured he would come over. \u00a0I started watching my favorite TV sitcoms; near the end of the second, someone knocked on my door, a hesitant but strong and quick knock. \u00a0Shawn came in and watched TV with me&#8211;then got control of the remote. \u00a0(grumble grumble) \u00a0My parents called during this time, but no, at that time nothing was interrupted.<\/p>\n<p>He complained of a backache from sitting up against the heater next to my bed. \u00a0I had a cushioned back rest; I moved it a little to the left for him to share, but he said, &#8220;No, it&#8217;s safer over here.&#8221; \u00a0But then he asked me to massage his back.<\/p>\n<p>I eventually said it was his turn now; he massaged my shoulders, moved me into a more comfortable position. \u00a0I leaned against him. \u00a0A few times, I turned my head and saw his close to mine, but turned away again to tease him. \u00a0Once I leaned forward; he kissed my back. \u00a0I teased him again by moving away.<\/p>\n<p>The TV stayed on, but muted and forgotten as things heated up; he finally got his way as I let him go one step further than I ever had before. \u00a0I wrote in my diary, &#8220;only this time it was more intense.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Basically, the intensity of the making out, and it seemed to really mean something this time. \u00a0There were probably significant looks and tender touches and such that made me think this.<\/p>\n<p>He seemed to want me more than ever; he seemed to be in love with me at last. \u00a0He also told me three times that I was very pretty.<\/p>\n<p>He sneaked out around 1:30am. \u00a0He hid behind my door; I looked outside and the suite was dark, so I told him it was safe. \u00a0He left so quietly (with his book) that I didn&#8217;t even know when he opened or closed the door.<\/p>\n<p>I wondered what my suitemates would think about him leaving so late, but they didn&#8217;t say a thing, and probably just figured he was my boyfriend. \u00a0Under normal circumstances it wouldn&#8217;t shock anyone; it was the secrecy, the strange relationship of, he&#8217;ll touch me but not claim me as a girlfriend or even a casual date, just sneak out of my room as if he&#8217;d done something not worthy of coming into the light of day.<\/p>\n<p>Afterwards and the next morning, I felt happy and light. \u00a0When we saw each other at meals, we kept looking at each other like we had a secret.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>On the early afternoon of Sunday the 20th, he called and asked if I wanted to come over. \u00a0I did, knocked, he said to come in; I found him just waking up from a nap (it was half an hour later). \u00a0I sat in the chair as we listened to music and talked for a few minutes.<\/p>\n<p>Ironically, whenever I came over and he played music, it was Christian rock or pop: Whiteheart (I had the same albums), the Choir, Lisa Bevill, Newsboys, I think DC Talk. \u00a0He had a poster of Amy Grant.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t believe he listened to secular music. \u00a0It was one of the things that attracted me to him, since for several years I listened only to Christian, so we could talk about the same bands.<\/p>\n<p>But then he patted the bed. \u00a0I just sat on it, to tease him, but he pulled me down next to him. \u00a0We lay there for several minutes, holding each other, his hands active.<\/p>\n<p>It was so like what Peter and I used to do, so tender and loving, that I kept thinking, &#8220;He likes me!&#8221; \u00a0Friday seemed to have established something.<\/p>\n<p>The Choir&#8217;s &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=lgjAPFBHTG8\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Wide-Eyed Wonder Girl<\/a>&#8221; played; he said the little girl in the song reminded him of me: always looking around at the world in wonder at what would happen next. \u00a0I thought that could be our song.<\/p>\n<p>Things got a bit out of hand. \u00a0Once he said he wanted to make me sick of him. \u00a0I cried, &#8220;What?!&#8221; \u00a0Why do that when he so obviously wanted me? \u00a0He soon asked if I wanted respect.<\/p>\n<p>Clothing got removed that I did not want removed, since I wanted to keep my &#8220;virtue.&#8221; \u00a0I feared things would go too far, so I got him back under control, he finally realized he should stop, we got dressed, I went to the bathroom, then came back. \u00a0He sat in the chair as I brushed my hair on the bed.<\/p>\n<p>We began to talk about what just happened. \u00a0I thought, <i>Here we go, analyzing it again.<\/i> \u00a0He said, &#8220;If Friday night wouldn&#8217;t have happened, today wouldn&#8217;t have happened.&#8221; \u00a0Once, I threw down my brush in anger and irritation.<\/p>\n<p>We worked on sorting out our feelings until almost 7:30 or 8:00pm! \u00a0He said, &#8220;Do you want everyone to know we&#8217;re dating?&#8221; \u00a0He said he liked me, but I wrote, &#8220;I guess I can explain it by saying it&#8217;s not a crush.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Neither of us wanted a serious relationship, me because I was more independent now and wanted to spend all the time I could with my friends before we all graduated; him because he planned to go to UW-Madison the following year. \u00a0He&#8217;d already broken up with his girlfriend because of the separation of going to different colleges.<\/p>\n<p>At the end, he asked if I wanted to talk about anything. \u00a0I said, &#8220;So are we dating, or what?&#8221; \u00a0He said that was putting a label on it that would make it too complicated. \u00a0(? \u00a0Wouldn&#8217;t a label simplify it?) \u00a0So he said, &#8220;If anyone asks you, just tell them, &#8216;We&#8217;re (real) good friends, but we can go on dates if he asks me or I ask him.'&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>We went to the Muskie for dinner and a movie which was being shown. \u00a0As we left the dorm, a guy sitting in the lounge looked at us. \u00a0I wondered what he thought.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Tuesday, September 22 at 8pm, an ESP entertainer performed at Roanoke. \u00a0The two-hour season premiere of <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Quantum_Leap\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><i>Quantum Leap<\/i><\/a>&#8211;the one in which Sam leaps into Lee Harvey Oswald&#8211;was on at the same time, so I had to tape it. \u00a0It seemed like everybody on campus watched that episode. \u00a0Maybe that&#8217;s why the Bradley Building was only half-full.<\/p>\n<p>The ESP guy stood on the stage, blindfolded. \u00a0Once, we had to write answers to personal questions on a piece of paper given to us earlier.<\/p>\n<p>The questions were: funniest moment, number with special meaning for you, question for the ESP guy, nickname used at some time, and name. \u00a0I put down, &#8220;10 people stuffed in a car, 17, should I minor in German, NM, Nyssa M.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The 10-people thing happened my junior year of high school, when 9 people got a ride in one person&#8217;s car after a Campus Life party.<\/p>\n<p>The ESP guy was blindfolded, and began calling out things he &#8220;saw&#8221; with his ESP. \u00a0The very first thing he said was,<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I see a paper belonging to an NM.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I froze, glanced around to see if he meant someone else, then stood up and said &#8220;Hello,&#8221; like we were told to do.<\/p>\n<p>Pearl thought, &#8220;NM? \u00a0Where have I heard that name before?&#8221; \u00a0It was in my letters to her that summer.<\/p>\n<p>He said, &#8220;Your last name is M.?&#8221; \u00a0My friends freaked out. \u00a0Then he said, &#8220;Nyssa?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Later, Pearl, who wanted to go to England that winter, found that, according to this guy, she would go to England. \u00a0Tara found that she would get married in about a year, year and a half. \u00a0(He was almost right: she would meet her man senior year, and then marry him in 1997 or 1998.)<\/p>\n<p>At first, the guy just seemed to be going down our row and in our little group of friends, which was really strange.<\/p>\n<p>No, I didn&#8217;t minor in German.<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Those of us without roommates had to meet together in Krueger Lounge on the evening of Thursday the 24th. \u00a0There, RA&#8217;s told us we had to get roommates or pay the extra price for a single room.<\/p>\n<p>Rachel asked me if I wanted to move over to Krueger, but I looked at her as if she were nuts. \u00a0It was too cushy to live in the suites: no quiet hours, no visiting hours, no freshmen jumping up and down on the third floor all night long.<\/p>\n<p>As the others divided up, somebody suggested I room with Clarissa. \u00a0She moved into my room the next day around 7pm. \u00a0I also saw my old suitemate Latosha, who was living off-campus with&#8211;get this&#8211;E. \u00a0After all the crap he gave her the year before, they were back together.<\/p>\n<p>Clarissa was my age and a freshman. \u00a0Oh, the things I could teach her about Roanoke. \u00a0It was no longer me the freshman and Candice the sophomore; it was me the sophomore and Clarissa the freshman.<\/p>\n<p>Clarissa liked playing with my new TV&#8217;s remote. \u00a0She&#8217;d flip here and there just long enough to hear a word or two on each station, and hear what sorts of weird and funny sentences she could put together. \u00a0We would both laugh at some of the things she came up with. \u00a0She&#8217;d grown up on a dairy farm.<\/p>\n<p>We both liked to watch <i>Star Trek: The Next Generation<\/i> and wish the writers would put Riker and Troi back together. \u00a0We watched <i>Monty Python<\/i> and the <i>Black Adder<\/i> series every week on PBS.<\/p>\n<p>We loved to watch <i>Mystery Science Theater: 3000<\/i>. \u00a0One night, Joel made a lemur hand puppet dance as the robots sang about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=PGMz6r37Za4\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Joey the Lemur<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>I grabbed my Santa dog, which Shawn named Woof Woof after his sister&#8217;s stuffed dog, and began shaking him up and down like he was the lemur hand puppet. \u00a0I began singing, &#8220;Lemur the Lemur, da-da-da-da-da!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>This became a common joke between us. \u00a0We had many such jokes. \u00a0We also shared faith (she was conservative UCC). \u00a0Other people had expected us, two quiet people, to sit like bumps on a log.<\/p>\n<p>We especially loved the local humor on <i>MST:3K.<\/i> \u00a0It had originated on a public access channel in Minnesota, and Joel or Mike had gone to college at UW-Stout, so its humor would encompass Minnesota and Wisconsin.<\/p>\n<p>Clarissa and I were both animal lovers. \u00a0Her family had barn cats, dogs, and maybe a house cat or two. \u00a0She especially loved her dogs.<\/p>\n<p>For her hearing problem, she bought one of those newfangled microcassette recorders to tape her lectures. \u00a0She would listen to the tapes later and write down notes. \u00a0She took her hearing aid out at night, so even though she went to bed very early (10pm), I could stay up and read, listen to the radio or watch TV without bothering her. \u00a0I just had to turn off most of the lights.<\/p>\n<p>One day in September, she told me she went to the RC-CAB office with some guy to get something. \u00a0(RC-CAB was the Campus Activities Board, which they were both part of.)<\/p>\n<p>I later told her about Peter, and pointed out his picture in the 1992 yearbook. \u00a0She cried, &#8220;I went to the RC-CAB office with that guy!&#8221; \u00a0Small world&#8211;er, campus. \u00a0(This sort of thing happens a lot in Wisconsin, too. \u00a0For example, I met a couple of guys in S&#8211; years later in the SCA who had no connection to Roanoke, but knew Peter.)<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>I often watched MTV, which still played videos in those days. \u00a0They had <i>Rock Blocks<\/i>, <i>Alternative Nation<\/i> and <i>120 Minutes<\/i>. \u00a0I had already heard some alternative, but this opened up the floodgates.<\/p>\n<p>Not only did I discover alternative, but I also discovered industrial and modern metal: Nine Inch Nails, Alice In Chains, Danzig. One day I heard &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=JB_fNVOPzyM\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Would<\/a>&#8221; by Alice in Chains being blasted across the courtyard from the Zeta suite; that&#8217;s when I knew I loved it. \u00a0I still listened to WIXX, the Green Bay Top-40 station, but techno and alternative were my favorites.<\/p>\n<p>A popular song when the school year began was &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Rz1Xn1vzOM4\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Hip Hop Hooray<\/a>&#8221; by Naughty by Nature. \u00a0You could sometimes see people (including my group) waving their hands around and singing, &#8220;Hey! \u00a0Ho! \u00a0Hey! \u00a0Ho!&#8221; \u00a0It was just fun to do.<\/p>\n<p>On FOX, one of the new batch of shows was <i>The Heights<\/i>, a show about a group of twentysomethings with a band. \u00a0There were a bunch of shows in the 1992-1993 season that were copying the newest trend; I believe this one was youth shows or <i>90210<\/i> or <i>Melrose Place<\/i> (which in those days was about twentysomethings, not psychos).<\/p>\n<p><i>Heights<\/i> didn&#8217;t appeal to me, but the theme song, one of an album of songs which were made for the show, became omnipresent on the radio for a while: &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/How_Do_You_Talk_to_an_Angel\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">How Do You Talk to an Angel<\/a>.&#8221;\u00a0 All the songs on the album were written and performed by the actors\/band members, at least according to the premise. \u00a0I don&#8217;t know if the actors and actresses did their own playing, or if a back-up band did.<\/p>\n<p>The show&#8217;s theme song did a lot better than the show itself did: it was canceled by the end of the season. \u00a0But everybody loved the song&#8211;except me. \u00a0I thought it was slow. \u00a0It got played so much that I couldn&#8217;t stand it anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Probably early sophomore year, Darryl said Wisconsin PBS stations would stop showing <i>Dr. Who<\/i> because the BBC had stopped making it. \u00a0(Though, as we know now, it was only on hiatus, to return in 2004 or 2005.)<\/p>\n<p>Life without my weekly fix of <i>Dr. Who<\/i>? \u00a0What a silly reason to drop it! \u00a0As if PBS never showed old programs.<\/p>\n<p>Wisconsin PBS stations were weird: If one showed something, they all did, and if one stopped showing something, they all stopped. \u00a0They all seemed to be linked together. \u00a0They would even show hockey games! \u00a0A PBS station (typically highbrow) showing hockey??????<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>Sophomore or junior year, Cindy had a bowling set, which could be set up in the hallway in first floor Krueger. \u00a0One day, Rachel, despite being the &#8220;responsible&#8221; RA, used a real bowling ball and it almost went through a door. \u00a0After that, the set was put away.<\/p>\n<p>The Group liked to sit together at convocations, lectures, performances, etc., and somebody often brought a bunch of Pixie Stix.<\/p>\n<p>Catherine loved to yell greetings to Pearl and me and anyone else who was with us, no matter if it was across campus or across the cafeteria or even just a couple feet away. \u00a0She never cared how many people turned to look at us.<\/p>\n<p>She would say: &#8220;HI PEAR-L! \u00a0HI NYSSA!&#8221; \u00a0We were supposed to yell back to her, but only Pearl yelled &#8220;HI CATH-E-RINE!&#8221; \u00a0I just said, &#8220;Hi Catherine,&#8221; which was louder than usual for me but nowhere near a yell.<\/p>\n<p>We now had a new soft serve ice cream machine in the cafeteria. \u00a0Chocolate went fast, which was a shame for a chocoholic like me. \u00a0So that I could get what I wanted, I would get my cone with the rest of my meal, then set it in a plastic bowl. \u00a0It melted a little before I could eat it, and I had to push it back into the cone with my spoon, but at least I had chocolate.<\/p>\n<p>Top-40 songs have always been stuck on one theme: love. \u00a0That&#8217;s one reason why I loved Christian music, which was far more creative with themes. \u00a0I now discovered that alternative music was, as well. \u00a0Alternative in those days seemed to be obsessed with death.<\/p>\n<p>For example, Ween&#8217;s &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=4kkJPiTIyZ8\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Push th&#8217; Little Daisies<\/a>,&#8221; Belly&#8217;s &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=RQJjUbMrt8w\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Feed the Tree<\/a>,&#8221; and Julian Cope&#8217;s &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=9ZW-NdFhLrs\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Vegetation<\/a>&#8220;:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Well I didn&#8217;t really want to kill myself, But there just was no other way. \u00a0Now I wait for you, darling, in my graveyard bed, And each day brings you closer to me and my vegetation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>There was often Bingo in the cafeteria during dinner, with various prizes, such as microwave popcorn. \u00a0You&#8217;d find plastic bowls of Cheerios at every table; they were the chips. \u00a0They were also a popular missile. \u00a0A student would pull numbers out of a big tub, and call them over a mike. \u00a0One popular number was, of course, O-69.<\/p>\n<p>Steve, the guy with the Jesus hair, was a Zeta. \u00a0He was part of a cool group of Zetas, who included Darryl and Marc. \u00a0He was a chocoholic like me, and proud of it. \u00a0He said he was &#8220;a first-year senior, which means I&#8217;ll be here forever.&#8221; \u00a0(He graduated after my junior year.) \u00a0He wanted to go to Hollywood after graduation and try his hand at filmmaking; he ended up going back to Chicago instead, where he was from.<\/p>\n<p>I had no idea at the time that he and Catherine were part of a local group that belonged to the medieval re-creation group called the SCA, or that my future husband knew him. \u00a0A few years later, Pearl almost passed him on the street, and he was seneschal (chairman) of the Chicago SCA group. \u00a0Later on, he went to Japan.<\/p>\n<p>I called Steve the Head of the Psychos. \u00a0I often said that weird people seemed to congregate in Roanoke&#8211;a good thing, by the way. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember now what all he did, but I do remember these things:<\/p>\n<p>He would scuttle along in his chair in the cafeteria instead of getting up and walking around. \u00a0In the cafeteria one day, after the lunch crowd left, he sent a paper football and a paper frog flying through and over various formations of salt shaker pyramids, stacks, and goal posts.<\/p>\n<p>Incense and candles were banned as fire hazards, but lots of people had them. \u00a0I believe Steve and Marc had some in their room. \u00a0During power outages, these contraband items became indispensable.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t remember why I sat with Derek, an African-American freshman from Milwaukee. \u00a0Maybe he and his female friends invited me over. \u00a0He was weird and funny. \u00a0I had chosen the pepper steak, which I never had before. \u00a0I tried it and made a face: It was spicy hot! \u00a0I took a swig of milk.<\/p>\n<p>Derek said, &#8220;It looks like someone&#8217;s trying the pepper steak for the first time!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I never had pepper steak again.<\/p>\n<h2><b><a name=\"an5\"><\/a><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">More Friend Stories; Friendship With Peter?<\/span><\/b><\/h2>\n<p>Sara loved fish. \u00a0Though fish were not allowed on campus, along with any other pets, she had contraband fish in her room. \u00a0Poor Sara graduated just before fish were finally allowed in the dorms, my senior year. \u00a0She loved to talk about &#8220;fishies&#8221; and suck up her mouth into a fish-face.<\/p>\n<p>Rachel began going out with a guy named Ralph. \u00a0They seemed to fit: both were zany people, I believe they were about the same height, and they had similar, twisted senses of humor. \u00a0They made the perfect couple&#8211;we thought.<\/p>\n<p>Catherine had two characteristic voices: In one, she seemed to happily swallow the words &#8220;Happy, happy!&#8221;\u00a0 The other one was like the doodlebugs on <i>Sesame Street<\/i>. \u00a0She also liked to sing, &#8220;Ta-ra-ra-BOOM-de-ay, did you get yours today? \u00a0I got mine yesterday; that&#8217;s why I walk this way.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>When she saw flies in her room, she would wait until two of them were mating on a wall, then swat them. \u00a0They wouldn&#8217;t fly away, and, as she said, &#8220;At least they die happy!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>She loved to call herself the Goddess of Salt. \u00a0We were supposed to ask her permission to use the salt. \u00a0No, she was not a control freak; she was kidding. \u00a0She also called herself the Goddess Venus.<\/p>\n<p>We all had fun with Pearl&#8217;s new crutches. \u00a0We called them &#8220;crunches,&#8221; which a child had called them. \u00a0We used them as rifles, weapons, something to lean on, or whatever. \u00a0Pearl would just laugh. \u00a0We also played with her scooter. \u00a0We longed to have our own scooters, and would drive Pearl&#8217;s whenever possible.<\/p>\n<p>Catherine, who was short and light, would often get up and stand on a little ledge on the back of the scooter while Pearl drove.<\/p>\n<p>Like the rest of us, Pearl had brought stuffed animals to college: One was Pingo, her favorite teddy bear from babyhood, now all beaten up. \u00a0Another was Mona, a yellow dinosaur with a big body and long neck. \u00a0Pearl called her Mona because, when squeezed, she let out a moan that was supposed to be a growl or roar.<\/p>\n<p>One of Mona&#8217;s pals was a stegosaurus named Spike. \u00a0Mona sometimes called people on the phone and roared at them. \u00a0Spike had a girlfriend, Sara&#8217;s dinosaur Peg.<\/p>\n<p>Since I usually found people in Pearl&#8217;s room, I called it Party Central. \u00a0When her friends weren&#8217;t over, roommate Cindy&#8217;s were. \u00a0Cindy&#8217;s friends were a mix of Band people and high school friends (she lived in S&#8211;). \u00a0So these friends were often from other colleges. \u00a0One was Ralph Z., who loved to make &#8220;manly grunts&#8221; like Tim on the sitcom <i>Home Improvement.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Amoebas became Rachel&#8217;s symbol, because she would say not &#8220;me&#8221; but &#8220;amoeba.&#8221; \u00a0Someone cut out a cartoon of an amoeba, probably from &#8220;The Far Side,&#8221; and Rachel taped it to her door.<\/p>\n<p>Since Rachel was the youngest of sixteen children in a Catholic farm family, she had a common phrase: &#8220;We never had those.&#8221; \u00a0This was applied to nearly any toy we had as kids, such as Barbies.<\/p>\n<p>Rachel&#8217;s family must have been as macabre as she was. \u00a0After a break, she told us about her niece, who was maybe a few years old. \u00a0Some of Rachel&#8217;s brothers and\/or sisters had gone hunting, and came back with a deer. \u00a0Rachel&#8217;s niece came up and said, sweetly and innocently, &#8220;Can I cut off the head?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Darryl, Marc, Steve, Julie, and their friends soon noticed that I didn&#8217;t cuss. \u00a0I never said anything about it, but they saw it bothered me. \u00a0So in place of cuss words, they said &#8220;bunnies.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>This was a lot funnier than cuss words, so they often ended up laughing instead of feeling bad. \u00a0Just imagine hearing a manly guy like Marc say, &#8220;What the bunnies are they doing?&#8221; or &#8220;It really made me feel like bunnies.&#8221; \u00a0Pearl said it showed they respected me.<\/p>\n<p>This group soon became secretly known in our group as the Octagon. \u00a0Somebody noticed all the little love affairs and crushes going on in the group, and made a diagram showing who liked whom. \u00a0It ended up having eight lines, so it was called the Octagon.<\/p>\n<p>I call them that here because it&#8217;s far more convenient than saying, &#8220;Darryl, Julie, Marc, Steve, etc.&#8221; all the time. \u00a0I thought it included Marc and Steve, though Pearl said in 1999 that the original octagon diagram included Darryl, Julie, Melissa, Ned and two other people.<\/p>\n<p>The diagram was put in Pearl and Cindy&#8217;s room, but Darryl once came in their room and didn&#8217;t even notice it.<\/p>\n<p>Samuel was a good friend of Anna&#8217;s. \u00a0They were both black Pentecostals, and both very vocal about their faith. \u00a0They were also both greatly respected, even by non-Christians, perhaps because of their integrity and sincerity.<\/p>\n<p>I loved to listen to the two of them, sitting together at lunch on Sundays after church, talking about faith-related things. \u00a0They&#8217;d give each other advice, or talk about what they&#8217;d learned.<\/p>\n<p>Grossheusch still smelled. \u00a0It was said to be from drunk guys peeing in the halls and stairwells. \u00a0The guys also didn&#8217;t seem to know how to clean up after themselves, so the place smelled like a trash bin.<\/p>\n<p>Shawn&#8217;s older brother looked Latino, and his younger sister was blonde. \u00a0Shawn joked that somebody once saw them together and said, &#8220;You guys all look nothing alike!&#8221; \u00a0They both had cystic fibrosis (CF).<\/p>\n<p>Shawn had been in a mental hospital for a time for a breakdown. \u00a0The whole school knew about this; he did not keep it a secret. I know the reason why he had his breakdown, but won&#8217;t post it: that was a secret, which he only told me.<\/p>\n<p>Peter and Shawn acted civil around each other, but hated each other. \u00a0I was never quite sure why this was. \u00a0Back before the breakup, Shawn already thought a lot of Peter&#8217;s ideas were, as he put it to me later, &#8220;in left field.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not quite sure what Peter didn&#8217;t like about him, unless it was the same things other people didn&#8217;t like. \u00a0Shawn annoyed a lot of people, probably because he over-analyzed everything (as you&#8217;ll see), said things nobody agreed with, made jokes people didn&#8217;t like, stuff like that. \u00a0Even Heidi told him he was too analytical.<\/p>\n<p>Lunch was usually a bit more hectic, with people coming and going all the time because of classes. \u00a0But some of the Group would go to dinner around 4:30, the rest around 5 or later, and we would all sit there until long past 6.<\/p>\n<p>We often stayed longer than anyone else. \u00a0Thanks to frequent outbursts of loud, raucous laughter and the Cup Game, we called ourselves the Loudest Table. \u00a0We were obnoxious, yes, but it was fun.<\/p>\n<p>Once when I wasn&#8217;t there, a hall director came over and asked the Group to please not play their Cup Game because it was too loud. \u00a0But that didn&#8217;t stop us from playing it at other times, probably usually late into dinner or weekend lunch when we were practically alone.<\/p>\n<p>Pearl learned the Cup Game from a high school friend and passed it on to us. \u00a0This is how she described it to me: &#8220;The cup game had a clapping\/slapping-the-table rhythm you had to follow [in time to Rich Mullins&#8217; song &#8220;Screen Door on a Submarine&#8221;], and you had to turn the cup over and pass it (to the right?) at the right time. \u00a0It was loud, and confusing if you didn&#8217;t concentrate.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>One night, as Rachel, Pearl, Carol and I left the cafeteria, the moon was full and beautiful, with a star beside it. \u00a0Rachel looked at it and said, &#8220;Oh, wow, look at the moon!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Somehow, this became a recitation, each of us with a part. \u00a0I don&#8217;t remember my part; maybe I made a weird noise from my childhood repertoire, since as a kid I liked to make all sorts of weird noises. \u00a0It went like this:<\/p>\n<p>Rachel: &#8220;Oh, wow, look at the moon!&#8221;<br \/>\nPearl (serious tone): &#8220;Tiddly pom, tiddly pom.&#8221;<br \/>\nCarol: &#8220;Huh, huh, hoy-yuh!&#8221;<br \/>\nThen me.<\/p>\n<p>Rachel: &#8220;Oh, wow, look at the star beside the moon!&#8221;<br \/>\nPearl: &#8220;Tiddly pom, tiddly pom.&#8221;<br \/>\nCarol: &#8220;Huh, huh, hoy-yuh!&#8221;<br \/>\nThen me.<\/p>\n<p>There may have been more verses to it.<\/p>\n<p>Pearl sometimes got us to all balance spoons on our noses in the cafeteria, like Gonzo from <i>The Muppet Show<\/i>.<\/p>\n<p>A soap opera club met in the Campus Center lounge to watch, I believe, <i>Days of Our Lives.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Starting this year, no alcohol was allowed in the dorms, just the suites, which were mostly for upperclassmen.<\/p>\n<p>College dorm doors usually had dry-erase message boards, along with various decorations. \u00a0Some had muscle-men pin-ups; some had feminine decorations; some had paper animals; some had sayings such as &#8220;Drink till he&#8217;s cute&#8221;; one had a picture of a glowering Calvin (from &#8220;Calvin and Hobbes&#8221;) peeing.<\/p>\n<p>My friends liked to write witty sayings and draw symbol-signatures (an amoeba for Rachel, a beetle for me) on each others&#8217; boards.<\/p>\n<p>Everyone had a signature, or something associated with them. \u00a0Pearl had a smiley face, Sharon had Ziggy, I had a beetle, Sara had fish, Rachel had amoebas, and Catherine had origami.<\/p>\n<p>The Group, the Octagon, and Shawn liked to spill salt onto the table and draw pictures in it with our fingers. \u00a0We also used an ID card like a razorblade to cut lines out of the salt as if it were cocaine. \u00a0(None of us ever did cocaine, by the way.)<\/p>\n<p>We also liked to stack salt and pepper shakers into pyramids or other formations. \u00a0I played Dalek wars with Darryl, using salt shakers. \u00a0After all, they looked just like Daleks.<\/p>\n<p>At breakfast I&#8217;d sit with two girls and a very cute, funny, weird guy. \u00a0One day, he asked if one of us wanted to go see <i>Bram Stoker&#8217;s Dracula<\/i> with him. \u00a0I kick myself even now for not speaking up. \u00a0Considering the sexual energy in that movie, I could&#8217;ve gotten a kiss or two if I went there alone with him, dang it.<\/p>\n<p>One guy became a fixture in the Krueger lounge, watching TV at all hours. \u00a0This made the residents uncomfortable, and annoyed them because they weren&#8217;t always able to watch what they wanted to. \u00a0Some people said he watched porno. \u00a0Sara began privately calling him &#8220;LF,&#8221; or &#8220;Lounge Fixture.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The S&#8211; Nazarene Church began meeting on Sunday mornings in an elementary school. \u00a0We had two new members, Lenny and his wife. \u00a0Lenny had dark hair and a leather jacket, reminding me of Lenny and Squiggy from <i>Laverne and Shirley.<\/i> \u00a0The Williamses picked me up every week.<\/p>\n<p>Pearl and I and some others formed a Bible study group. \u00a0Eventually, Pearl hooked us up with a national organization, <a href=\"http:\/\/intervarsity.org\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">InterVarsity Christian Fellowship<\/a>.\u00a0 Shawn and I were in this group together: studying our Bibles in public, fooling around in private.<\/p>\n<p>Sharon, the second-floor RA of Krueger, said her room was haunted. \u00a0Things moved, walls shook.<\/p>\n<p>Shawn gave me a bit of social advice which sounded like a good idea, so I adopted it: He said when people told him about bad or embarrassing experiences they&#8217;d been through, he gave a story of his own, so they wouldn&#8217;t feel stupid or like the only person who went through that.<\/p>\n<p>Clarissa took &#8220;Church, Sect and Cult&#8221; during fall semester. \u00a0One section of the textbook mentioned Nazarenes.<\/p>\n<p>(I discovered through this book that there were actually two denominations calling themselves Nazarenes. \u00a0Mine was officially the Church of the Nazarene. \u00a0The other one I&#8217;ve never encountered; I believe it was simply, Nazarene. \u00a0Their views were very different from ours, not mainstream.\u00a0 A page about them is <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Apostolic_Christian_Church_%28Nazarene%29\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n<p>One day, the teacher lectured on my denomination. \u00a0He said he knew a Nazarene, and that they weren&#8217;t supposed to wear makeup, shorts, pants or short hair on women, etc. etc.&#8211;making us sound more like the Pentecostals I&#8217;d known in high school.<\/p>\n<p>Clarissa said her roommate was Nazarene and not at all like that. \u00a0When she told me, I was glad.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, the only Nazarenes like this I had ever heard of, lived in Southern Indiana and the South. \u00a0West Coast Nazarene preachers preached in their shirt sleeves, while East Coast preachers were more conservative&#8211;but only the Southern ones had Pentecostal-like restrictions.<\/p>\n<p>My mom wore makeup and short hair; most of the women in my church had fashionable hair and clothes. \u00a0Shorts were common in summer.<\/p>\n<p>My decision to wear long hair and no makeup had absolutely nothing to do with religion, but with my love of long hair, dislike for short hair, and dislike for makeup.<\/p>\n<p>In the warmer months of the year, I sometimes sat in a certain tree by the lagoon to get away from everything. \u00a0I had to do more leaning than sitting in the little nook where the branches started, and hold myself in place with my feet, since it wasn&#8217;t much of a seat.<\/p>\n<p>But it was a good place to read, a private place out of sight of nearby Muehlmeier. \u00a0No geese hissed at me there because they preferred to stay near the water. \u00a0I privately called it My Tree.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I read Lit class assignments there, and sometimes I read novels, such as Ann Radcliffe&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/The_Italian_(Radcliffe_novel)\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><i>The Italian<\/i><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Kids used to tease me for being weird. \u00a0Now, I realized that &#8220;normal&#8221; could be boring. \u00a0I did not want to be like anyone else in personality or in style. \u00a0I didn&#8217;t even like jeans or sweatshirts, which most people consider comfortable. \u00a0I liked weird people, such as Steve and Rachel, so why should I try to be normal?<\/p>\n<p>****<\/p>\n<p>On Saturday the 26th, the day started out with drudgery as I had to work Food Service at an unusual time, and an hour longer than it was supposed to be&#8211;so three hours. \u00a0I was working at the tray window, so my friends wrote &#8220;HI NM&#8221; in their fries on a tray.<\/p>\n<p>Cindy took it up, but she bumped the tray, and I didn&#8217;t understand what she tried to tell me. I did finally see the message in the fries, though. \u00a0She also wrote &#8220;Hi&#8221; in mayonnaise on her sub sandwich.<\/p>\n<p>For my classes, I had to go to campus events, such as the Fine Arts series. \u00a0That night at 8pm was the Talismen, an a capella group of six men, like barber shop singers.<\/p>\n<p>My friends and I all got tickets in row C, but we didn&#8217;t know what seat numbers everybody had, so we were split up. \u00a0Catherine told me to at least wear a skirt, so I was all dolled up. \u00a0I went over to the Bradley building, saw Pearl&#8217;s scooter, and went in.<\/p>\n<p>At the ticket window I saw an Asian student I knew, and told her, &#8220;These other people make me feel overdressed! \u00a0But I was told to wear a skirt.&#8221; \u00a0Every other female I saw, wore pants. \u00a0I made sure my hair was in place, then put my ticket on the sill when my turn came. \u00a0&#8220;You can just go right over there,&#8221; the woman told me, waving toward the right entrance to the auditorium.<\/p>\n<p>So I went over there&#8211;and spotted Peter! \u00a0He was taking the tickets! \u00a0Next to him stood some guy. \u00a0For a moment, we both just stood there, stunned. \u00a0He was all dressed up as well. \u00a0Then he smiled and said, &#8220;Tickets?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I pulled my ticket out of my pocket, and gave it to him. \u00a0I contemplated saying something, as he tore the ticket and gave me the stub. \u00a0I was just about to say &#8220;Hello&#8221; when he said, &#8220;How ya doin&#8217;?&#8221; \u00a0I looked up at him, made myself smile, and said, &#8220;Pretty good.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>(That&#8217;s what I always say.\u00a0 As a teen, &#8220;fine&#8221; sounded too boring and common, so I switched to &#8220;pretty good.&#8221;\u00a0 Some people interpret it as &#8220;not so good,&#8221; but I haven&#8217;t a clue why, because it basically means &#8220;fine.&#8221;)<\/p>\n<p>Then I went into the auditorium.<\/p>\n<p>I found a seat next to Catherine, and told her what happened, of course. \u00a0She thought it good, and seemed surprised, that he asked me how I was doing. \u00a0This was proof that our friendship was finally being restored!<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1992\/\">October 1992<\/a><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong> <a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/\">Life at Roanoke: My College Memoirs\u2013September 1991 through May 1995<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\"><strong>Table of Contents<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><strong>Freshman Year<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/\">September 1991:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/#an1\">Meet the Suite<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/#an2\">Orientation<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/#an3\">Meeting Shawn&#8211;and a Ninja<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/#an4\">Campus Stories, Wisconsin, Campus Radio Station<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/#an5\">Campus, People, First College Boyfriend<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/freshman-year-september-1991\/#an6\">Dating a Ninja <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1991\/\"><strong>October 1991:<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1991\/#an1\">Peter, my Ninja Boyfriend, Hypnotizes Me and Starts a Mental Link<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1991\/#an2\">Deadly Nightshade<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1991\/#an3\">Pressure to Love <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1991-aurora-borealis-ghosts-promises-marriage\/\">November 1991:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1991-aurora-borealis-ghosts-promises-marriage\/#an1\">Promises of Marriage<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1991-aurora-borealis-ghosts-promises-marriage\/#an2\"> Aurora Borealis<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1991-aurora-borealis-ghosts-promises-marriage\/#an3\">Ghosts<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1991-ride-greyhound\/\">December 1991: <\/a>Ride the Greyhound<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1992-dealing-breakup-probable-nvld\/\">January 1992: <\/a>Dealing with a Breakup with Probable NVLD<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1992-new-life-begins-great-zipper-caper-shawn-makes-move\/\">February 1992:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1992-new-life-begins-great-zipper-caper-shawn-makes-move\/#an1\">My New Life Begins<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1992-new-life-begins-great-zipper-caper-shawn-makes-move\/#an2\">The Great Zipper Caper<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1992-new-life-begins-great-zipper-caper-shawn-makes-move\/#an3\">Shawn Makes his Move <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1992-shawn-just-friends-dating\/\">March 1992: <\/a>Shawn: Just Friends or Dating?<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1992-pledging-prayer-group\/\">April 1992: <\/a>Pledging, Prayer Group&#8211;and Peter&#8217;s Smear Campaign<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1992-year-end-parties-summer-begins-quirky-friendship-shawn-heats\/\">May 1992:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1992-year-end-parties-summer-begins-quirky-friendship-shawn-heats\/#an1\">Year-End Parties<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1992-year-end-parties-summer-begins-quirky-friendship-shawn-heats\/#an2\">Quirky &#8220;Friendship&#8221; with Shawn Heats Up Again<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1992-year-end-parties-summer-begins-quirky-friendship-shawn-heats\/#an3\">Summer Begins <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Sophomore Year<\/span><\/b><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/summer-1992-solace-books-creativity-pictures-genie-zara\/\">Summer 1992<\/a>:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/summer-1992-solace-books-creativity-pictures-genie-zara\/#an1\">Solace in books and creativity<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/summer-1992-solace-books-creativity-pictures-genie-zara\/#an2\">Pictures of my Genie Zara<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/\">September 1992:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an1\">My Friends<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an2\">Food Service and Classes<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an3\">Frustrating German Teacher<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an4\">Roommate and Campus Stories; Shawn Screws With My Head<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/#an5\">More Friend Stories; Friendship with Peter?<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1992\/\">October 1992<\/a>&#8211;Shawn&#8217;s Exasperating Ambivalence:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1992\/#an1\">Friends With Sexual Benefits: Fun at First, But Began to Destroy our Friendship<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1992\/#an2\">The Secret Gets Out<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1992\/#an3\">Ill-Fated Pledge Class<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1992\/#an4\">We&#8217;re Dating!&#8211;No, We&#8217;re Not.\u00a0 Yes, We Are.\u00a0 ACK!<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/\">November 1992:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/#an1\">Pat Robertson Screws Up<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/#an2\">Peter Turns the Screws<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/#an3\">Peter is PW<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/#an4\">Obscene Phone Caller<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/#an5\">Shawn Goes Animal-House on Me During my Shower<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1992\/#an6\">Selective Mutism Strikes at a Zeta Party<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/\">December 1992:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an1\">InterVarsity Group is Organized<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an2\">The Fire Burns Hotter; The Dreadful Night (Shawn Almost Goes Too Far)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an3\">Accidents Will Happen<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an4\">Confronting Shawn&#8217;s Psychological Abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an5\">A Proposed Cool-Off<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an6\">Poems of Werewolves and Longing<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1992\/#an7\">Reading Clarissa; My Drawings of Her <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1993\/\">January 1993:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1993\/#an1\">Irish Writers Class<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1993\/#an2\">Psychological Hell as Shawn Turns Dark and Moody<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1993\/#an3\">Insurance Mix-Ups and Corruption in the Campus Administration<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1993\/#an4\">Pregnancy Scare<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1993\/\">February 1993:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1993\/#an1\">Spring Classes; Crush on a Teacher; Lit Teacher Becomes My Writing Mentor; &#8220;Ugh&#8221; Poem<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1993\/#an2\">Sexual Relations with Shawn: The Downward Spiral to a Crash<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1993\/#an3\">Counseling<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1993\/\">March 1993:<\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1993\/#an1\">School Scandal<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1993\/#an2\">Shawn Rips Me Apart for NVLD Traits<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1993\/#an3\">Spring Break; My Drawings of Ann Radcliffe Characters<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1993\/#an4\">I&#8217;m Cold to Shawn and it Bugs Him<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1993\/#an5\">The Power Goes Out&#8211;and the Water&#8211;in an Ice Storm<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1993\/\">April 1993:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1993\/#an1\">I Meet Rick, My Admirer From Afar<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1993\/#an2\">Ending Friends-with-Benefits for Good&#8211;After One Last Time<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1993\/#an3\">Shawn Leaves: His Brother Turns Deathly Ill<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1993\/#an4\">My Humiliation as Rachel Exposes How the Sorority Abused Me <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1993\/\">May 1993:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1993\/#an1\">The Pump Blows Up<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1993\/#an2\">Shawn Breaks Our Friendship and Departs<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1993\/#an3\">Learning Spanish<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>Junior Year<\/b><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/summer-1993\/\">Summer 1993:<\/a>Music, Storm and Prophetic Dreams<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/\">September 1993:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an1\">Classmate a stand-in for &#8220;Rudy&#8221;; Jigging at College Dance<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an2\">Library Tales<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an3\">Happiness Returns<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an4\"> Living with Friends in Krueger<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an5\">Funny Library Stories<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an6\">Shawn Calls<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an7\">Psycho Roommates and Bug Wars<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an8\">Return of Rick<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an9\">Adjusting to New Dorm<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an10\">Spitball-Throwing Teacher<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an11\">Rat-Obsessed Teacher and Doctor Zhivago<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an12\">A Teacher Dated a Student; InterVarsity Fun<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an13\">Charlie Peacock Concert<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1993\/#an14\">Random Stories <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/\">October 1993:<\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an1\">Letter to Shawn<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an2\">Erotic Vampire Dream (Inspiration for Alexander Boa)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an3\">I Ask Out James<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an4\">Peter Calls!<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an5\">The Fateful First Meeting of Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an6\">The Birth of Dolphin Philosophy<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1993\/#an7\">Our Group of Friends Splits Apart<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1993\/\">November 1993:<\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1993\/#an1\">College Fun<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1993\/#an2\">Seeing Phil in a Play<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1993\/#an3\">Seance Makes Contact<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1993\/#an4\">Car Accident<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1993\/#an5\">New Dating Prospects: Phil and Mike <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1993\/\">December 1993:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1993\/#an1\">Praying for the Buildings<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1993\/#an2\">That Fateful First Date with Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1993\/#an3\">Complication: A Rival<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1993\/#an4\">Call from Shawn!<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1993\/#an5\">Another Meeting with Peter<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1994\/\">January 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1994\/#an1\">He Can&#8217;t Decide Between the Girl he Wants and the Girl he Doesn&#8217;t<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1994\/#an2\">Film Class<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1994\/#an3\">I Spend a Night with Phil <\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/\">February 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an1\">Spring Classes<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an2\">Big Red Flag: Phil&#8217;s Dysfunctional Family Life<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an3\">The Drunken Stork (Phil&#8217;s Controlling Nature Manifests)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an4\">Idealizing Phase and Early Sign of Control<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an5\">Phil Tries to Control my Friendships, Unfair Accusations from his Dad and Brother<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an6\"> Phil Gaslights Me with Fake Dreams, Ridicule and Psychological Abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1994\/#an7\">Another Pre-Engagement<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1994\/\">March 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1994\/#an1\">Whiteheart Concert&#8211;Phil Meets Shawn<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1994\/#an2\">Controversial Play (Uncommon Women) Tears the School Apart<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1994\/#an3\">Phil&#8217;s Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting Begin in Full Force<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1994\/#an4\">We make wedding plans; more of Phil&#8217;s fake dreams<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/\">April 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/#an1\">Phil and I get engaged&#8211;after two months<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/#an2\">Phil tries to guilt me into changing religion<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/#an3\">Phil tries to force me to obey him<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/#an4\">Castles in the air&#8211;including plans to live on a desert island<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/#an5\">A Secret Marriage<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1994\/#an6\">Hemorrhage and excruciating pain after first time<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1994\/\">May 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1994\/#an1\">Phil&#8217;s Nervous Breakdown<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1994\/#an2\">Our Flight: forced into deception<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1994\/#an3\">Summer Shockers<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Senior Year<\/span><\/b><br \/>\n<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/\">June 1994&#8211;<\/a>Bits of Abuse Here and There:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/#an1\">Losing my wisdom teeth<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/#an2\">Phil&#8217;s crappy jobs cause depression<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/#an3\">Phil&#8217;s fake dreams lead to a terrible fight<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/#an4\">Using Natural Family Planning<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/#an5\">Phil cuts down whatever is special to me<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/june-1994\/#an6\"> Phil&#8217;s Mr. Hyde comes out: controlling, manipulative, verbally and emotionally abusive<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/\">July &amp;\u00a0August 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"s0\">\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an1\">The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an2\">Phil rapes me anally<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an3\">Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want&#8211;even proper hygiene<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an4\">Phil&#8217;s cruel hoax on me: his &#8220;subconscious&#8221; coming out to be with me<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an5\">Phil&#8217;s &#8220;subconscious&#8221; explains why he&#8217;s coming out to talk to me<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an6\">The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an7\">How Phil&#8217;s behavior fit the signs of abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an8\">Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell; Phil sexually assaults me anally; Phil tries to control me through refusing everything I want\u2013even proper hygiene; Phil\u2019s cruel hoax on me: his \u201csubconscious\u201d coming out to be with me; Phil\u2019s \u201csubconscious\u201d explains why he\u2019s coming out to talk to me; The lies unravel as Phil admits to conning me; also, fright as my periods turn wacky; How Phil\u2019s behavior fit the signs of abuse; Phil Mindscrews Me: changes history, blames me for things that were not my fault, treats me like an idiot during games; Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an9\">Phil says if he abuses me, it takes two people to sign the divorce papers<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an10\">Pearl reveals that Phil is costing me social invitations<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"July and August 1994\u2013The Abuse Worsens in the Summer of Hell\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/july-and-august-1994\/#an11\">Hints that Phil is checking out of the marriage<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"s0\">\n<p><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/\">September 1994<\/a>&#8211;Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an1\">Phil picks fights and avoids responsibilities to make me feel like a shrew<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an2\">My husband Phil, Dave and Pearl call me a party pooper for getting a Grade II concussion<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an3\">I&#8217;m ecstatic to be back with my friends (the ones Phil hates); I meet Charles<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an4\">Phil vanishes without a word of why<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an5\">Phil wants a divorce<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an6\">My friends tells me that Phil is controlling and possessive<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an7\">My first Pentecostal church service: They speak in tongues<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an8\">Phil refuses to accept responsibility for the divorce<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an9\">Phil cuts off contact<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an10\">Attack of Phil&#8217;s Flying Monkey and Sycophant: Dirk<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an11\">Phil the narcissist admits to manipulating people and using them as pawns in his game with me<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an12\">Phil comes crawling back to me&#8211;and we put our marriage on paper<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an13\">Phil demands my complete submission and forces me into oral sex&#8211;and my will is broken, for fear he&#8217;ll divorce me again<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an14\">Phil walks away from me again&#8211;because I dare to have my own mind, opinions and needs&#8211;and because he&#8217;s a sociopath<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"September 1994\u2013Divorce: The Long, Dark, Painful Tunnel\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1994\/#an15\">Fierce anger against Phil and PTSD from the abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"s0\">\n<p><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/\">October 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an1\">My friends tell me Phil is psychotic<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an2\">&#8220;Soul Ties&#8221;<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an3\">I return Phil&#8217;s things and he skewers me; consolation from friends<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an4\">My letter to Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an5\">Phil shows my letter to his friends; I&#8217;m triggered by reminder of forced oral sex <\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an6\">I start dating Charles<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an7\">Friends tell me Phil is controlling<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an8\">I feel stalked by Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an9\">Poem about being stalked by Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"October 1994\u2013New Friends, New Guy, and Pearl\u2019s Illness\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/october-1994\/#an10\">Fury at Phil stalking me and rubbing my face in his new relationship<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"s0\">\n<p><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/\">November 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/#an1\">Struggling to move on despite the pain<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/#an2\">I confront Phil about his abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/#an3\">Breaking up with Charles<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/#an4\">New definitions: Did Phil rape me?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/#an5\">Persephone confronts me about the letter<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"November 1994\u2013Confronting Phil\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/november-1994\/#an6\">Pregnancy Scare&#8211;for real this time<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"s0\">\n<p><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"December 1994\u2013Moving On and Meeting the Vampire\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1994\/\">December 1994:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"December 1994\u2013Moving On and Meeting the Vampire\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1994\/#an1\">Moving On<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"December 1994\u2013Moving On and Meeting the Vampire\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1994\/#an2\">Phil Spreads Lies About Me<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"December 1994\u2013Moving On and Meeting the Vampire\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1994\/#an3\">What College Kids Do With Snow<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"December 1994\u2013Moving On and Meeting the Vampire\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/december-1994\/#an4\">Meeting the Vampire<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"s0\"><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"January 1995\u2013Celtic Roots Class, SCA &amp; Hooking up to the Internet\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1995\/\">January 1995:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"January 1995\u2013Celtic Roots Class, SCA &amp; Hooking up to the Internet\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1995\/#an1\">A Date with the Vampire<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"January 1995\u2013Celtic Roots Class, SCA &amp; Hooking up to the Internet\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1995\/#an2\">Celtic Class: Knotwork, Tin Whistles, SCA&#8211;and Drinking from a Skull<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"January 1995\u2013Celtic Roots Class, SCA &amp; Hooking up to the Internet\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1995\/#an3\">The Teddy-O Incident; Birth of These Memoirs<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"January 1995\u2013Celtic Roots Class, SCA &amp; Hooking up to the Internet\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1995\/#an4\">We Hook Up to the Internet&#8211;and Shawn Fixates on My Sex Life<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"January 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/january-1995\/#an5\">New Guy Begging at My Feet<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"s0\"><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"February 1995\u2013Life on TCB, New Men, and Meeting Cugan\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/\">February 1995:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\u2013Life on TCB, New Men, and Meeting Cugan\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an1\">Life on TCB<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\u2013Life on TCB, New Men, and Meeting Cugan\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an2\">Meeting Cugan<\/a> (Hubby)<\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\u2013Life on TCB, New Men, and Meeting Cugan\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an3\">Learning my ex Peter was a love-fraud; New Men<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an4\">Before Tracy, There Was the Avenger (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 1)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an5\">Torn between three men as Catherine pushes me toward Cugan<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an6\">The Love Rectangle<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an7\">Torn between FIVE men!\u00a0 Me?<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an8\">Persephone&#8217;s Own Outrageous Stories of Phil&#8217;s Abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"February 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/february-1995\/#an9\">College-style living<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"s0\"><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Before I Met Tracy, There Was the Avenger; TCB Flame Wars; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/\">March 1995:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an1\">Online Shenanigans<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an2\">Phil Finds TCB; Meeting a Hit Man<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an3\">Gypsy&#8217;s Party: Healed friendship with Peter<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an4\">The Avenger Starts a Flame War (Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an5\">Meeting the elusive Speaker<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an6\">First Date with Future Hubby Cugan<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an7\">On Breaking Up with Kindness<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an8\">Loony Roommies and Flying Gargoyles<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an9\">The Goddess of Pleasure and Salt<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an10\">A Conversation with Oscar Wilde<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a title=\"March 1995\u2013Phil Finds TCB; Gypsy\u2019s Party; Sociopathic Female Bullies Pt 2: The Avenger Starts a Flame War; First SCA Event\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an11\">My First SCA Event<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/march-1995\/#an12\">Cugan: a vast improvement over Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"s0\"><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"April 1995\u2013Easter Trip; Breakup with Cugan\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/\">April 1995:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/#an1\">Easter with Cugan&#8217;s family and SCA<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/#an2\">Cugan breaks up with me<\/a><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/#an3\">After breakup: Phil&#8217;s return and trolls<\/a><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/#an4\">Cugan comes back<\/a><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/#an5\">SCA hippies; college senioritis: anxiety!<\/a><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/april-1995\/#an6\">Or should I move back in with my parents?<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"s0\"><strong><a class=\"s0\" title=\"May 1995\u2013Graduation\" href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1995-graduation\/\">May 1995:<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1995-graduation\/#an1\">Peace with Phil<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1995-graduation\/#an2\">Defending my Thesis; Graduating with Honors<\/a><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1995-graduation\/#an3\">Graduation: Trapped at school<\/a><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/may-1995-graduation\/#an4\">Epilogue and Apology from Phil<\/a><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<!-- PMB print buttons is only displayed on a single post\/page URLs-->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My Friends Food Service and Classes Frustrating German Teacher Roommate and Campus Stories; Shawn Screws With My Head More Friend Stories; Friendship with Peter? My Friends I may have first heard Q101 (alternative, Chicago) on the way back to school. \u00a0I do know it was sometime sophomore year, either then or during Thanksgiving Break. \u00a0I began to like alternative even more than I liked the dance music on B96. \u00a0Eventually, I discovered that Q101 came in at my house when the TV antenna was hooked up to the stereo in the living room. When my parents and I first got&hellip;<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/index\/life-roanoke-college-memoirs-september-1991-may-1995\/september-1992\/\">Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n<div class='heateor_sss_sharing_container heateor_sss_vertical_sharing heateor_sss_bottom_sharing' style='width:39px;left: -10px;top: 100px;-webkit-box-shadow:none;box-shadow:none;' data-heateor-sss-href='https:\/\/nyssashobbithole.com\/main\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4797'><div class=\"heateor_sss_sharing_ul\"><a aria-label=\"Facebook\" class=\"heateor_sss_facebook\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fnyssashobbithole.com%2Fmain%2Fwp-json%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fpages%2F4797\" title=\"Facebook\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"font-size:32px!important;box-shadow:none;display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle\"><span class=\"heateor_sss_svg\" 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