Repost: Exposing Narcissists/Abusers: Why We Should Do It

I posted this in 2013.  Actually, it has been significantly reworked recently because of events described here.  It used to be a reblog of another blogger, but that person obviously does not understand the concepts of Fair Use or of reblogging, and got nasty.

So I found a section of a page elsewhere on my site on the same topic, and replaced the reblog.  I like it much better now, in fact, because I now realize the other blogger was waaaay too militant.  As the years passed, I began to feel uncomfortable with the attitude in the original reblog.  What I have here now, is far more in keeping with my current views on the topic.  Excerpts:

Silence is the victim’s biggest enemy.

Just Google “True abuse stories” to find many.  Some do it just to vent, some do it to help others who are going through similar things, to let them know they’re not worthless or stupid, that they don’t deserve abuse, that they’re not alone, and that there is a way out.

Sometimes it takes such a story to realize that you are being abused, that words can be abusive, not just fists.

In any case, rather than being accused of airing dirty laundry or “being a victim,” these people are being called courageous.

Read more of my reworked post here.  Comments are disabled here, but enabled on the original post, to keep conversation in one place.

 

 

Research, Wagner, and Plot beginning to come together

[Please note: This was also posted on my author page, here, in a blog devoted to writing.  Check it out!  😀  ]

I had some issues with the plot in the middle of my book (posts explaining my WWII time-travel book are here), but I am finally coming up with ways to smooth it all out so it works.

I’ve also been watching Wagner’s Ring Cycle on Youtube, because Hitler said you need to know Wagner to understand the Nazis.  And this is a psychological novel, not the usual WWII kill-all-Nazis theme.  I want to get into people’s heads and understand their motivations.

The Ring Cycle is engrossing and beautiful, and the inspiration for Lord of the Rings.

I have to do some more reading, but I suspect Hitler was referring to the golden boy saving the world from the greedy ones.  And you know, in the olden days, even respectable people thought Jewish people were greedy as a race.  I read the book Svengali, and it’s full of stereotypes denigrating Jews.  The author was English, not German.  Svengali was a Jew.  Just read Chaucer and you’ll find hatred of Jews, with no shame or apology.  Hemingway’s prejudice is on display in The Sun Also Rises.  You can also see anti-Jewish sentiment in The Great Gatsby.  And McTeague, the inspiration for the classic silent film Greed, has the stereotypically greedy Jew.

Nowadays the very thought of these stereotypes of Jews is repulsive, reminding us of what led to the Holocaust.  But the Nazis would have thought they (especially the golden-haired ones) were the good guys and the Jews (and everybody else on their fecal roster, probably including everyone who won WWI) were the bad guys.  So in their own minds, they’d be the hero Siegfried, and the Jewish people would be the greedy dragon Fafner and the dwarves, especially Alberich and Hagen.

The more I research, the more intrigued I get, and the more involved I get in the heads of the characters of my story.

 

My stalker troll brigade has disappeared

My posts for the past week describe what this is all about, starting here.

I guess the trolls lost interest and went back to their usual target, the alleged “catfish,” once they finally realized I have no connection to him.  But this is something they do: harass people simply for talking to their target, and try to bully them into the trolls’ way of thinking.

Which is one big reason why the whole “catfish” story doesn’t pass the smell test with me.  If it’s true, then just put your story out there, and don’t try to force and harass people into agreeing with you.  This kind of behavior is familiar to those of us who have dealt with abusers and malignant narcissists.

I pointed out their behavior was bullying, and that their websites look like not-credible hate sites, so I became their target.  I don’t like people being bullied, and have been known to yell back at people who pick on my friends.  The “catfish” is not my friend, just some guy whose blog I follow, but it bugged me anyway.

But I stood up to the onslaught, and I’m still standing while they’re gone.  Maybe a straggler comes in here or there, but that’s all.  And the post that ticked them off so much, is still up.

Even my Twitter hits have gone way down, showing a lack of interest from them.  I also went to the Twitters of their usual targets, and started blocking all the trolls I found there.

On Tuesday, I woke up to find a very disturbing friend request in Facebook.  Someone had spoofed my friend Todd’s account, but not in the normal way used by hackers and identity thieves: Both first and last names were spelled wrong.  There was absolutely no attempt made to look like Todd’s real account.  The picture was not the usual studly man or hot woman.  No, this was a scary-looking dude with a sneer and brandishing an “Evil Eye” tattoo on his upper arm muscles.

Yeah.  That doesn’t look like a hacker.  That looks like I picked up a stalker.

Considering what the trolls had just been doing, I was convinced they had tracked my real name down on the Net and were about to make sh** get real.  I had one hand on the phone for the police.

I reported the account to Facebook, and also told Todd about it.  But he was almost certain it was from a Nazi, not one of my trolls.  See, Todd keeps his timeline public, and is always ranting about Neo-Nazis, which makes this plausible.

So I calmed down.  I also spent part of Tuesday reporting two trolls who contacted me on Twitter.  All the troll IP addresses I collected (EIGHTY!!!) are in the comment ban bin.  I use a plugin which sends all spam and blacklisted comments into oblivion, so I never see them even to delete them.

For about 48 hours now, activity both here and on my Twitter has been quiet.  I have no idea why it suddenly dropped off, but I’m finally breathing again and going back to normal.

Crisis over.  Back to reality.  Which is good, because we have to get ready for a remodeling project soon.  That’s plenty to deal with.  😛

 

More information is coming out about Russian espionage

Now we’re getting something better than the hacking info that sounded like any other hacker on the Net:

Classified documents presented last week to President Obama and President-elect Trump included allegations that Russian operatives claim to have compromising personal and financial information about Mr. Trump, multiple US officials with direct knowledge of the briefings tell CNN.


These senior intelligence officials also included the synopsis to demonstrate that Russia had compiled information potentially harmful to both political parties, but only released information damaging to Hillary Clinton and Democrats. This synopsis was not an official part of the report from the intelligence community case about Russian hacks, but some officials said it augmented the evidence that Moscow intended to harm Clinton’s candidacy and help Trump’s, several officials with knowledge of the briefings tell CNN.

The two-page synopsis also included allegations that there was a continuing exchange of information during the campaign between Trump surrogates and intermediaries for the Russian government, according to two national security officials.

Sources tell CNN that these same allegations about communications between the Trump campaign and the Russians, mentioned in classified briefings for congressional leaders last year, prompted then-Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid to send a letter to FBI Director Comey in October, in which he wrote, “It has become clear that you possess explosive information about close ties and coordination between Donald Trump, his top advisors, and the Russian government — a foreign interest openly hostile to the United States.”

Read more at Intel chiefs presented Trump with claims of Russian efforts to compromise him

FAQ on stalker threat and is it past?

Okay, a few days have passed and the threat has lessened.  Some sleep, some getting back to the normal routine, and being with friends, has made me feel better.  So now it’s time to re-evaluate the stalker troll threat.

1. How did I know they were a cyber lynch mob?  Because they’ve been watching the Twitter and blog of a certain person they believe needs justice done to him, “S.”  Whether he does or not, I don’t really know.  I’ve heard his side of the story, but I’ve also heard the other one, from “M.”  But the speed of their responses, tells me they have been watching him like a hawk–stalking him.

There’s a lot of S-said, M-said, without real smoking guns for the most part, on either side.  I’ve seen no proper journalistic investigation done into this to prove anything, just what was said on a TV show in a genre which is known for being deceptive.

But I do know that the group of trolls was pursuing “justice” with cyber mob bullying instead of using appropriate means.

I do wonder if someone has been impersonating S on the Net.  This is only a suspicion, but it would explain some things.  Such things do happen now and then.

2. What kinds of things have the trolls been doing?  Not only had they been harassing S for months with non-stop disparaging posts on Twitter and his blog, but they had been doing the same to anyone they considered his friends–or even people who just asked questions of him on Twitter.

I had reviewed the history of their behavior, not just his own story of it, but by following a link he posted on his blog to his Twitter.  He invited readers to see what they had been doing.  I reviewed it for some time, not just how they treated him, but how they treated another person who claims to have actually met him.  I’d google S’s name and find hate sites and Youtube videos against him.

I also saw these people get blocked or their accounts shut down on Twitter, only to make new accounts.  I read how they were using proxies to get into S’s blog after he blocked them from it.  Again, these are all things which S wrote about on his blog and invited his readers to see for themselves.  Another reader went into detail in a comment about how disgusting the trolls’ behavior was.  She said there were thousands of harassing tweets from the trolls in S’s archives.

3. How did I know they were a threat to me–malicious, not just curious?  Because I had just posted on my blog a description of what they had been doing, that their behavior was at least as bad as anything they accused S of doing.  In my Statcounter, I saw them follow me from my Twitter to my blog.  My Twitter was brand-new, I only had one follower, and I could recognize her in my stats, so I knew it wasn’t her.  I also saw them poke into my posts about abuse, showing particular interest in certain ones.

4. How did I know the troll mob was following me to my blog, and not just people like me who simply wanted to know if S was telling the truth?  Because they made themselves known to me.  One posted a comment to me on Twitter which was not malicious at all, but did show she believed M and not S.  Why are you watching S’s Twitter (where I had just posted something, and drew their attention) if you don’t believe or like him?

Another posted a comment here on my blog which took a sweet memory I had of a friend, and twisted it into something dirty and shameful–and made it clear this person thought I was referring to the guy the trolls are after.  The comment made clear that they saw me as a new target.  Then this person subscribed to my blog, making it clear they were also going to keep an eye on me and make more harassing comments.

The following morning, I found a new “follower” of my Twitter: It was a brand-new account, looking just like the fake ones used by the trolls to harass S.  The profile description was vulgar.  Friendly people don’t have such a thing in their profiles.  This one was meant to harass me.

I found another profile today in my Twitter block list, another troll.  In the haze of the last few days, I don’t recall if this person followed me or made some disparaging comment to me, but it was enough to get blocked.

Another way I knew: I began blocking anyone who came to my blog from Twitter, because I knew what brought them here.  Yet even after I blocked them, they began using proxies, instead of quietly going away.  (This is similar to the behavior of my narc ex-friends, as well.)  This is the same thing the trolls had already been doing for months to S’s blog.

When I installed proxy blocks, the same people began going into the Google cache and Wayback Machine.  Those hits were not actually on my site, so I couldn’t block them, but the recorded pages still included code which transmitted data to my statcounters.  I could see the trolls were sharing pages with each other.

5. But can they really do anything malicious to me?  At first, I thought they could.  But I do not use my real name or picture on my blog.

After a few days of collecting IP addresses–DOZENS of them–I have turned off the blockers.  They were effective, but all those IP addresses in my .htaccess file seemed to turn the site a bit googly.  Instead, I put the IPs into my comment blacklist.

Not just the WordPress blacklist, either: No, they don’t go into the spam folder or the trash bin.  I use a spam blocker plugin which sends all spam and blacklisted comments straight into oblivion.  This is even better than Akismet, because I never have to see any of them.  😀

I could mention a couple other things, but that might give them ideas.  But I have a couple of means to keep such things from becoming threats.

THAT INCLUDES CALLING THE POLICE.  I HAVE THEIR IP ADDRESSES AND COMPUTER INFO.  One even graciously provided her name and e-mail address.

Yeah, they’re still watching.

 

 

 

 

 

Reblog: Lynch Mob 2.0

From this post by Steve Moore:

A mob, Young observes with considerable insight, is a group of fools and cowards. … Mobs rape, they lynch, they immolate, they beat, they terrorize, they loot, and they laugh. … And they are on the Internet.

…Mobs are senseless. They are the very definition of “insanity.” They exist in a world where all reality is—at least for a time—abandoned. They therefore tend to attract the senseless and the emotionally damaged.

They are bent on “justice” and will stop at literally nothing to get it. Every mob, however, defines “justice” for themselves. Hence, lynchings. Justice for mobs usually consists of vengeance or bile spewed on people they hate—frequently for irrational reasons.

If the justice system under which a group lives does not deliver the verdict, the penalty, or the speediness the group requires, a group of people who perceive that they have been wronged or disenfranchised can transform into a mob in an instant. It doesn’t matter to a mob what is truly right, what is legal, what is actually true, what is important or what is sacred.

…Trolls are vigilantes.

…Internet mob trolls guard their identity with their lives. Why? Because their lives would change forever if their secret hatreds were made public.

…Another Internet mob targets Amanda Knox for the same reason as did Leyland with Kate McCann—they believe her guilty, regardless of the evidence, and believe they, as Brenda Leyland said, are “entitled” to exact revenge.

…Amanda Knox haters frequently defend themselves by saying that they are fighting for the victim, Meredith Kercher, who was 19 when she was raped and her throat cut by a known burglar.

…People who send or re-transmit 25 – 100 angry, abusive social messages a day, (especially if to the same group of people) regardless of how right they believe their cause, must come to grips with the fact that they need help.

…Finally, if you are attacked by anonymous trolls, know this: They are afraid of you. If they weren’t, they would not hide their identity. Take comfort in the knowledge that they fear you, and they live in the shadows because they are terrified that one horrible day, they may be exposed and have to take responsibility for their words.

These are just snippets of an excellent article on Internet mobbing, by Steve Moore.

 

 

 

Found some code to block proxy servers

I hope to only need it temporarily: Most of the time, there is no need to block proxies.  But my trolls have started using them to get around my blocks.

Great, I just picked up at least 20 new stalkers!  😀

This is why I keep my identity locked up on the Net: because of crazy people like these trolls seem to be.  Even my domain name is locked up tight, so nobody can search out the owner on WHOIS.

This is also one reason why I stuck with self-hosted after almost going to WordPress.com: I have a whole bunch of tricks to round up these stalkers and kick them out.  And yeah, they’re still trying to get in.

 

I have identified at least 18 trolls

They’re all blocked, but a couple are finding other ways in, such as proxies.  I’m not sure what’s going on there, because they show up in Statcounter but Wordfence said they were blocked, so I tried blocking them at the server level.  And their proxy.

This is absolutely pathetic.  WHY are they coming after me?  WHY?  I have no connection to their vendetta.  I have nothing to do with their target.  I’m just some random fan of a certain reality show.  Well, was a fan.

I’m quite sure somebody–maybe two people–from the show came on, too, but didn’t block them because they’re not the trolls and actually showed some interest in finding out about me (rather than digging stuff up).  I have nothing to fear from the family.

I’m also really disgusted because I want to play with my Twitter, set up a box in the corner of my blog so everybody can keep up with my tweets.  But I have it shut down to the public now, so you can only see it if you follow my Twitter.

Maybe I’ll delete some stuff and open it back up.  Anyone coming with the old links, I would set up to automatically block.

I bet they don’t like that I called them out.  Well, suck it, trolls: I’m not retracting what I said.  Your behavior proves it’s true.

By the way, readers, my site will probably load a bit more slowly because I had to turn on Live Traffic.  It drags things down a bit, but helps me keep an eye on and block all the trolls.

 

 

My gosh, I’m being targeted by trolls

My previous post explains where they came from.  I don’t know why they’re so interested in my site all of a sudden.  I opened up a Twitter for my readers, decided to have some fun with it–make it public, run a Twitter feed on my site–and right away I’m targeted by these creeps.

Now I have to shut my Twitter from the public again, until they go away.  Why are they after me?  I have nothing for them.  I have nothing to do with them.

This is scaring me and distracting me from some work I want to do on my novel.  I’m scared of what they’re looking for and what they’ll do with it.  But there is absolutely no reason for them to investigate me.  I have no connection to them!

Mass blockings are going on.  If you’re a friend who ends up blocked, my apologies.  It’s hard to tell just from computer data, who you are.

 

The weird world of online psychopathy

I think I am now starting to get back to a feeling of normalcy after a rather disturbing incident a couple of hours ago.

Some people apparently take reality shows way too seriously.

I’m not sure I want to describe the whole wretched incident.  I’ll just say:

There is an alleged case of catfishing involving a popular reality show.  Not only that, but there is also a whole mob of people who harass not only the alleged catfish, but anyone who thinks the alleged catfish is who he says he is.

Now I don’t know if he is who he says he is.  Reality TV is notorious for deceiving the public, but he also lacked a few key pieces of evidence.  All I wanted was to know the truth.  I do the same thing with my other favorite reality show.  (No, I don’t watch many of them, or much of anything.)  I check some websites, maybe ask some questions, then get back to other things.  When the show’s on, I’m interested; when the season ends, I lose interest.

However, a while back, a person connected to the alleged “catfish” bizarrely mistook me for some other person.  I am not that person, do not behave like that person, do not know that person, and set them straight.  I *thought* this had been cleared up months ago.  Yet all of a sudden, tonight they accused me again of being that other person.

The mob of harassing trolls then latched onto me and started checking me out.  I could see them in my stats, and got a couple of comments from them as well.  One was incredibly snarky.  I deleted the snark, blocked the person, and wondered why someone would say such a thing to a complete stranger they know nothing about.

The thing is, the troll mob is at least as disturbing as any alleged “catfish.”  They act obsessed, harassing not just the alleged “catfish” but anyone who’s just a bit nice to the “catfish” on Twitter.  And this has been going on for many months.

Is the “catfish” really a “catfish,” or is it an innocent person whose name has been dragged through the mud for ratings?  I haven’t a frickin’ clue, and I don’t need the trolls telling me what to think.  They have shot all their credibility to heck, not just with their harassment but with various hate sites they’ve posted around the Net.  I’ve seen both hate sites and legitimate abuse sites, and believe me, you can tell the difference right away.

If the “catfish” is indeed a “catfish,” then he/she would obviously be suffering from some kind of mental disorder to continue to insist that he/she is real.  But that would make absolutely no difference regarding the troll mob.

Whether the “catfish” is severely disturbed, or is an innocent person, the existence of this troll mob is still bizarre, its members act obsessive, and they are guilty of harassment.  There is no reason for these people–who appear to be mothers–to carry on like they do.  I’ve seen just a fraction of their tweets to various people, and they’re full of name-calling, ridicule, disgusting sexual comments, false accusations.  And when their accounts are shut down or blocked, they make new ones.

This has gone on for MONTHS.

And I wonder, don’t any of these people have lives?  Why are they so obsessed with a reality show?  Did they never learn that such behavior is wrong?  How would they react if one of their kids got treated this way at school?  Why don’t they spend all that time on something more productive–family, politics, charity, creativity, etc., etc.?  There’s a lot going on in the world that deserves their attention instead.

In any case, I was so angry at being accused yet again by the “catfish”‘s friend of being some other person, when I’m just an innocent viewer of the show examining the evidence I’ve been provided with, that I swore off the whole show.

There’s a darkness emanating from this whole thing.

Forget watching the show and wondering if it’s all lies.  Forget trying to sort out who’s telling the truth.  This is too much frickin’ drama and life is too short.  But I wonder how long it’ll take to shake off the trolls before I can feel safe checking my messages/stats again.

There is just so much psychopathy on the Net that it is insane!  I’ve been going online since it was a modem connected to the phone line and 300 baud was state-of-the-art, yet I’ve never seen it this bad.

And because of this crap, I’ve just lost several hours, full of angst, and also missed that a dear friend just turned his Facebook back on.  Ugh!

Comments are turned off in case the trolls come back here.

 

From 3 years ago: New friends healing wounds of ex-friend

Nearly three years ago now ( !!!!!!  :O  ) I posted the following here:

“Richard once called me his “dear, sweet Nyssa,” so I called him “my dear, sweet [his old Forum handle].”  Back then we were still dear, close friends, or at least, he made me think so.  (Whether any of it was ever real, or just him playing me for narcissistic supply, I now seriously doubt.)  But it was a special name, held dear in my heart.

“I have another Forum friend, made in 2011 when I needed support after the abusive friendship ended and I found out about Richard’s criminal case.  He came on the Forum during the couple of years I was away from it (2009?-2011).  Just now, in a comments thread on one of his many Facebook posts, he called me his “dear, sweet Nyssa.”

“It caught me off-guard.  Now somebody else has called me this.

“It was bittersweet: opening old wounds in one way, but healing in another…..”

I go through old posts nearly every day, checking links and making sure everything looks right.  Today it was time to review the above post.

In 2014, it had already been three and a half years since the breaking of the “friendship,” but it still hurt deep inside.  If it didn’t still hurt, I wonder if it could really have meant anything to begin with.  You don’t just get over things like that.  But I was recovering, much better able to go about my life without thinking constantly of the past.

But then the above happened, and pulled me back in to the pain for a moment.  But also showed me that I could begin again.  That’s why it was bittersweet.

Three years after the post, I don’t think the new Forum friend has called me that again, though we are still online friends.  He is an–interesting sort, the kind who pretends to be a troll but is actually good-hearted.

But that’s not the point: The point is that I have moved on to new friends, thanks to Writer’s Club and a dear friend I met at church.  My church friend shares my introversion, love of writing, AND obsession for all things German!  😀  And I periodically see old friends as well.

So this is a little vignette, not of much importance, but meant for my readers who still struggle to move on from abusive and/or narcissistic relationships.  It is to show you that yes, there is hope, because yes, it does get better.