About Richard justifying Tracy’s verbal abuse because I am shy and quiet

Warning: The following contains venting of anger, to get it out of my heart and onto the page, to make the story authentic, and to show other victims of abuse that I feel your rage.

So now he’s downplaying and defending her verbal abuse of me as well, when he only just told me he blamed himself for everything?  Jeff and I both consider this ridiculous, ludicrous and appalling.  (And it’s yet another example of some rule I broke without knowing it existed.)

It’s more offensive to stop talking to someone who’s lately, and without explanation, been bullying you for everything you do or say, online or off, than for them to scream abuse at you?

Who even took your good wishes for a trip as some sort of pass at her husband?

Who got snarky with you for a Facebook comment you made about a church function, so snarky you had to delete it because it assumed some ignorance which you did not possess?

So Tracy can be just as much of a bitch to me as she wants to be, while I’m supposed to be her fawning friend no matter what?

Just keep talking to her, treating her like she’s the bee’s knees–even when her constant, nasty and unprovoked treatment of me makes me want nothing to do with her?

What on earth kind of people are these two, anyway?  

I bet she somehow found some way to justify how she treated me.  Yet I did NOTHING to bring it on. 

They tried to make it sound like I was somehow treating her badly, so she treated me badly. 

But NO.  THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED.  I tried my dangest to be nice to her and forgive her, while she turned around and was nasty to me and abusive to others.

And Richard wants to be a priest or psychologist?  I wouldn’t go to him for spiritual advice!  Not anymore, like I used to!  I used to think Richard had good character, but now I think I must have been wrong.

I stopped talking to Tracy on Facebook on purpose because I was sick of her snarks.  I stopped liking her posts, stopped commenting.

But that was only maybe a week or two before 7/1/10, probably when she raged at me for posting “Have a nice trip.”  I talked to her no less in person than I normally did, but we saw little of each other in the month of June.

What kind of people are you two, anyway, Richard and Tracy?  I thought Tracy was the horrid one–apparently Richard is horrible and horrid as well!

How could I have been so deceived by him?  Some people are very good at seeming to be angels of light, or sheep, when the reality is quite different.

He did not specify which month and a half I didn’t say two sentences together to Tracy, so I’ve only been able to speculate.

I don’t even remember, since I don’t keep track of how many sentences I say to a person in a row, so I don’t know when this was or the reasons why.  It’s yet another time they didn’t communicate a thing with me.

The last month and a half before 7/1 seems most likely, except that I must have said more than two sentences to her during the May birthday party and at the Memorial Day get-together, and I must have spoken to her during the D&D games we did after that.

Once again, here is echoing: Even though I never deliberately tried to hurt Tracy and had no clue what she was even talking about, while she deliberately said and did hurtful things and ripped me to shreds with her words, what I did was worse than what she did, and justified it????

I could not believe that Richard, whom I once sheltered and thought was a very dear friend, whom I clucked over like a mother hen, whom I told my secrets to, whom I looked up to as a spiritual guide, would say such horrible things and condone abuse of any kind.

Let’s get real. Narcissists think they have a right to punish you just for being the way you are. Think, don’t you have the right to be the way you are? Do you have to be some character in the narcissist’s fiction that conforms to his or her specifications?…

Being late with dinner is no excuse for the narcissist to attack you. Being “too this” or “too that” for his taste is no excuse for the narcissist to attack you. Demanding decent and respectful treatment is no excuse for the narcissist to attack you.

I don’t care how “threatened” any of that makes the poor, twisted narcissist feel. His perverted feelings are HIS problem, not yours. Like Osama bin Wanton, he will never run out of twisted excuses to irrationalize his attacks on you, so get off the guilt trip. His perversity is not YOUR vice.

Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd “It takes two to Tango” crap. –Kathy Krajco, Blaming the Victim of Narcissism

Yes! This four-year-old has learned the art of Behavior Modification! It’s childsplay, ain’t it? His happy face is a carrot to reward you for good behavior, and his mad face is a stick to punish you for bad behavior.  Now notice how similar this is to an adult narcissist’s rages. They are exactly the same thing.

Whenever you aren’t behaving the way they want, they throw a fit. Like that brat in the grocery store, they don’t think they should even have to ask for what they they want.

They think you should be so attentive to their desires that you just offer it to them. It would be beneath them to ask for anything.

So they throw a “Don’t-go-there!” tantrum whenever you aren’t playing the part they’ve assigned to you in the stageplay of their life. –Kathy Krajco, How a Narcissist Trains His Victims

Eastern cultures see introversion as a value and give it much esteem. Western cultures prefer extraversion. For a balanced, safe, and caring world, we must learn to value both. —The Happy Introvert, Elizabeth Wagele

For years I made the effort to be polite, to say hi, to speak up, to talk more about myself.  But my efforts were NEVER rewarded by more outgoing people who still wanted to harp on how quiet I was!

It seemed like for them, whatever efforts I made were never good enough.

Well here’s a breaking news bulletin: some people are shy and quiet and that’s just the way it is. They are not being rude just because they are not exactly like you, Mr. or Mrs. Extrovert-Without-a-Clue. —The Shytrovert, “I Hate Shy People?  WTF?  Really?!”

For extroverts who derive their self esteem from constant social stroking, the shytrovert is a hated foil. We make them feel uncomfortable, and they’re not used to feeling discomfort in the company of others, so they lash out at us.

We’re wrong, flawed, conceited, aloof, cold, unfriendly, and so on.  WRONG.

It occurs to me that only a jackass could hate a meek soul who is doing nothing but keeping to his or herself. —The Shytrovert, I’m OK, You’re OK, We’re All OK, OK?

If there’s anything that gets under a shytrovert’s skin more it’s the phrase “you’re so quiet” or its equally annoying variant, “why are you so quiet?”

I mean seriously! Not only are these questions rude, but they’re like asking someone “why are you so red headed?” or “why are you so black/white/Asian?” —The Shytrovert, “I’m So Quiet?  Well You’re So Rude!”

Table of Contents 

1. Introduction

2. We share a house

3. Tracy’s abuse turns on me

4. More details about Tracy’s abuse of her husband and children

5. My frustrations mount

6. Sexual Harassment from some of Richard’s friends

7. Without warning or explanation, tensions build

8. The Incident

9. The fallout; a second chance?

10. Grief 

11. Struggle to regain normalcy

12. Musings on how Christians should treat each other

13. Conclusion 

13b. Thinking of celebrating the first anniversary

14. Updates on Richard’s Criminal Charges 

Sequel to this Story: Fighting the Darkness: Journey from Despair to Healing